by Mimi Strong
Across from me in the small living room, Nick mutters to himself and taps at his phone.
I look down at my smooth, unwrinkled hands.
Like so many farm wives, Nan worked hard her whole life. Her face and hands are lined with deep wrinkles from working in the sun. She’s got arthritis in most of her joints, but she doesn’t complain on the days she’s stiff. If there’s a fundraiser happening, she’ll bake or sell tickets. If there’s a family with a sick kid, she’ll show up at their house with a hot meal and some picture books for the little ones.
If I could give her some of my own life, and let her be young again, I would do that in a heartbeat.
But I can’t.
So all I can do is pursue my dreams in a practical way, so I can support her with money. It’s the least I can do.
I swallow hard and look out the bright living room window. The homesick feeling is back, and the urge to cry is almost overwhelming. But I won’t cry in front of Nick. Or anybody else.
“Two thousand,” Nick says. “Done deal.”
“You’re fucking kidding.”
“I’m fucking not.” He waves the screen of his phone at me.
“As if I can read that text from here,” I say.
“You’re going to sleep with him anyway, so take the cash and suck it up, buttercup.”
“Would I really get two grand?”
“Blow his mind tonight, and get him into a meeting next week. The check will be waiting.”
“The money is for getting him to the meeting?”
“Sure. We’ll say that. If it makes you feel like less of a whore.”
“You’re not going to film it, are you?”
“I told you. The cameras are only downstairs. Take it up to the bedroom and it’s completely private.”
I put my face in my hands and breathe heavily. My head is pounding and I feel like throwing up again.
Nick has his phone in his hand, and he seems to be watching something on the screen.
He sees me looking, and tilts the screen up to be sure I can’t see what he’s looking at.
A shot of adrenaline fires through me.
I jump up, grab the phone from Nick’s hand, and run to the bathroom. I lock the door behind me.
What I see on the phone is surprising, yet not surprising. Of course Nick has remote access to the cameras.
This is a view of the inside of Dylan’s rented place. The brass fireman’s pole is in the background, but more importantly, Dylan is in the foreground.
He’s sitting in the living room, talking to two other people.
It’s a couple, and they both have silver hair. The woman is wearing casual clothes and the man is in jeans and a green hoodie.
WTF?
They’re the same couple who was standing behind me the first time I saw Dylan busking on the street.
I feel physically ill.
Dylan’s wearing the same shirt he had on when I left his place—it’s a shirt with thin pinstripes that looks gray at a distance. This feed is live.
What I can’t understand is why he’s meeting with that couple. This morning, he was looking at the video with me, and he asked me if I knew this couple. He said he didn’t know them.
If he doesn’t know them, why are they at his place?
Was he lying to me? Or was there something he couldn’t say in front of the redheads?
My mind is whirring, searching for clues. I know there must be clues. If I look hard enough, I’ll figure everything out.
There’s a knock on the door.
Nick says, “Give me back my phone.”
I hold the phone up to my ear, hoping for audio. There’s a crackle of static, but I can’t hear what Dylan’s talking about.
I yank open the door and glare at Nick. “There’s no audio.”
“Calm down. I thought you were opposed to spying on your boyfriend.”
“This is sick.” I hand him back the phone and cross my arms. “You should go.”
He stays standing just outside the bathroom door, being calm and annoying me.
“Jess, you’re smart and you’re pretty. Plus you’re young. Do you know what kind of opportunities you have? David Ambler knew you would be an asset. He’s a genius. That’s why he hired you.”
Another wave of nausea sweeps over me. David Ambler was the guy who hired me as an intern. I never met him, because he was gone the day I started at Morris Music.
“David Ambler got himself fired by Maggie,” I say. “He’s no genius.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure. David Ambler’s IQ is so high, it can’t be tested.”
“Do you have an email address or something for David Ambler?”
Nick looks away from me, staring down the hallway. “Jess, I know what you’re thinking and you can forget it.”
“You’re a mind-reader, Nick? What am I thinking?”
“That you can sniff around other companies and get yourself hired somewhere else. But you can forget it. If you leave now and ruin this deal, Maggie will destroy you.”
The way he’s talking sends a chill through to my bones. Nick might be saying anything it takes to manipulate me, but Maggie is a tiger. She is not someone I want to piss off.
Nick continues, “You’ll never get anywhere in this town. It’s a big city, but it’s very small at the top.”
“So, I have to sleep with Dylan. I’ll get money, and I’ll keep my job. If I don’t, I’ll be ruined?” My voice is full of scorn. “Thanks a lot. No, really. I’m super glad you stopped by today.”
Nick steps back, flinching from me.
“The meeting is next week,” he says, turning to leave. “Get your boyfriend wrapped around your finger before then.”
I follow him to the front door and watch as he lets himself out.
I walk slowly through the quiet house and check that Amanda isn’t there. I’m all alone.
I go into my bedroom, close the door, pull the curtains shut, lay myself down on my bed, bury my face in my pillow, and cry.
Chapter 14
Napping in the bath tub seems dangerous.
But it feels so good.
After Nick left, I spent the next five hours doing laundry and trying to not freak out about tonight.
Now I’m having my second bath of the day, and waking up from my second nap.
Amanda’s here in the house, and she’s got some guy with her. He’s older, like old enough to have some gray hair at his temples. He looks like a professor. I don’t want to know what they’re doing in her bedroom, but I have locked the bathroom door, just in case they come out. If there’s an emergency, they can use the bathroom connected to Riley’s bedroom.
Riley. My mysterious roommate. It’s weird that I live with someone I haven’t met yet. I haven’t even seen a photo of her.
I step out of the tub and do a careful inspection of everything that might need shaving or waxing. Everything’s good.
I wipe the fog off the mirror and stare at my face for a minute. This is the face of a twenty-two-year-old virgin. And tonight, she’s going to take the next step. It’s about time.
The last time I saw my doctor, she said I wouldn’t have any problems. Everything down there is normal enough, or so she said. There might be some discomfort, but if I’m ready…
Fuck. I can’t even think about it.
Every time I try to imagine being naked near Dylan, I start to sweat. That’s why I had to have a second bath. I sweated right through my antiperspirant. So gross.
It’s seven o’clock.
One hour until he expects me at his place.
I’ve got some questions for him, but I don’t know if I can ask.
Why was he meeting with the older couple there today? I’ve been over and over it in my head. If I ask him, he’ll want to know how I know. Then all hell will break loose.
I’ve got a story figured out in my head that makes sense. Maybe right after I left, he contacted the couple through the account they used to upload the
footage from that day. Then they were excited to meet him and came right over.
Sure.
That’s possible.
I unzip my makeup bag and lean in toward the mirror to start putting on concealer. This morning, Dylan said he liked how natural I looked with no makeup. I smile at myself in the mirror.
Guys can’t actually tell if a girl is wearing makeup or not. I swear, unless you’re wearing bright blue eye shadow, they have no idea.
My palms are a bit clammy, but other than that, I feel okay.
The more I think about last night, it makes sense that I wasn’t drugged. I don’t ever drink, and last night I tossed back a couple of drinks really fast. I hadn’t eaten in about seven hours, so the booze hit me hard.
Telling myself this is comforting. I’d rather believe it was too much alcohol than something worse.
Just like tonight.
I’d rather believe there’s a reasonable explanation for Dylan meeting with those people. I don’t want to believe he’d lie to me.
It’s quarter after seven.
I’m startled by how fast time is moving.
I hurry to finish with my makeup and get dressed.
It’s eight o’clock when I slide into Dylan’s black car.
I’m going to be late.
Oh, well.
I check my makeup one more time in the rear view mirror.
He can wait a few more minutes.
Chapter 15
The car stereo is playing Demons by Imagine Dragons when I drive up to the old firehall.
The lyrics are perfect for this moment, just like all great songs. The words are poetry, with enough space for interpretation.
The word greed jumps out at me from the lyrics. I swear, I’m not thinking about the money—the two thousand dollars Nick said I’d get paid for sleeping with Dylan.
I mean, I am thinking about the money, but I’m not. That’s not the only reason I’m here.
It’s well past eight, and dark. The street is nearly devoid of people, and I don’t like the look of the people who are around.
Keeping my head down, I walk quickly to the side door. I wish these shoes had softer soles and didn’t announce so clearly that I’m a female.
I knock on the shiny, dark blue door and wait. Now that I’m standing still, with no music to distract me, I can feel my nerves. My whole body is nerves.
The door opens.
Dylan stands there with his eyebrows raised, like he’s surprised to see me. “I bought some cookies at the office, but do you have any of those Thin Mints?”
“Very funny. And I never was a Girl Scout.”
“Then what are you selling?” He looks me up and down. I tremble as his gaze moves down to my bare legs, then up my short denim skirt and buttoned top.
I put my hand on my hip and shake my head, like I’m totally used to all this attention, and it’s so boring.
He’s wearing jeans and a different shirt than he had on earlier. This is a black T-shirt with CBGB on it.
“Cool shirt,” I say. I don’t ask what the initials stand for, because I know it was a famous club in New York. It closed down a few years back, but now there’s an annual concert by the same name. Plus people will probably buy the shirts until the end of time, because the logo is just… cool.
He nods for me to come in.
“Did you eat?” he asks. The door closes, shutting out the world.
“I think so.”
He lets out a short laugh. “Interesting.”
“How was your day? Did you do anything? You said you had some business stuff.”
He closes the distance between us and stops with his face inches from mine. He totally knows I’m prying for information.
“Did you come over to talk about boring business stuff?”
“No. I came to bring your car back.”
His eyes burn into mine. “Are you wearing those white cotton panties?”
I think about inviting him to check under my skirt, but the words won’t come out. I’m always way more brave in my imagination than in reality.
Even this morning, I was more brave. I actually had my hand down his pants. But the other girls were here with us, in the bathroom. I knew things wouldn’t get far with them around.
Now, we’re alone again.
He leans his face the rest of the way to mine and kisses me.
The place is so quiet, I can hear our mouths opening.
His lips close around mine, and I let out a soft sigh. His arms tighten around me, pulling my body against his. I shift my feet so that one foot is between his feet, and his leg is between mine.
We keep kissing, his tongue parting my lips.
He tightens his grip on me, until I’m grinding my hips against his leg. My arms have been at my sides, unsure what to do. Now, they wrap around his neck. With one hand, I explore the hair on the back of his head. His dark hair feels silky and cool on my fingers. His mouth is hot.
A warm, drunk feeling floods through my body. I’m buzzing—electrified and numb at the same time. My mouth opens wider, letting him kiss me deeper and deeper. I feel small and light in his arms. His chest is hard like stone against my softness.
He stops kissing me and pulls back to look at me.
“What?” I say.
“You’re beautiful.”
I smile and lower my eyelids, looking down at our bodies. There’s no space between us. We might even be breathing in rhythm.
His voice is thick, his words slurred with lust. “I’d like to take you upstairs.”
“Okay.” My own voice is thin and metallic to my ears.
“I don’t want to hurt you, but I do want you to remember tonight. If I take you upstairs, I’m going to burn myself into you like a brand. No matter what happens, part of you will always belong to me, Jess.”
I nod. “I want that, too.”
“Are you sure? If you take me, you take all of me. Think about it. Because you can turn around right now and walk out that door. I’ll never touch you again. I won’t even talk to you. But you have to leave now.”
I whisper, “I don’t want to leave.”
I look up and find his dark eyes still burning into mine. His nostrils flare with his breathing. I kiss him briefly on the lips, my eyes still open. I look down at his nostrils, still flaring. Something bubbles up from my memories. Bulls, on the farm. During breeding. You can see how agitated they are by the shape of their nostrils. Once they set their sights, you can’t get in their way.
My chest flutters and my throat tightens. Why am I thinking about animals? If Dylan could read my mind, he’d be insulted. I’m comparing him to a bull, a creature of instinctual lust and no reasoning.
He blinks and pulls his gaze down. As he looks at my throat, he licks his lips. He leans down and brings his lips to the side of my neck.
I gasp as he nibbles the soft skin of my neck. He runs the tip of his tongue up to my earlobe and kisses me there. His breathing is hot and loud in my ear, sending a tickle all through my body. He keeps licking, kissing, and sucking on my neck.
My eyes roll up with ecstasy. I could die. I could just die, this feels so good.
He crosses under my chin and to the other side. My body is getting weaker by the second. I swear the only thing holding me up is my arms around his shoulders. If I let go, I’d crumble.
He shifts his weight to the side and brings his other foot to the middle, between my legs. Now I’m awkwardly straddling his legs, but I don’t care.
He lets out a growl, and his hands slide down my lower back, to my buttocks. He keeps kissing my neck, and at the same time pulls at the thick denim fabric of the skirt, pulling it up to my waist. His hands glide down my buttocks, over the cotton fabric of my panties. The kisses on my neck slow down, until he’s holding still there, breathing.
Suddenly, he scoops his hands down, to the base of my buttocks, and picks me up.
“Hang on,” he grunts.
I tighten the grip of my arms circ
ling his neck. He hoists me up like he’s getting a better grip. I sail up in the air like I weigh nothing, and I’m his plaything.
I squeal, and he chuckles at me.
“Hang on with your legs,” he says.
My legs are dangling, unsure of themselves. At his command, my legs swing up and lock together around his back. Now what? Is he going to carry me over to the counter? Or up the stairs?
He takes a couple steps forward, not in the direction I expected.
My back connects with the brick wall. I gasp and tense, but I don’t let go. My back is against the wall.
In the back of my mind, I’m worrying about the cameras on this floor, and who might be watching. But those thoughts quickly slip away.
“Last chance to get away,” he says.
My back is pressed hard against the rough brick wall, and I’m pinned by Dylan’s hard body at the front. All the fear I had getting here tonight is completely gone. I’m not scared at all. I feel like a flower, like a rose, ready to open up.
I stare into his beautiful brown eyes. My heart aches to know him, to know what he’s thinking. Who is he? Does he need me as bad as I need him?
“You can go,” he says. “I’ll still play nice with your boss. I know they want you to get close to me. You’re playing me. I know, but I want you anyway. ”
“I’m not playing you.”
His mouth curls up in a grin. He thrusts against me, crushing my back against the wall. His hardness is between my legs, pressing hard through his jeans against me.
“Of course you are,” he says. “You’re a woman.”
“I’m just a girl.”
“Then I’ll make you a woman. And then maybe you’ll realize how much power you have.”
His nostrils are flaring again. His eyelids grow heavy, and he grinds against me, driving me up the wall.
I tighten my legs around his waist and use my arms to pull myself up higher.
“Take me upstairs,” I say. My voice sounds way more brave than I’m feeling.
I repeat myself. “Dylan. Take me upstairs. Now.”
Chapter 16
I don’t have to ask him a third time.