by Beth Michele
“You don’t need to look at me like that, or feel sorry for me. That was the last time he ever touched me.” His laugh was bitter, jaded. “I broke his fucking nose.”
I bolted from the chair to sit beside him. My words emerged in a whisper, barely able to get them past the emotion lodged in my throat. “I’m sorry.”
We sat side by side in silence until there was no other option but to do what came natural to me. I shifted, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. Wanting to hold him. To take away the pain enveloping him like a dark cloud. His body immediately tensed, arms remained stiff at his sides. But then he exhaled and returned my embrace, squeezing me so tight I could hardly breathe. I reached a hand up to stroke his hair until he grew limp in my arms and backed away.
He stared down at his feet. “I’m sorry about that.”
I bent my head until he was forced to look at me. “Don’t be. We’re friends, right?”
“Yeah.” His elbow dug into my ribs but I think it was intentional. “And this friend owes you an apology for acting like a dick earlier. You didn’t deserve that. It’s just…” He paused, clearing something from his throat. “I’ve been on my own for a long time and I often internalize things instead of letting them out. I don’t know why I felt like I could tell you. I’ve always claimed it was an accident.”
Warmth settled over my skin. I didn’t know what to say. “I’m… I’m glad you shared it with me. And… I’m sorry you went through that.”
He kicked his foot and his knee brushed against mine. It made me warm all over again. “Well, my dad is a shit, but my mom was stellar. So I guess one out of two ain’t bad.”
I wanted to laugh with him but it wouldn’t come. There was nothing funny about a parent abusing a child. It truly made me appreciate how lucky I’d been with my own family.
His gaze trailed beyond my shoulder. “I guess you had breakfast in bed, huh?”
“Yes.” I chuckled. “The room service is excellent. The staff and I are quite chummy now.”
He leaned back on his elbows and inspected the room. “You want to get out of here, or are you going to continue to stay in and order the steak tartare? Because there’s a great place within walking distance for lobster.” His eyes met mine. “Wait, do you like lobster?”
“I’ve never tried it.”
His surprised expression prompted me to laugh. You’d think I told him I’d never driven a car before. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
He bounced off the bed and pulled me to my feet. “That’s all about to change. You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten lobster with a bib.”
“Oh I won’t be wearing a bib,” I informed him, and he gave me the hard side-eye.
“Oh but you will be.”
I TUGGED AT the plastic around my neck. “I look ridiculous.” My brows drew together waiting for his retort. He could barely suppress his amusement.
“You look… cute.”
Maybe this bib wasn’t so bad, after all.
A heated flush crept up my neck. “Three-year-olds are cute in bibs. I’m definitely ridiculous.”
“Nah.” He grinned, one side of his mouth curving higher than the other. “I stand by cute,” he added, taking a long sip of the lemon water he requested. With four wedges floating on top, clearly he had an affinity for lemons.
“It’s good to see you smiling again,” I admitted, and his expression fell, lips turning down into a frown.
He set his glass on the table. “Sometimes it’s just too much effort.”
“Why?”
Drew fiddled with the napkin in front of him, folding then unfolding it. “I don’t want to smile just to smile, you know?” When I shook my head, he clarified. “I want it to be genuine. I only smile when it’s real. When I feel what’s behind the smile. Otherwise, why bother.”
His response was unexpected. I angled my head and studied his face, absorbing his words—absorbing him. He was unlike anyone I’d ever met. Something about him screamed ‘old soul’ mixed with an innocence I couldn’t put my finger on. But whatever it was, I liked it—I liked him.
He looked down at himself then back to me. “What?” His fingers started up with the napkin again. “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“Because you’re…” The smile lifting my cheeks said it all. “… like a breath of fresh air to be honest.”
A streak of red swept over his face and he lowered his head. Again, it gave me the impression he wasn’t used to receiving compliments. My chest tightened. Suddenly, I wanted to shower him with them. I was about to question him on it when the waitress appeared at our table. He lifted his chin, relief palpable on his next breath as it spilled into the air between us.
She arranged our plates and vegetable side dishes in front of us. It was all I could do not to stare with wide eyes at the bright red creature. “What kind of lobster is this? It’s enormous.”
“It’s a two pounder, baby.” A smile stretched across his cheeks and a flutter started up in my chest. He picked up the nutcracker and gestured toward mine on the table. “I’m about to show you how this is done.”
Between the loud cracking sound, the mess I was making, and the effort it took to get actual meat from the lobster, apparently I was a real comedy show. Drew laughed so hard I thought he was going to choke on his food.
“Dude, I wish I had a picture of you right now. You are hilarious.”
After another attempt, I finally dug a huge chunk from the claw and dipped it in a pool of butter. “I’m glad I’m here for your amusement. Lucky for you, this stuff is actually really good.”
“I told you.” He winked. “I wouldn’t steer you wrong.”
I broke the lobster in half and juice squirted everywhere. “I could do without the mess though.”
“Nah. The messier the better,” he countered, before sucking a small amount of meat from the legs. I tried to ignore the way his cheeks hollowed and the visual it stirred in my brain. It was futile. Thinking fast, I grabbed the ice water and swallowed it back to tamp down the heat building in my throat. Drew tossed a piece of shell into an empty bowl then reclined in his chair. “So do you want to talk about what happened with your girl?”
My brows lowered as I placed the glass down. “What girl?”
“Your fiancée?”
“Oh.” The truth was on the tip of my tongue—but I was afraid. Afraid he would run in the other direction. That I’d scare him away. I couldn’t risk it. Not when the only thing I wanted was to spend more time with him. Guilt swirled in my gut, but not enough to push the honesty from my lips. It was more an omission of facts than anything else. At least that’s what I told myself. “I was pretty shocked at first, but mostly hurt. But you know what? Now that I’ve had some time to think about it, it might’ve been for the best.” My exhale carried nothing but relief. “I think we were comfortable and marriage seemed like the next logical step. But love and marriage shouldn’t be a choice that’s—”
“Logical,” he cut in, and I nodded. He spread his arms out to the sides. “It should be whimsical and crazy, that throw-caution-to-the-wind kind of love.”
“Right,” I agreed, “and the only place I throw caution to the wind is in my writing.”
Drew edged forward, resting his arms on the table. “Why is that?”
I tried to make sense of it, searched my brain for an answer but fell short. There were no latent childhood issues to speak of, no major life incidents forcing me into consistency. It just was. And I had no explanation. “I don’t know.”
He curled his fist beneath his chin. “So, you can take full advantage of this trip. Use it as a way to learn how to do that.” Excitement glimmered behind his eyes and I knew I was in trouble. “You know I’m more than happy to help with that.”
“I know you are,” I teased back, and he gifted me with that full-on, white-toothed smile. It meant so much more to me now, knowing he kept them on reserve.
“What are we waiting for? Let�
��s get the hell out of here.” His chair screeched as he pushed to his feet and I followed suit. Drew was absolutely right. Why was I waiting?
There was nothing waiting for me.
“SO WHAT ARE we doing here?”
Drew glanced back at me with a devilish grin. “Patience, Grasshopper.” He returned his focus to the path leading up the side of the cliff.
“Of course, I realize we’re hiking, but wasn’t sure if we had a specific destination.”
“Do we need one?” he called out, hoisting his pack over his shoulder.
I let out a breath, and with it my need to know the plan. I could do this. I was more than capable of flying by the seat of my pants. At least, I think I was. “No, we don’t.”
We trekked for a few more minutes in silence until curiosity got the better of me and the question on my mind finally reared its head. “What happened with your breakup?”
“It’s not that deep really,” he tossed back, giving me a one-eyed stare over his shoulder. “I got dumped for someone better apparently. We’d only been dating for about a month. We weren’t written in the stars or anything.”
“Wait, so you just got on a plane and left for Hawaii?”
“Yeah. I was due for vacation anyway and it seemed like a good opportunity to do it.” Part of me had a hard time fathoming it was that simple. Mostly because if it weren’t for Glenn ditching me, I’d still be in Jersey right now. “I mean, look around. It definitely isn’t a hardship.” He sidestepped something on the ground and stumbled. I lunged for his arm but didn’t catch him before he fell forward and landed in the dirt. I hurried over, kneeling beside him.
“Hey, you okay?”
He tried to cover his wince as he held his ankle. “I think so.”
“Let me see.” I lowered my bag to the ground and felt around his leg, kneading the skin circling his ankle.
“Don’t tell me. You moonlight as a doctor?”
My gaze climbed to his face. “No, smartass, but my mom is a doctor and I’ve learned a thing or two here and there.” Looking down, I pressed on different parts of his leg and he grew still, a heavy silence settling in the air between us. I lifted my chin to find his eyes intent on mine. “What?”
He shook his head but wasn’t very convincing. “Nothing.”
“No, not nothing. Don’t internalize. Tell me.”
He shrugged, his voice filled with that rare vulnerability. “It’s been a long time since anyone has taken care of me. Not since my mom and Gran, and they’ve both passed away, so…” His words tapered off, but there was so much inherent in what he didn’t say. Sadness squeezed my chest, the urge to cradle his face and stroke my thumb along his jaw was intense. But I knew that wasn’t okay. Instead, I offered him a soft smile.
“I’m glad to do it.” I tapped his foot. “Do you think you can try to stand? See if you can walk?”
“Absolutely.” His mask slipped back into place, the moment before long gone. “I’m indestructible. Nothing’s going to keep me down.”
“Okay tough guy. Give me your arm.” I looped his arm over my shoulder and brought him to a standing position as he balanced his weight on the other foot. He set his injured leg down gently, bending at the knee and flexing his ankle. “Well?”
“Feels great.”
I narrowed my gaze. “Are you sure? Because we can head back.”
“Nope. I’m ready to push forward.” One moment of hesitation on my part and he jumped all over it. “I won’t let you use this as an excuse to back out. I’m fine. I’ve got a quick recovery time. Always have. Nothing keeps me down for long.”
My gut twisted. Something about his words didn’t sit right with me. As if he was a fighter who was consistently being punched but kept getting back up. I hated the thought of anyone hurting him. My eyes wandered to his scar and he mussed his hair, covering the area until it was no longer visible.
“Let’s go,” I finally said after an audible breath. But there was so much more I wanted to say. So much more I wanted to know. Drew Mariano was a bit of a mystery, and maybe it was the writer in me, but I was never one for letting mysteries go unsolved.
We continued to climb, and I could tell we were close to our destination. The sweltering midday sun beat down on our backs as we approached wide-open sky. Sweat slid down the side of my face and built up under my arms. I uncapped my water bottle and took a long drink before shoving it into my bag. Just when I thought I might need a break, we reached the highest peak of the cliff. From every vantage point there was endless sky and turquoise water. All around us, we heard the trill of different varieties of birds, the rush of a nearby waterfall.
Drew walked to the edge while I spent that time lifting my shirt to wipe sweat from my face and neck. He tipped his head back and inhaled a large breath before looking over at me. “Getting tired there, old man?”
“Pfft. Not nearly.” My gaze was pulled in every direction but ultimately landed on Drew. His profile was bathed in sunlight, mouth set in a line—but he wasn’t frowning. He seemed at peace up here, contentment radiating off of him in waves. A strange sense of calm took flight in my chest and I inched closer, wanting to be a part of it too. “You like it up here.” It wasn’t a question, but he answered it anyway.
“I love it up here.” He returned his attention to the sky. “I’ve been to Hawaii twice before. Once for a business conference, but the first time,” he added, voice softer, “was when I was thirteen, with my mother and grandfather.” Humor tickled his throat. “It was the first time we’d ever been out of New York. My mom was like a kid in a candy store. Wanting to see and do everything. She lured me up here by telling me it was magical.” He dropped his head and shot me a glance. “She was right. It is.”
His eyes left me and he went back to his thoughts. I let him be and walked over to an elevated patch in the cliff and sat down. It wasn’t long before he joined me, sliding his pack off his shoulder and settling by my side. He unzipped a pocket, pulled out his water bottle and guzzled. Then he reached into his bag and retrieved two granola bars, handing me one. “Like an idiot, I didn’t think to bring anything else. But these will tide us over.”
I smiled, digging into my own pack and removing two white paper bags. “Why have those, when you can have these?”
His own smile was in full swing, and God, did I like it. “What is this?” He unfolded the bag and peeked inside, his expression childlike. One by one, he took everything out and placed it on the ground.
I waved a hand over all the items as if they were on display. “Turkey and cheese croissant, fruit cup, and chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.”
His tongue flicked out to wet his lips and I glanced away. But it didn’t stop me from wondering what he tasted like. “I think I love you right now, Sam Stone.”
“Save the sentiment for after you’ve tried it all.” I teased. “Although the hotel put everything together so I’m sure it’s great.”
“I’m glad someone here has forethought, because it definitely isn’t me.” He unwrapped the sandwich and threw the paper in the bag. “I’m more of the act first, think later family of thought.”
“Really? I never would’ve known,” I shot back with a wink, peeling the foil away from my croissant. “Now that I think about it, maybe in my case it was the doctor and the accountant who brought me up. Not exactly ‘fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants’ professions.”
Drew barked out a laugh. “Fuck no. But your math must be stellar.”
My return laugh was so boisterous I nearly choked on my sandwich. “Actually, my math sucks. My sister inherited the math gene even though she does nothing with it.”
“What does she do?” He scarfed down his food like he hadn’t eaten in a week. Maybe I should‘ve brought him more.
“She’s a hairdresser at some big name salon in New York.” My eyes lifted to the sky in thought. “Bumble bee or something like that.”
“Bumble bee?” His face scrunched but then his eyes lit with recognition
. “Oh, you mean Bumble and Bumble?”
“Yes, that’s the one.”
He chuckled and slapped his knee. “Sam… bumble bee? You crack me the fuck up.”
“Honest mistake.” I grinned. “But she loves it there. She cuts a lot of celebrity hair, and she’s really good. I’m not even biased when I say she works magic with hair.”
Drew plucked a strawberry from the fruit cup and popped it into his mouth. “What’s your magic?”
“My magic?” I shrugged, although there was only one answer. “My writing.”
“What’s that like?” He shifted his entire body to face me, giving me his full attention.
It took more than a minute to respond. No one had ever posed the question quite that way. “It’s… like my own little world. The world of my choosing, the characters, the setting. I get lost in there. I become my characters. Their experiences are my experiences.”
His eyes danced with amusement. “You must be having some pretty hot sex then, because some of those scenes you wrote. Holy shit.”
I tossed the remainder of my croissant in the bag and tried to rub the heat from the back of my neck. There was no way I could have this discussion. Not when every word that left Drew’s mouth made me more attracted to him—made me want him. “It’s fiction,” I emphasized again, letting out a subtle breath.
His grin deepened. “That’s too bad.”
Pushing to my feet, I stretched my arms above my head. The heat was blistering, and it had nothing to do with the sun. That ache in the corner of my chest was growing. Wanting something I could never have was eating away at me, and I began to question whether spending all this time with Drew was a good idea. Though the thought of not seeing him made my blood run cold.
His voice too close invaded my thoughts. “What’s going on? What are you thinking about?”
Of course I deflected. What was the point? “How’s your leg?”
Drew cocked his head, all the while scrubbing two fingers over his chin. I think he knew I wasn’t being forthright, but he didn’t push. Part of me wanted him to press further, just so I could rid myself of this burden.