by Ellie Jean
My fingers flex and curl, absorbing his words.
“Your mother wouldn’t have agreed to it if I let on I still loved her. Her grace and beliefs in happy ever after fairy tales wouldn’t conquer all this time, so I had to break and betray both our hearts, ravaging our souls so she wouldn’t chase or contact me again. The risk was too great.”
Striding back to the sofa, he sits and lights his cigar. “Fuck it.” Inhaling a huge breath, the smoke swirls through the air as he releases his breath. “First one I’ve puffed in months.”
“So, why make yourself known now?” Leaning forward, I scrub my hands through my hair, trying to make sense of his words with a heavy heart. I may not agree with what he has put us through, but his words seem genuine and the anguish pouring from his entire body is authentic. There’s no doubt he manipulated us all for his version of love.
“Some things have changed.” The struggle is real in his wavering voice. “They know I’m sick. The talk of the town has me dead and buried already and new families in place to take over our territory before I’m in the ground. But New York is ours and I’ll be damned if I let the Russians or Irish take over.”
Conflicted, my stomach swirls with this knowledge and pent-up emotions surfacing. “Just tell me what you want from me?” I try to have no sympathy for this stranger. The man who has lied to me my entire life and now taken me from my dreams, but I would have to be a fucking rock not to recognize this decision made many years ago has affected him.
“You’re to take over for me.”
Almost jumping from my seated position, I stand firm, glaring at him. “I don’t want in this family. I’m not part of this and why the fuck would you keep me away to protect me only to bring me in when you’re ill. Give the job to one of your men.”
“It’s not a choice. You will be the boss. You will run this family and gain the respect from my men, your men. There is a lot to do, son.”
My heart leaps against my chest, ready to break out of my skin with his endearment. I’d wished countless times I could meet my father. Rehearsed speeches, I would say. Closed my eyes and tried to imagine how his touch would feel against my skin in a hug or falling asleep next to him to find he’d fallen asleep next to me as well. Praying to God at one stage if he gave me my daddy back, I would go to church every Sunday and donate my lunch money to the poor. My dreams never ended with him taking me against my will and explaining to me I would now be the man who killed people.
A psychotic laugh bubbles from inside. “This blood inside me may contain some of your DNA but that’s where the connection stops. You made sure of that twenty-eight years ago. I want to fight. That is my life, not murdering fools and keeping tabs on protection money, drugs, and girls. Why the fuck would I want to be a target so they can take me out and become top dog of the city? They can fucking have it for all I care.”
“Ciro!” Deep and deadly, his voice reverberates through my skin. “Enough. I hoped you would see my life’s hard work and be open to change but I can see this is not going to be an easy transition for you.”
“Christ, old man, transition? It’s stratospheres apart from what I do.”
“I will make this work for both of us. I give you my word.”
“And that means so much to me.” I choke on my sarcastic words. “I have a world title chance in two months. I will fight. If anyone tries to stop me, I may be forced to be initiated into this family way of life faster than you expected.” I’m rambling and out of breath, but I know this will end with me doing what he says. No one says no to a mob boss and then leaves to live a normal life, I’m not naive enough to believe that. “You’re not letting me out of here, are you?”
A sigh echoes around the room and there’s remorse in his eyes. “Not until I can trust you will come back of your own accord and until you know how to protect yourself and the ones you love from the threats which come with the job.”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I inhale slowly, wishing for some smelling salts and hold my breath for a few seconds before releasing it. I need to clear my head. “If I have your word that I can train and fight at the championship title, I give you my word I won’t run from this responsibility.”
Fighting internally with the release of my words, sweat drips from my forehead but my guts telling me this is the only way to assure I will fight and this means more to me than any of this guy’s bullshit.
Deep within, a pull keeps me from barreling out the door and leaving this goddamn country behind me. My father is alive and I want to experience what that means and how I actually feel about it without the hate clouding my vision and blackening my heart. If he will compromise, I think I owe myself to bend as well.
“It’s too dangerous. It’s too exposed. They will have prime opportunity to take out the future head of the Basilio family.”
“You’re the head and your word stands. If you say I’m not to be touched, don’t they listen to you?”
“Most will, but the new rogue syndicates not so much.”
“This is my demand.” Easing my frustration, tired of butting heads, I lower my voice and decide that I am going to have to do this his way or I may get some say in it if I acquiesce. “It’s not much, but necessary.”
Solidly staring at me with a grim face, a tired voice resonates. “You have my word, you will fight.” Draining his scotch, I watch and wait. “And you will become the new head of the Basilio family.”
Caroline
What a crap day.
I’d gotten wet by droplets double the size of normal rain on the return to Dex’s office, my dad had been lying to me for years and my pussy left untouched and needing attention. And it wasn’t getting any better.
“It’s none of your business, Caroline.” Dex shoved food into his mouth and continued to mumble around his bread and salad. “He will tell you if he wants you to know.”
“If I see him again. Those thugs all but shoved him in to the SUV. He had no choice.” Water trickles down the outside of the windows, my eyes following them. I can’t watch him eat anymore. Dex needs some lessons in talking and eating at the same time. “They had guns.”
“Chuck’s a big boy. He can handle himself.”
He handled me so well the other night, it was perfection. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“So, are you going to tell me what you flew in here about this morning? You really have to remember it’s my office. My private office. Just say Georgy Girl and the children were in here?”
Running my hand behind my neck, I stretch it out. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” With a small smile, I apologize. “With so much eating away at me, I forgot.”
“It’s been a few years, Caroline, it’s time you remember our relationship is purely professional now.”
“I’ve understood from the first time you stood me up and reiterated loud and clear the night I saw you both out at the restaurant.” Observing them for minutes prior to Dex noticing me, it was obvious the intense pull they had on each other. Jealous and bitter, I did stupid things. As much as we liked each other, my feelings ran deeper.
Huffing out loud, his deep voice penetrates my thoughts. “I think you need reminding sometimes.”
Possibly, but he doesn’t need to know. I nod slightly.
“So, what’s the urgent problem?” Placing the wrapper from his salad roll in his hands and squashing it, I watch as he shoots for the bin, getting it in of course.
“William’s been dealing with the Ferraros.”
His eyebrows draw in. “What the fuck for?”
“That’s what I asked him. He says he’s been dealing with them for years, being called upon ever since they helped us when I was kidnapped.” Dex knows most things about me after our sexcapades. What he doesn’t know is how I wanted to tear his eyes from his head when Bianca became his. Our time together, fucking and enjoying the connection of another touch came to a screaming halt. One I wasn’t ready for but reality can be a bitch at times and on this occasion, I could have scre
amed the tower down with the agony coursing through me.
Self-doubt cripples me. How can I be a successful businesswoman, have more money than I will need in this lifetime, hundreds of designer handbags, clothes and shoes and still be unable to find a partner who will complement me? I’ve found the money-hungry idiots, males who want to change me into a submissive partner and those who want me for eye candy. Dex had been none of those. We matched perfectly and I guess, we took what we both needed and somehow were able to remain friends. Having Dexter to fall back on is a comfort I don’t want to lose. When he found Bianca, I took a graceful step back; eventually.
“William should know better than to be dealing in their black world. He’s seen firsthand how those families handle their business.”
“He says he can’t. He owes them still. How can he argue? He may have influence and power, but he’s still flesh and blood. I thought you may know how to get him out from under their clutches?” Sitting on a chair opposite Dex, I look at my gold watch and try to keep my mind on the matter at hand instead of how I know every inch of this man’s body but only a small amount of what makes him tick inside. Bianca is one lucky woman.
“I wish I knew. I make it a rule not to get involved with the mafia. I have enough on my plate with everyday business sharks. I stay out of their way and our paths haven’t crossed. I don’t think I have any way to help you with this.”
Standing up, my instincts before I came in here this morning were correct. He wouldn’t be able to tell me much. We are both powerful in this corporate world, although Dexter Truitt, a lot more than me and he has no doubt a broader understanding of what and who run this town. With a family now, he’d want to stay as far away as possible from them and I don’t blame him. Nothing good comes from these firms.
“If you come across anything, please let me know. Dad thinks he knows how to deal with them, but we both know he could be killed in an instant. I need to prevent this from happening if I can.”
“It’s best you let him handle it, Caroline. You haven’t been aware over the past seventeen years, I’d say it best to stay ignorant and out of their way. William is a grown man and knows what he is up against.”
Sighing like a stubborn child, my head knows he’s right. “Yeah, I guess. Anyway, I have to run. Date night with Starcy. She’s planned for us and if it’s anything like last time, I need to rest up and get in the right headspace to deal with her antics.” I stand, ready to walk out the door. A bath is necessary before I see my friend. Last time she took me night hiking. Who the heck hikes, let alone in the darkness?
“Wait up.” Tapping a pen on his desk, his eyes squint at me, interrogating me. “What’s going on between you and Chuck?”
Grinning, I raise my eyebrows. “That’s for me to know…” I try to keep the smile in place as I walk out the door.
God, how I wish I knew.
There’s nothing going on between us regrettably.
I want his body around mine to make me feel alive like he did the other night. Embraced in his warm arms, rocketing into oblivion over and over until we both collapse. Feeling each other’s heartbeats, frantically pumping against one another like no other human has been able to do to me is something unforgettable, but does it constitute as something going on between us?
We were on our way to somewhere after lunch today, but again, is it the knowledge of great sex we both want to re-enact? Or is there something between us?
Admitting to Dex there is something I long for with Chuck is ridiculous, even if it is the inclination my heart is throwing at me. I’ve seen him a whole two times, but both mind altering.
After his strange departure today, I’ll be happy just to see his gorgeous face, hear his deep voice and touch his warm hand again.
What the hell? Who am I trying to convince that would be enough?
The truth is, I want more.
More than what I’ve had in the past with men.
More than a quick rumble in the hay.
More than a phone number.
More than what I’ve allowed myself to dream about.
But more for me could be a dangerous slope, risking myself and the comfort of what I know for the fantasy of finding the all elusive love.
But I know, at the age of twenty-seven, I don’t want my life to be the same humdrum it has been. I deserve some kind of excitement, genuine connection and yes… love.
“I can’t do this.” My hands bang in annoyance against the table.
“Bend it down like mine.” Starcy demonstrates her skills in origami this week. Two hours ago, she collected me in her pink Mercedes, driving us to The Jelani Okiro Arts and Cultural Center. A paper sign on the door indicated a night of paper folding and wine. At least this week’s venture included some alcohol, instead of dirt and tree branches. Walking around the center for close to an hour before the class started, we both stood in awe of the Kenyan-themed artwork and the simple beauty of the black and white images of hands working on creations made from wood. Not one to be overly creative, I looked at the whittled pieces of wood, struck by how amazing they were. Starcy was in her element.
“I did, but my crane looks like a stunted robin. You need to help me, since this was your hare-brained idea. You know how my quest for perfection is, it overtakes my brain.” I fold the purple square left and under, like Starcy is showing me, but clearly it’s not working. Taking my glass of wine, I scull down the remainder and fill my glass again with the red goodness.
“Give it to me.” Happily, I send it flying across the table into her clutches. Three minutes and my paper resembles a long-necked crane. “There.” Passing me the bird, I marvel at how quickly and neatly she did it. “Isn’t this relaxing?”
My arms are warm with the wine flowing through it and my neck is uncoiling with each mouthful. “No.” I take another sip. “But the wine is.”
The instructor at the head of the room talks and hands out more paper so we can make some sort of flower. I wave my hand and pass on this one. “I’ll watch you this time.” Starcy folds the paper with each set of instructions given and I drink.
I finish another and refill.
“I met a man.” I cover my mouth with my hand in shock. Christ. Obviously I’ve had too much to drink as I keep going.
Starcy flips her eyes to me and her hands stop moving.
“He’s tall, wide, rugged, handsome, dark hair and his honey-colored eyes melt my brain so there’s no activity registering except for how his athletic, potent body will take me.”
Oh my god, I need to stop.
A snort rips out and Starcy bursts out in full laughter. “Why don’t you go the whole hog and say fuck me instead?” Her laugh continues as the others resume their paper activity.
“‘Cause I’m a lady.” I laugh out loud too. “Starcy…” I sigh like a pathetic lust struck girl. “There’s something about him. This is a new feeling for me, but I need him. He makes me feel all gooey and safe with his words and actions.” I admit it to myself and my friend and get my head out of the cloud it’s been swirling in now for a few days.
“Could it be you need his cock?”
“Definitely.” Another mouthful goes down. “I need his mouth, his arms, his voice, his abs, his stubble across my…”
Fanning herself dramatically, I watch her reaction. “Hold it there. No more, I get the picture.” Clasping her hand on mind, she looks at me and smirks. “Who are you? Because the Caroline I know doesn’t speak of such things. Taking a quick fuck, some battered cheese sticks and you’re good for a few weeks.”
Sounds like me.
“I honestly have no idea. He’s stuck in my head and it’s driving me literally insane. I can’t think of much else. Between my dad and him, my brain is at capacity. I have no concentration, hence my crane dilemma.”
“You’ve drunk too much red wine. And you’re not good at folding or following directions, obviously.” Starcy giggles.
“Hmmm, possibly.” I try to act like my serious sel
f, but I fail. “His voice…” My stomach livens up at the thought of his voice. Grabbing my phone out of my handbag, I hit call. What is it with me tonight, I cannot stop from embarrassing myself? Holding the phone on speaker so we can both hear, as well as the entire craft class, I hold it steady without a care.
“I’m not here. Leave a message.” Abrupt but my insides fill with a million ladybugs flapping their wings. I end the call. Snickering like two schoolgirls, I hit call again. It rings this time for a longer period of time before the message is delivered again and the beep sounds.
“I told you his voice is sexy.”
“Instant orgasm material right there. I get why you have no room left in that head of yours.”
“Combined with his virile body, it’s overload. It’s too much.” Crap, I fumble with my phone, realizing I haven’t ended the call. “Do you think it recorded?”
“Nah, we were talking softly.” Whacking against my chest, my heart bounds at the thought of making a fucking fool out of myself.
“I hope you’re right.”
“I’m always right, just ask me.” Tipping back her diet cola, I finish my fourth wine and laugh.
“Sure you are.”
“Come on, let’s go. I’ve done enough paper folding for one night.” Starcy grabs her coat and bag and I follow her lead, waving goodnight to the other ten or so origami fans.
“Why did you choose here tonight?”
Shrugging her shoulders, she unlocks the car door. “I love coming to other art classes here, I thought it would be something different for you, plus you hated the outdoor stuff last week.”
“I hated it ‘cause of the dark, I couldn’t see two feet in front of me and there was no alcohol involved.”
“Not ‘cause you had to wear sneakers?”