by Aratare, X.
Casillus let out a huff of laughter. Yes, but you are even more special.
Why? How? Gabriel asked. Am I special like Kane was special? Am I going to start hearing this music?
I—I do not know, the Mer answered, sounding disturbed at the very idea.
Does my specialness have something to do with the strength of our bond? Gabriel could still remember the utterly breathtaking feeling of making love with Casillus in the tub. The Mer had told Gabriel that the power and depth of their connection was unusual even for very connected Mers.
Our connection shows that you have a great ability to connect to your fellow Mer, but your gift is far greater than that, Casillus murmured. Their bond pulsed with remembered pleasure for a moment.
“Are you excited about seeing the site today, Gabriel?” his grandmother asked, breaking him out of his conversation with Casillus.
“I—oh, right, that’s happening today,” Gabriel said. He drummed his fingers on the table. Did he really want to be trapped at the site today with Johnson speaking about Mers and monsters? Should he say he was still feeling ill?
“If you’re not feeling up to it, Gabriel, I would understand.” Johnson was leaning against the counter with a mug of coffee in his large, capable hands. Those shrewd gray eyes looked so penetrating, as if he were the one with the mental connection to Gabriel. “Perhaps you should go to the doctor’s instead.”
“No! I mean no, I’m fine. Much better.” He tried to swallow but his throat felt dry again.
“You do look much better, Gabriel, but if the site visit is going to be too much maybe we should call Dr. Todd today,” his grandmother said.
“I’ll definitely be going to the site. Really, no need for the doctor today,” Gabriel said with a tight smile. Or ever.
Johnson smiled back at Gabriel over his coffee cup as if he had won something.
I do not know if it is wise for you to go to this site with Johnson, the Mer said. He clearly did not like Johnson from what he was seeing through Gabriel’s eyes.
I don’t have much choice. If I stay behind, Grandma will insist I go see Dr. Todd, Gabriel said.
That would be even more unwise. The Mer sighed. I would almost say that Johnson trapped you into visiting the site. He saw how violently you reacted to the idea of going to the doctor last night and knew you would do anything to avoid it. Why is he so eager for you to see this ancient settlement?
No idea. Do you know anything about this site? Did the Mers ah, “mate” with this tribe?
Casillus chuckled. You are embarrassed by that word!
It sounds sexy and weird at the same time, Gabriel admitted.
Hmmmm, I will have to think of a suitable way to tease you about it later, the Mer said.
Tease away, Gabriel laughed.
Casillus’ emotions were calm again even though there was still a thread of concern for Gabriel running through him. Gabriel felt treasured. He sent that feeling back to the Mer. The loop of emotions burned between them like a merry fire. He basked in its warmth.
So about the site? Gabriel asked. Any secret Mer intel you can give me on it?
No, it is … odd. I have sent questions to the Elders, but I have received no information back, Casillus answered. It is another reason I do not want you to go there. I do not like this silence, though it could be nothing.
“I’m glad you’re feeling so much better, Gabriel. I must admit, though, that I’m eager to show you the site today,” Johnson said. “We found the inner sanctum of the temple.”
“The inner sanctum! What is that?” Grace asked.
Johnson caressed her cheek. “We hadn’t found it yet when you visited, Grace. It was hidden. It’s quite something.”
“That sounds so exciting! I’m sorry I won’t be able to join you boys today and see it for myself,” she said with an almost pout. Gabriel had never seen his grandmother pout and it was adorable.
“A council woman’s work is never done.” Johnson smiled at her.
“No, it is not. You’ll both have to tell me all about it later,” she said with a wag of her spatula.
At that moment Corey came into the kitchen. He was wearing an orange bathrobe that Gabriel had tried—and failed—to make him get rid of for years. Gabriel smiled. He loved that bathrobe now. Corey was scratching his beard and yawning. His bright red hair stood up on end. As soon as he saw Gabriel, though, he perked right up.
“Dude, you’re awake! Normally the only time I see you at this hour is if you stayed up all night,” Corey said, and then his brow furrowed. “Tell me that you didn’t stay up all night.”
“Don’t worry. I actually fell asleep in the bathtub.” Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck.
Corey peered at his face. “Well, you look pretty good for sleeping on porcelain!” He immediately sat down next to Gabriel. “Oh, hey Grandma G! Hey Johnson!”
Corey, evidently, was not surprised that Johnson had stayed the night. Knowing Corey, he was likely pleased. Love was in the air and all that. A wave of deep affection flowed through Gabriel. He reached over and took one of Corey’s hands in his. His best friend’s eyes widened in surprise. Gabriel wasn’t normally very physical, even with him. Gabriel squeezed his hand and released it.
Corey cast a glance at the older people before lowering his voice and asking, “Gabriel, what’s up?”
Gabriel was going to say “nothing,” but that wasn’t true. He had only three days left. Like with his grandmother, he wanted to tell Corey the truth so he said, “A lot. I—I need to tell you something.”
Corey’s eyebrows rose. “Okay.”
Gabriel kept his voice very low as he said, “But not here. Not now. Later.”
Corey nodded, though Gabriel could see the interest and concern in his warm brown eyes.
I’ll tell him everything this afternoon.
Gabriel realized that the best time would be after their visit to the settlement. He could have Corey come with him to meet Casillus. Then Corey could help him tell his grandmother as well. It would be good to have Corey’s assistance with that. As the other three talked cheerily about the beauty of the morning and what they would be doing at the site, Gabriel realized how hard it had been not having Corey in on this with him. He might not have acted so stupidly with Casillus in the beginning if Corey had been there. He cringed a bit as he remembered how rude he had been. He would have deserved it if the Mer had left him.
Gabriel, Casillus said softly. He realized the Mer had been listening. I understood then as I understand now how hard this is for you. I look forward to meeting Corey. Someone who holds such a large part of your heart must be very special.
Gabriel looked over at Corey as he enthused about the maple syrup his grandmother was heating up on the stove. He’ll love you. He’ll probably give you a big bear hug after he gets over the shock of mermen being real.
Casillus chuckled. I look forward to it. All of your thoughts of him are so warm and bright.
Yeah, he’s the best. A wave of sadness moved through Gabriel. He would be losing Corey soon.
Seize the moment, Gabriel. Do not think of anything else but this moment. Enjoy your family, Casillus urged, trying to distract him from his dark thoughts.
His grandmother was suddenly setting plates of fluffy pancakes in front of him and Corey. As Corey raved about the pancakes’ awesomeness, Gabriel did as Casillus suggested. He let go of his concerns about Johnson, the site, everything. He could almost feel them flow away from him, and he realized that Casillus was helping him do this, taking the emotions away from the front of his mind. He wasn’t alone in his burdens any longer. He didn’t need to be alone in his joy or love either. He allowed himself, and Casillus, to experience the love he had for his grandmother and Corey. He listened to their jokes, ate too many pancakes, and pretended that this moment was forever. He seized it and didn’t let go.
3
ONE MOMENT OR ONE HUNDRED YEARS
Gabriel and Corey walked up the stairs to the se
cond floor together after breakfast. Gabriel tried to hide how breathless he was as he struggled to keep up with Corey’s jaunty pace.
“So who gets the shower first, Gabe? Or do we have to fight for it?” Corey playfully poked at Gabriel’s side when they reached the second floor landing.
“Hey!” Gabriel quickly moved his arm to protect his ticklish side, and also what else might be there. For one moment, he feared Corey would feel his gills, but that was foolish since he wasn’t wet, though Gabriel could sense his gills there, waiting to come out. “You can go first. I think I’m going to lie down for a while.”
Corey’s worry-eyes immediately went in. “Are you okay, Gabe? You’re sounding a little winded, and this is coming from a guy with like one hundred pounds on you.”
Evidently he hadn’t hidden his breathlessness quite well enough. Gabriel patted Corey’s Buddha belly affectionately. “I’m okay. Just tired. Sleeping in the tub was … well, it was an adventure. I’ll catch a cat nap and be okay.”
Corey did not look convinced. “I’ll wake you up in an hour.” He hesitated, shifting from foot to foot. “But you know that you don’t have to go to the settlement, right?”
“I—”
“You could skip out on today’s tour,” Corey rushed out. “We’re here for the whole summer and this is just our third day here. There’s plenty of time for you to see it.”
Actually, I only have three days left to see it unless it’s from the water, Gabriel thought. Besides, Johnson isn’t going to let me get out of going to the settlement that easily if today’s conversation on the beach is any indication.
“I think Johnson would be disappointed if I didn’t. And it’ll worry everyone needlessly if I back out. They’ll think I’m sick or something,” Gabriel said with a weak smile.
Or something, for sure.
Corey shifted from foot to foot as he clearly debated saying something about Gabriel’s health or lack thereof. Now that Gabriel looked back on the last year with clear eyes and no fear, it was obvious he had been really sick, but Corey understandably believed that Gabriel would still keep denying it. Finally, his best friend said, “You know that you can tell me anything right? Even if it’s bad.”
“I know, Corey, but I promise there’s nothing really wrong with me.” He touched Corey’s arm. “I haven’t been myself for a while, but I promise I will be soon. I’ll tell you everything this afternoon.”
Corey shifted from foot to foot again as he said, “I just want you to be okay.”
Gabriel knew that Corey wanted to say more than that, but was holding back because he didn’t want to be a nag. Gabriel felt a stab of regret and shame that he had made his best friend worry for so long and had done nothing about it. Soon, at least, he would be able to put Corey’s mind at ease.
“I really will be okay. More than okay.” Gabriel suddenly hugged his best friend fiercely. Corey loved him so much, and Gabriel loved him back just the same.
Corey reacted to hugs like he always did: with enthusiasm. “Hey, hug!”
He picked Gabriel up in his arms and squeezed him until Gabriel was laughing and begging not to be crushed to death.
“Crushed by love,” Corey said as he released Gabriel.
“I really don’t think that anyone wants to be crushed by love, Corey.” Gabriel leaned against the wall to recover.
Corey tapped his chin. “Maybe you have a point.” Ever unflappable, he added, “And hey, since you’re determined to go to the settlement, maybe we’ll find someone amazing for you there, and then there will be summer love on the beach for you!”
Someone amazing …
Gabriel’s eyes widened. It seemed almost prophetic for Corey to use what Gabriel thought of as his own catchphrase back at him. Before his parents had died he had believed that he would meet someone amazing someday, but then he had lost that belief. Somehow, losing his parents had just crushed all of the hope out of him. He could still remember the conversation he had had in the van with Corey three days ago. He had stated with such certainty that he would be a bachelor forever. If he had never met Casillus that would still be true. But everything had changed after meeting the Mer.
He makes me feel … oh, man, he makes me feel such joy.
Gabriel had found his someone amazing, or rather, his someone amazing had found him. And Casillus really was absolutely amazing. Suddenly, Gabriel was struck by an urge to tell Corey all about the Mer, to share the overwhelming happiness he felt, right then and there. Why wait? But at that moment, he heard Johnson’s voice drift up from downstairs. He was laughing about something with Grace. Gabriel closed his mouth tighter.
I will tell him everything. After the tour today, when we’re the hell away from Johnson.
But still, Gabriel couldn’t resist saying, “Maybe I already have met someone amazing.”
Corey froze in place, then his eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Really? You’re not just saying that to throw Cupid off his game, now are you?”
“So you’re back to being Cupid again instead of Dr. Freud?” Gabriel laughed.
Corey straightened up and tried to appear affronted. “I am always Cupid no matter what other personas I take on.”
“Multiple personality disorder, Corey. It’s a thing. You should read up on it.” Gabriel laughed harder, then he turned Corey around and pushed him gently towards the bathroom. “Now go take your shower.”
“Wait! You’re trying to sidetrack me here! You need to tell me who this mystery man is!” Corey wailed.
But Gabriel was already inside his bedroom, and just before closing the door he tossed over his shoulder, “Maybe it’s a merman, Corey. After all, we’re at the beach!”
He heard Corey’s muffled cry of frustration as he shut the door firmly. He chuckled.
You are happy, Casillus said, and Gabriel felt the Mer’s own happiness build at the realization.
Corey has that effect on me. I was teasing him about you. And I’m finding that even just thinking about you has me feeling … Gabriel flushed. Fantastic. You make me feel like anything’s possible.
The Mer swam in a happy circle, which had Gabriel grinning as he threw himself onto his back on the bed. He put his left forearm over his closed eyes. He wanted to see through the Mer’s eyes at that moment, and he immediately did. Unlike before, he found himself easily connecting with Casillus.
It is because you are continuing to transition. The closer you come to the fullness of the change, the easier our joining will become, Casillus answered his unasked question.
The Mer was hovering over a reef that was alive with fish, crab and eels. One of the eel’s long, sinuous bodies slipped between the waving sea fans. A crab was snapping its pincers at Casillus. Fish darted here and there as they ate and swam. There was so much to see and just take in that Gabriel was stunned into silence as he enjoyed the view. This was a view that he would see for real soon.
This looks just like the mural I saw on the cave wall, Gabriel mused.
Did you like the mural? Casillus actually sounded slightly shy. I know that you allowed yourself to lose time in the cave because of it.
It was exquisite! I really was mesmerized by it, Gabriel enthused. Though getting caught in the cave was terrifying, I don’t regret looking at the mural.
I am sorry that it caused you any harm—
Why are you feeling guilty about that? It wasn’t your fault—oh! You painted the mural, didn’t you? Gabriel was struck with amazement that Casillus had created that gorgeous piece of art. Even then, the mural had re-ignited his feelings of wonder for the ocean.
There was a tentative kick of Casillus’ feet. The Mer actually ducked his head. Yes, I did. While I was waiting for … well, waiting for you.
That’s amazing. You’re amazing! But, um, how did you do it? Gabriel asked as he remembered the elaborate colors and immense amount of detail. You don’t exactly have pockets to hold chalk or paint or anything.
Casillus laughed. No, I do not. But the raw m
aterials to make the colors are all around us, Gabriel. I used what I could find.
And you did it all in one night? Gabriel remembered how sad he had been at the thought of the mural being washed away.
Oh, no! The pigments last underwater for quite some time, Casillus assured him. It took about a week.
You’re really gifted, Casillus, Gabriel murmured.
The Mer ducked his head again, which had Gabriel smiling more broadly. Thank you. I love to paint.
It shows. I hope I get to see more of your work, Gabriel said, and a rush of warmth went through him.
I have thought of painting you, actually.
Seriously? Gabriel pinked. I can’t see why …
Can you not? Casillus’ voice went husky. I will do so when we return home.
So … we have an hour to do whatever we want. Clearly no painting can happen right now, Gabriel said, his cheeks burning even hotter.
What would you like to do with this time, Gabriel? The Mer’s voice was filled with amusement.
I guess with the bond we have it’s sort of pointless to try to hide anything. Gabriel laughed self-consciously as he realized his desire for the Mer had undoubtedly spilled over the bond.
You have your privacy. I do not know every thought you have, Casillus assured him.
Maybe it would be easier if you did know. Gabriel let out another embarrassed chuckle. Although I can’t read your mind very well yet, other than the thoughts you send me directly.
Let me tell you what I am thinking, then.
Okay, I’m eager to know.
I wish you were with me in the water without those ridiculous clothes that hide your beautiful body from me, Casillus said, his mind voice deepening.
Gabriel’s mouth went dry and his lips parted in a small gasp. Pleasurable heat ran through him. He immediately imagined being naked with Casillus in the water. His bare thighs would brush against Casillus’ powerful ones. Their cocks would bob in the water between them, lightly caressing each other’s bellies as the currents moved them. Gabriel’s cock jerked in his shorts, and he drew one hand down to squeeze it through the restricting material.