Forging ahead, she reiterated her vow to work. Work, damn it. Don’t dwell on what you cannot change. Focus on what you can. Circling around her desk, she ignored the creamy gold view of bay and sky and settling her coffee onto a safe corner of her desk, eased the briefcase from her shoulder. With brisk determination, she shook the problems from her mind and sifted through the pile of messages Maria left square center on her desk pad.
Two hours later, Maria sashayed in with a fresh cup of hot coffee. “Good morning, boss. Good to have you back.”
Sam looked up from her notes just as she placed the ceramic mug alongside her Styrofoam one, the contents long since cold. Maria’s smile was bright and cheery, matching the sunshine yellow of her suit.
Until concern rippled across her face. “What’s wrong?”
The pen fell limp in Sam’s hand. No sense in putting off the inevitable. “Jess lost the baby.”
Maria gasped and flung a hand over her mouth, her customary bangles sliding down her wrist.
A fresh wound opened in Sam’s heart as she revealed, “Two days ago.”
“Ay Dios mio… Maria plummeted into the nearest chair. “I’m so sorry.”
Fighting back the tears, Sam nodded. “Me, too.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“No.” She offered a small smile, touched by her offer. Maria would do anything she needed, no ifs ands or buts about it. “Thank you, though.”
“Is she okay?”
Struck by the question. The words steeped in sympathy, Sam wasn’t sure if she meant physically or emotionally, but replied to both, “She will be. It’s a lot to deal with, but she’s a strong girl. She’ll pull through all right.”
Maria bowed her head and signed the cross over her face and shoulders, mumbling something in Spanish. Then she raised up, her gaze mournful but firm. “She has you. She’ll be fine.”
Sam longed for the confidence Maria bestowed upon her. “I wish it were that easy, Mare.”
“Sam.”
Both turned.
Her heart skipped a beat.
“Hi, Mr. Marin.”
Vic acknowledged Maria’s greeting, but stood in place waiting for an invitation from Sam.
Shallow, tense, she forced a calming breath while her heart took off on a thunderous gallop. It had been days since she last saw him, but so much had happened it seemed like weeks, months even. And though pleased by the sight of him, she struggled against a swell of anxiety as he walked in.
His presence filled the small confines of her office, the familiar cologne, the curve of his lips…and his eyes. His dark brown eyes held the distinct mark of worry. She had been out of the office, unexplained, and it was clear he had questions—
Questions which didn’t have a thing to do with work.
Maria cast a knowing glance between the two and excused herself without another word.
Sam lingered in the unmistakable intimacy that hovered between them. A twinge of regret spurted through her heart. She hadn’t called him about the miscarriage. She had avoided him. Because Jess’ predicament had shone a light on their relationship and revealed him for the man he was and always would be; a traditional man seeking a traditional life. And a traditional woman.
The pain cut deep. Everything she wasn’t.
“How are you?” he asked in a tone not befitting the office.
“Fine.”
“You’ve been gone a few days.” He stepped closer, confusion pouring from fluid brown eyes. “I was concerned...”
“Jess had a miscarriage.” She turned away, tears burning behind her gaze. She hated to just blurt it out that way, but she couldn’t seem to help herself.
“Oh, no...” Sam could feel his presence move closer. “I’m so sorry, Sam.”
She nodded and crossed arms over her chest. “A convenient solution, don’t you think?” Sam said, hating the need to push him. And herself.
“Don’t say that.”
She turned to face him fully, her breathing all but nonexistent. But she kept the tears at bay, her arms locked. “It’s true, isn’t it? This way she doesn’t have to feel guilty about having an abortion.”
He cast a look of unbridled innocence, confusion. “I’m just glad to know you’re okay, Sam.”
The near-smile sliced her to the quick.
“I’m not surprised you stayed home to help her.”
She wanted to reach out and hold him, hug him. To lose herself in his warm embrace, his strength. But she didn’t dare.
She might never let go. Her heart splintered. And then he would be forced to cut her free when he realized she wasn’t the woman for him.
Her calm started to unravel. “Look,” she said, cursing the faint crack to her voice. “I appreciate you stopping by. Really. But I’ve got a lot of work to do.” She brushed hair from her brow and scooted closer to her desk, want and need tumbling with doubt and fear. “Perry goes to trial this month and I’m not ready.”
“Sam,” he said, and closed the distance between them. “What’s wrong?” His eyes moved back and forth across hers giving her no room to evade his question. “What gives?”
“Nothing,” she lied. “I’m tired, overwhelmed... I’ve got a lot to do.”
“I’m not talking about work, I’m talking about us.” He walked around her desk and pulled her up from her chair—to face him. “I could have helped you get through this. My mother has resources, information that might help your sister. You shouldn’t try and handle this alone.”
Her insides shredded. Not when you have me. She heard the words as clearly as if he had spoken them.
“Why are you shutting me out? I called but you never called me back.” Intense dark eyes darted back and forth across hers. Why not?”
Her throat locked, suddenly coarse and dry.
“Talk to me.” Disquiet sharpened his tone and he held her by the shoulders. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Fear seeped into her heart. “I need to focus on work right now, Vic. I need to focus on my sister.”
“I’m not stopping you from doing any of that—I just want to be a part of it, help you in any way I can.”
She knew that. She knew it was true. But she was having a hard time making sense of his role. They had no future. They had only the present.
“Have dinner with me tonight.”
Staring into the familiar face, desire pulled. She wanted to be with Vic. The grip of his hands on her shoulders reminded her of his strength, the warmth of his embrace. Even now, the scent of his cologne reminded her of his touch, his body, naked against her own. The last forty-eight hours had been difficult. She felt drained, wrung out. Empty. Would it really hurt to spend the time with him?
“I don’t know,” she said in an instant surge of guilt. “I have to call Jess. She needs me right now, but later…”
“I understand.” He gave an imperceptible nod of his head, but within the black line of his lashes she could see the glint of hunger staring back at her. He wanted her, but he would wait.
Her pulse thumped. Could she?
Chapter Thirty-One
Sam checked her watch and heaved a ragged sigh. Four o’clock. She hadn’t planned on being here this long, on leaving Jess alone all day. But it couldn’t be helped. One thing after another had demanded her attention, called for her decision until finally, she’d had enough. She smacked her pen onto the desk and reached for the phone. She punched in her home number. This would be her third call.
Earlier Jess’ voice sounded bleak as a sunless day. Luke hadn’t called, hadn’t come by. The pang in Sam’s side was quick and fierce, and now a familiar part of her day. Her grip tightened as she pressed the receiver to her ear. She should be at home with Jess, not muddling through files.
But the court’s schedule was inflexible. The Perry case was looming and she had to be prepared. At the sound of her recorded voice, Sam hung up the phone. No answer. Could that be a good thing? Had Jess taken her advice and gone to her brother
’s? Sam swiveled around in her chair and unleashed her gaze outdoors. Clear blue, not a cloud in the sky, the bay glittered like a sheet of crystals. Gorgeous, endless, the view did nothing to boost her mood, rather pulled her into a mind-numbing stare where she surrendered to the absence of thought. She detached her emotions from the plight of her sister, released her focus from the problems in her case and gave herself a minute to do nothing. She didn’t think, she didn’t feel, she indulged herself in the freedom of nothing.
And it felt good.
Sam missed her yoga practice. It had been two weeks since she last closed herself away from the hassles of life, turning inward for quiet reflection. For peace; something she yearned for, needed. If she were to remain sane, anyway. But time and circumstance did not always allow for what she needed. Sometimes, it was about other people.
With practiced intention, she inhaled slow and deep and held the breath of life in her chest. Vic leaped to the front of her mind, squeaking past Jess and the miscarriage as the prime cause for the chaos in her heart. She expelled the breath in a rush.
Vic. Her thoughts gathered around him. She missed him. After he left her office this morning she hadn’t seen him all day. Where he was or what he was doing she didn’t know, but a part of her had wanted him to return. Discuss the details of the case, toss back and forth ideas, smile at her in his knowing way, heavy with emotion, sharp with flirtation and the promise of things to come. But he had left her alone. To work, to sort through matters with Jess…
Sam didn’t know his reasoning. She only felt his absence.
The bleep from her phone made Sam jump. She whirled around and pressed the intercom, finger trembling. “Yes?”
“I have Raul on the line.”
Reality yanked her back to the present. Raul. Work. “Thanks, Mare.” Sam inhaled a quick breath of air and flushed thoughts of Vic from her brain. She plucked the phone from its base. Duty called. This is where her mind should be, not flitting off through the clouds of make-believe.
With a renewed sense of purpose, Sam pushed the button to connect them and clipped, “Raul, what’s up?”
“We’ve done it.”
“Done what?” she asked, feeling the idiot to the obvious.
“The DA will likely bring charges against Scaliano.”
A wave of sweet redemption poured into her. “Really...” She could hardly believe it. Vic would be thrilled! “That’s fantastic news, Raul. How’d you do it so fast?”
“I told you. I have a contact.”
“I guess so,” she replied, genuine admiration whisking through her veins. “Remind me never to doubt you, will you?”
“Why Sam, I didn’t suspect you ever did.”
Sam chuckled at his warm tease.
And it felt good. Allowing the change in energy—in focus—to flow through her, she welcomed the shift in tides. She needed to get back in the game, release the pressure and move forward with life, with work. This business of pining away for a man was doing nothing for her.
“I’m glad to hear it, Raul. This will make Vic a happy man.”
“I hope so. He’s worked long and hard to bring this man to justice.”
Raul’s fixation with Vic rolled into her mind, churning up old suspicion. There it was again, that vested interest on Vic’s behalf. It was almost paternal the way Raul seemed to look out for the man’s self-interest. But heart and mind tapped dry, Sam felt no desire to probe.
“Can you bring me up to speed on where we stand on the civil charges?”
Not willingly, Sam thought. She was too exhausted, her attention trampled. “Listen, I plan to cut out early today. Can we touch base next week?”
“Of course. No problem, Sam. We’ll talk then.”
“Thanks.” She hung up the phone and for a moment, doubted her ability to stand and walk of her own volition. But she had to. She had to get home to Jess.
# # #
Swinging the red Mercedes off Brickell Avenue beneath the massive palms lining the round drive of her building, she slowed for the automatic gate to her garage. The breeze blowing in off the bay was pretty brisk for this late in the afternoon, Sam thought. Hope it didn’t mean a storm was brewing but one glimpse of the choppy inland waters told the tale. Rain was in her forecast.
She zipped up the two flights and pulled her car to an abrupt stop in the corner space marked with her unit number. Grabbing her briefcase, she headed for the eleva-tors. Not able to touch base with Jess she was concerned. She hadn’t sounded good this morning and with no contact since, Sam’s mind was veering in directions she’d rather not travel. Riding up to the twenty-first floor, she wondered if Jess was sleeping. Dr. Anderson told her to get some rest. Could it be she was taking his advice?
With a ding, the doors slid open and she hurried into the hall foyer. Keys in hand she opened the door to her unit and stopped. There behind the sofa sat Jess’ duffel bag. What was this?
“Hey,” Jess said.
Sam looked up to see her standing by the refrigerator with a glass of water in hand. Dressed in a faded blue T-shirt and jeans, her hair brushed long and loose, car keys on the kitchen counter, she appeared to be on her way out. “What are you doing?” Sam asked, closing the door behind her. Casting a glance back toward the duffel bag on the floor she walked over to Jess. “Are you leaving?”
“I am,” she nodded and took a sip of water.
“What happened?” She gazed at Jess and noted the girl was wearing makeup, a leather bracelet cuff on her wrist. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah,” she replied, but there was no enthusiasm in her voice. It was dull, much like it had been over the last several days.
“But I don’t understand.” Sam placed her briefcase on the barstool. “You didn’t say anything about leaving.”
She shrugged. “Just decided today.”
“Just like that?”
She nodded. “Pretty much.” She pulled another sip from her glass which accentuated the hollows of her cheeks.
Sam noted her color was improving, but still… She was a long way from healthy and healed. “But Jess—you can stay as long as you want. You don’t have to go back now.”
“I know, but there’s nothing for me to do here and I need to get back to school, to get organized and all.”
Sam wanted to remind her it was mid-semester and there wasn’t much for her to do there either, but the kid was making an effort and for that she was glad. Hopefully it was a sign that she was rebounding and not sinking into depression. “Sure you don’t want to hang out with Craig a while longer?”
Jess smiled faintly. “Nah. He’s busy and besides, I think I’m going to get a job. Keep me busy until next semester.”
“Mom and Dad know?”
The brief light in her eyes extinguished. “No.”
“Nothing they need to know,” Sam said, quickly realizing Jess was trying to find some peace—something the mention of their parents didn’t help. “You could use the extra cash, I’m sure.”
The smile returned. “Totally.”
“Can I help with anything?”
“No.” Her gaze mellowed and Jess managed a small smile. “But I do want to say thanks.”
“Thanks?”
“Yeah.” She brushed long bangs behind and ear and said, “I know I made a mess of things but I want you to know I appreciate everything you did for me.”
Sam’s tension loosened its stronghold on her neck and shoulders, the words a welcome relief. For a while there she feared the pregnancy and miscarriage would form a permanent scar on their relationship, irrevocably change the bond between sisters. But peering at her from across the kitchen, thankfully it appeared her fears were for not. “You know you’re welcome here any time.”
Jessica’s expression remained sober. “I know, but I shouldn’t have come. But when I found out I was pregnant I just freaked. I should have told Luke instead of running home.” She paused and held Sam’s gaze for a quiet moment. “I should have told
him about everything.”
Sam’s heart went out to her. Jess had accepted her lot. She was picking up the pieces, preparing to move on with the business of life, the business of school and while it may prove tough, she deserved respect. “Hey,” Sam walked over and pulled her sister into a hug, inhaling the sweet fresh perfume as it swirled around her. “I should have let you handle it your way.” She squeezed her tight, regret pouring through her as she recalled the negative scenes too prevalent over the last weeks. “It was none of my business.”
“You were only trying to do what was right.”
Sam pulled away and held Jessica by the arms. “I was Jess. I really was. I only want what’s best for you, you know that right?” She needed to clear the air between them, to remove the film from her own conscience because truth be known, it was the disagreement with Vic over the very same subject that set her off so hot and angry and she had taken it out on Jess. Remorse trickled into her soul. And she had lost the baby.
The baby she had decided to keep. “I was too hard on you and I’m sorry. I feel like it’s my fault you lost the baby.”
Tears welled in Jessica’s eyes, softening the brown to near golden. “It wasn’t. Like you said, doctors don’t know why it happens, it just does.”
A tear spilled onto her cheek and Sam brushed it away. “Stay, Jess. Give us some time to be together.”
She smiled but shook her head, her gratitude plain and unrestrained. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, but I’ve gotta go. No offense, but I’ve gotta sort my stuff out by myself if you know what I mean.”
Sam nodded and squeezed her arms. So that was it. She was leaving as quickly as she had arrived. “I do,” she replied, and eased into a smile. “Better than most.”
“But I want you to know, I don’t blame you. I know you do, but I want you to know...” Jess’ eyes clung to Sam’s, her voice soft but firm as she said, “I don’t. The miscarriage wasn’t your fault.”
Lust on the Rocks Page 27