11. 18 = Holes on a Golf Course
12. 8 = Sides on a Stop Sign
13. 3 = Blind Mice (See How They Run)
14. 4 = Quarts in a Gallon
15. 1 = Wheel on a Unicycle
16. 5 = Digits in a Zip Code
17. 24 = Hours in a Day
18. 57 = Heinz Varieties
Nearly 40% of the people who get plastic surgery are between 35 and 55 vears old.
19. 11 = Players on a Football Team
20. 1000 = Words That a Picture Is Worth
21. 29 = Days in February in a Leap Year
22. 64 = Squares on a Chessboard
23. 40 = Days and Nights of the Great Flood
24. 2 = To Tango
25. 76 = Trombones in a Big Parade
26. 8 = Great Tomatoes in a Little Bitty Can
27. 101 = Dalmatians
28. 23 = Skidoo
29. 4 = He’s a Jolly Good Fellow (yes, it’s a trick)
30. 16 = Men on a Dead Man’s Chest
31. 12 = Days of Christmas
32. 5 = Great Lakes
33. 7 = Deadly Sins
34. 2.5 = Children in a Typical American Family
35. 1, 2, 3 = Strikes You’re Out at the Old Ball Game
36. 3 = Men in a Tub
37. 13 = Baker’s Dozen
MONUMENTAL MISTAKES, PAGE 615
1) B. Buried in a roadway. By the time anyone looked for it, say the Whitcombs in Oh Say Can You See, “the rock was partially buried in the middle of a roadway leading to a wharf and had to be dug out and hauled to the town square. In the course of several additional moves, the rock fell from a wagon and had to be cemented together.”
Tourists were upset that the rock wasn’t at the ocean, where the pilgrims were supposed to have stepped onto it. So the citizens of Plymouth obliged them, and moved it near the water in 1920.
2) B. Thomas Jefferson/Monticello. A northerner did buy Monti-cello and restore a part of it, but then the Civil War broke out, and the Confederates confiscated the property and stored grain and cows in it. In 1878 it was described as “desolation and ruin...a standing monument to the ingratitude of the great Republic.” Believe it or not, the real effort to save Monticello didn’t begin until 1923.
People in Salt Lake City eat more Jell-O than citizens in any other U.S. city.
3) A. The company that made Castoria laxative. They agreed to give $25,000 “provided that for the period of one year you permit us to place across the top of the pedestal the word Castoria.” Imagine how the history of the United States might have been affected if immigrants entering New York harbor had seen, in that inspiring first glimpse of America, an ad for laxatives. What lasting impression would it have made? It boggles the mind. Fortunately, they were turned down.
4) C. A root beer stand. One representative wrote at the time: “I look to see where (John C.] Calhoun sat and where [Henry] Clay sat and I find a woman selling oranges and root beer.” In 1864 they turned it into Statuary Hall.
5) A. The Alamo. This landmark, where Davy Crockett and company died fighting against the Mexican Army in 1836, was originally a Spanish mission. When the Mexicans took the Alamo they tried to burn it down. Then they left it, and people who lived near-by took stones from the buildings whenever they liked. In the mid-1800s, the U.S. Army used the Alamo as a barracks. But in 1879, it was turned into a grocery/mercantile store. When a real estate syndicate tried to buy it in 1905, the Daughters of the Republic of Texas lobbied the state government to match the offer. They were turned down. It took a private donor—a 22-year-old cattle heiress—to come up with the funds to save it.
6) C. An angry mob that gathered after the assassination. The federal government bought it from John Ford for $100,000 and used it as an office and a storage area. Unfortunately, Lincoln wasn’t the only one to die there. In 1893, twenty office workers were killed, and sixty-eight injured, when the building collapsed. It was unoccupied until 1964, when money was appropriated to restore the building to its 1865 condition.
A snowstorm becomes a blizzard when the temp drops below 20°F and wind speed hits 35 mph.
7) A. Schoolchildren contributed their pennies to save it. The boat got its nickname not because its sides were made of iron, but because its thick wood sides seemed to deflect cannonballs during battle in the War of 1812. After the war, it was abandoned to rot—but in 1830, it was refurbished and used for training. Then, in 1927, it needed work again, and a drive to restore it was led by American schoolchildren.
MORE HOLLYWOOD-ISMS
More funny and inciteful observations taken from Star Speak: Hollywood on Everything, by Doug McClelland.
“I don’t do the Hollywood party scene anymore. You can’t go home and say to the kid, ‘Hi, here’s a little switch: Daddy’s going to throw up on you!’”
—Robin Williams
“The most important thing in acting is honesty. Once you’ve learned to fake that, you’re in.”
—Samuel Goldwyn
“Actors are cattle. Disney probably has the right idea. He draws them in and if he doesn’t like them he tears them up.”
—Alfred Hitchcock
“It was funny, before we started shooting Police Woman someone said, “Have you ever played sleuths before?” And I said, “Oh, many times.” What I thought he meant was sluts!”
—Angie Dickinson
“Acting is not an important job in the scheme of things. Plumbing is.”
—Spencer Tracy
“A wife lasts only for the length of a marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.”
—Woody Allen
“I am a very good housekeeper. Each time I get a divorce I keep the house.”
—Zsa Zsa Gabor
Life span: A butterfly lives for about six months.
THE LAST PAGE
FELLOW BATHROOM READERS:
The fight for good bathroom reading should never be taken loosely—we must sit firmly for what we believe in, even while the rest of the world is taking pot shots at us.
We’ve proven we’re not simply a flush-in-the-pan...writers and publishers will soon find their resistance unrolling.
So we invite you to take the plunge: Sit Down and Be Counted! by joining the Bathroom Readers’ Institute. Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to: BRI, PO Box 1117, Ashland, Oregon 97520. Or contact us through our website at: www.bathroomreader.com. You’ll receive your attractive free membership card and a copy of the BRI newsletter (sent out irregularly via email), receive discounts when ordering directly through the BRI, and earn a permanent spot on the BRI honor roll!
UNCLE JOHN’S NEXT BATHROOM READER IS IN THE WORKS!
Well, we’ve survived (barely) another year of satisfying your bathroom reading needs, but don’t fret—there’s more on the way. In fact, there are a few ways you can contribute to the next volume:
• Is there a subject you’d like to see us research? Write to us or contact us through our website (www.bathroomreader.com) and let us know. We aim to please.
• Have you seen or read an article you’d recommend as quintessential bathroom reading? Or is there a passage in a book or website that you want to share with us and other BRI members? Tell us how to find it. If you’re the first to suggest it and we publish it in the next volume, there’s a free book in it for you.
Well, we’re out of space, and when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. Hope to hear from you soon. Meanwhile, remember:
Go with the flow!
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Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader Page 75