by Anna Adams
Had he thought of the kisses she’d walled off in a compartment that had no door? She’d dated since the divorce. She’d shared kisses.
None of them had touched her, tempted her, unnerved her the way his had. Muttering with frustration, she grabbed a pair of jeans and shimmied into them. Her son’s reaction to Aidan’s certain departure didn’t bear considering if she wanted to keep her grip on sanity.
“Mom?” He thudded on her door with surprising force.
“Coming.” She twisted her hair into a ponytail and stepped into flip-flops as she crossed to open up for him. “Ready?”
“I’ve been waiting for you.” He looked at the watch his father had given him two years ago. The woven band had begun to fray, but Eli refused a replacement. He kept saying he’d ask his dad for a new one.
Bitterness choked Beth. Eli probably had asked, but Campbell had most likely turned him down.
“Let’s go.” She shut her door with a shudder at her unmade bed. “And pray Mrs. Carleton doesn’t set foot in there.”
“She’s all over this place.” He led the way downstairs. “Mom, don’t I seem okay?”
“Not all the time.”
“I’m fine, though. Why do I have to go to another doctor?”
“Maybe you feel all right now because you know you’re going to get help.” She’d read that online. “What if something went wrong? The house burned again? Or you got a grade you didn’t like at school? What if something made you sad?”
“I’m not a baby. It’s more than sad.”
Why did Campbell get to be so oblivious, but Eli had to be self-aware and mature? “That’s why you’re going. You know it’s worse than being normally sad.”
“Okay, but I don’t want anyone yelling at me.”
“I’m going to ask Brent why he sent us to that lunatic. He actually said he would have taken his kid to any of these therapists. Brent must know him from conferences when he’s on his best behavior.”
“What if Dr. Brent was wrong about all the doctors he told you about?”
“We’ll find someone else.”
In the car, they were both too anxious to talk. Today’s counselor, Dr. Kathy Lester, had her offices in the medical building. “Since Brent’s in the same building with Dr. Lester, maybe he knows her better.”
“Is that supposed to be good?” Eli asked.
“I hope.” She turned past the courthouse and wove through back streets.
“I thought Aidan might come by last night.”
“He’s got that laptop and I guess his folks and the doctors have kept him from working until now. He’s probably a workaholic.” She had to prepare Eli for the day Aidan left.
“I’ve heard of workaholics on TV.” He didn’t say whether he thought it was a good thing or bad.
“I should have called him. He wants to know how you feel about the doctors.”
“Does he?” Eli’s smile broke her heart. She shouldn’t have said anything.
“Here we are.” She hit the blinker and turned into the parking lot.
“Let me get the ticket.” He unlatched his seat belt, leaned across her and plucked the ticket from the machine at her open window.
“Seat belt back on.”
“Do I take this in for validation?” He balanced the ticket on his forehead, but then sighed when Beth refused to move the car. “We’re in the lot. I’m safe.” Finally, he latched the belt again.
“She’s on the twelfth floor. We can cross on the skywalk at the fifth.”
“Okay, but we could go to the basement and then up.”
“We could do that a couple of times and maybe Dr. Lester would close her office for the night before we arrive.”
Worse than that, they ran into Aidan. She sensed Eli’s excitement before she saw Aidan. She looked up and locked onto a pair of eyes that made her wish she and Eli could stay with him.
“How are you?” he asked Eli.
She looked at the cars passing beneath them, the sky above, the frail-looking metal frame that sheltered them between the medical complex buildings.
“We’re going to see another doc. I’m sick of it,” Eli said.
“How was yesterday’s?”
“A nut,” Beth said without thinking. “I mean he wasn’t right for us.”
“You’re not seeing him again?”
“I think Mom was rude to him.”
“I lost my temper, but I couldn’t help it. How about you, Aidan? Are you all right?”
“I saw the cardiologist my doctor recommended, and he says I can resume normal activities.”
Beth breathed easier, but tried not to show her relief. “You’re going to be okay?” she asked, spoiling it.
He nodded, his eyes bemused.
“Are you leaving?” Eli asked, and he couldn’t be more anxious than she to hear Aidan’s answer.
“I’m not that free. I can run instead of walk and I have permission to start looking at my work. I can see what’s going on with the company from the laptop I just bought, but Van and I already agreed I’d stay in the cottage for a month.”
“A month?” It sounded like such a short time.
“Mom said you were a workaholic.”
Beth blushed even though Aidan only laughed. His husky voice caressed her. If her son weren’t in trouble and Aidan weren’t so temporary, she could have nestled into the sound of his laughter.
“The heart attack taught me a lesson,” Aidan said. “I want some life to go with my work. I keep telling your mom.”
He shouldn’t say things like that in front of her son. She set her hand against Eli’s back. “We’ll be late.”
“If you want to play a game, Aidan,” Eli said, “I’ll bring one down tonight.”
“We’re going to the lodge.” Beth grabbed at the first excuse. “You won’t be home in time to play.”
Aidan was a little smoother. “Sorry about that,” he said. “We’ll have to work something out for when your mom can spare you.”
“Aww,” Eli said, “I never have anyone to play with at Uncle Van’s.”
“All the more reason to get your house built, huh?” Aidan chucked Eli’s forearm. “Maybe I’ll drop by to see the progress.”
“Good,” Eli said. “See you around, Aidan.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Aidan passed them, leaving a whiff of soap and sunshine that was fast becoming Beth’s favorite scent. She tore her gaze away from his back and bumped into Eli’s indignant stare. For a second, she felt as if she were the child.
“Did you tell Aidan to stay away from us? Why are you making sure he won’t hang around?”
They’d have plenty to discuss with this Dr. Lester. Like how to hide being shifty when she was trying to save her son from disappointment and loneliness.
“I didn’t say anything to Aidan.” She glanced at her watch—it wasn’t there, but she acted as if she’d seen a fast-moving clock. “We’re going to be so late.”
“I’m mad at you, Mom.”
“At least you don’t have a hard time saying so.” She hurried him the rest of the way across the skywalk and into the nearest elevator, prepared to confess everything to Dr. Lester after the woman talked to Eli.
They didn’t have to wait long outside the office. They’d barely sat in plush blue chairs when they were called.
A young woman who didn’t look at Eli funny showed them back to a bright, airy office, bounded on one wall by windows. Another woman stood and came around her desk. She led the way to a seating arrangement of two squat sofas, and she sat beside Eli.
“I’m Dr. Lester.”
“I’m Eli. You don’t have to be all nice.”
“It’s habit.” She picked up a pillow from behind her back and fluffed it, as if she were at home. “How are you?” she asked.
“I don’t know why I have to be here.”
She touched the folder on her coffee table. “Brent gave me some notes so I’d know a little bit about you.” She g
lanced at Beth. “You’ve known Brent since you were both children?”
Beth nodded, her faith a little dented after yesterday. “He explained the problems Eli’s having?”
“Yes, but I’d like to hear what Eli thinks. Brent may not know what Eli considers most important.”
Beth sat back in her chair, trying not to burst into the “Hallelujah Chorus.” Dr. Lester was treating Eli as a mature boy, not a mollycoddled baby. They might just stand a chance.
Eli appeared to disagree. He shut down as if he didn’t care about feeling anything at all, much less normal. Getting information from him was like pulling one of those monster trucks he liked so much.
“If you had to guess, Eli, why would you say you were here?”
“I’m sad,” he said, “and lately, I’m angry a lot, but my mom’s making me see doctors all over the place.” He looked a little shamefaced. Obviously, Beth wouldn’t have forgotten their conversation about seeing anyone who could make him feel better.
“Do you think you might be overreacting, Mrs. Tully?”
“No, but I don’t mind if Eli does as long as we’re getting him help.”
“You don’t mind being wrong?”
Why would that matter? “I just want my son to be all right.”
“Good.” She chatted with Eli some more, about school and his old friends, his new friends and his impatience with living with Van. “I think we have a nice start.” Her serenity eased the stiffness in Beth’s spine. “Try to stop feeling anxious, both of you. We’ll work together, and everything will be all right again.”
Eli looked back at her, silent. Beth wished he’d say something. He didn’t. Dr. Lester nodded.
“Eli, may I have a moment with your mother?”
Eli trudged out of the room, closing the door.
“I’m never sure what he’s thinking these days,” Beth said, “but I’d like to tell you what he did the night before last.” Knowing they weren’t going to see him anymore, she hadn’t mentioned the garage episode to Dr. Drayton, but she described it to Dr. Lester.
“You don’t think he was trying to find the courage to harm himself?”
“No, because of our dog. He loves her too much to hurt her. I wish he loved himself as much.”
“You still need to keep a good eye on him. I’d like to have another word with him before you go.”
Beth nodded. “Do you think you’ll be able to help if he won’t talk?”
“This was our first meeting. He may be reluctant to talk with you in the room. Boys his age are often unwilling to share their deepest feelings with their mothers.” Dr. Lester opened the folder and ran her finger down the first page. “Brent tells me your ex-husband is not overly involved with Eli?”
Beth hardly knew how to answer.
The doctor studied her notes again. “I understand, but maybe we could persuade him to visit just once, so I can see how they respond to each other.”
Beth picked up her purse. “I’ll try, but I’m sorry I can’t promise to get him here without a cop and some handcuffs.”
“It happens that way. Does Eli realize his father is—”
“I’m not sure what Eli thinks about Campbell. He hasn’t asked me much about his dad.”
Dr. Lester stood and Beth followed. “Mrs. Tully, your son probably knows more than he’s saying.”
“I guess I’ve been trying not to notice.”
“Human nature, but you should also stop worrying.” She walked with Beth toward the door. “It affects Eli. You’re doing the right thing for your son, and it won’t harm anyone if we all talk together for the first few visits. I’ll see Eli first and then I’ll ask you in. You talk to him and if he’s amenable, call back and make an appointment.”
“I feel lucky we’ve found you, though Eli does have the final say. I imagine Brent told you he gave us a list of several names. We still have one more appointment next Monday, and then I’ll get back to you with Eli’s decision.”
“Sounds good. If you call, make an appointment with my receptionist and we’ll get started.”
Dr. Lester leaned around the door. “Can I see you a second more, Eli?”
He strolled past Beth, intent on remaining untouchable. The doctor closed her door.
Beth sat in one of the blue chairs. She took out her phone and checked for messages. There were none. She stared at her watch. The office door remained closed. She went to the window and counted the cars in the lot below. Fifteen and a Vespa.
The door finally opened again. Dr. Lester held it with her hand above Eli’s head as he came out. “Nice meeting you.”
He nodded, but his face was a thundercloud. “Nice to meet you, too.”
Dr. Lester lifted a beckoning hand to a man in the corner of her waiting room. Beth collected Eli and they left the office. Beth closed the door before she spoke.
“Wasn’t she perfect?”
“Perfect?” He rolled his eyes so hard it was a wonder they didn’t fly right out of his head. “No, Mom, she wasn’t perfect. She was you.”
CHAPTER NINE
THEY DROVE from the medical center to the lodge. For once, Beth was the one who needed physical work, and she needed it bad. She parked in her usual spot, down the hill from where her old front door used to stand.
“Coming up?” she asked Eli.
“I’ve got a headache, Mom. And a stomachache.”
“And you don’t want to talk to me about the doctor. I get it. In fact, I don’t want to talk, either.” She got out and shut the car door with more enthusiasm than strictly necessary. Immediately, hip-hop began to vibrate through the whole vehicle. It didn’t seem to add to Eli’s suffering.
Muttering about the unfairness of allowing one’s adolescent son a say in his own therapist, Beth climbed the hill to the throng of men crowded around the open wound of her basement. Sam was in the gaping hole, hammering the last few nails into the last of the cement forms.
“Hey, Beth.”
“Trey.” She hugged the man who came out of the crowd. “Good to see you. Thanks for coming back.”
“I’m glad to help. Sam gave us a call, said if we were off duty again, we could save you some money if we built forms.”
“I should have been here, too.”
“No.” He hitched his chin toward the rocking car. “Ann told me you had some appointments. How’s that going?”
She’d just as soon Eli’s business not travel through town. “How did she hear?”
“She heard you all saw Brent late one night and he referred you.”
“Someone in his office needs to be fired.” He looked affronted and she took it back. “I’m sorry. I don’t want anyone thinking something’s wrong with Eli.”
“Especially not his friends. Don’t worry.”
“People keep saying that to me today.”
“What are you two whispering about up there?” Sam asked. “You don’t like the forms, Beth?”
“Are you kidding? I’ve rarely seen a more exquisite sight.” She leaned in. “How are you going to pour the cement? The truck won’t get this close, will it?”
“We have the equipment, madam, and if this sun stays with us, we’ll have a basement by nightfall.”
“And my gratitude for the rest of our lives.”
“Hear that, guys?” He took a last whack with the hammer and lifted his hand. Jim grabbed it and Sam walked up the wall with his help. He dropped the hammer on a tarp and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’m going to check on the truck, but it should be here any second. You guys can go now,” he said.
One by one, the other men said their goodbyes, waving at Eli as they walked past him. Trey nudged Beth as he started down the hill. “Why don’t I take him with me? The other guys are skating again today.”
Beth eyed her son. “I don’t know. He said he was feeling punky.”
“Who wouldn’t be? Give him a break.”
“If you’re sure you don’t mind. I’ll call Ann to find out when I
can pick him up.”
“Why not let him stay the night?”
“Thanks, Trey.” She squeezed his forearm. “But I don’t need a break, and I’d worry about him. When the cops called you at 3:00 a.m., you’d look out your window and find me lurking in the yard.”
Trey brushed away a bee, drawn to sweat and the new life of spring. “Think about it. Eli’s always welcome with us, and we’d remind him he has friends.”
“Maybe you’re right. I guess he can go if he feels all right.”
Trey went down the hill and knocked on the car window. Eli put it down. He listened to whatever Trey said and then leaned out.
“It’s okay, Mom?”
“Sure, if you feel all right.”
“I’m great.” He shut the window and clambered out of the car. He got so excited he ran to catch up with his friend’s father, but then U-turned back to slam the door shut.
“What’s wrong with Eli?” Sam asked, putting his phone away.
“A stomachache, he said, but he seems better.” They shared a wry grin. “Where’s the truck?”
“Stuck at a red light at the courthouse. You don’t have to wait. You can’t help with this.”
“I want to see, Sam. Finally, we’re moving forward.”
“Speaking of which, when are the framers set to come?”
“I haven’t scheduled them, since we didn’t know about the basement.”
“Because the weather’s been damp, set them up for the morning after tomorrow.” All around them, the sky was dark, and the air so moist it curled Beth’s hair. Sam dropped his arm across her shoulder. “Go home and try to schedule all your contractors. We’ll finish quicker here if we don’t have to worry about the home owner falling in.”
“Funny, Sam.”
“You won’t be laughing when you find you can’t get a framing crew for another month. Think how much building you’ve seen around town.”
“And in the neighborhoods.” She opened her purse and felt around for her keys. “What was I thinking?”
Halfway to the car, she remembered her keys were in the ignition. Else, the hip-hop couldn’t have been rocking her own neighborhood. “Oh, no.”
She ran the last few yards, skidding down the hill to thud into the side of her car. Sure enough, the keys were dangling from the ignition, on a leather plait Eli had made for her in Cub Scouts. She yanked his door handle, grunting.