by Missy Jane
With her emotions so close to the surface, it almost seemed as if she hadn’t heard him. She shook her head again but wasn’t looking at any of them. Cam sensed she no longer really saw them, but was perhaps stuck in the memories of her past. Pain and fear filled her gaze and her aura. He closed the distance and hugged her against his chest until the rhythm of her heartbeat slowed. Everyone remained quiet until she seemed calm enough that he no longer feared she might faint.
After a few minutes her muffled voice filled the silence. “He said it was my fault. He said I killed her.”
“Who did?”
Pulling her head back from his chest, she finally met his eyes again. “The man at the compound. He told me it was my fault. That if I had just listened it wouldn’t have happened. I disobeyed, and my mom died.”
The tears he’d seen trapped in her eyes finally burst free, and he tightened his hold. He carried her to the sofa and cradled her in his lap while she cried her heart out.
…
A flood of emotions threatened to overwhelm Eleanor as she sobbed against Cam’s chest. Terror, pain, uncertainty, she relived it all as he held her and murmured soothing words. She was vaguely aware of his brothers leaving the room. Though she felt grateful for the privacy, she couldn’t tear herself away from Cam to even acknowledge them. The tears kept coming, and she just held on tight until the storm passed. Luckily, he didn’t seem to mind.
He smoothed her hair away from her face and removed her glasses to wipe her tears away, then he placed a kiss on her forehead. She finally opened her eyes to find him watching her.
“Better?” he asked.
She hiccupped. “A little.” His grin definitely helped. “I’m sorry.”
He covered her lips with one finger. “Don’t. You have absolutely no reason to apologize. How old were you when that happened?”
She sighed and closed her eyes, both to think it over and to take a break from his concerned gaze. His presence overwhelmed her, and her emotions were already all over the place. With that thought in mind, she sat up and gently pushed away from him. He let her go but kept a hand on her hip and urged her to sit beside him. She took her glasses from him and put them back on.
“I was maybe five. I know I’d already started school, but I don’t think it had been a full year yet when my mother took me out so we could move into the compound.”
“Compound?”
She sighed, the soul-deep sound cleansing. How long had it been since she’d given these memories free reign? Almost certainly too long, but there was no one she trusted more than Cam. If she could ever confess the truth of her childhood horrors to anyone, it should be to him.
“Go ahead and tell your brothers to come back in so I don’t have to say this twice.”
“I can open my mind to them if you’d rather just speak to me.”
An unexpected smile formed at his thoughtfulness. “No, that’s all right.”
As his brothers returned, she moved over to the other sofa before they could sit. They took her cue and sat with Cam instead, but he didn’t seem too happy with the arrangement. When he started to rise, she held up her hand. “No. I need to get this all out, and if you’re next to me…you’re a distraction.”
His brothers chuckled as he frowned, but he sat back down. “All right. Go ahead.”
After clearing her throat, she fell into the story. “It all started after my parents split up. We moved because Mom couldn’t afford our house all by herself. We moved to Oklahoma. I remember being afraid that a tornado would get us, but she promised we’d be okay because the place we were moving to was protected by a higher power.”
She put her face in her hands a moment as more memories surfaced. Not all of them were bad, but it was overwhelming to just remember so much of her past all at once.
“Elle?”
A glance up showed her the very concerned gazes of all three men. It eased some of the remembered fear tightening her throat. She was safe and with friends.
“Okay, so we moved to this place in Oklahoma somewhere. It seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. There seemed to be a lot of people, and there was a high wooden fence. My mom convinced me that it was like living in an old Western fort, and I thought it was so neat. Until the bad man showed up and started hurting people.”
When she paused again, Sel jumped to his feet. “I’ll get you some water.”
“Oh, yeah. That would be great.”
He headed out the door.
“You can continue,” Uri said. “He’s still listening.”
“Okay. Well, this man showed up one day, and all of the people in charge seemed to be afraid of him. I remember asking my mom about it, and she slapped me. It was the first time she had ever hit me.”
A sting warmed her cheek in remembrance, and she rubbed at it absently. “I was shocked more than hurt. She told me not to ever ask such a stupid thing again.”
Sel walked in with a glass of water, and she took it gratefully. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome.” He returned to the sofa as she took a drink.
“You don’t remember the bad man ever having a name?” Cam asked.
“No. The adults mostly kept the kids away from him. They even kept me away from my mom for the first time after he arrived. I was terrified I’d never see her again.”
She finished the water Sel had brought her and set the glass on the coffee table.
“One morning when we woke up, the adults took a long time coming to our room. I was with kids mostly my age, and one of the older kids walked in and told us to go with her to the room where her age group slept. I heard some whispers that the adults were missing, and I started crying for my mom. Then some other kids started crying with me. Finally, the women in charge showed up with breakfast, but they didn’t let us out of the room all day. I just kept crying and crying.”
She stopped and took a deep breath as remembered fear raced through her veins. “Finally, that night, we went into the big tent where we would all pray together, and the bad man was there. He had my mom with him in front of everyone.”
Her breath caught, and tears sprung to her eyes. She wrapped her arms around herself and forced the rest out. “He looked at me and smiled, then lifted his hands. My mom dropped to the ground like she’d been shot, and blood poured from her nose and ears. I ran to her, but she wouldn’t move. Her eyes were open, but she wouldn’t look at me. I realized she was d-dead. He told me it was my fault because if I had been a good girl it never would’ve happened. She was dead because of me.”
Chapter Six
Suddenly, Eleanor was in Cam’s arms. She buried her face against his chest and cried quietly as the pain consumed her. After a few minutes, their low voices finally penetrated the fog.
“You saw the man in her memory?” Sel asked.
“Yes,” Cam replied. “It was Armoros in its human guise. It looked exactly as we last saw it. Only the clothes were different.”
“Y-you were in my head?”
“Not exactly. The memory was so strong it kind of projected to us because we were open to receiving your thoughts.”
“Who is he? Who is Armoros?”
“A demon, not a man,” Uri said. “We usually refer to Armoros as an it.”
She shuddered against Cam. “He was a demon? I’m not surprised.”
“We’ve run into him in the past and banished him a few months ago. He’s stuck in his hell realm for a while longer before he should have the strength to try coming through again.”
That didn’t ease her fear. “So he can come back?”
The men gave her worried looks, and Cam nodded. “Unfortunately, yes. Permanently killing a demon takes a level of strength very few possess.”
“And now there are only five of you, right?”
He hesitated. “Yes. Rafe and Zerach are fallen, which means they no longer have all of their angelic powers. We haven’t exactly tested it yet, but we’re pretty sure that means their ability to banish
demons as well.”
She rested her head against him with a sigh as defeat drained her strength.
“That doesn’t mean it absolutely can’t be done,” Sel said. “There are other angels out there. Some of them will help us fight any higher-level demons that cross over.”
“But are there enough?” she asked.
No one responded.
She released a frustrated growl and sat up. “So now what? What the hell is going on?”
“We’re not sure,” Uri replied. “But having a mid-level demon after you means Armoros probably sent it.”
“You’d never seen it before? That human guise it used?” Sel asked.
Even as she thought it over, she shook her head. “I don’t think so, but there’s really no way to be certain. I remember what happened at the compound but have forgotten most of the faces of the people who lived there. I guess it’s possible he was one of them.”
“We can search your memories for you,” Sel said.
She jerked slightly in surprise, and Cam tightened his grip. “You can?” she asked. “That far back?”
The men nodded. Cam ran his hands up and down her arms to soothe her unease, but she trembled at the thought of that invasion.
“We’ll only do so if you allow it,” he said. “I promise, it’s entirely up to you.”
Wanting to determine his sincerity, she looked him in the eyes. He held her gaze, and she found what she sought. By now she trusted that Cam would never put her in harm’s way or purposely do anything to upset her. Being an angel, he wasn’t programmed that way. She shuddered then gave a slight nod.
He wrapped his arms around her. “You won’t feel a thing.”
It was painless and silent. She didn’t feel or sense anything different, but the stiffening of Cam’s muscles as she leaned against him told her he’d found something. She closed her eyes tightly and tried not to think of anything in particular—she didn’t want to distract him, if that was even possible.
After about fifteen minutes, his arms loosened.
“I found him. He was one of the leaders of the colony, disguised as a human. You didn’t interact with him more than a couple of times. And those seemed to be very brief.”
“He obviously remembers me well enough,” she said with a shudder.
“But he knew you as a child, not with the intelligence and strength of a full-grown woman.”
Warmth filled her at his praise. “Thank you.”
“Mike says there have been reports of kidnappings and missing people all around the country near the earthquake sites,” Sel said. “Perhaps the two are related.”
“Is that what they’re saying on the news?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Most haven’t been reported to the authorities yet, but the Watchers are chiming in.”
Panic clutched her chest. “Why wouldn’t they report it? What about their families?”
“From what we’ve seen before of cults, the families don’t keep in touch when one abandons the religion,” Uri said. “It could be the ones missing are like you. People who walked away from the cults.”
Sel added, “We need to find out more about the missing and see if they were also in cults that worshipped Armoros.”
“Mike is looking into it,” Cam replied.
“Walked away,” she mused. “More like ran screaming as if my life depended on it.”
“Which I’m sure it did,” Cam said quietly. “How old were you when you finally got away?”
A shudder ran through her as more memories surfaced from behind the wall she’d used to block them out. “Probably about ten. I don’t remember exactly, but I hadn’t…developed yet. That’s the only reason the woman helped me get away. Her husband had started to favor me, and she didn’t like it.”
Cam frowned. “She snuck you out of the complex?”
“She shoved me into one of the vans they drove and gave me a cupcake to keep me quiet. Then she took me to a bus stop and gave me a ticket and a small backpack with a change of clothes, cash, and some granola bars in it. I didn’t ask any questions. I’d been trained to always obey.”
“What happened when you got to your destination?”
She took a deep breath to keep the sobs at bay. “Nothing. I mean, I stayed on the bus until the very last stop because I didn’t know where I was supposed to go. She hadn’t told me. When I got off, I was in a small town near Dallas. There was forty dollars in the backpack. I went into the diner that served as the bus stop and ate…and waited. Finally, a waitress got a cup of coffee and sat down at my table, and we just talked and talked. She took me home.”
Until Cam wiped his fingers over her cheeks, she hadn’t realized she’d started crying again. It hurt so much to think of her past. The fear and confusion, the relief of leaving replaced by the new fear of abandonment. All of it ran through her as fresh as it had been on that cold, rainy day when she sat in a strange diner staring out a dirt-streaked window and praying for a miracle.
“What about your dad?” Sel asked. “Did she find him for you?”
She sighed and shook her head. “No. I couldn’t remember our last name. I went home with Cassidy and became her adopted daughter. She told people I was a long-lost cousin’s daughter.”
The men shared a look.
“Your Watcher was very efficient,” Cam said.
“My Watcher? Like a guardian angel?”
“Something like that.”
She removed her glasses and wiped them with her shirt. “But I thought you said most of them don’t actually do anything.”
“Yes, but yours most likely steered you toward that diner and kept you there until Cassidy decided to talk to you. All the Watcher had to do was make sure you met the right person.” Cam shrugged. “Or perhaps you were just lucky. It could be either one, really.”
She smiled weakly. “So much for divine providence, huh?”
All three of them grimaced.
“Definitely not,” Uri said.
Sel cleared his throat and stood. “I’m going to throw something together in the kitchen.”
“Hey, don’t make a mess,” Cam said.
Uri laughed as Sel flipped them off.
She chuckled. “Not much of a cook?”
“Oh, he can cook,” Uri said.
“Yeah, we just have to call in the HAZMAT team once he’s done,” Cam added.
Uri laughed and stood. “I’ll go help.”
He left the room, and she realized she was still sitting in Cam’s lap. “Oh. I’m so sorry.”
She tried to wiggle out of his arms, until they tightened around her.
“For what?” he asked. “You don’t have to get up.”
Her laugh seemed forced. “I’m not a child, Cam.”
He ran a hand over her hip and up until it rested just beneath one breast. “Believe me, I’m well aware of that.”
Heat filled her cheeks, and she glanced at the door. “Your brothers—”
“Are busy making an attempt to cook something edible. Don’t worry. I’ll know the instant one of them decides to head this way.”
“And will they know how you’re touching me? What you think of me?”
“Only what I allow them to know.” He brushed a kiss across her lips. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ve been living with them in my head for centuries upon centuries. We know how to maintain our privacy and allow each other theirs.”
She dropped her chin, and a lock of hair fell across her face. He brushed it away and nuzzled her neck.
“Cam?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think I’m…too young?”
“No. Of course not.”
“You’ve seen and done so much… I can’t even imagine. You’ve lived entire lifetimes before I was even born.”
He sighed and cupped one side of her face to angle her into his kiss. It was a thorough exploration, but her concerns kept her from melting against him.
“Elle…” He tried kissing her again, but s
he leaned back. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t… I’ve wanted you to touch me for so long, but now I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”
He froze and held her gaze. “I would never hurt you.”
“No? Not physically no, of course not. But what about emotionally? You and your brothers will keep me safe, and once this threat is gone you’ll take me home and forget about me. You’re going to become someone else for another decade, and I won’t even be able to see you again.”
“That’s not true. You know about us now. I have no reason to hide from you.”
“But you can’t have an actual relationship with me either, can you?”
“Of course I can.”
“But it’s not the same. You know I’m going to grow old and eventually die while you go on and on. It’s not like I’m it for you. You don’t have to invest your whole self into a relationship. You can just…coast.”
…
Irrational anger burned in Cam’s gut, but he honestly didn’t know if it was directed at her or himself. He couldn’t deny a single word from her mouth.
He inhaled a deep, calming breath. “I choose to enjoy what I can while I can. There’s no sense in fearing a future we can do nothing about.”
“Sex isn’t a casual thing for me. I want to be in a committed relationship with any man I have sex with. That’s how it’s always been. I don’t think I should change that rule for you.”
Frustration joined ranks with his anger, and this time he knew it was directed within. “I understand that. But why are you assuming I don’t want to be in a relationship with you?”
Her brow knitted, and she shook her head. “Why would you? You’re immortal and can have as many women as you want.”
“Elle—”
“No, I’m not trying to sell myself short. I’m just saying I know what I have to offer, and it’s not enough. I’ve dreamed about kissing you, touching you, making love to you, for years. But now I realize those were just dreams based on what little I actually knew of you. The reality is, a fling isn’t what I want, and a relationship isn’t what you can offer. It’s just not going to work.”
This time when she wiggled out of his arms he released her. She stood and walked out the door without looking back, while he sat and stared at the empty space she had vacated, still seeing her beautiful form in it.