by King, Dean
“We just found out last week. We left messages with everyone but you were so busy, we couldn’t catch up with you.”
Miranda turned to Frank. “Frank, darling, have James take these women to their car at the church.”
“No, no, Sisters, you must stay,” Nina said, “I have so many questions.”
“No, Nina, we must leave. All the answers to your questions are in those letters, and in your heart. Just be happy, sweetheart.”
She hugged the women and both swallowed hard. “I’ll be seeing you again.”
“No, I think you’ll be starting your own family soon. No more adopting for you,” Sister Mary-Margaret said quietly.
Nina explained, “My husband has agreed to let me adopt as many children as I want. But I’ve decided to raise the ones I have for now. That way I can give them the best of myself. Besides, Rafe says I’m not to have more than five kids here at one time and that includes my own.”
“Oh, so you can accept one more?” Sister Janet-Marie stood up.
Rafe caught her attention. “Uh, no, she can’t.” He caressed Nina’s otherwise flat tummy.
Nina flushed. “Rafe!”
Miranda jumped up from her seat, her smile radiant. “Oh god, my first grandchild! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“We wanted to surprise everyone.” Nina clutched Rafe’s arm and smiled through her tears.
“Well, you did that,” Miranda said as she hugged her.
“We really must go now, dear. Goodbye.” Both sisters kissed Nina’s cheek as they took their leave.
“I'll walk you out.” Nina said.
“No, no, we can find our way. Thank you Nina, have a peaceful life, dear.” With that, they stepped out of the front doors and were gone.
Nina turned to Miranda. “I want to tell Beth myself,” she said quietly. “She’s been having problems with all the new people coming into our lives. She may feel as if she’ll be forgotten.”
“I’ll make sure she doesn’t feel that way,” Miranda said. “She can spend as much time with me as she likes.”
“That’s fine, but while we're away, don’t let her sit and brood. She tends to do that.”
“Don’t worry, she won’t have time for that,” Miranda assured her. “I'll go check on the children.” She turned to Frank. “Come on, you can help.”
He grimaced, “I don't want to...”
“Did I ask?” She quirked one black brow at him “Come on.”
Reluctantly, he followed her, closing the door behind them.
Nina stood at the center of the room, her eyes distant, her fingers gently caressing the writing of one envelope. Is this my mother’s writing?
Rafe’s strong hands caught her shoulders, pulling her into the safe circle of his arms. “We don’t have to go. We can stay here and read these. To tell you the truth, I’m dying to see what they have to say.”
“No, let’s go. I’ll read them when we get back home.” Nina turned in his arms. “I know this affects you too. Will this change anything between us?”
Rafe looked deeply into her eyes. “This will only change the shadows lurking in your eyes. Finally I’ll have all of you.”
“I love you so much, Rafe.”
“I love you even more.” He was rewarded with a smile and a soft laugh.
“Oh you do, do you?” Nina teased.
“Yes, I do. Now let’s go. Everyone’s waiting.”
*****
The sun was high overhead. Its golden rays caressed the newborn greenery. It was early spring and already the day promised to be a hot one. Rafe watched Nina from the corner of his eyes. They’d been driving for two hours. The closer they came to their destination, the quieter she became. Her hands were balled into fists on her lap, her knuckles pale. He reached over to cover her hands with one of his.
“Let’s go back home.” Her voice was desperate.
“No.”
“Please, Rafe. I’m sure they forgot about me. Why wouldn’t they have come for me as they said they would? You read their letters. They said when they got older, and could be married, they’d come for me. But they didn’t! Why should I do this to them?” Her voice was becoming more frantic by the moment.
He pulled over to the road’s gravel shoulder. Parking the car, he got out. He walked over to her side, pulled her door open, and took her hand to guide her outside. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her until she calmed. Her arms came up around his neck and she returned his kiss.
Rafe leaned her against the side of the car and slid his hands up her back to hold her closer. He devoured her sweet lips. Her hands entangled his hair, holding him tightly, and Rafe felt her melt into him. Her gentle jeans-clad curves fit nicely against his hardness.
After long minutes, she broke the kiss and laid her head on his chest. “You’re so bad, Rafe,” she whispered, but her voice held a note of laughter. “Why did you do that?”
“You like it, don’t you?” He kissed her chin.
“No. I love it,” she beamed, her lips taking on a beastly smile.
Rafe pulled away from her, his eyes caressing her relaxed face. “Can I tell you something?”
“Yes, you can tell me anything.” Nina brushed a stray lock of black hair from his forehead.
His troubled eyes shyly turned away. “I feel as if I might lose you,” he whispered.
“No!” She said, her fingers locked in his shirt. “Rafe, why? Why would you say something like that?”
“I don’t want to get lost in this family.” At her confused look, he looked away. “Let's sit for a minute. I need to talk to you.”
Something close to panic rushed across Nina’s face as he moved from her. Nina cautioned herself to stay calm. She wouldn't loose him now, not for anything.
Rafe went to the back of the car, opened the trunk, and pulled out a blanket.
“Rafe,” her voice stopped him. “Let’s just go, I want to get this over with as soon as possible.”
“No, come with me.” He took her hand and led her up a small hill nearby. He stopped at a big tree and spread the blanket out in the shade. He held his hand out to her. “Sit with me.”
Nina took his hand and sat down next to him, legs tucked under her. She waited patiently for him to begin.
“I know what you’re going to say.” She licked her lips, her breathing hard with fear that threatened to choke her. “Rafe, please. I know this has been a lot for you to handle in such a short time, but I need you so much right now! Please, just bear with me for a while longer. I promise things will get back to normal soon.”
He smirked. “You mean as normal as things will ever be for us?” He quirked a brow at her, but Nina’s eyes began to tear.
“I’m sorry. I know you're not used to this…” Nina sobbed. “You’re going to leave me, I know it. This is too much chaos.”
Rafe caught her face in his hands, bringing her close. “Baby, please, please don’t do this.” He kissed her as silent tears fell from her eyes. “You don’t understand Nina, I love this chaos. You and the kids have brought new meaning to my life. I thrive on it. Do you know before you all came into my life, I worked twenty-four hours a day? All I did was work. It was the only thing that made me feel alive. Now there is so much more to my life. Yes, sometimes I want to pull out my hair.” At that, Nina cried harder. He laughed, pulling her into his arms, careful not to push on her slightly-rounded stomach. “I love you, Nina, and I would do anything to give you the world. But in giving you the world, I don’t want to be left out of yours,” he whispered, caressing her cheek.
Nina sighed and tried to control herself. “What are yo...u say…ing?”
“I’m saying I don’t want to get lost in the shuffle. I’m afraid I might lose you.” He swallowed hard and traced her lips with the tip of one finger. “I just found you. To lose you now would be a fate worse than death.”
“You mean you don’t want to leave me?” She sniffled and wiped at her tear-stained cheeks.
“Lea
ve you? Why would I do a stupid thing like that?”
Nina shrugged and played with his shirt. “I thought I had.. You know, with everything going on, I thought you’d had enough.”
“Woman, I'll never get enough of you. Not ever.” He pulled her to him for a soul-shattering kiss that had her clinging to him. Rafe lifted his head and looked into her flushed face. “Just promise me you'll never forget I’m here...”
Nina slid one hand behind his warm neck, looking deeply into his smoky eyes and whispering, “I could never forget you. You’re my strength. My courage. My voice of sanity when chaos reigns. Not to mention my heart, soul, and life.”
Rafe searched her face, then hugged her to his chest. He held her tight so she couldn't see the effect her words had on him. He wiped at a tear as it made its way down his cheek. “Are you sure, Nina?”
“Yes.” She nodded, loving his solid warmth. “I'm more than sure, I'm positive.”
“Then you feel as I do. I can’t put it as gracefully as you, but how about I spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you?” Rafe nipped at her ear and grinned as she laughed and jumped away from him.
“I'll hold you to that promise, but let’s go. I need to get this over with. But thank you, for the distraction.” She smiled and stepped off the blanket.
Rafe always loved her smile. It made her face, and his whole world, light up. “You’re more than welcome. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
They headed back to the car, hand in hand.
*****
They sat in the car, outside the large two-story house. Many acres of green grassland surrounded the structure, setting off its red and white brick features.
“I’m scared, Rafe. What if they send me away?” Her stricken eyes found his sure ones.
“If they do, then at least you know. You already have such a full life, Nina. With all that’s going on right now, you won’t have time to think of it. Besides, my mother is your mother.” She kissed his chin.
Nina wouldn't tell him there was a difference in being treated like a daughter and actually being a daughter. “You’re right, baby. What do I have to fear? I have all I could ever need, right here in front of me.” But her heart wouldn't hold still, it fluttered in her chest like a trapped bird.
Rafe kissed her softly and could see those shadows in her eyes. It bothered him. Getting out of the car, he walked around to open her door.
Nina could scarcely think. The pain of her rapidly beating heart drowned out every other concern. She clung to Rafe’s steady hand as they walked up the stairs. She took a deep, calming, breath and let it out slowly. Lifting a finger, she rang the bell.
A boy about twelve answered the door. “May I help you?” Her breath caught in her throat, she squeezed Rafe’s hand.
“Yes,” Rafe spoke, when it appeared as though Nina wouldn't. “We’re looking for Mr. and Mrs. William Emery.”
“You found the right house. What do you want?” He stood with one hand on the door, as if ready to close it. Just then another voice rang out.
“If you don’t let go of that door, I'll hurt you. What kind of way is that to treat visitors?”
Nina stiffened. The owner of the voice came into view. The young woman stopped speaking, as she studied Nina. “Who are you?” She looked to be in her late teens.
Rafe spoke up. “Can we come in?”
She cautiously stepped aside, her wide brown eyes on Nina.
“Are the Emery’s here?” Rafe insisted.
“Yes, they’re in the back yard. We’re barbecuing.”
“May we see them?” Rafe asked, trying to draw the girl’s attention from Nina.
“Yeah.” She looked as though she were seeing a ghost. She wouldn't stop looking at Nina.
“Come on,” the boy said. “Since she’s lost her brain I’ll take you to mom and dad.”
Nina’s frantic attention flew to Rafe. He squeezed her hand and nodded, he felt her shaking. He leaned in and dropped a kiss on her cold forehead. “It’ll be alright. Just remember, I’m here for you.” Nina nodded as they followed the boy outside and onto the sunny back yard.
They were led to the boy’s mother. “Mom, these people want to talk to you.”
The woman turned, and her brown eyes fell to Rafe, then to Nina. Instantly her face lost its color and she dropped her plate she had been holding. It smashed onto the concrete patio. The woman’s quivering hands flew to cover her mouth. She stared wide eyed and unable to move.
“No. No, it can’t be!” She screamed as she stumbled away. “Bill! Bill!”
The boy jumped in front of her, his arms spread as he sought to protect her. “What do you want? Get away from my mother.”
A door slammed. Nina started, but she couldn’t take her eyes from the woman. She had to be her mother! Nina heard much commotion, but her eyes were fixed on the woman.
Then Nina turned to a man rushing over to her and the woman. He took his wife into his arms, all but ignoring everything else.
“What is it? God, baby, you look…” But the woman pointed in Nina’s direction. His vivid green eyes shifted and he released his crying wife.
“Who are you?” His voice barked as he confronted Nina and Rafe.
Nina’s look caressed her father’s face. A lump formed in her throat. His eyes were hers, as were the nose, the curly red hair, and their shared height. “Can you tell me who I am?” Nina whispered, her eyes pleading with him.
He turned away from her, his jaw silently moving. He turned to his wife. “It's not her, Irene.” Nina took comfort in the fact that he knew. Even if he only suspected, he still knew she could be his. The man pulled his wife into his arms, holding her as though he’d never let her go. “Don't think for a second that it's her.” His voice remained harsh.
“But look at her, Bill...” Irene’s hands spread as she instinctively reached for Nina. “It's her. It's my baby,” she sobbed. “I knew, I knew all along you were alive.” She directed the words at Nina.
Bill tried to pull her away from her reverence. “I'm telling you, it's not her.” He turned dark eyes on Nina and Rafe. “Get out of here,” he snarled, “leave us alone. There is no money here. I don't know what you're after and I don't care! Just head back the way you came.”
Nina folded her arms across her stomach to still the pain, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. “You said you would come back for me. Why didn’t you? Why did you just leave me there?” Her words were broken with sobs. “Why couldn’t you love me?”
“It can’t be, you can’t be her. She’s dead, you’re not my daughter!” His voice became desperate and he turned to his wife. “Didn’t they tell us she’d died? Didn’t they?”
“Yes, they did,” Irene croaked, her dark skin flushed. She shook off his firm grip and hurried to Nina. Her hands shaking, she caressed Nina's tear-stained face. “I knew. I knew in my heart that my Melissa was alive.”
“She is not our daughter!” Billy insisted, turning away from her. “My daughter died when she was four. She drowned in a lake.”
Nina nodded. “Then if that’s the way you want it, I understand. But I had to meet you. Even if you can pretend I don’t exist, at least now I know who I am.” She turned away from the woman and her husband, setting to leave.
“No!” The teenaged girl yelled. She rushed towards Nina and grabbed her arm. “You’re my sister, I knew it when I saw you.” The girl turned to her mother, who stood as still as stone. “Mother, please! Just look at her. It has to be your Melissa, she has to be.”
“Sarah, you don’t know what your mother went through because of our first child,” Billy stated sharply. “She had a breakdown when she found out Melissa had died. Please don’t do this to her.”
Nina watched as the woman came to her again, tears streaking her pretty face. She lifted a hand to gently caress Nina’s face, brushing at the tears that were the same as her own.
“Irene, please. I don’t want your heart broken again. Honey, please, don�
��t do this. Stay away from her,” Billy pleaded.
“My baby.” The words seemed to echo, as though she and Nina were the only people in the world. Amazement shining in her teary eyes, Irene traced Nina’s features as if mesmerized. With a shuttering breath, she slowly took Nina into her arms and cradled her. One hand stroked Nina’s hair as sobs wracked her slim frame. “My baby. My baby. I’m so sorry, we missed you so much.”
“Irene, please don’t do this,” Billy implored with defeat in his voice. “This can’t be her, honey. It’s not her, damn it!”
Rafe stepped forward and handed the letters to Billy. “If what you wrote in those letters is true, then you owe it to her to at least hear what she has to say.”
Bill looked at the handful of letters. They were his. To his baby girl. Begging her to be patient because he would never leave her. That he would brave the fires of hell to come back to her. That he loved her above all else. His eyes watered, he refused to take the documents. They were evidence of his failure to keep his promise. He turned from them. The ache in his heart sent him into a nearby chair. His unseeing eyes touched everything, yet nothing could penetrate his agony. How she must hate me.
Nina cried, she found herself clasped in the arms of her mother and sister. They rocked her gently and she’d ever experienced such a deep feeling of wonder.
Irene stepped back to stare at her oldest child and began to cry again. “I can’t believe this! I just can’t believe it.” She brushed Nina’s hair aside, her fingers lovingly stroking each dear feature. “Melissa,” she breathed softly. “I knew you’d look like your father. When you were a baby, you had a head full of red curls and those big green eyes. As if you were his twin. All you had from me was some of my color. My Melissa. I don’t know if you can believe this, but they told us you were gone. We came back for you, but one of the nuns said you’d drowned out back of the orphanage.” She kissed Nina’s cheek and held her tightly against her chest.
Nina hugged her in return and spoke words she never dreamed she would ever be able to say. “Mama.” The word caught in her tightened throat. She smiled at Rafe through a veil of tears.