by Sam Sisavath
“Can I turn on the light?” she asked.
“No,” he said.
“Why not?”
“Not yet…”
“I know what you look like.”
“You don’t…know.”
“Don’t I?”
Why did she want him to explain it? Didn’t she understand why he didn’t want her to see him like this? This…monster?
“Not yet,” he said.
“But soon.”
Maybe, he thought, but said, “Yes.”
“You fed on them.”
She was staring at the feet of the dead man sticking out from behind the bullet-riddled chest. Splintered pieces of the furniture were scattered in and out of the shadows, sprinkled among the puddles of blood.
“I had to,” he said.
“Because they tried to kill you…”
“No.”
“No?”
“I was too badly injured. The injuries weren’t healing fast enough.”
“And feeding on them…helped?”
“Yes.”
“They were Riley’s people,” she said, and glanced back at the open door as if afraid of being overheard. “I don’t know how they knew about you, but they came down here to kill you. There was another one in my room. I had to kill him.” A look of sorrow, there and gone in a flash, replaced by steely determination. “They killed one of us. Carrie.” She returned her gaze to him. “But you never met her, did you? She came to the island while you were gone.”
“No,” he said. Hissed. He hated the sound.
“What about Benny? Do you remember him?”
Maybe. He knew the name, because one of the assassins had said it. He dug into his memory reservoirs, but he couldn’t find the boy in there.
“No,” he said.
“Danny told me you have trouble remembering them. Names and places. But you remember the important things. Like him, and Gaby…and me.”
I’ll always remember you.
“Yes,” he said.
Emotions flickered across her face. Happiness, sadness, and resignation. Back and forth they went, reminding him again that he should have been there for her during all those hard days and dark nights. She had been alone because he had failed to come back to her like he had promised.
He saw all of that in her eyes now as she stood before him, unsure whether to turn and run out the door or stay.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
“For what?”
For everything.
“For feeding on them,” he said.
“You said you needed it.”
And it’s been so long…
“Yes,” he said.
She stood taller, her growing resoluteness manifested in the visible strength along the lines around her eyes and mouth, in her steady stance. This wasn’t the Lara he remembered. She wasn’t the same woman he had left behind and failed. That Lara was younger and less decisive.
We’ve both changed so much.
Her, for the better.
And me…
He didn’t know. Even now, after all these days and weeks and months, he still didn’t know the answer.
“What are you, mister?” the child had asked him.
“You took a risk coming here,” Lara said.
“I had to,” he said.
“Because you had something to tell us.”
Because I needed to see you.
“Yes,” he said.
“You know what’s out there. Keo said you had information. Not just about the ghouls, but about the ones pulling the strings. The blue eyes. You’re one of them…but not. You know their secrets. That’s why they tried to ambush you in Gallant.”
“Yes…”
“You think we can win this war. Turn everything around and end this nightmare, finally.”
“Yes…”
“How?”
“You stopped the boat.”
She gave him a puzzled look, caught off guard by his change of topic. Then, nodding, “I did.”
“Why?”
“Riley’s people—before all of this—were considering going back to Black Tide Island. They think he’s dead. Mercer. You know about that?”
“Yes,” he hissed. “Danny told me.”
And he had heard the conversations across the boat. The hushed whispers in secret and the rising voices in the open. They were all full of uncertainty and exhilaration and hope.
“He may or may not be dead,” Lara said. She watched his face intently, though he wondered how much she could really see without coming closer. “Some of them want to go back to find out for sure.”
“Let them.”
“Go back?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“You’ll need them.”
“Who?”
“Mercer’s army. We can use them.”
“Were they always part of the plan?”
“No. But the plan’s changed.”
A flash of amusement. “Backup plans for your backup plans. That’s what Danny said.”
Not quite, but close. It was more like adapt or perish.
Who had said that? He still couldn’t remember.
“So what do we need Mercer’s army for?” Lara asked.
She moved closer, kicking at a couple of bullet casings on the floor. She stopped briefly, as if coming to her senses—but then started forward again.
She’s so much stronger than before. So, so much stronger.
He wanted badly to reach out and brush his fingers against her cheeks, to taste her lips. But he resisted and didn’t move, and let her come to him—into the shadows where he resided. He could sense the fear slipping from her little by little.
“Tell me,” she said, and leaned forward into the shadows.
“It won’t be easy, and people will die.”
“A lot of people have already died.”
“More will die.”
Maybe some friends…
She nodded. “You risked a lot to reach me. And here I am. So tell me everything.”
“There’s a way to reverse the infection.”
“How?”
“Mabry is the key.”
“I thought he was just another blue-eyed ghoul.”
“He’s more than that. He’s always been more than that. He’s the beginning…”
“The beginning of what?”
“The beginning of everything.”
“I don’t understand…”
“It won’t be easy…”
She smiled. “And when have things being hard ever stopped us before?”
6
Lara
Her hands were still shaking ten minutes after she stepped outside the cabin. She leaned against the wall next to where Carrie and Benny had lain after being shot. She willed her breathing to slow down, afraid someone might hear and realize she was just as scared and wholly unprepared for all of this as they were. Without the engine running or any movement at all above and around her, the yacht was ghostly quiet, leaving just her slightly labored heartbeat to fill in the noise.
She found herself staring at the blood on the floor and a bullet casing frozen in the congealed liquid. There was a lot of blood, most of that coming from a bullet that had severed Carrie’s femoral artery. If she had any desire at all to give the shooters the benefit of the doubt (maybe they never meant to kill her), she didn’t anymore. The two men had come down here to kill Will, and they had been willing to do anything—and did—to get that done.
One gone and one down. How many more before tonight’s over?
She looked up at the closed door.
He was in there. Will.
No, not Will. Not anymore. He hadn’t been her Will for a while now. If only she hadn’t let him leave with Gaby and Jen in that helicopter…
I shouldn’t have let him go. Why did I let him go?
Because she had no choice, that’s why. She wasn’t the woman she was now. She could have no more stopped hi
m from leaving than she could tell Danny not to bring Will (Not Will, not anymore) onboard even if he had told her what was in the chest before he actually showed up.
Even now, a part of her wondered if it wouldn’t have been better if he had stayed dead. For him, for them, for her. It was selfish, and she hated herself for even thinking it, but it had always been at the back of her mind. It came to the forefront now, stronger than any other emotion, followed quickly by guilt.
But there was no denying it: His presence on the Trident had complicated things, and not just with Riley’s people. It had turned her world upside down and made her start to doubt herself again. Without Will, she had been forced to act, to make decisions for everyone, and follow through on them.
He had never left the shadowed corner while she was inside the cabin, the blue of his eyes like twin crystals looking out of the darkness at her. But she hadn’t been afraid—not really—and maybe that was because she knew it was him in there.
Except it wasn’t him. Not really.
Her hands were still trembling, though it had lessened noticeably as she unclipped the radio and brought it to her lips. “Danny…”
“Boss lady,” Danny answered through the two-way.
“What’s the situation?”
“They’re still inside and we’re still outside. Other than that? Everything’s peachy.”
“Riley?”
“He’s here with me right now, trying to talk his wayward sheep off the cliff. I told him he should have just prodded them with his shepherd’s stick. What do you call those things?”
“So it’s not working?”
“Not so much.” Danny paused, then, “How did things go on your end?”
“Where are you right now?”
“I got the earbuds on. It’s just the dos of us.”
“You were right,” Lara said. “It’s him. It’s Will. Or it used to be him. You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I know. It’ll take time to wrap your head around the whole thing. It did with me, but then I’ve always had a bigger-than-average size head.”
She pursed a smile at the empty hallway. If anyone knew what she was going through, it would be Danny.
“Did Bonnie find out what happened?” she asked. “How they knew about him?”
“It was Annie,” Danny said. “Apparently she spilled the beans to Phil, and he decided to make himself judge, jury, and dickhead. Convinced the other four to go along with it.”
Annie. She had come to them with Gaby and Nate back when they still had Song Island. She’d become a valuable member of the group, spending most of her time helping Sarah in the galley and Carly with the kids. Unlike Bonnie and the others, who had taken to their weapons training with enthusiasm, Annie had always done so reluctantly, and even then only because Lara insisted everyone learn how to handle a firearm.
“How did Bonnie find out it was her?” Lara asked.
“She didn’t,” Danny said. “Annie confessed.”
“Why?”
“You’ll have to ask her yourself. Let me know if you need a hand with the enhanced interrogation techniques.”
“What about Riley? Do you think he knew?”
“Didn’t you tell me Phil said he didn’t?”
“He did…”
“But you don’t believe him?”
“I just want to be sure.”
“I don’t think he knew,” Danny said. “You should have seen the look on his face when I told him. You would have thought I’d kicked his cat and tossed his nana out the window, then tried to light his double-wide on fire.”
“Was this Riley’s plan all along?” she had said to Phil. “Trick me into bringing you onboard with some sob story about wanting to leave Mercer’s war, then take over the boat when we let our guards down?”
“Riley has nothing to do with this,” Phil had said. “Riley’s a good man, but he was never really meant for leadership.”
First Andy on the Ocean Star, then that hiccup with Lang and Ezekiel, and now Phil and the others.
Jesus, Riley. How many other bad choices did you make that’s going to come back and haunt me?
“All right,” Lara said into the radio. “I’m coming to you.”
“I await with bated breath,” Danny said.
She put the radio away and gave the cabin door one last look. She wondered if he could hear her in there, through the door and walls. Besides their unnatural (So what’s natural about any of this?) speed and strength, the blue eyes also had heightened hearing, according to Danny and Gaby.
Because that’s what he is now. He’s a blue-eyed ghoul.
But that wasn’t entirely true, either. He was, but he also wasn’t.
So where did that leave him?
She didn’t know, and she suspected he didn’t, either. They were in uncharted territory, that much was clear. There was nothing normal about this. Even in a post-Purge world, this was something…else.
She headed back up the corridor. She passed the machinery, went up the stairs, and pushed through the door onto the lower deck, where Gwen and Jo were waiting with M4 rifles on the other side. The two women were alert, their bodies tensing as she emerged from the hatch.
“No one goes down there,” she told them.
They both nodded and gripped their weapons tighter. She didn’t have to tell them to stay alert, because they already knew about Carrie and Benny. But especially about what had happened to Carrie.
One gone and one down. How many more before tonight’s over?
“Why did you do it?” Lara asked.
“You don’t know?” Annie said, as if the answer was so obvious she couldn’t comprehend why Lara didn’t already know.
“Tell me.”
“Because it’s dangerous. You shouldn’t have let Danny bring it onboard. It’s dangerous, Lara.”
She stood across the room from Annie, who sat on one of the small cots they had put into the crew cabin. Three people shared the room—Annie, Lorelei…and Carrie. If the irony of being locked in here with Carrie’s personal belongings—her clothes, keepsakes, even her weapons—did anything to Annie, the woman didn’t show it. Not that Annie was a stone in front of her. Lara could see something that might have been sorrow in Annie’s eyes, but how much of that was real and how much an act?
There was nothing separating them but empty space, not that Lara was afraid Annie would do something stupid, like try to lunge for her holstered sidearm. The woman sat with her hands in her lap and stared back at her, and hadn’t tried to avoid Lara’s eyes when she stepped inside the room.
“You know that, right?” Annie said now, when Lara didn’t respond. “You shouldn’t have brought it onboard, Lara. It’s too dangerous to have around us, the kids...”
“It wasn’t dangerous to anyone…until it had to be.”
“You don’t understand. I’ve been out there, Lara. I know what those things can do. I’ve seen what those things can do.”
Lara knew all about Annie’s past, about what had happened at the farmhouse in Louisiana. That was also the first time Gaby had come face-to-face with the blue-eyed ghouls. Everyone had survived the encounter…except for Lance, Annie’s boyfriend.
“So this is revenge?” Lara asked.
“Revenge? Why would you think that?”
“Because of what they did to Lance.”
“No. This isn’t revenge, Lara. I’m trying to protect us. I’m doing exactly what you would have done if that thing down there didn’t use to be Will.”
Lara sighed. She didn’t know what she was doing here in the first place. There was nothing Annie could tell her that would help resolve what was happening above them at this very moment. She could hear it in the other woman’s voice—Annie believed everything she was saying, even if the outcome of her actions hadn’t been what she wanted.
“You still shouldn’t have done it,” Lara said.
“I had no choice.”
“You could have come to me.”
&nb
sp; “And would you have listened?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe, but you still wouldn’t have acted any differently, would you?”
Lara didn’t answer right away.
“Of course not,” Annie said. “That’s why you didn’t give me any choice.”
“We always have choices, Annie. You just chose the wrong one.”
“I didn’t…” She shook her head. “I did what I had to do to get rid of that monster.”
Will. His name is Will. Whatever he’s become, he’s still Will.
…mostly.
“All right,” Lara said, and turned to go.
“Carrie…”
Lara, with one hand on the door lever, turned back. “What about her?”
“I’m sorry about what happened. They told me they wouldn’t hurt anyone. They were just going to go down there and kill it.”
“What about Zoe and the infirmary?”
“They didn’t tell me anything about that.”
“Would it have made a difference if they had?”
Annie opened her mouth to answer, but no sounds ever came out.
“Right,” Lara said, and opened the door and stepped outside.
Bonnie was waiting for her in the narrow passageway, and the other woman padlocked the door as soon as Lara stepped out. “Talk about a waste of a whole room.”
“We’ll move her when everything’s calmed down,” Lara said.
Bonnie pocketed the key as they headed up the hallway. Without constantly bumping into someone from Riley’s party, they could walk side by side without a problem, a luxury Lara didn’t think she would ever get back.
“Where is everyone?” Lara asked.
“Riley ordered his people into their cabins, and the rest are securing themselves in the lower deck. The doors are locked and I have Lorelei walking around down there to make sure they don’t stray.”
“Lorelei?”
“She wanted something to do after what happened to Carrie. Keep herself occupied. The kid’s suffering, but she’s a trooper.”
“She’s by herself down there?”
“She has a radio. The only other able body we have left is Blaine, and I didn’t think it was wise to take him away from the bridge.”
Lara nodded her approval. “What’s Benny’s situation?”