At the beach, I park the car quickly. I didn’t go with Noah when he left to visit our parents. I just couldn’t face my mom. She would sense that something is wrong. I hasten to the front door and ring the bell a few times. Depending on who opens the door, this could be awkward. What if I woke them up? I hope that’s not the case.
Finally, someone opens the door.
“Hi,” I force out, feeling choked.
The guy looks at me with raised eyebrows. “Aren’t you a friend of Nate’s?”
I nod, afraid I’m coming across as hysterical. “Yes. Uh … do you know how I can reach him, by any chance? It’s really important,” I add for good measure.
“As far as I know, he’s got his phone on him. Have you tried calling him?”
“Several times. Does he maybe have a new number? I’ve been trying to reach him for days, but I’m only getting a recording that says the connection cannot be made at the moment.”
The guy checks the contact list on his phone, comparing the digits on mine. “You have the correct number. Did he maybe block you?”
I take a deep breath and rub a hand across my face. “Fuck.” The next moment, I must sobbing, because the world turns fuzzy and then black, and then I find myself sitting on the front steps. Black dots are dancing before my eyes.
“Are you okay? Can I help you with something?”
“My world is a nightmare,” I whine. I hate these mood swings, but I’m completely at their mercy.
“What’s wrong?” the guy probes. He wears his brown hair longer than most men, his eyes are a dark green, and he’s rather tall, but not as muscular as Nathaniel.
“Your name is Delsin, isn’t it?”
He nods. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Can I call Nathaniel from your phone?” I ask, all but begging.
He immediately holds out his phone. “Dialed him already.”
My hand is shaking as I hold the phone to my ear. I wait, holding my breath, but only reach his voicemail. “It’s Nate, but I can’t take your call right now. Leave a message after the beep, and I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”
Beep.
“Nathaniel, it’s me, Shai,” I cry into the phone. “I’ve been trying to call you for a while now, but it’s … it’s really urgent, so please call me back. It’s important. Don’t think I’m making a stupid joke, ’cause I’m not. I really need to talk to you.”
After I hang up, Delsin squats in front of me. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head and make a face.
He comes closer, cautiously, as you would approach an injured animal, and then he picks me up. He carries me into the house, and I let it happen, at a loss for how to react.
“Ave,” he yells, “come downstairs, quick!” He carries me into the living room and sets me down on the couch. “Shailene, what happened?” he asks, and I can hear the mounting concern in his voice.
I feel like some hormone-driven, menopausal crazy lady, because all I can do is sob harder.
“What’s wrong?” Avery asks as he enters the living room.
Delsin shrugs. “I don’t have a clue. She came and asked for Nate, and then she suddenly started crying.”
Avery looks at me, sitting down on the couch next to my shivering frame. “Do you want to talk alone?” he asks softly.
I can only nod weakly.
“I’m going to leave you alone,” Delsin says and disappears.
“What threw you off balance like this, Shailene?”
With trembling hands, I pull the ultrasound picture from my purse and show it to Avery.
His eyes widen. “You’re not serious?”
“Yes, I am,” I squeak and then lower my eyes. “Nathaniel and I ended up in bed together and we didn’t use protection,” I explain in a broken-sounding voice. “I thought it wasn’t the time of month that anything could happen, but now … well, you can see it happened anyway.”
“Fuck,” he blurts out. “All right, I’ll try to reach him. And I think you better lie down for a while.” He pulls his phone from his pocket. “Should I send him the picture?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Think about it while I speak to him,” he says, rising from the couch.
I watch him leave the living room. The next moment, Dahlia steps in from the terrace. “Hey, Shailene.” She’s smiling, but then it fades as she looks at me. “Jesus, what happened to you?”
I hold out the ultrasound, because I can’t form the words to answer her question.
Her face falls. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yeah, I guess I am. In the fourth week.” I try to keep it together, try not to cry again, but I can’t hold it in. The tears flow freely, and I feel them drip onto my bare legs.
Dahlia sits down next to me. “What happens now?”
“I, uh, need to figure that out with Nathaniel, but … I-I can’t reach him. Avery’s trying to call him.” I take a deep breath and bury my face in my hands. “I’m fucking up my own life and his.”
“How so? Babies are wonderful.”
“We’re both in college, and I can’t see us managing life with a baby. And we’re not even a couple or anything,” I add sheepishly.
“Do you have to be a couple to raise a child?” she asks cautiously.
“It would be better, I think. A baby needs both a father and mother, not just one of them.”
She exhales with a hiss. It sounds almost like a whistle. “Do you even want to have this baby?”
“I don’t know.” My voice is hoarse and scratchy. “Nathaniel’s going to rip my head off for this, isn’t he?”
“If he had thought about using a condom, you wouldn’t be in this situation. It’s not your fault alone,” she says encouragingly. “I assume he’ll be surprised, and probably overwhelmed, but you can manage. People have babies all the time, no matter the circumstances.”
I lift my head and look at the door, because I hear footsteps approaching. “Are you ready to talk to her, Nate? … Yeah, she appeared on our doorstep, looking for you … Why did you block her number in the first place? ... Not a satisfying answer, but anyway … Yes, she’s still here. We were about to leave, so she’s lucky we were all still here.” Avery comes into the room and approaches me. “I’ll hand her the phone, one moment.” He holds it out to me, but it takes a poke from Dahlia for me take it, I’m so scared.
“Hi, Nathaniel,” I say weakly.
“What’s wrong, Shai?” he asks. “Avery wouldn’t tell me what’s going on, but you sound like you’re crying.”
“S-something h-happened,” I stammer.
“Will you tell me what it is?” he asks hesitantly.
I heave a sigh and feel the tears well again in my eyes. “We didn’t use … protection. And now … I-I’m pregnant, Nathaniel.”
“What?”
His loud voice gives me a start, but when I’ve recovered, I repeat, “I’m pregnant. Fourth week,” I add sheepishly, “almost fifth.”
“Fuck,” he says hollowly. “And … do you want to have the baby?”
“What do you want?” I ask softly.
“To process the news,” he says stiffly, obviously as helpless as I am.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper and then hand the phone back to Avery.
He gives me a skeptical look, but takes it. “It’s me again, Nate. I think Shailene is overwhelmed by it all … Yeah, both of you, I guess. You’re not alone … I don’t know if it’s a good idea to cut your visit short and return to Miami now.” Avery throws me a questioning glance.
I shake my head. “Let him enjoy his vacation.”
“Shailene says to enjoy your stay … You still have enough time to think it all through… Undo the blocking so you guys can talk. She can keep you updated and everything.”
I nod at him.
“She thinks the same … I can’t bring her to Austin, Nate.” Avery sighs. “I’d like to, but—”
“I want to stay here,” I interrupt. “At the moment,
I’m better off on my own.”
“She doesn’t want to come, Nate … Jesus, will you calm the fuck down? It’s not the end of the world if she stays here … You’re exaggerating.”
“Can I talk to him again?” I ask.
“I’m giving you back to Shailene.” Avery hands over the phone.
“Nate, I want to stay here and have my peace and quiet so I can think,” I blurt out as soon as the phone is against my ear. “Right now, that is what I need, and if I get lonely, there’s always my friends.”
Nathaniel takes a deep breath on the other end of the line. “Okay, but please promise you’ll call me whenever you feel bad. Or … when you’ve made a decision.”
“I can only do that if you don’t have me blocked,” I say a little coldly.
“I’ll take care of that as soon as we hang up, and then I’ll send you a text.”
“Thank you,” I sigh. “I’m going home now, since your friends are busy. I’m sorry you had to hear this over the phone.”
“It’s okay. Get some rest, Shai.”
“Bye.” I hang up without giving him the chance to say goodbye back—or anything else. Then I hand the phone back to Avery. “Thanks for calling him for me. I’ll go home now.”
Avery nods. “If I can do anything else for you, you can call me. Do you still have my number?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t think we’d stay in contact after you broke up with Pearl.” Dahlia snorts at the mention of Pearl’s name, which I can understand. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly.
“I’ll call you now, so you have it again,” Avery says.
“Thank you.” I stand up. “Have a nice vacation, all of you.”
“You, too,” Dahlia says with a smile.
Avery waits at the front door until I’m in my car. I start the engine and wave goodbye.
“At least now he knows,” I tell the empty car. “Now let’s see how he deals with the news.”
***
That evening, the phone rings, interrupting my circling thoughts. “Yes?”
“Hey, honey!” Pearl says cheerfully. “In the mood for a party? Coop and some of his friends are throwing one.”
“I don’t think I’m in the mood.”
“Why not?” she asks.
“I don’t feel too good.”
“What’s wrong?”
I take a deep breath. I’m not planning on telling her I’m pregnant, because if I did, the whole of Miami would know by tomorrow. “Oh, I’ve got a headache and cramps. I think I’m getting my period.”
“Take an aspirin or something and then come. You have to be there! Cay is already pouting here next to me.”
Should I give in? Maybe it’s worth a try to distract myself from all the questions haunting me right now. But I just really don’t want to deal with a bunch of drunk students and loud music. “Nah, I don’t think so.”
“I won’t take no for an answer,” Pearl says firmly. “We’re picking you up in half an hour. Deal?”
“Pearl,” I protest.
“See you in thirty.” She hangs up.
Great. Now I need to get ready and be forced into attending a stupid party. Sometimes I want to scream at my friends for being so dense and so devoid of any consideration for others.
I slowly get up from my bed and take stock of the contents of my closet. I take out a simple, rose-colored dress and slip into it. Then I comb my hair and dab some powder on my face. I don’t wear any more makeup in the hope that they’ll see how tired I look and tell me to stay home.
***
When the doorbell rings, I leave the apartment and do downstairs. Pearl and Cay are at the front door. They both give me an assessing look.
Bingo, they’re going to tell me I look tired, I think happily.
“Looking good,” Cay finally says.
“You’re such a bad liar,” I reply. “Let’s go. But I already know I won’t be staying long tonight.”
Together, we walk to Pearl’s car together, and I lean back as soon as we’re in. Pearl drives too fast and jerky, and I start feeling nauseous again, so I roll down the window and stick my head out.
“Did you eat something bad or are you pregnant?” Cay asks playfully.
I smile at her, putting on a nonchalant act. They’re not attentive enough to notice my real feelings. “And who would have gotten me pregnant so suddenly?”
“I don’t know. Who knows what you’ve been keeping from us? Secret lover?”
“Yeah, Cay, I lay down in the grass with my legs spread and let the wind do the job,” I say dryly.
“Really?” she says in an irritated voice, while reapplying lipstick with the help of a pocket mirror.
I slap my forehead at her stupidity. “No, I’m not pregnant, I probably just ate something bad or caught a stomach bug.”
“Eww, that’s so gross,” she squeals, making a disgusted face.
“Oh, is it?” I ask, getting more and more annoyed with her. “Have you never been sick?”
“Rarely, and I’ve never contracted anything that gross,” she claims.
“We can cuddle a little if you’re interested,” I reply, deadpan. “I’m generous with the virus.”
“Sometimes you really are disgusting, Shai,” Pearl scolds from the driver’s seat. “You should start acting more like a lady, for God’s sake.”
“That’s rich. Do you mean I should act the way you do? No, thank you, I’d rather not be a bitch.”
“You sound a lot like one right now. What’s wrong with you?” Pearl asks shrilly.
I snort, looking out at the passing row of palm trees. “You’re getting on my nerves.”
“Oh, okay,” Cay snaps. “Why didn’t you stay home then?”
“Are you kidding me?” I snap. “I told Pearl I don’t feel good, and she practically forced me to come. That’s why!”
We’re conveniently stopped at a red light, and my annoyance is so great that I unfasten my seatbelt and get out. I slam the door and start walking back in the direction of my house, and they don’t call after me. Sometimes I want to throttle them both. Why didn’t I just switch off the doorbell and my phone? Then I could have skipped this dumb discussion. It’s my fault, I know. I keep letting them decide stuff for me. I need to grow a pair and learn to say no. Period. I’ve always thought they’re my friends, but I’m finally starting to doubt it.
A black SUV passes me, the driver honking his horn. I lift a tired eyebrow as I watch the car slow down and then stop. Cliff gets out and waves me over, so I walk faster. “Hey, gorgeous. What are you doing here … on the side of the road?”
I offer him a tired smile. “I was out with Pearl and Cay, but they were being annoying, so I got out to walk home.”
Now he lifts an eyebrow. “Get in. I’m taking you home. Or rather, my pal here will.”
I bend my head to look inside. A blond guy smiles at me from the driver’s seat. “Hi,” I say shyly.
“So are you coming?”
“Where?” I ask, confused.
“Home. We’re taking you home. I just offered you a ride.”
I shake my head and shrug. “Sorry, I’m a bit too upset to think straight, I guess.”
Cliff gives me a compassionate smile and helps me into the backseat of the large car. Then he gets in as well. “Let’s go, Anson.”
“Do you want me to open the window?” his friend asks. I must look sick.
“That would be nice,” I say.
There’s a soft whirr as the back window rolls down. “Where do I need to go?” Anson asks.
I tell him my address. Cliff and Anson talk about their plans for the rest of the summer. It turns out that Anson isn’t from around here, but moved to Miami a short while ago, from Maine. He and Cliff met at the fitness center. I didn’t even know Cliff lifted weights or anything; he doesn’t look the type.
“What do your parents do in Maine?” I ask, just to be part of the conversation, too.
“I don’t know my father,
” Anson says easily. “I only know he’s a businessman and has two other sons, both older than me. My mom was his secretary, and they had an affair. Until she wanted more and he gave her notice.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “What an asshole.”
“Yep, that’s the way I see it.” He nods.
“Do you know your brothers at all?” I inquire.
“No. They’re both students here, though. But I’ve never been told their names or what they study or anything.”
“That’s messed up,” I blurt out.
“Could we change the subject?” Cliff says. “Both your stories are so messed up that I always feel bad for coming from some sort of Disney family by comparison.” He gives an apologetic shrug.
“Sure,” Anson and I say in unison.
When I look in the rearview mirror, I notice Anson’s eyes are two different colors. One is dark blue, the other light green. A weird combination, and I’ve never seen anything like it. “Your eyes are incredible,” I finally say.
“Was that a compliment?” Anson asks in the mirror.
I smile. “I guess so.”
“You guess so?” he repeats, sounding amused.
“Shai isn’t big on stating things unequivocally,” Cliff chimes in with a laugh.
Anson nods. “I see. I’d better get used to that then, huh?”
“Yeah, you should,” Cliff says.
“Guys, I’m sitting right here.”
“We know,” they both quip.
I shake my head, grinning. “What are you two doing tonight?”
“We were about to go for a few rounds of pool,” Cliff says. “You?”
“I don’t know. I guess now that Pearl and Cay and their party are out of the equation, I’ll go to bed early and pull the covers over my head. I’m exhausted, I feel sick, and I have … well, feminine problems, I guess.”
Cliff turns around and studies me in order to grasp what I mean, and I notice him glance at my belly, his eyes lingering for a moment too long. Then he gives me a questioning look.
With a sigh, I nod.
His eyes widen. “You’re not serious!” he blurts out.
“Yes. I’m serious,” I say quietly. “That’s what happens when you’re not careful and mix up your cycle.”
“Fuck, Shai!”
“Don’t get all worked up. I need to wait for Nate to figure out where he stands on this. We don’t even know if we want to have it at this point.”
Nathaniel: True Love: New Adult College Romance Novella (Coral Gables Series Book 4) Page 7