‘I’m sorry, I binned them.’
I tried to look apologetic but inside I was euphoric for that split second for thinking of a way out of that one simple question. I desperately needed for them to leave. My body was screaming out at me it was so tense.
‘Why would you do that?’ asked Thomas.
‘They were old,’ I said. ‘It’s why I wore them that night. It didn’t matter what I trod in in the middle of the night.’
‘And your clothes?’ Wade asked.
‘My clothes?’
‘You’ve binned those as well?’
‘No. I have my clothes here.’
‘Do you mind if we see them?’ asked Thomas.
‘I’m not sure why, but sure.’
I got up from the table and walked into the bedroom. They really needed to leave. I couldn’t cope with them here any longer. What if they could tell these items hadn’t been worn before? I had to not let them touch them. I grabbed the new t-shirt and joggers and walked back into the room.
‘This is all very strange,’ I said as I held the items up in front of them.
Thomas reached out her hand and grabbed hold of a jogging bottom leg and examined it. She seemed satisfied with what she saw.
‘We have to make sure everything sits well with every witness we interview,’ she said.
‘But I’m not a witness.’ I hugged the clothes to me.
They looked at each other as they rose from the chairs. ‘We needed to confirm that and make sure you were safe. Your neighbour was a little concerned about you.’
‘And you’re not?’ I asked.
Wade tucked his notebook into his pocket.
‘I don’t think there’s anything for you to worry about, do you, Ms Friend?’
I looked from him to Thomas and back to Wade. I didn’t understand what was happening here. If they suspected me or if they were being genuine. I felt sick to my stomach. I clutched the clothes tighter.
‘I didn’t see anything or anyone so no, I don’t think I need to be afraid.’
They nodded and moved towards the door.
‘Thank you for your time,’ said Thomas. ‘If you have any concerns, you have our details, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.’
I let them out, closed the door behind them and sank to the floor again. A place I seemed to be getting familiar with. This had been too close. I was shaking and wanted to vomit. They had nothing to go on. Bad vibes from me would get them nowhere. No matter what they thought they still had no evidence. I had to keep telling myself that. They could think what they liked about me, but I was still ahead of them.
Then I threw up on the wooden floor next to me.
47
I cleaned up the floor and spent the rest of the day hiding out in the house. I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my surroundings. I decided to get on with my writing. My deadline was getting closer and I needed to finish it. My nerves were shot and I struggled to concentrate but I seated myself in front of my laptop and stared at my screen. Chloe had walked away from Max’s grave and was determined to do something out of character and potentially dangerous. As of yet I had no idea what. I had kind of written myself into a corner.
After ten minutes staring at the blinking cursor and twitching with nerves at everything that was happening, I got up and walked to the fridge and poured myself a large glass of wine and took it back to my laptop with me.
Writing was a strange affair. It either went really well for you and you were full steam ahead and the words flowed, or you were stuck and it was like dragging words out of your head while you were asleep. There seemed to be nothing there. Or maybe one slow sentence came at a time. I hoped the wine would loosen me up. It wasn’t the best way to write but who was I to worry about how this happened? I had bigger things on my plate. But I still had to get this book finished. I couldn’t tell Poppy and Corey that I hadn’t finished because I had been on a murderous rampage and I had been scared of the police finding out. I’m not sure how well that would go down.
The wine did nothing but make me tired, but I stayed where I was in front of my laptop.
The killer had sent another text to Chloe. This time she didn’t tell anyone about it, not after last time. Not after Max. This time she would work alone and bring this guy in, one way or another. She dressed with her white covert stab vest under her clothes. It would provide her with some protection but not if he managed to get behind her and slice her throat as he liked to do. But she wouldn’t give him the chance. She was better than that. Even if she had to keep her back up against a wall there was no way he was going to creep up on her. Not this time. Not her. He had met his match this time.
I had nothing else in me and took the rest of the bottle to my bed.
The next morning I was brighter. It was a new day. I was still a free woman. The police had not come to arrest me. They had no evidence as far as I could tell and if they had then I would not be waking up in my bed. I should get on with living my life the best way I knew how. I looked at the pillow next to me. Lilac was curled up in her usual spot.
The empty wine bottle was on the bedside table. I picked it up and carried it through to the kitchen. There would be no more of that. I dropped it into the bin and promised myself I would not resort to drinking again. Not in fear anyway.
With a cup of tea made I opened up my laptop and moved straight to the news website. I was calmer but I did need to know what was happening in both murder cases, so I navigated to the local news page and saw both cases had articles published. I checked the coffee shop case first.
There wasn’t much in the way of any difference to the previous day. They were still seeking the witness who had worked at the side of the murdered woman and were not disclosing the poison that had been used. I felt pretty safe as far as that case was concerned.
I then checked out the car park case. This article was a lot more long-winded because it was recent, whereas the coffee shop case was a slow case for them. As far as I could see they had no leads. They weren’t looking for anyone in particular. Not even a person dressed fully in black, I noticed with relief. I sipped on my tea. Again, with this article, they did not disclose the exact cause of death other than it was a stab wound. They had not identified where she had been stabbed. That, I presumed, would be saved for any interview with an arrested person.
I felt much lighter after reading both articles. It appeared that I was getting away with what I had set out to do. So far anyway. Even if I had a run-in with the police. All I had to do was keep my cool.
I decided to go out to do some work today so showered and left the house with my laptop in my bag, and within an hour I was set up in my favourite coffee shop. As my mood was better I hoped that I could do a better job on my manuscript than I had done yesterday. Getting stuck on the work was not a place I liked to be. With coffee at the side of me I opened up my document and stared at it.
Chloe had to do something.
Eventually she received a text message. He didn’t want to play with her anymore. He was ending their relationship. He had got bored with her.
She was livid. He had done what he had wanted to do on their last outing. This was his last message to her. Goodbye.
Chloe was livid. Her interaction with him had been her shot at getting him and now he was gone. Max had died for nothing.
48
I couldn’t put any more words down on paper so took a walk down to the Lido. It was always good for clearing my head. Being outside in the water was blissful. I found inside pools suffocating. They were always too warm and noisy as they were echoing and claustrophobic. The fresh air complemented the cool of the water and it was this combination that brought me alive.
I took my time and enjoyed the freedom it brought me, alternating between swimming my lengths and lazing around on my back, enjoying the calm of the water.
When I pulled myself out of the pool and grabbed my towel out of my bag I checked my phone. There were twelve missed calls from Be
th. I dried quickly and dressed, then returned her call.
‘What is it, Beth?’ I asked as soon as she picked up.
She heard my voice and started to sob down the phone. It wasn’t often that she allowed herself this level of sadness about her condition to sweep over her. ‘Beth, talk to me,’ I urged her, desperate to know what had set her off like this.
‘Karen,’ she spat out. I couldn’t imagine Karen doing anything to hurt Beth at all.
‘What about Karen?’
The sobbing continued.
‘I’m coming round, Beth.’
Half an hour later I was sitting in Beth’s living room. Her face was tear-streaked. Her shoulders slumped over in defeat. She was alone though, so whatever disaster had occurred had now passed. I walked straight over to her and wrapped her in my arms.
‘Beth, what on earth has happened?’
She turned her tear-soaked face up to me. ‘I’m so sorry you had to come over. There was no need. I would’ve told you over the phone.’
‘I wasn’t sure you were capable of talking to me on the phone. And besides, it’s no trouble.’ I wiped her face. ‘Just tell me.’
‘Karen came to give me my lunch this afternoon and I choked on the cup of tea before I even started eating the food, Alice. On the tea.’ A tear slipped down her face again. I grasped hold of her hand.
‘Oh, Beth.’
‘You know they’re going to make me have a peg.’ More tears fell from her eyes. The thought of the peg, the operation to insert a feeding tube directly into her stomach terrified her.
‘It’s time,’ she said.
I looked into her eyes.
‘It’s time, Alice.’ She was serious. She’d had enough.
My heart cracked in my chest.
49
A week later was the last time I would walk into Beth’s like this. Expecting to see her in her bed. Putting the kettle on for her as I walked into the house, an overwhelming love for being able to see my family, my friend, my confidant, everything that I had in this life.
I clicked the kettle on and made two mugs of tea, cooling Beth’s with water from the cold tap before I walked into the living room with them both.
Instead of putting my bag on the kitchen counter I left it on my shoulder and put it on the floor at the side of the chair I would sit in.
Beth was sitting up in the bed. I bent down and kissed her. She’d been bathed. She smelled clean and fresh. Karen had used some nice products on her and there was a beautiful floral undertone to the scent.
Beth grabbed my hand and held it tight. She’d not held on this tight for a long time.
‘I love you,’ she whispered.
My throat closed up on me and I couldn’t answer her so I nodded and leaned closer and wrapped my arms around her neck, pushing my face in to inhale the scent of her. A scent I would never be close to again.
I sat on the edge of her bed. I wanted to be as close to her as I could.
‘You’re doing a wonderful thing here tonight, my sweet girl,’ she said quietly.
‘I can’t live this way any longer. I’m choking more and more. Each day is a struggle. This way it’s on my terms and I have the person I love the most by my side.’
She grabbed my hand again and her grip was fierce.
‘You’re sure you want to do this?’
I couldn’t help but ask. The selfish side of me pushed through. She saw it for what it was and gently stroked the back of my hand.
‘Don’t be scared. You will thrive in this world. You don’t need me as much as you think you do. You will be free to get on with your life and you’ll see that eventually.’
Tears slipped down my face.
‘Shall we watch a couple of episodes of Midsomer Murders?’ she asked. ‘Do it one last time together?’
I nodded, picked up the remote control and clicked through to the episode we were at.
She patted the bed right at the side of her.
‘Get yourself up here.’
I shuffled up the bed and sat at the side of her. The winding music of Midsomer Murders filled the room and I leaned into Beth for what would be the last time. I waited until she was engrossed in the programme and then let the tears flow. She took my hand in hers again and this time there was no fierceness, this time it was gentle and soft. Her skin cool against mine. Her fingers curled over my hand and she was there for me as I would be there for her later. I let the tears flow and they came hard and I sobbed. Beth took me in her arms and comforted me.
No words were needed. She held me for all I was about to lose. For the fear that was wrapped around my heart. For the pain that seared my soul, and for the love that we shared.
She stroked my hair away from my face as the tears plastered strands to my wet cheek. Curled it around my ear. It was the gentlest touch. A reminder of the time she had cared for me after the death of Stephen, and I sobbed some more and clung to her small frame. We had been through so much. Our history was about to be wiped out this evening.
As though she could read my mind she said, ‘Your memories will stay with you, Alice. Nothing can take those away from you. I’ll always be with you in your heart and mind. Whenever you want me you only have to look. I’ll be there. Every step of your life I’ll be in step with you.’
I snuffled and wiped my nose with the back of my hand and then my sleeve. I didn’t care about what state I was in. It was the last thing on my mind. My clothes would wash. This moment had to be cherished.
‘You promise?’ I whispered.
‘Alice, can you imagine forgetting me so easily?’
I shook my head.
‘I’ll be there,’ she said, stroking my head some more.
I leaned on her and allowed my tears to dry on my cheeks as I settled back down to watch some more of Midsomer Murders with her.
‘My sweet child.’
I heard her murmur under her breath and I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent and clung to the memory I was currently lying in. I had to keep hold of this moment, cling to it and never let it go. I was about to lose all ability to make more memories, I had to forge the ones I was in, into my brain so it would stay there forever.
We lay like that for a while. I heard Beth chuckle at a scene on the television. This really was her favourite programme and I would continue to watch it if only to help me remember her. After all, I had spent hours in her company watching it. The theme tune alone would now serve as a memory prompt.
And then it came, the theme tune as the second episode ended. Beth shifted and I pulled myself up into a sitting position from where I’d been lying against her.
‘It’s time for the final episode we’re going to watch together,’ she said.
50
I’d cried all the tears I was going to cry in front of her. She didn’t need that from me. What she needed was for me to be strong, for me to be there for her and for me to support her during this difficult time. This was her time. It was nothing to do with me and I had my head wrapped around that.
I slid off the bed and took her water beaker off the table and went to fill it from the kitchen. When I walked back into the room Beth’s face was calm and serene. She was ready.
‘We have to hope I don’t choke on the tablets as I’m taking them,’ she said. ‘That will defeat the whole purpose of this.’ She let out a small laugh. ‘Can you imagine?’
I shook my head at her. ‘It wouldn’t be funny, Beth.’
‘No, but it’s a genuine possibility. We have to take it steady.’
‘We will. No matter how long it takes, I'm here for you.’
She smiled up at me. ‘I know you are. I couldn’t be more grateful for you than I am right now.’
I handed her the beaker of water. It was like the mug she drank her tea from only it was taller, made for drinking water. It was plastic and had a lid and a straw.
‘You know where my drugs are. Did you fetch some more?’ she asked.
I picked up my bag, unzipped
it, dug my hand inside and brought out several containers of pills. I placed them all on the table and wheeled the table over the bed nearer to Beth. Then I went into the kitchen and brought Beth’s pill bottles out. She looked at them all and her eyes widened.
‘There’s a lot of pills here.’
‘We’ll start with the strongest first,’ I said. ‘That way we stand a better chance of doing this if you tire, the better ones are already in you.’
‘You’ve really thought about killing me, haven’t you?’ she quipped.
I narrowed my eyes at her. She laughed.
‘I’ve thought about the best way for this not to be difficult for you,’ I said.
She looked at the television.
‘Shall we have it on as we do it or watch it afterwards? I’ve never done this before, I don’t know the best way to do it.’
A band tightened around my chest. Yes, I know I said I’d cried all the tears I was going to cry, but it didn’t mean I was empty of all my feelings. They were still there. Buried deep in my body, waiting for the end, so I could let them out once she could no longer see me crumble. I sucked in a deep breath and took her hand.
‘This is all about you, Beth. We’ll do it however you want to do it.’
‘Let’s just be me and you, shall we? Quietly, until afterwards, then we’ll settle down and watch a very last episode.’
She patted the bed and I jumped up. The table was between us. I was the one who had to undo all the bottle caps and pass Beth the pills. She couldn’t manage the lids. Neither could she get the tablets out of the tubs or push the ones out of their packets that were in foil packs.
With the room in silence I searched through the selection we had in front of us and pushed down on the first bottle lid and twisted it until it came off in my hand. I shook the tablets loose into my palm and handed a couple to Beth, dropping them into her open palm, and watched as she scooped them into her mouth and with a couple of seconds of trying she drank them down with the water.
Perfect Murder Page 18