Swanson suddenly thought about the product his company was working on. It would be perfect for eating in front of television— and tying it into the TV craze couldn’t hurt. Why not call it a TV dinner? Gilbert mentioned the idea to his brother, who suggested putting a picture of a TV on the box, with the dinner coming off the screen. In January 1952, the first Swanson’s TV Dinner rolled off the line. It contained turkey with cornbread stuffing and gravy, buttered peas, and sweet potatoes in orange and butter sauce, and cost only 98¢.
When TV lost its novelty in the 1960s, Swanson redesigned the package, got rid of the picture of the TV, and downplayed the TV Dinner brand name. By 1984 it was completely off the package.
First vehicle to use inflatable rubber tires: Queen Victoria’s carriage, in 1846.
Q & A: ASK THE EXPERTS
Everyone’s got a question or two they want answered—basic stuff like “Why is the sky blue?” Here are a few of those questions, with answers from books by some top trivia experts.
NAVEL ENCOUNTER
Q: Where does belly-button lint come from?
A: “Your navel is one of the few places on your body where perspiration has a chance to accumulate before evaporating. Lint from your clothing, cottons especially, adheres to the wet area and remains after the moisture departs.” (From The Straight Dope, by Cecil Adams)
MYTH-INFORMATION
Q: Why do the symbols and represent male and female?
A: “They’re related to Greek mythology. The female symbol is supposed to represent a woman holding a hand mirror, and is associated with Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of beauty. The male symbol represents a spear and a shield and is associated with the Greek god of war, Ares. The male and female symbols also represent the planets Mars (the Roman god of war) and Venus (the Roman goddess of beauty).” (From The Book of Totally Useless Information, by Don Voorhees)
CIRCULAR LOGIC
Q: Why do clocks run clockwise?
A: No one knows for sure, but here’s one answer: “Before the advent of clocks, we used sundials. In the Northern Hemisphere, the shadows rotated in the direction we now call ‘clockwise.’ The clock hands were built to mimic the natural movements of the sun. If clocks had been invented in the Southern Hemisphere, [perhaps] ‘clockwise’ would be in the opposite direction.” (From Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise? and Other Imponderables, by David Feldman)
First U.S. novel, by W. Brown, 1789, was about “seduction, incest, abduction, rape, suicide.”
DON’T WORRY, BEE HAPPY
Q: We’ve all heard the phrase “busy as a bee.” Are bees really busy?
A: Judge for yourself: “In order to fill its honey sac, the average worker bee has to visit between 1,000 and 1,500 individual florets of clover. About 60 full loads of nectar are necessary to produce a mere thimbleful of honey. Nevertheless, during a favorable season, a single hive might store two pounds of honey a day—representing approximately five million individual bee journeys.” (From Can Elephants Swim? compiled by Robert M. Jones)
STAYING COOL
Q: Does iced tea or iced coffee really cool you off?
A: “Contrary to popular belief, neither iced tea nor iced coffee will really cool you off much because they contain caffeine, which constricts the blood vessels. Because of this effect, coffee or tea, either iced or hot, can cause you to become overheated...so it’s best to avoid these drinks on hot days. But don’t substitute a cola drink for them; colas also contain caffeine. Instead, drink water or juice.” (From FYI, For Your Information, by Hal Linden)
GONE TO THE DOGS
Q: Is a dog year really the equivalent of seven human years?
A: “No—it is actually five to six years. The average life expectancy of a dog is 12-14 years. However, most dogs mature sexually within six to nine months, so in a sense there is no strict correspondence to human years.” (From The Book of Answers, by Barbara Berliner)
TO PEE OR NOT TO PEE?
Q: Why does people’s pee smell funny after eating asparagus?
A: “The odor is caused by an acid present in the vegetable, and it doesn’t happen to everybody. Whether you produce the odor or not is determined genetically.” In a British study using 800 volunteers, only 43% of the people “had the characteristic ability to excrete the six sulfur alkyl compounds that combine to produce the odor in urine. This inherited ability is a dominant trait. If one of your parents had it, so will you.” (From Why Do Men Have Nipples? by Katherine Dunn)
The New York Yankees were the first baseball team to assign numbers to players, in 1929.
IT LOSES SOMETHING IN TRANSLATION...
Have you ever thought that you were communicating brilliantly, only to find out other people thought you were speaking nonsense? That’s a particularly easy mistake when you’re speaking a foreign language. A few classic examples:
BUT HE’S NOT SQUEEZING THEM
When President Jimmy Carter arrived in Poland in 1977, he made a brief speech to press and officials. But his interpreter delivered a slightly different speech. Carter said he had “left the United States that day.” His interpreter said he’d “abandoned” it. Carter referred to the Poles’ “desires for the future.” His interpreter translated this as “lusts for the future.” And, finally, the interpreter explained to the crowd: “The president says he is pleased to be here in Poland grasping your private parts.”
LOOKING FOR PROTECTION
Shannon, Ireland (UPI) — “A young Russian couple caused an embarrassing mix-up at Shannon Airport when they were mistaken for political defectors.
“The pair, on a technical stopover on the Havana-Moscow Aeroflot route, approached a counter at the big Shannon duty-free store Monday. In halting English, the man asked for “protection,” according to an airport spokesman.
“He was quickly whisked away for questioning by immigration authorities. But after 20 minutes, officials determined it was not political protection he was after, but sexual protection. He just wanted to buy some condoms.”
MORE BIRTH CONTROL
In one campaign to introduce its ballpoint pens to Mexico, the Parker Pen Co. used the slogan “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company’s translators mistakenly used the verb embarazar, which sounds like “to embarrass” but actually means “to become pregnant.” The ad appeared to suggest that the pen could prevent unwanted pregnancies.
New Mexico is the only state named after a country.
CULTURAL THAI’S
“Thais still talk about President Lyndon Johnson’s visit in the mid-’60s, when, seated next to King Bhumibol Adulyadej on national television, the lanky Texan hitched his foot up over his thigh and pointed his shoe directly at the king—a common obscene gesture in that country. It didn’t relieve tensions when, on the same telecast, the American president gave the Thai queen a big “hi, honey” hug. Solemn tradition in Thailand demands that nobody touches the queen.”
—The Washington Post
COMIC DELIVERY
According to Roger Axtell, in his book Do’s and Taboos of Hosting International Visitors, a high-ranking insurance company executive visiting Japan in the 1980s delivered a speech that began with a joke. It went over well...but later on he learned that it was translated something like this:
American businessman is beginning speech with thing called joke. I am not certain why, but all American businessmen believe it necessary to start speech with joke. [Pause] He is telling joke now, but frankly you would not understand it, so I won’t translate it. He thinks I am telling you joke now. [Pause] Polite thing to do when he finishes is to laugh. [Pause] He is getting close. [Pause] Now!
“The audience not only laughed,” Axtell says, “but in typical generous Japanese style, they stood and applauded as well. After the speech, not realizing what had transpired, the American remembered going to the translator and saying, ‘I’ve been giving speeches in this country for several years and you are the first translator who knows how to tell a good joke.�
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WHAT A GUY!
When the Perdue Chicken Co. translated its slogan—“It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken”—into Spanish, they ended up with “It takes a hard [sexually aroused] man to make a chicken affectionate.”
Florence Nightingale carried a pet owl in her pocket wherever she traveled.
STRANGE LAWSUITS
We’ve been including this section in the Bathroom Reader for years, and we’ve never run out of material. In fact, we’ve got a bulging folder of articles we haven’t even used. It seems that people are getting weirder and weirder.
THE PLAINTIFF: J. R. Costigan
THE DEFENDANT: Bobby Mackey’s Music World, a country music bar in Wilder, Kentucky
THE LAWSUIT: In papers filed in small claims court, Costigan claimed a ghost “punched and kicked him” while he was using the bar’s restroom one night in 1993. He sued the bar, asking for $1,000 in damages and demanding that a sign be put up in the restroom warning of the ghost’s presence.
The club’s lawyer filed a motion to dismiss the case, citing the difficulty of getting the ghost into court to testify for the defense.
THE VERDICT: The case was dismissed.
THE PLAINTIFF: Frederick Newhall Woods IV, serving a life sentence for the infamous Chowchilla, California, school bus kidnapping.
THE DEFENDANT: The American Broadcasting Company
THE LAWSUIT: In 1976, Woods and two accomplices kidnapped a bus driver and 26 elementary school students and buried them underground. When ABC aired a TV movie docudrama about the kidnapping in 1994, Woods was offended. He sued the network, claiming that the show “portrayed (him) as being callous, vicious, hardened, wild-eyed, diabolical, and uncaring.”
THE VERDICT: Unknown.
THE PLAINTIFF: Carl Sagan, world-famous astronomer
THE DEFENDANT: Apple Computer, Inc.
THE LAWSUIT: Late in 1993, computer designers at Apple code-named a new computer model Sagan. Traditionally, this is an honor—“You pick a name of someone you respect,” explained one employee. “And the code is only used while the computer is being developed. It never makes it out of the company.” Nonetheless, Sagan’s lawyers complained that the code was “an illegal usurption of his name for commercial purposes” and demanded that it be changed. So Apple designers changed it to BHA. When Sagan heard that it stood for “Butt-Head Astronomer,” he sued, contending that “Butt-Head” is “defamatory on its face.”
Idaho is the only state in the U.S. that has never had a foreign flag flying over it.
THE VERDICT: Pending (in 1994).
THE PLAINTIFF: Barry Manilow
THE DEFENDANT: K-BIG FM, a Los Angeles radio station
THE LAWSUIT: In 1994, the station ran a TV ad campaign saying what they wouldn’t play—namely Barry Manilow songs. Manilow sued, claiming “irreparable damage to his reputation”
THE VERDICT: Settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.
THE PLAINTIFF: Saul Lapidus, a New York City landlord
THE DEFENDANT: Empire Szechuan Gourmet
THE LAWSUIT: When the local Chinese restaurant left takeout menus at his building, Lapidus billed them for cleanup costs. When they refused to pay, he took them to court.
THE VERDICT: Lapidus won; Empire paid the bill.
THE PLAINTIFF: David Pelzman, owner of David’s on Main, a Columbus, Ohio, restaurant
THE DEFENDANT: Jeff Burrey, 24, a (former) customer
THE LAWSUIT: In 1993, Burrey made a reservation for four at the restaurant but didn’t show up. So Pelzman sued him for $440 ($60 per person, and $200 for the private detective he hired to track Burrey down). Incredulous, Burrey filed a $10,000 counter-suit, alleging defamation, fraud, and misrepresentation.
“If they can sue a customer for not showing up for a reservation,” Burrey said, “then a customer can sue the restaurant for having to wait 15 minutes to be seated.”
THE VERDICT: Pending (in 1994).
Man of the world: Both China and Russia have their own “Tarzan” legends.
WHAT IS SPAM?
Everybody’s tried it and hardly anyone says they like it...but 30% of all American households have a can on hand. So how much do you know about SPAM? How much do you want to know? Not much, probably. Too bad—we’re going to tell you about it anyway.
MAKING A SILK PURSE OUT OF A SOW’S EAR
It’s a question as timeless as the pork-packing industry itself: Once you’ve removed all the choice meat from the carcass of a pig, what do you do with all the pig parts nobody wants?
That’s the question the folks at the George A. Hormel Company faced in 1937. Their solution: Take the parts that nobody wants and make them into a loaf nobody wants. Jack Mingo describes the historic moment in his book How the Cadillac Got Its Fins:
Seeing thousands of pounds of pork shoulders piling up in the Hormel coolers in 1937 gave one of the company’s executives an idea: Why not chop the meat up, add some spices and meat from other parts of the pig, and form it into small, hamlike loaves? Put it in a can and fill the excess space with gelatin from the pig’s leftover skin and bones—you could probably keep the meat edible for months without refrigeration. They tried it. It worked. Hormel’s Spiced Ham quickly found a niche in the market. It was inexpensive, savory, and convenient, and it didn’t need refrigeration.
PORCINE PLAGIARISM
But pig parts were piling up just as high at other pork packers, and as soon as they saw Hormel’s solution they began selling their own pig loafs. Afraid of being lost in the sow shuffle, Hormel offered a $100 prize to anyone who could come up with a brand name that would make its pork product stand out from imitators. The winner: A brother of one of the Hormel employees, who suggested turning “Spiced Ham” into SPAM.
PIGS AT WAR
Described by one writer as “a pink brick of meat encased in a gelatinous coating,” SPAM seems pretty gross to folks who aren’t used to it (and even to plenty who are). It probably wouldn’t have become popular if it hadn’t been for World War II.
People drink coffee in every state...but Hawaii is the only state that grows it.
Because it was cheap, portable, and didn’t need refrigeration, SPAM was an ideal product to send into battle with U.S. GIs. It became such a common sight in mess halls (where it earned the nickname “the ham that didn’t pass its physical”) that many GIs swore they’d never eat the stuff again. Even General Dwight Eisenhower complained about too much SPAM in army messes.
THEIR SECRET SHAME
American G.I.s said they hated SPAM, but evidence suggests otherwise. Forced to eat canned pork over a period of several years, millions of soldiers developed a taste for it, and when they returned home they brought it with them. SPAM sales shot up in supermarkets after the war.
Laugh if you want (even Hormel calls it “the Rodney Danger-field of luncheon meat—it don’t get no respect”), but SPAM is still immensely popular: Americans consume 3.8 cans of it every second, or 122 million cans a year. That gives SPAM a 75% share of the canned-meat market.
SPAM FACTS
• More than five billion cans of SPAM have been sold around the world since the product was invented in 1937. “Nowhere,” says Carolyn Wyman in her book I’m a SPAM Fan, “is SPAM more prized than in South Korea, where black-market SPAM regularly flows from U.S. military bases and locally produced knockoffs, such as Lospam, abound. In fact, young Korean men are just as likely to show up at the house of a woman they are courting with a nine-can gift pack of SPAM as wine or chocolate.”
• SPAM may have helped defeat Hitler. Nikita Khruschev, himself a war veteran, credited a U.S. Army shipment of SPAM with keeping Russian troops alive during World War II. “We had lost our most fertile, food-bearing lands,” he wrote in Khruschev Remembers, “Without SPAM, we wouldn’t have been able to feed our army.”
• SPAM isn’t as gross as legend would have you believe. There aren’t any lips, eyes, or other pig nasties in it—just pork shoulder, ham, sa
lt, sugar, and sodium nitrate.
Built-in bias? 96.1% of all television writers are white.
TEST YOUR “BEVERLY HILLBILLIES” IQ
What do you know about one of the most popular shows in TV history? Take this quiz and see. (Answers on page 666.)
1. How did Paul Henning, the creator of “The Beverly Hillbillies,” get the idea for the show?
A) He based the story on his own experience of moving from the Ozarks to California with his hillbilly uncle. (The character Jethro is loosely autobiographical.)
B) He was touring a Civil War site while on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law.
C) Someone told him the story of Ned Klamper, a Texas sharecropper who struck oil blowing up a tree stump, and moved to Las Vegas with his family. Henning changed the names and locations so that he wouldn’t have to pay for the story.
2. What was planned as the original location for the show?
A) New York
B) Beverly Hills—Henning wanted a wealthy town with the word “hills” in it...and Beverly Hills fit the bill perfectly.
C) Riyadh, Saudi Arabia—Henning originally conceived of the show as the “Arabian Hillbillies.” According to the original storyline, Jed strikes it rich and moves to the Middle East so that he can learn the oil business from a greedy Saudi prince. He brings Granny (originally conceived as a Bible-thumping, anti-Arab bigot) with him; she would have had run-ins with merchants, camel dealers, etc. But protests from the Saudi royal family forced Henning to move the location to California and remake the greedy prince into Milburn Drysdale, head of the Commerce Bank.
3. Granny was the last character cast, and Irene Ryan was a long shot for the part from the get-go. Who almost got her part?
Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader Page 54