“I’m not. I’m trying to tell you that our worlds are different, Jess.”
“I would live very fine in your world. The freedom you have would be a welcomed change for me, as a matter of fact. And you need not give me that silly smirk.”
Chapter Forty-seven
When Frederick stepped onto the porch, their visit came to an end. “My dear, why aren’t you in the kitchen with the other women?”
Excusing himself, Jacob went inside, but Jessica remained, rocking in her chair. Then she heard Frederick talking to him and she listened for trouble. “We’re happy you’re back, Jacob, but if you’re here to claim something that doesn’t belong to you, you’d best be on your way. Don’t break my wife’s heart as you did before. It doesn’t fare well for our marriage. To be honest, I’m tired of hearing about you and Will as if you were some kind of heroes. By the looks of it, you could hardly rub two nickels together.”
Without a moment’s hesitation Jacob shot back, “You don’t look worse off for any of it, I’d say. I’m sure it’s you who will eventually break her heart, and there will be hell to pay when I find out. And I don’t need to be rich to own a gun.”
“Own or stolen? I heard something of interest from a client of mine who just moved here from Colorado. You didn’t happen to pass through the northern part of that state by any chance? Seems there was some trouble with a group of gunrunners. Back at the Palace, one can buy a lot of gossip for a pretty penny.”
“Then you know what I’m capable of doing.”
Jessica couldn’t let this get out of hand. She entered the foyer. “What’s going on?” Her eyes darted back and forth between the men.
“Your cousin seems to think I’m intent on breaking your heart.” Frederick smirked.
“Frederick, please.”
“I think I’m due for a night in town. Excuse me.” And Jacob was gone.
“Do you think you’re fooling me?” Frederick lashed out in a barely concealed rage. “Sitting with him under the guise of two cousins having a charming little visit? How would your dear aunt react to your feelings toward each other? Hmm?”
“Oh! Your jealousy is getting the best of you now, and I would be most pleased if you would show some respect and allow me to visit with my family.”
“My jealousy is your doing, my love.” He pulled her closer and kissed her pursed lips.
“Stop it. Someone will see us.” She squirmed in his arms and he held on tighter.
His mouth came to her ear and he hissed. “Good, I hope someone sees how much in love we are.” Tearing herself from him, she returned a cold stare.
Just then, one of Sophie’s boys came barreling through the front door. “Mother! Cousin Jessica and Frederick are kissing!”
“Billy! That’s not very nice, now go back outside.” Billy ran past them like a naughty puppy.
“Those brats will grow up as lawless as they are now. Now, where were we?”
She stiffened. “Nowhere.”
“Very well. Behave this way while we are here, but you’ll soon have to come back to our life and resume your duties as my wife. Make your mind up to do so, my dear. This is intolerable. Your brother and cousin are leaving, and unless you plan to go with them, I suggest you stop this foolishness over him.” Frederick seethed. “What do you have to say? And spare me your sarcasm.”
“You’re right. I am being a fool. I promise I will try to behave more tolerably.”
“We’re leaving tomorrow. I have to get back to the bank.”
“Frederick, I don’t want to leave so soon. Can you go back without me?”
“Have you no sense of what you are saying? Shall we just call this a draw? Then we can both be free to reside with the ones we truly love.” He stepped back and cleared his throat. “I mean to say, if you’re not careful, I may seek the company of someone else, whomever that may be. After all, you don’t expect me to stand by and see my wife betray me like this, do you?”
“I’m sorry, Frederick. I would never want you to do such a thing.”
“Very well then. We’ll go home and put this behind us.”
Angered by him, Jessica took a deep breath and pushed out the air. She would never put this weekend behind her. Jacob had returned, and they expressed their love in the most intimate way. No matter what Frederick said or did, he could never take that away from her.
Rubbing her aching arm, Jessica entered the kitchen where the women were in conversation about their plans to marry off Jacob.
Jessica hugged her aunt. “Thank you for such a lovely stay, Auntie.”
“You know the pleasure is all mine. Are you all right? We heard some rumblings coming from the foyer.”
With a reassuring smile at Laura and Sophie, she replied, “Oh, it was nothing. I’m very well.”
“What’s wrong with your arm?” Sophie asked.
“Oh, I brushed against the corner as I came in the kitchen. Silly of me. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“You do seem distracted today, Jessica,” Sophie commented. “Perhaps it’s the sudden visit of your brother and cousin. I know this whole family affair has me at a disadvantage. I’m just not used to so many strangers, even if we are kin.”
While Sophie fanned herself, Jessica addressed June. “Auntie, would you join me for a cup of tea before bedtime?”
“That sounds delightful, Jessica.”
~
Buttoning her white robe, Jessica addressed her husband who was already in bed reading a book. “Aunt June and I won’t visit too long.”
“I’ll be waiting. And by the way, I seem to detect a slight scent.” He sniffed the sheet under him. “It doesn’t smell like you, or me. Were you alone last night?”
“I will not answer such a vulgar question.” Her hands began to shake as she made it to the last button. She left the room feigning contempt. Her face became hot and adrenaline coursing through her veins gave her the feeling of a racehorse with nowhere to run.
As she hurried downstairs, she listened for Frederick’s footsteps behind her. He hadn’t followed her. Slowing her pace, she went into the parlor where Aunt June was waiting. It was late, and everyone had gone to bed–except Jacob. He had yet to return from town. The gas lamps had been dimmed, and the crackle of the fireplace gave some warmth to the cool night. June stood over a small table preparing the tea.
Jessica sat on the blue-striped chesterfield, and her aunt handed her a steaming cup. She inhaled the chamomile and honey scent. The relaxing herb was a balm on her frayed emotions. Her aunt sat down beside her. “What’s wrong, Jessica? I’m not your mother, but as she isn’t here, I have a duty to serve as her replacement.”
What she was about to reveal to her aunt she would never reveal to her own mother. Her aunt had a much broader view of life. Clearing her throat, and fighting back her tears, she set down her cup, bit her lip, and took a deep breath. “Auntie, I’m not happy in my marriage. Actually, I’m very unhappy.” The words came tumbling out, no longer able to be stopped.
Stunned, Aunt June sat back. “Oh dear.” She leaned forward and took Jessica’s hand. “How is this true? Frederick is a perfect gentleman. Yes, he’s vain, but he’s a man, after all.” She paused in the way she often did when pondering what to say next. “Though I’ve enjoyed all the years being with your uncle, I know that marriage can be difficult at times. Perhaps … children would soften him. I don’t mean to pry, but it has been quite a while since your wedding day.”
Jessica lowered her head with no explanation for her aunt’s curiosity. She herself was curious that she had not yet conceived as Frederick took no precautions. “I suppose I have to try harder.” It became clear to her what she had known all along—her family wouldn’t understand her plight. She would have to be more direct and she tried again.
“It’s not what it seems.” Fidgeting with the pocket of her robe, she forced out the words. “He’s a bully and treats me as if I were a child. He grabbed my arm just today. It wasn’t the fi
rst time he’s been rough with me.” She brushed the tears from her cheeks.
June brought her hand to her mouth. “Oh, my. This is very upsetting. If you are being mistreated, then your uncle and I will see to it that you are safe.”
“Oh, Auntie, please don’t say anything right now. I just wanted to ask you how I become a more agreeable wife.”
June clasped her hands around Jessica’s. “I promise I will keep your confidence, but now you must promise me that if he hurts you, you will come to me and your uncle. Do you vow to do this?”
“Yes, Auntie. Thank you.” Jessica dissolved into tears. “I’m sorry to be such a disappointment.”
“Look at me, young lady.”
Lifting her eyes to meet her aunt’s, Jessica saw the love and understanding she needed.
“I may not have much worldly experience, but women talk to each other. I’ve heard of women who have suffered under the hand of their husbands. I pray you will not have to live with such a horrid thing. It would break my heart.”
“What will I do if I have to leave him? What will become of me? My social standing? My art?”
“Your art?”
“It’s my life.”
“I see. Well, let’s just take this one step at a time, shall we? And for now, it will be between you and me.”
With her secret in the open, Jessica’s heart felt lighter, yet the unknown future frightened her. Instead of returning to bed she waited for her aunt to retire then she retreated to her uncle’s study. She was not ready to lie beside her husband.
Chapter Forty-eight
A small lamp was lit on the foyer table for Jacob to find his way upstairs. Not fully asleep, Jessica heard him come in. The light from the lamp danced underneath the door of her uncle’s study. Then it came closer. The door opened and she heard him whisper, “Father, are you in here?”
The room was cold, and the flickering light created strange, disquieting shadows. “Jess? What is this?”
Sitting up on the couch and gathering her robe around her, she struggled to come up with an answer. “Jacob? My Lord, you frightened me.”
“Why are you sleeping here? What has he done? I’m too drunk to give a shit about what happens to him, Jess. I’ll kill him, I swear it!”
Bolting from the couch, she grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. She pulled him down to sit. Reluctantly, he gave in and collapsed beside her. “You are drunk. I’m fine. I just wanted to be alone for a while.”
“Don’t give me that. Leave him, damn it, and come with me.” His words slurred and he pulled her close, giving her a kiss. “I want you, Jess. I want you so bad.”
“Jacob, stop.”
Through the haze of drink and desire, he whispered into her ear, “Come with me, Jess. Leave that bastard and come with me. I love you. I want you with me.”
It was clear what the drink had made him say and do. He rose and tilted some before righting himself. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m so sorry.” He found the door and left.
The air held a hint of alcohol, and she breathed it in as if taking a part of him into her body. Turning on her side, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, dreaming she was in his embrace. As the black night slowly turned to the dawn, Jessica woke and crept upstairs.
Frederick turned over and looked up at her, his hazel eyes half open. “Come here.” His tone was soft.
When she got into bed, he put his arms around her and she felt the heat of his sleepy body. In the morning light, she’d come to her senses. Frederick still offered her the financial safety of a marriage, and she had neither the courage nor the money to leave him. She put her head on his chest, letting him stroke her hair.
“I was a brute yesterday, forgive me. It will never happen again.” He embraced her and kissed the top of her head.
Turning her body to face the door, Frederick cupped his body around hers. Jacob had cupped her in this way last night. Now he was across the hallway, and her world was split in two.
They slept through what was left of the early dawn, and in the bright morning, they silently prepared for breakfast. Jessica gave a meek smile, and Frederick left to go down before her. He stopped in the doorway. “I’ll take that as a sign of your forgiveness, my love.” She forced another smile.
When she closed the door behind her, the door across from her opened. Jacob stood in front of her. Without a word, his arms were around her. “I was drunk and careless last night.” His voice was hoarse with last night’s drink. “Please forgive me.”
That was the second time she was asked for her forgiveness, and the day had just begun. “Nothing to forgive. I must go down. Frederick wants us to leave today.”
“And you agreed?”
“I have no choice.”
“No, Jess, you do have a choice.”
“Then I’m too much of a coward to take it.”
“You’re stronger than you think. Just remember that.”
“I’ll try. When do you and Will go back to doing whatever it is you do?”
“In a few days. My mother is making it hard to leave. Maybe we’ll take her with us as the cook.”
Jessica gave a quiet laugh. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”
Jacob chucked her chin. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
Drawing in her emotions, Jessica entered the dining room where the rest of the family waited. Frederick gave her a hooded stare, and she sat down without a word.
June took a pitcher of juice and began filling everyone’s glass. “My, aren’t we a somber group this morning. I know you boys will come back soon, and we can all be together again like this.” No one seemed to know what to say to their hopeful hostess.
After breakfast, it was time for Jessica and Frederick to leave. Sam had already arrived and was upstairs collecting their luggage. Jessica watched nervously as Frederick followed Sam. She was about to go upstairs when Will took her arm and led her outside into the bright sunlight.
“I will miss you, little sister.”
“Take good care of yourself, Will, and if you’re looking for a wife, you’d better do something with this,” she said tugging at his long, straight ponytail.
He laughed and gave her a bear hug. “She’ll have to love me just the way I am, Sis.”
They were soon joined by their aunt and uncle. Jessica said her goodbyes. Her aunt gave her a quick but solid nod of assurance, which Jessica returned with a smile. Will accompanied them back into the house, and Jessica waited anxiously for Jacob to come out. Her emotions ran high, and her pulse beat in her throat.
It was a warm September morning. The fireplaces back in Connecticut would be lit and running until spring, but here she felt the gentleness of the weather touch her face. If only her spirit could embrace its peace.
Jessica walked to the other side of the carriage beyond anyone’s notice. Jacob was right beside her. They looked into each other’s eyes, and he took her hand. His ivory-colored shirt was tucked neatly into black trousers, and he wore the strand of blue beads around his neck instead of a tie. His beard was trimmed, and his hair was combed and pulled back. She caught a whiff of his soap, spicy and clean. He looked like an eager suitor. Her heart swelled.
“Here we are again,” he said.
“Yes, here we are.”
“Don’t worry, Jess. You’re not rid of me yet.”
“Please, be safe and come back soon.”
“I will, if only for you.”
“I’ll be here, Jacob. Know that I’ll be here. Write to me. Send your letters to your mother and I will get them. I will send my letters to the nearest postal office, wherever you are. You can write to me anytime, anytime at all.”
“Jess, I can’t write to you. It’s just better if I don’t.”
Her tense shoulders lowered. It was her last string of hope to have him by her side no matter how far apart they were. She felt adrift.
He touched her cheek. “I love you.” His voice was low and filled with hurt.
“Come on, let me help you into the carriage.”
She got in just as Frederick was on his way out of the house with Will alongside. “Goodbye, Freddie. I’ll come see you when I’m rich and let you manage my millions.”
“I’ll look forward to it, Will, and while we’re still young?”
“One can only hope.”
“Take care, Jacob, until we meet again,” Frederick said.
“Until we meet again.”
As they drove away, Jessica waved at the men she was leaving behind. Jacob stood at the gate, straight and handsome. She drew a picture in her mind of him–one she would remember for the rest of her life.
Part Three
Chapter Forty-nine
December 1886
The outing had been enjoyable, and Jessica had finished up her purchases for the day at the boutiques on Market Street. The Christmas season was upon her, and she was in good spirits. Though her pregnant belly only slightly protruded, she was feeling the wonder of motherhood and it brought joy and new meaning to her life. It was her secret to keep hidden as long as she could.
The doctor had even advised her to wait until her fourth month, possibly the middle of January, before announcing the pregnancy. Taking his advice, she extended it to include her husband. Why she wasn’t ready to tell him, she couldn’t explain, only that she wanted to keep it to herself. Being with Jacob in September had opened possibilities within her. The sin of adultery did not disturb her sense of integrity as much as it willed her to find a way to release herself as Frederick’s wife.
Divorce. The word had lingered on her tongue for weeks until she learned she was pregnant. She prayed it was Jacob’s child she carried, yet she couldn’t be certain. A gush of love sprang up inside her each time the thought entered her mind—their lovemaking might have created a child.
“These will look lovely on your delicate hands, madame,” the sales clerk said.
“Oh, they’re not for me. They’re a Christmas present for my housekeeper.” Jessica noted the look of surprise on the clerk’s face.
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