• Had you signed up for Sears’ Discover card when it premiered in 1986, you would have been entitled to meal discounts at Denny’s restaurants and 50% off psychiatric exams.
• In 1993, more than 31 million of the 211 million MasterCard and Visa cards in circulation were “affinity cards”—cards that donated a portion of each purchase to the charity shown on the card. One of the least popular: the Muscular Dystrophy Association Card, which has a picture of Jerry Lewis on it. It bombed so badly that it was taken off the market.
• It’s illegal now, but credit card companies used to mail credit cards to people who hadn’t even applied for them. It wasn’t always good business: In 1966, five Chicago banks banded together and mailed five million credit cards to people who hadn’t asked for them. But “the banks had been less than cautious in assembling their mailing lists. Some families received 15 cards. Dead people and babies got cards. A dachshund named Alice was sent not one but four cards, one of which arrived with the promise that Alice would be welcomed as a ‘preferred customer’ at many of Chicago’s finest restaurants.”
• In 1972 Walter Cavanagh and a friend bet a dinner to see who could accumulate the most credit cards. Eight years later he won the bet—and broke the world record—by applying for and getting 1,003 credit cards, weighing 34 pounds and entitling him to $1.25 million in credit. He’s still applying for credit cards, and has set a goal of 10,000 cards.
• In 1987 aspiring moviemaker Robert Townsend paid for his first film, Hollywood Shuffle, by charging $100,000 on his 15 personal credit cards. Luckily, the movie made enough money for him to pay back the money.
According to one study, the “average American” is a 32.7-year-old woman who likes potato
SCRATCH ’N’ SNIFF
No, this is not a scratch ’n’ sniff page—it’s about the scratch ’n’ sniff phenomenon.
BACKGROUND
For years advertisers understood that scents help sell products, but they couldn’t find a way to include smells in printed advertisements. The first attempt came in the 1950s, when newspaper companies tried printing with scented ink. The experiment flopped—either the smells dissipated rapidly, or they mixed with the newspaper’s smell, spoiling the effect.
In 1969 the 3M Corp. and National Cash Register Co. (NCR) each developed a way to impregnate printed advertisements with fragrances. They called the technique “microencapsulation,” because it literally sealed the smells in the surface of the ad until the consumer released them by scratching the page. For the first time in history, products as diverse as bananas, bourbon, shaving cream, dill pickles, pine trees—and, of course, perfume, could be advertised using their scents.
HOW IT WORKS
• The printing company takes a product like perfume or food, and extracts its aromatic oils.
• The oils are mixed with water, which breaks them up into tiny droplets—an average of one million drops per square inch.
• The droplets are sprayed onto paper or some other surface, and are covered with a layer of plastic resin or gum arabic.
• The scent remains fresh beneath the resin until someone scratches the surface. This bursts the layer of resin or gum that holds the droplets, and the smell escapes.
SCRATCH ’N’ SNIFF FACTS
• Scratch ’n’ sniff pages and scented pages aren’t just novelties; they’re big business. According to a study commissioned by Ralph Lauren Fragrances, 76% of women who buy new perfumes are introduced to the fragrances through scented inserts in magazines.
• On average, scented pages cost twice as much as scent-free ads.
chips, weighs 134 pounds, believes in the devil, and has sex about five times a month.
• A lot of people hate perfume strips, despite their popularity with perfume and ad companies. In fact, they can actually make sensitive people ill. In June 1991, a man wrote to The New Yorker complaining that “A very noxious and pervacious [sic] odor invaded this house with the mail today. Much to our surprise, it came from the arriving copy of The New Yorker....I am an elderly asthmatic, allergic to perfume, and although I have retched occasionally at some material in The New Yorker, I have never vomited on it before.” As a result of his and other complaints, many magazines now offer scented and unscented editions.
• Another problem was that magazines were running more and more ads with perfume strips. Magazines got so smelly that perfume companies had to limit the number that could appear—and the post office itself began regulating scented inserts.
WEIRD USES
• In 1989 the English National Opera produced a scratch ’n’ sniff version of Prokofiev’s “Love for Three Oranges.” Audience members received a special “fragrance panel” at the beginning of the play, along with instructions telling them when to sniff. The card even contained a scent for an unpleasant character named Farfarello, who has “bad breath and emits gasses.” His smell was supposed to be “a cross between bad eggs and body odor,” but the stench was so overpowering that it made the entire fragrance panel stink. In later performances of the play, his scent was left out.
• In 1990 the rock group Swamp Zombies released Scratch and Sniff Car Crash, an album whose cover smelled like burnt rubber. Weird inspiration: The band members got the idea after two of them narrowly escaped serious injury in automobile accidents.
• In 1989 the RJ Reynolds Tobacco company test-marketed Chelsea cigarettes, a brand targeted at women. Its major selling point: the smokes were rolled in a paper that gave off a sweet smell when it burned. They promoted the brand with scratch ’n’ sniff newspaper ads showing off the scented papers. The ads smelled great—but cigarette sales stank, and the brand was dropped.
• In 1989 BEI Defense Systems, a Dallas missile manufacturer, ran a scratch ’n’ sniff ad in Armed Forces Journal touting the company’s “extraordinarily lethal” Flechette rocket. The ad smelled like cordite (the explosive contained in the warhead), an aroma the company called “the smell of victory.”
According to most pollsters, it’s easier to get a person to disclose intimate details about
FAMILIAR PHRASES
Here are more origins of common phrases.
BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN ONE’S MOUTH
Meaning: Pampered; lucky; born into wealth or prosperous circumstances.
Origin: At one time, it was customary for godparents to give their godchild a silver spoon at the baby’s christening. These people were usually well-off, so the spoon came to represent the child’s good fortune.
BITE THE BULLET
Meaning: Get on with a difficult or unpleasant task.
Origin: “Although one can find other explanations, it seems most plausible that the term originated in battlefield surgery before the days of anesthesia. A surgeon about to operate on a wounded soldier would urge him to bite on a bullet of soft lead to distract him from the pain; at least it would minimize his ability to scream and thus divert the surgeon.” (From The Dictionary of Clichés, by James Rogers)
SOMETHING FITS TO A “T”
Meaning: It fits perfectly.
Origin: Commonly thought of as a reference to the T-square, which is used to draw parallel lines and angles. But this phrase was used in the 1600s, before anyone called the tool a T-square. “A more likely explanation is that the expression was originally ‘to a tittle.’ A tittle was the dot over the “i”, so the phrase meant ‘to a dot’ or ‘fine point.’” (From Why Do We Say It, by Nigel Rees)
THINGS WILL PAN OUT/HAVEN’T PANNED OUT
Meaning: Optimistic view that things will work out / things haven’t worked out.
Origin: When prospectors look for gold, they kneel by a river or stream and wash dirt from the bed in a shallow pan. This is called panning. Traditionally, when prospectors were sure they’d find gold, they said things “would pan out.” When they didn’t find it, they said things “didn’t pan out.” (From Gold!, by Gordon Javna)
their private life than it is to get them to tell you how m
uch money they make.
YOU’RE NO SPRING CHICKEN
Meaning: You’re not young anymore; you’re past your prime.
Origin: “Until recent generations, there were no incubators and few warm hen houses. That meant chicks couldn’t be raised during winter. New England growers found that those born in the spring brought premium prices in the summer market places.” When these Yankee traders tried to pass off old birds as part of the spring crop, smart buyers would protest that the bird was ‘no spring chicken.’” (From Why You Say It, by Webb Garrison)
CLEAR THE DECKS
Meaning: Prepare for action; take care of minor matters, so you can focus on important ones.
Origin: A battle order in the days of sailing ships. “A crew prepared for battle by removing or fastening down all loose objects on deck that might otherwise get in the way of the guns or be knocked down and injure a sailor.” (From Fighting Words, by Christine Ammer)
TRYING TO MAKE BOTH ENDS MEET
Meaning: Trying to stretch your income to live within your means.
Origin: On sailing ships of the 1400s and 1500s, sails “were raised and lowered separately, and the rigging involved hundreds of ropes. Some were permanently fixed. When such a rope broke, most preferred to replace it rather than attempt a repair job.” But ship owners who were low on cash often told their captains “to pull broken rope ends together and splice them.” So “a piece of rigging was stretched to the limit in order for both ends to meet.” Gradually, the term moved from ship to shore, and came to mean stretching things to the limit because of a shortage of funds. (From I’ve Got Goose Pimples, by Martin Vanoni)
Important thought: “If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”—Brooke Shields
Alibi means “elsewhere” in Latin.
BY GEORGE!
Wisdom from our first president, George Washington.
“Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.”
“Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable, procures success to the weak, and esteem to all.”
“Cursing and swearing is a vice so mean and low that every person of sense and character detests and despises it.”
“Let us rise to a standard to which the wise and honest can repair.”
“I have always given it as my decided opinion that...everyone had a right to form and adopt whatever government they liked best to live under themselves.”
“It is only after time has been given for cool and deliberate reflection that the real voice of the people can be known.”
“To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.”
“A great and lasting war can never be supported on [patriotism] alone. It must be aided by a prospect of interest, or some reward.”
“Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.”
“Do not conceive that fine clothes make fine men, any more that fine feathers make fine birds.”
“In a free and republican government, you cannot restrain the voice of the multitude.”
“The preservation of the sacred fire of liberty, and the destiny of the republican model of government, are...staked, on the experiment entrusted to the hands of the American people.”
“Our cruel and unrelenting enemy leaves us only the choice of brave resistance, or the most abject submission. We have, therefore, to resolve to conquer or die.”
“It is well I die hard, but I am not afraid to go.”
Poll results: 59% of married men and 61% of married women say sex gets better after marriage.
BY GEORGE, TOO
Words of wisdom from George Carlin, one of America’s most popular wise guys.
“Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It’s called assohol.”
“I think I am. Therefore, I am...I think.”
“The only good thing to come from religion is the music.”
“When I was real small I heard about this thing called the decline of civilization... and I decided that it was something I would like to become involved in.”
“I hope that someday a pope chooses the name Shorty.”
“If God really made everything, I’d say he had a quality control problem.”
“People are okay taken two or three at a time. Beyond that number they tend to choose up sides and wear armbands.”
“I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.”
“If you want to really test a faith healer, tell him you want a smaller shoe size.”
“Remember: Dishonesty is the second best policy.”
“I wonder why prostitution is illegal. Why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away?”
“I say live and let live. Anyone who can’t accept that should be executed.”
“Just when I found the meaning of life, they changed it.”
“I never thought I’d grow old. I always thought it was something that would happen to the other guy.”
“Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest bit of interest in it.”
“I don’t mind a little government regulation, but requiring people to wear helmets during intercourse is going too far.”
Estimated number of one room schoolhouses in Nebraska: 300.
FAMOUS TRIALS:
THE WITCHES OF SALEM
Here’s a bit of American history we’re all familiar with...but know almost nothing about. The BRI wants to change that, because we don’t want witch trials—or witch hunts—in our era. After all, someone just might decide that reading in the bathroom is a sign of demonic possession.
BACKGROUND The trouble at Salem, Massachusetts, began with two young girls acting oddly. It exploded into one of the strangest cases of mass hysteria in American history. In the six-month period between March and September 1692, 27 people were convicted on witchcraft charges; 20 were executed, and more than 100 other people were in prison awaiting trial.
CHILD’S PLAY
In March 1692, nine-year-old Betty Parris and her cousin Abigail Williams, 12, were experimenting with a fortune-telling trick they’d learned from Tituba, the Parris family’s West Indian slave. To find out what kind of men they’d marry when they grew up, they put an egg white in a glass...and then studied the shape it made in the glass.
But instead of glimpsing their future husbands, the girls saw an image that appeared to be “in the likeness of a coffin.” The apparition shocked them...and over the next few days they exhibited behavior that witnesses described as “foolish, ridiculous speeches,” “odd postures,” “distempers,” and “fits.”
Reverend Samuel Parris was startled by his daughter’s condition and took her to see William Griggs, the family doctor. Griggs couldn’t find out what was wrong with the girl, but he suspected the problem had supernatural origins. He told Rev. Parris that he thought the girl had fallen victim to “the Evil Hand”—witchcraft.
The family tried to keep Betty’s condition a secret, but rumors began spreading almost immediately—and within two months at least eight other girls began exhibiting similar forms of bizarre behavior.
Your body creates as much as two quarts of saliva daily.
THE PARANOIA GROWS
The citizens of Salem Village demanded that the authorities take action. The local officials subjected the young girls to intense questioning, and soon the girls began naming names. The first three women they accused of witchcraft were Tituba and two other women from Salem Village, Sarah Good and Sarah Osborne.
The three women were arrested and held for questioning. A few weeks later two more suspects, Martha Cory and Rebecca Nurse, were arrested on similar charges. And at the end of April a sixth person—the Reverend George Burroughs, a minister that Abigail Williams identified as the lea
der of the witches—was arrested and imprisoned. The girls continued to name names. By the middle of May, more than 100 people had been arrested for witchcraft.
THE TRIALS
On May 14, 1692, the newly appointed governor, Sir William Phips, arrived from England. He immediately set up a special court, the Court of Oyer and Terminer, to hear the witchcraft trials that were clogging the colonial legal system.
• The first case heard was that against Bridget Bishop. She was quickly found guilty of witchcraft, sentenced to death, and then hung on June 10.
• On June 19 the court met a second time, and in a single day heard the cases of five accused women, found them all guilty, and sentenced them to death. They were hung on July 19.
• On August 5 the court heard six more cases, and sentenced all six women to death. One woman, Elizabeth Proctor, was spared because she was pregnant—and the authorities didn’t want to kill an innocent life along with a guilty one. The remaining five women were executed on August 19.
• Six more people were sentenced to death in early September. (Only four were executed: one person was reprieved, and another woman managed to escape from prison with the help of friends.) The remaining sentences were carried out on September 22.
• On September 17, the court handed down nine more death sentences. (This time five of the accused “confessed” in exchange for a commutation of the death sentence and were not hung.) The remaining four were hung on September 22.
Mmm, mmm. The life span of a tastebud, in days: 10.
• Two days later, the trials claimed their last victim when Giles Cory, an accused wizard, was executed by “pressing” (he was slowly crushed to death under heavy weights) after he refused to enter a plea.
REVERSAL OF FORTUNE
By now the hysteria surrounding the witch trials was at its peak: 19 accused “witches” had been hung, about 50 had “confessed” in exchange for lenient treatment, more than 100 people accused of witchcraft were under arrest and awaiting trial—and another 200 people had been accused of witchcraft but had not yet been arrested. Despite all this, the afflicted girls were still exhibiting bizarre behavior. But public opinion began to turn against the trials. Community leaders began to publicly question the methods that the courts used to convict suspected witches. The accused were denied access to defense counsel, and were tried in chains before jurors who had been chosen from church membership lists.
Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader Page 34