‘Oh my goodness!’ I breathed.
‘Oh my goodness indeed,’ she wheezed back. ‘He was probably staying at Helensburgh, maybe... but I think they sent him somewhere else in the end. Might have been down at the docks for a while until they decided what to do with him. There was some problem with him being in the army or maybe he’d escaped from somewhere, maybe he was in prison. I don’t know. Might have been someone else. I shouldn’t be telling you all this stuff anyway. It’s just as well you’re only a child. I couldn’t tell you if you were a grown-up.’
‘I see,’ I said, not seeing. ‘Where, if not Helensburgh?’
‘Goodness, let me think. One of the farms at the back of the town? One of the barracks? Don’t know. Could be anywhere. We’re short on healthy men, like.’ She scratched her head with the end of her pencil and then chewed it, while I considered how Greenock seemed stowed out with healthy men.
‘He is Italian,’ I said. ‘Well, his dad must have been anyway.’
‘No, he wasn’t, love. He was English. Had a gorgeous voice. Wouldn’t have been in the army if he’d been Italian. But maybe that was the problem.’
‘He’s Italian, honest,’ I said.
‘Must be a different person then.’
‘No, it’s him. This is my dad.’ I had to insist.
‘What was his name now? I can’t remember...’
‘Lenny,’ I said. ‘Lenny Gillespie, or Galluzzo.’
‘Oh, well done, yes,’ she said. ‘That was it: Lenny.’ She didn’t seem to notice the surnames.
‘Well, I should know. He is my dad,’ I pointed out, hoping it didn’t sound cheeky.
‘Silly me!’ she said, her eyes pinned to the photo.
‘It’s my name too,’ I said.
She said she couldn’t quite remember. But then she brightened up.
‘I think he was on the roads or clearing the bomb sites, and then one day he tried to join the Merchant Navy.’ She said he shouldn’t have been allowed down near the docks in the first place, and he nearly managed to join but then someone recognised him from being brought into town by the army. After that they stopped him working for a while. But the trouble was they needed men to do the work, so after a few days she saw him there again.
‘I used to bring him soup, you see, because I don’t think they were feeding him right at the camp.’
I remembered George complaining about enemy aliens getting better grub than the rest of us.
‘But then my superior officer took me aside and said he was bad, with the ladies you know, and he drank, and that was that.’
Oh dear. The ladies. Plural. Not just Jeannie. And he drank. My stupid dad. Maybe I should just go home. I didn’t want more surprises like Bobby.
But I nodded. Maybe she had more.
She smiled back.
‘Sss... so how can I find him?’ I said.
‘Oh, yes, you want to find him. How did you manage to lose him? I mean, doesn’t your mum know?’
I shook my head. ‘We thought he was “missing presumed dead”.’
‘You have to be in the services for that, dear, I think, and he can’t be in the services or he wouldn’t have been working on the bomb sites or tried to join the Merchant Navy, would he?’ She gazed up at the ceiling and said, as if she was trying to remember, ‘There was a problem with being in the army though, wasn’t there, or was it the navy?’
Feeling slightly cross-eyed, I made the mistake of trying to explain about him being in the army first and then arrested for being Italian, but then I saw she had glazed over and wasn’t paying attention.
‘You said they were deciding what to do with him,’ I said. ‘Who would that be? Who can I ask?’
‘Um,’ she said. ‘Me, I suppose. I don’t decide, but ask me.’ She sighed and smiled at me. ‘I’ll go and ask my super.’
After a bit she came back to tell me I should go to the town hall and they’d check the missing persons book. She said she couldn’t give me any information anyway, because of security, and bit her lip.
‘I’ve told you too much already,’ she said, although she hadn’t really told me anything. ‘But don’t worry. He’s sure to turn up somewhere.’
‘How do I get to the work camp?’ I said.
‘The camp? Why do you want to go there?’
I sighed and considered what to say. ‘I’m visiting relatives near there,’ I said.
‘Good idea. Maybe they’ll know where he is.’
I felt my eyes cross again and went back out into the sunshine not knowing whether to be pleased or disappointed.
George and Ella were sheltering in a doorway further along the street, but didn’t notice me. Grey clouds were moving across the sky like a blanket over the blue. A soldier hurried past, then a flock of Wrens.
‘Excuse me,’ I called to the Wrens, ‘where’s the police station?’
‘Back that way,’ said one. ‘Up the hill. You can’t miss it. Beside the town hall.’
‘Thank you!’
Of course. I was so close I hadn’t seen the tower. Mustering all my courage, I went in.
The policewoman at the desk brought out several ledgers and told me all the ways my dad had made his presence known. There were three breaches of the peace, two assaults, two thefts and one conviction for impersonating a service personnel. He hadn’t been guilty of any of them.
‘No, no,’ she said. ‘He wasn’t found guilty, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t do it.’
This didn’t seem right to me, I mean isn’t that what courts are meant to do, find out if someone’s guilty or not? But I had to take her word for it. Old ideas about my dad had already been proved wrong.
‘Being Italian, some people didn’t like him so some of these could have been made up, or maybe they couldn’t be proved, and sometimes the court has to consider mitigating circumstances.’
I shrugged my shoulders.
‘He might have had good reasons, like selfdefence for instance. Maybe the sheriff didn’t think a charge was worth bothering with or just liked him and wanted to help. I know he had the whole court laughing once. I wasn’t there but he had the greatest excuses for impersonating a merchant seaman, like wanting to be one for instance. Amnesia was another one. That’s when you forget who you are.’ She laughed, although it seemed too true to be funny. ‘I remember him, though. He’d have charmed the hind legs off a donkey.’
This was true. We were definitely talking about my dad.
‘Thank you,’ I said, but she wasn’t finished.
‘His given address was always the camp at Helensburgh. They bring them over in the boat in the morning and take them back at night, but I heard he got sent somewhere to work where he’d be less trouble, somewhere without women. Rothesay I think. They might know at the employment exchange. If you come back tomorrow I’ll send a message up this afternoon.’
‘I can go to the employment exchange. Where is it?’
I couldn’t wait ’til tomorrow. And what if they forgot or got his name wrong or misunderstood?
‘They’re very busy up there,’ she said. ‘They don’t have time for children. Neither do I.’ Suddenly she was sharp and unfriendly.
I lowered my head, sniffed loudly and waited. Someone else came in the door and passed through to a room beyond.
‘Terrace Road, by the station, but you shouldn’t really. No-one has any time to waste.’
‘Thank you!’ I said and beamed at her.
‘Your dad was quite well known in Greenock for a while.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, as if she’d told me he’d started the latest dance craze.
As I left, I saw George and Ella sitting close together on a bench. They followed me up the street.
‘Stop following me,’ I said.
‘Stop following me,’ mimicked polka-dotty Ella.
‘I can’t. I have to look after you,’ said George.
‘In that case you can go to the barracks for me and ask for my dad,’ I said. I regrette
d it as soon as I’d said it. What if my dad really was at the barracks and George found him before me?
‘Alright,’ he said with annoying cheerfulness. ‘Fine. I’ll go.’
‘I’ll come with you,’ said Ella.
‘I’ll meet you back here,’ I said, and chewed on my lip. The blue sky had vanished completely and rain clouds were gathering over Helensburgh.
‘No, you won’t. You’ll have to come too,’ said George.
‘I can’t,’ I said. ‘Children aren’t allowed and I’d never pass for sixteen. You two would though.’
‘Where’s the photo then?’ said George. ‘Give us it and we’ll go.’
Remember this is George who has held my head under taps, rubbed nettles into my face and thrown me off the upper branches of trees, but these are other stories. Trust me, George was not to be trusted, even if he had come all the way to Greenock for me.
‘I lost it,’ I said with as noisy a sniff as I could manage, and pretended to search my pockets and panic when I couldn’t find it. George chewed his cheek while Ella twiddled her hair.
‘Oh no!’ she said, unconvincingly, as if I’d ever think she cared.
‘I’m going back the way I came,’ I said. ‘See if I can find it.’
‘You’re lying,’ said George. ‘Why can’t you just let us help you? Why do you always have to be so difficult?’ ‘Why are you here? Have you lost your job?’ I said. ‘No, stupid, I’ve left it. I’ve come to sign up for the Merchant Navy,’ he said.
‘What?’ I said. ‘What about the river patrol thing? And John Brown’s? And... . ’
‘And what?’ He stood there with his eyes all pinched and took another cigarette out of his pocket. Then he brought out the matches and lit it, pulling his cheeks in so hard he looked like a skeleton.
‘You can’t just walk out of a job. Mr Tait says you’ll never work again if you do that. He says John Brown’s is the best job in the world to have and you’re an apprentice and...’
He wasn’t even looking at me.
‘What about me?’ I went on. ‘You’re supposed to be looking after me.’
His head fell back on his shoulders for a second. He blew a long cloud of smoke up into the air above us then looked at me without answering.
‘You’re too young,’ I added.
‘Not for the Merchant Navy,’ he said.
‘Yes, you are,’ I said. ‘They won’t take you. You’re...’ I couldn’t think why they wouldn’t take him.
‘Too stupid? Too bad? Too annoying? Any of those fit?’
‘Well, yes, actually, if you want to know,’ I said. ‘And you’re not big enough.’
He laughed. He was tall, but he was skinny too. We were all skinny.
‘I mean you have to be muscly,’ I said. ‘And you can’t swim.’
‘I won’t need to swim,’ he said. ‘Swimming’s no use to a merchant seaman.’
‘But what if...’ It was my turn to bite my lip. What if his ship sank like so many others? Surely he’d need to swim.
‘He’s going to be a hero,’ put in Ella. ‘You shouldn’t try to stop him. That’s just selfish.’
‘Mind your own business!’ said George, just as I was going to say the same.
‘Well, that’s not very nice,’ she said.
‘Shut up, Ella!’ said George.
I splurted out a laugh but George glared at me. Ella sulked off and leant against the police station wall. The first spot of rain landed at my feet. I pulled my collar in tight and straightened my scarf.
‘Mr Tait wouldn’t let me join the Merchant Navy because he said I was too young,’ said George. (I always agreed with Mr Tait.) ‘I’d have had to lie about my age and you know what Mr Tait was like about lying.’
‘He wasn’t your dad,’ I pointed out. ‘What about your dad?’
‘What about him?’ said George looking genuinely surprised. ‘Anyway, even though there’s a war on and the country needs every man, I think he just didn’t want me joining, in case I got killed. If your ship goes down in the middle of the Atlantic you don’t stand a chance, not unless you’re very lucky and a rescue boat comes along.’
I thought about all the bedraggled souls down at the pier I had seen the day before and realised that must have been what happened to them. They’d been the lucky ones.
‘Why are you doing it then? You don’t need to. You’re at John Brown’s. It’s protected. You can stay there all through the war. No-one would think anything of it. Mr Tait told me we’re winning now. You could just hang on and wait and it’ll be over soon.’
‘Exactly,’ he said.
‘Come on,’ said Ella suddenly. ‘I thought we were going to the barracks.’
I looked at George. There was just no understanding boys. He glared back at me.
Ellie slumped against the wall again.
‘That’s the stupidest thing ever,’ I said. ‘I still don’t understand why.’
George did that Mr Tait thing of taking forever to answer. ‘You wouldn’t understand,’ he said and he blew a puff of smoke out the side of his mouth.
‘Of course I’d understand,’ I said. ‘Why don’t you try telling me? Why am I even bothered?’ I threw my arms in the air and gazed down the street.
‘Alright,’ he said. ‘It’s because it’s going to be over soon. Because we’re winning. Because of everything you said. Because it’s my only chance. It’ll be over and everyone else, even Sandy for God’s sake, even he got to join the war. And everyone will have stories to tell, everyone gets to be a hero, everyone except me.’
‘What happened to Sandy?’ I said. (Sandy was my old friend from Carbeth). ‘Sandy never came back. I haven’t seen him since last year. He could be dead for all we know. You don’t want to be dead do you? That’s idiotic.’
‘Of course Sandy never came back,’ said George. ‘Why would he come back to Carbeth? Carbeth is for babies. He’ll be spending his leave in town. Anyway, I don’t have time for this. Not if I’ve to go to the barracks too.’
So I had to explain that sending him to the barracks had been a trick and that really I was going to the employment exchange, same as him, but for a different reason.
‘My God but you’re an annoying little cow,’ he said.
And then Ella joined in and called me a dimwit and a selfish wee dough ball, so I had to cross my arms, stick my nose in the air and turn my back on both of them. But mainly I put my back to them because I didn’t know what to think of George joining up and going away, because I knew I didn’t want him to go to sea or join the Merchant Navy. This was something new. Ordinarily I wanted George to go as far away from me as possible. A week earlier and I’d have been cheering. Normally I wouldn’t have felt my tummy tighten and my chest squeezing all the air out. So this was different, and I didn’t know what to think.
But it turned out they didn’t know where the employment exchange was, only that it was near the station which I had already passed. I knew it meant going back past the broken tenements which had been bombed and I didn’t want to do that, but I was the only person who knew the way and it was the only way to go.
‘Wow! It’s just like Clydebank, isn’t it?’ said Ella, as if this made walking through bombed-out Greenock some kind of treat.
I held my nose against the old familiar smell and went on ahead of them trying not to look.
Then we turned up towards the station which was on Terrace Road and climbed the hill until we went over the railway line and beyond. The employment exchange loomed large and important and was guarded by groups of ladies chattering.
Chapter 29
The real guard at the door of the labour exchange was one very nice old lady in green tweed who sat at a little table smiling out a welcome. She asked us why we were there so she could send us to the right place. George was easy. There was a special desk on one side of the room with two men in sailor’s blue and a short queue of two other boys and a man. Beyond this a line of ladies sat at a counter facing anot
her row of ladies with pencils and notepads. The hum of their voices was steady like bees at a window. Ella followed George to the sailors’ desk but he sent her away again, so she bumped in beside me with a face like fizz while I was explaining what I was doing there, again.
‘Are you her big sister?’ said the old lady.
‘Yes!’ said Ella just as I said ‘No!’
‘You’re very alike,’ said the lady. ‘Must be the gentian.’ I glared at Ella. ‘This is Ella. We’re not related,’ I said. ‘Go away, Ella. It’s private.’ I looked her right in the eye so she’d know I meant business. ‘You’re not family.’ She wrinkled up her nose and slunk away out to the street.
‘So he was in the army but isn’t any more,’ said the lady in a lowered voice. I nodded. ‘Then he was Italian so he was arrested and sent to Helensburgh. Then he did something to get arrested again, you’re not sure what, and got sent to Greenock, and then he did something terrible again so he got sent away somewhere else. Is that right?’
‘Sort of,’ I said, and blushed. My dad didn’t sound very nice. I glanced over at George who was leaning against the wall trying to look manly.
‘But you’ve no idea where,’ she said.
‘No,’ I said.
‘Or why?’
I glanced at George again. This time he was watching me.
‘Well, he’s a bit of a one, isn’t he, your dad?’ She laughed and straightened out her green cable sweater. ‘And you don’t know any of these terrible things he’s supposed to have done?’ I shook my head. ‘Or you’re not telling.’ Her mouth stretched to a grin and she patted my hand. ‘Quite right, dear. Loose lips sink ships.’ She nodded towards a poster on a nearby wall that said the same.
‘They wouldn’t let him join the Merchant Navy because of his being Italian,’ I said as quietly as I could, ignoring the poster, ‘but he still tried and now the Italians are on our side so I suppose he might have been allowed in the end, if he’d tried again.’
‘He’d have come here if he was volunteering. What’s his name, dear?’
So I told her.
‘I’ve never heard of him, myself,’ she said. ‘And I couldn’t tell you anyway, especially if he was Italian.’ I slid the photo across her table.
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