“The whole thing took place in the gym. It took some setting up, but they hog-tied Isaac and left him in the middle of the gym floor. And then they brought the captured Feeder in and we all watched as they let him go. The Feeder went right for poor Isaac, wild with hunger. And Isaac was an easy victim. There was a line of armed men to prevent anyone else from getting bit and as soon as the Feeder had taken a huge chunk out of Isaac’s arm, they put the Feeder down. And then we were forced to watch as Isaac’s infection slowly progressed, and he became something else entirely. Eventually he started flopping his body around in front of us, foaming at the mouth and eying each of us with such gruesome hunger I thought I would collapse from grief. And it was only the beginning of the horrific things that would happen.
“My daddy never did kill Isaac. But he did make a cage for him and keep him in the school. He said it was a lesson that we all needed to remember. And he said it would help us. He said we could study our enemy, learn about them and then we would know how to fight them better. As soon as Logan was released we started to plan how we were going to leave. Things had immediately changed after that night, so we couldn’t just walk away. There triple the patrols and the men had changed. They weren’t the same guys I grew up with at school or church or that owned businesses in the community. They were hard men that wouldn’t hesitate to kill no matter if you were a Zombie, or a rebellious citizen. My dad imposed a curfew and then law after law after law until every aspect of our lives was dictated. He went into people’s homes and started moving families around to fit their place in the community. And his punishments for any kind of crime, no matter how small or inconsequential became increasingly cruel.” I paused and met Vaughan’s horrified eyes. “That’s how those Feeders got put in those cages. Those weren’t Zombies they caught. Those were once people I knew and cared for.”
“Is Logan-“
“No,” I answered quickly. “No, Logan is dead. All the way dead. But half those Feeders were people just like us that wanted out. We weren’t the only ones that realized my dad had slipped over the edge of insanity. But if people actually got out, I didn’t hear about it. They were brought back time and time again only to be turned, imprisoned, put on display for the rest of the town to see. Logan and I worked on our plan for months- all the while playing good citizens and putting on a good show. We had to live separately because my dad no longer trusted Logan like he once did. Slowly our relationship became a source for my daddy’s paranoia. He never forgave Logan for standing up to him- for doubting him. But Logan and I found ways to be together or communicate. And when we couldn’t we used Miller to pass notes back and forth. We were always going to take Miller with us.”
I looked to the door Miller had disappeared through. “Miller has always been different, always rebellious against my dad. He was young, but not young enough not to see the truth about my dad. They had already started to have some serious issues in which ended in Miller’s welfare being jeopardized. We knew we had to take him with us. Finally, we found a hole in the patrol. Logan wasn’t allowed to go on patrol, or be a part of the militia after he confronted my dad. So it took some serious work, but eventually we figured it out. Except the night we planned to escape a group of Feeders had attacked a patrol. They were put down immediately without a single casualty but the medical team had been sent out to check them over just in case. We happened to run into them on their way back and they could tell immediately what we were doing. We took off and they called for the patrol. We were overtaken in minutes. None of us had any weapons because we weren’t militia and with Miller, we just didn’t…. I just….”
A sob broke free from deep in my lungs and Vaughan pulled me against his chest. He wrapped two strong arms around me and just held me. In Vaughan’s firm hold I found the strength to continue,” I grabbed Logan and kissed him one last time. The guards were shouting at me, yelling for me to step away from him, but I couldn’t. I knew I would be safe. I knew Miller would be safe. But I also knew that Logan wouldn’t be. My dad had been looking for an excuse to end him for a long time. I begged him to run- to at least try to get away or my dad was going to turn him into a Feeder. He argued with me at first and then finally they ripped us apart. He held my eyes and just kept telling me ‘no’ over and over until my daddy showed up. I think until that moment, he somehow believed my daddy was redeemable, that there was some remnant of the man that he used to work for, or the dad of his high school girlfriend in there.
“My dad showed up with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his bastard eye. I watched Logan decide. I watched realization change his expression and he knew what was in store for him. I knew he loved me, that he would do anything for me. I knew he would fight for me until his very last breath. But he couldn’t become a Feeder- he couldn’t. That would have been worse than anything else they could have done to me. And he knew that. And he knew my dad would never do that to his own children- that Miller and I were relatively safe from at least that. It was then that he started fighting. He was always a good fighter. He’d worked on a farm one way or the other his entire life. And when he’d been in the militia he had been one of the best there was. He got away, and took off into the forest, but my daddy didn’t hesitate. He lifted his arm and pulled the trigger. I didn’t even scream. I didn’t even make a sound. I just watched Logan’s body fall in the middle of the forest and I just remember feeling relief. Relief because Logan wasn’t going to be a Zombie anymore, relief because he escaped this horrible world even when I couldn’t…. because I knew he was in a better place. Any place was better than this one. And Logan’s safe now. He doesn’t have to fight to survive or eat. He’s free.” The last of my words were spoken in a whisper of conviction.
Vaughan pulled me tighter against him and I leaned into his warmth and firmness and just let it out. Sobs racked my body and tears ran from my eyes. I hadn’t cried like this in a while- not since I had my own room to lock myself in. The emotional release felt cathartic- felt necessary. I stayed in Vaughan’s arms for as long as he let me. At some point I heard the door open and then close again- I assumed Vaughan dismissed whoever it had been over my back, probably the night watch.
I knew it was late, well past midnight. We had been talking for a long time and then I had been crying for who knew how long. When I finally pulled away, Vaughan’s shirt was soaked with my tears and I felt sick to my stomach from not just the story but the amount of energy I put into those tears. Still, I felt better. I felt better than I had in a long time.
Though part of me wondered if better would ever feel good. Because the small increments of “better” still seemed to range between the horribly miserable and desperately wretched with grief.
“Can I ask how long ago that was?” Vaughan asked after a while. His voice was rough with sympathetic grief and I allowed my heart to soften for him just a little bit more.
“About eighteen months ago,” I answered, sounding like a bullfrog. “Miller and I didn’t find another chance to escape until you guys appeared.”
“But Miller showed up at our front door- or rather your front door. He got away somehow.”
“Yeah, he watched the patrols for months to figure out their routines. He’s really quite sneaky in the dark. He would sit up in the trees and be quiet for hours as they went by. Really, it was pretty clever. But he was looking for guns, that’s why he went back to the house. We knew we wouldn’t survive long without weapons. And in town they keep the guns under constant watch, so it wasn’t like we could take any from there. It was a long shot, but I finally let him check out the farm to see if there were any left behind. He had wanted to for a while, but I hesitated. After Logan…. I just couldn’t…. And at the beginning things weren’t so bad between my dad and Miller. They got worse, much, much worse. Which was the reason I hesitated as well as the reason I finally agreed that he should go. But instead of guns, he found you guys.” I laughed at the memory. I had been ready to go, ready to run, when Miller showed back up in town with
two strange men, fully armed but stupid enough to get caught almost immediately. Now I had more lives to worry about while Miller got the ever loving hell beat out of him. It wasn’t until I got the chance to talk to Miller and figure out the new plan that I was able to believe again- to hope again. “Although I had my doubts about y’all at first. I just couldn’t see how two groups of people that had both gotten caught immediately were going to save us.”
Vaughan chuckled. “Honestly, I’m still not sure how we all got captured. We’re not usually that careless.”
“I know that,” I nodded and pulled back so that Vaughan and I were no longer touching anymore. “I see that every single day.”
“Tyler, I am so sorry I ever judged you,” Vaughan breathed, completely serious again. “I had no idea.”
“It’s alright,” I whispered. “Maybe some time you’ll tell me your story so I can stop judging you.”
He barked out a surprised laugh but then asked, “How do you know I have a story?”
“I’m about as broken as they get, Vaughan. I can recognize real pain a mile away.”
“That may be true, but-“ he stopped himself and instantly perked up. If he was a dog, this was when his ears would have stood at attention. His blue eyes flashed with intuition and I held my breath as he came to an internal decision. “Stay here,” he ordered and then hopped to his feet.
He checked his handguns that came out of nowhere? His pockets maybe? Were they always at his sides? And moved soundlessly to the front door. He let out a steadying breath and then looked through a space in the slats. He stayed like that for a few moments, watching whatever was happening in the streets before turning around. He stood there even longer- breathing in, breathing out as evenly as ever. His vision was unseeing though and that’s what concerned me. He stared down at the floor but even through the darkness I could see the wheels spinning in his head. Finally- after what felt like an eternity- his eyes snapped up and met mine.
Something passed between us, but hell if I knew what it was. But then he was moving again, somehow quickly while also being quiet. He gestured for me to follow him and I did- although with not nearly the same kind of effortless grace.
On the other side of the door, everyone was asleep. The lanterns were off and the candles out.
“What’s wrong, Vaughan?” I whispered while working to make out his form in the heavy darkness.
“Feeders,” he whispered back. “Feeders all over the street out front. It’s only a matter of time before they discover us.”
Chapter Three
Everything happened at once then. One lantern was turned on and then there was a flurry of movement that seemed constant and never ending. The only sound in the still mostly dark space was the clicking of guns and the rustling of clothes as everyone got dressed and armed.
I stood pressed against the wall as everyone rushed around me. For the first time that I could remember I felt anxious to be a part of this kind of mayhem- I felt…. blood thirsty. But in a way I never expected. I wanted to be part of the solution. I wanted to be able to protect these people, protect this life we’d communally created and cherished.
I also felt a bizarre attachment to this particular gift shop and I hated the idea that we would have to leave it. While I always knew that we would, and that we had to- maybe more than anybody else. This felt like home for the first time in years. And we’d only been here for a week.
I was sure that was mostly because of the people I was sharing this space with. I just had to hope that we could recreate this sense of home and belonging anywhere we went.
As unlikely as that was, it was something to hope for.
“Harrison, King, Miller and Tyler, you’re all staying back with Page,” Vaughan commanded when everyone started to circle around him.
“I thought we weren’t splitting up again,” Harrison challenged with a lot of attitude.
“We’re just going out front,” Vaughan explained patiently. “There’s not a place for Page or Tyler on the street. You’re not going to move, so we will know right where you are. We won’t leave the street directly in front of this store, so you will know exactly where we are. I need you to do this, Harrison. You alright with it?”
“And if I say no?” Harrison pressed.
I held my breath.
“You won’t,” Vaughan answered evenly. “You want your sister safe as much as I do.”
Harrison let out a loud breath of frustration but finally agreed in a much humbler tone, “I do.”
And then I breathed again. I realized I had been waiting for an explosion of anger or assertion of dominance from Vaughan- but neither had come. I was still waiting for pieces of my dad to show up in every single person of authority. I was still waiting for a monster to emerge in every single living being- Feeder or human.
But I should trust Vaughan. He was not the man my father was. He was so much better. He wasn’t a dictator, or a sadistic tyrant. He was just a man, trying to keep those he desperately cared about alive. There wasn’t something evil in what Vaughan did or how he led, just a quiet dignity that demanded respect, not because he asked for it, but because he was truly good.
He put his hand on the door handle and nodded his head toward the back craft room where we shared most of our meals. Harrison put out an arm and King led the way back there. Miller and Page shuffled in front of me and Harrison brought up the rear.
“Lock the door behind you, Harrison,” Vaughan rumbled out his last order.
Harrison brought the camping lantern with him and right before he closed the door behind him, I heard Vaughan count out in a low voice, “One, two…. three.”
And then our door was closed and I assumed they were headed out to clean up the streets- literally.
We would have to leave in the morning, no matter what. There would be too many bodies around to stay here. We had been planning on it soon anyway, but there had been a few more stores nearby that we’d decided to check out.
We were mostly stocked up for now, but as long as we had room in the large van we were hoping to get as much as we could. Still, we had plenty of weapons and ammo to last a while. Clothes and shoes seemed to be in working order for everyone so far and there was food for at least four days. Enough to at least get us on the road and into the next place with a Zombie-infested Walmart.
It was weird to be shut away like this while the rest of the group went off to fight. Weird and awful. We had no idea what was happening outside or if anyone was in trouble.
Harrison paced anxiously in front of the door and King- even while he was sitting down with his feet propped on the table- kept checking his gun and shifting nervously. Miller and Page sat at the table too, looking ashen and panicked. And I didn’t know what to do.
I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I really did trust these people. I trusted them with my life, with Miller’s life and with everyone else who I inarguably cared for. And I knew they would do what they needed to in order to keep us alive and safe.
That was strange for me.
I had a general dislike of all people and never trusted them. Why would I, when they were so easy to sway? And then so easy to kill? Trusting people meant caring about them. And every time I cared for someone they were taken from me- either by death or their own sick interests.
But I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with this group. I couldn’t help but pray daily that they beat the horrific odds and find some place safe and permanent to grow old- that they would grow old.
My own life didn’t matter so much. I’d done all the important things- grow up, experience ultimate happiness and fallen in life-changing, epic love. There wasn’t much left for me, especially in this world. And now that Miller was with people who would take care of him and raise him right, it didn’t seem to matter to me either way.
I wasn’t suicidal, but I wasn’t a fighter like Reagan. I wasn’t a survivor like Miller. I was a victim. I wasn’t proud of that, but it was the truth. An
d I prided myself on being honest always.
The odds against everyone making it out of this group were not good. So if I had to be the victim of the group I could at least also be the sacrifice. If someone was going to die, it might as well be me.
And with these people I knew they wouldn’t just put my infection injected body in a trophy case. They would do the humane thing and put me down.
There was a soothing kind of comfort in that.
Not that I could really be a sacrifice in this makeshift panic room. But I would someday. I wouldn’t have to look for it, I wouldn’t have to even think about it. At some point in our future an opportunity would arrive where I could step up to the plate. When the time came, I would know what to do. I would save their lives like they saved mine.
Love & Decay (Season 1): Episode 8 Page 4