by Susan Lewis
Craig flinched and Sabrina yelled, ‘That’s what you like to think, but let me tell you this. Every time he makes love to you, he’s thinking of me. Whenever he looks at you, he’s wishing you were me, and we both know you’ve been wondering where he really is when he says he’s working late at night, well he’s with me. It’s not over between us, Alicia, and it never will be.’
Alicia was trembling uncontrollably as Craig came to take the phone.
‘Sabrina, you have to get help,’ he said quietly, and without waiting for a response he ended the call and turned off the phone.
‘Did you hear what she said?’ Alicia asked hoarsely.
‘More or less. It’s not true, I hope you know that.’
She turned away.
Catching her, he forced her to look at him. ‘It’s not true,’ he insisted. ‘I have not seen her since the day I told her it was over.’
‘So where have you been when you’re supposed to be working late?’
‘There’s no supposed about it. That’s where I’ve been.’
‘So how does she know … ?’
‘Alicia, you’re falling into her trap. Working late goes with the territory of being a lawyer. Everyone knows that, including her, so she’s using it to try and drive a wedge between us again.’
She was shaking her head. ‘I want to believe you,’ she said, ‘but I’m afraid to.’
‘If it’ll help, go through my phone,’ he said, trying to pass it back. ‘You’ll find one call from her, the one I received today, and that’s it. I haven’t rung her, I haven’t seen her, and I don’t want to see her.’
Her eyes were swimming in tears of uncertainty as she looked at him. ‘Are you sure?’ she asked.
‘Of course I’m sure.’
Her head went down, and allowing him to draw her to him she rested a cheek on his shoulder as her mind spun with the chaos of lies and betrayal.
‘It’ll be fine,’ he told her, holding her tight. ‘Everything will, you just wait and see.’
‘Have you been crying?’ Sabrina asked, throwing a quick glance at Annabelle as she drove her to Georgie’s.
‘No,’ Annabelle answered shortly, keeping her face averted.
‘Yes you have, I can hear it in your voice. What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
Sabrina glanced at her again. ‘Is it something…’
‘Just leave it, will you? I’m fine.’
To her relief her mother only sighed and continued to drive. If she’d kept on Annabelle knew she wouldn’t have been able to stand it, because she was still so close to the edge that she couldn’t allow herself to think about anything, especially Nat, or she’d go over again. He shouldn’t have hung up on her like that. It was mean and rude and had made her feel like a stupid minger, and as though she didn’t mean anything to anyone. She’d only wanted to be friends, but he’d hardly even spoken to her.
‘I expect his mother was there,’ Georgie said comfortingly when they were in the privacy of her room and Annabelle related what had happened through a storm of tears.
‘Yeah, I thought of that,’ Annabelle wailed, dabbing at her eyes. ‘It’s not that he doesn’t like me, is it?’
‘No, of course not. I only said he wasn’t interested because I was feeling really crap myself. It’s weepy Wednesday, remember? We’re both on a downer.’
‘We need to get some weed.’
‘I know. Oh sod Clark’s Village, I’ll go and tell Mum we’ve changed our minds, then I’ll ring Melody. She usually knows where to get some.’
As Georgie left the room, Annabelle huddled herself up in the window seat and stared absently down into the valley. She was thinking of Nat, and her mother, and how fantastic everything used to be, and wishing with all her heart that it could be like it again.
‘This is the best holiday ever, isn’t it?’ Annabelle sighed happily, as her mother wandered into Annabelle’s tower room in the Italian villa.
Sabrina smiled and drew a hand softly round her cheek. ‘Absolutely,’ she whispered. There was a glow about her that made her appear more beautiful than ever, and Annabelle’s heart filled with love and pride that she was her mother. ‘It’s the perfect place to fall in love,’ Sabrina murmured.
Annabelle coloured to the roots of her hair.
Noticing, Sabrina’s smile deepened. ‘It’s OK,’ she said kindly, ‘I’m not surprised you’ve fallen for Nat. You two have always been close, and he’s very good-looking.’
A delirious glow of infatuation broke through the hesitancy in Annabelle’s eyes. ‘Do you think he’s fallen for me too?’ she asked shyly.
Sabrina laughed in a way that always seemed to light up Annabelle’s world. ‘How could he not?’ she answered, hugging her. ‘And I won’t ask what the two of you have been getting up to when you go walking in the olive groves, or disappear to play some board game or other, Italy’s such a romantic place …’
‘We don’t do anything,’ Annabelle protested, blushing so hotly it was painful.
Appearing surprised, Sabrina said, ‘You mean he hasn’t kissed you yet?’
Annabelle’s head went down as she started to smile. ‘Well, yes, he has,’ she confessed. Then, ‘Actually, lots of times.’
Sabrina gave another tinkle of laughter, and laughing too Annabelle threw her arms around her and they tumbled in a heap on to the bed. Though she longed to ask her mother’s advice on how much further she should let him go, she knew, because she was only thirteen, that her mother would take a very different view of the relationship if she had any idea of the way Annabelle was thinking. But as soon as she was sixteen it would be all right, because then they could tell everyone that they wanted to get married, once they’d finished their studies.
‘We have to go to university first,’ Nat had insisted, when they’d discussed it earlier in the day, while lying in their secret little niche in the olive groves behind the villa. ‘And maybe we should wait until I’ve passed my bar exams before we make any proper plans.’
‘Of course,’ she agreed, and felt a burn hotter than the sun slide between her legs as he pulled her to him. ‘Do you think they’ll be shocked that we want to get married?’ she whispered shakily.
‘Probably, but who cares?’
Gazing at him adoringly, she said, ‘I really love you.’
‘I love you too,’ he murmured, and covered her mouth with his.
‘Is he a good kisser?’ Sabrina asked mischievously, as they lay side by side on the bed.
Annabelle blushed again. ‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘I mean, I’ve never kissed anyone else, but I know he’s the best.’
Sabrina’s head came round to look at her. ‘That’s because he comes from the best,’ she said softly, ‘and nothing else will do for my girl. But promise me it won’t go any further than kissing. He’s older than you, and you’re very beautiful, so he could feel tempted to try and persuade you to do more, especially when you’re walking around in a bikini most of the time.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Annabelle said, looking away, and feeling glad that her mother had no way of knowing that Nat was the one holding back more than she was. Then in a rush of euphoria she smiled and snuggled into her, as she said, ‘I wish we didn’t have to go home tomorrow, don’t you?’
‘Mm,’ Sabrina answered, gazing up at the frescoed ceiling as she idly stroked Annabelle’s hair. ‘I think we’ll both have very special memories of this holiday, my darling, and maybe, one day, we might even come back here. Would you like to live in Italy?’
‘To live?’ Annabelle echoed in surprise. ‘Only if Nat was here.’
Sabrina smiled. ‘Of course,’ she said, ‘and who knows, maybe he will be.’
Chapter Twelve
Sabrina’s welcoming smile was fading fast as she looked at Robert. He’d just returned, a day earlier than scheduled, but apparently, instead of coming straight home, where she’d been waiting, he’d dropped in to see his sister first.
‘I see,’
she said, feeling dizzied and angry and unsure of what to say. ‘Well maybe you’d like to go back over there and spend some more time with her,’ she blurted sharply. ‘After all, I don’t suppose it matters that I cancelled my arrangements this morning in order to be here for you?’
Immediately looking contrite, he said, ‘You didn’t need to do that. I told you when I rang that I wouldn’t be staying long. I’m due at the labs in a couple of hours. I only came back to change and pick up my mail. I thought maybe we could go out for dinner this evening.’
Sabrina was still stinging from the slight of having come second to his sister. ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t rather take Alicia?’ she said coldly.
‘Darling, don’t be childish,’ he said. ‘Of course I’d rather take you. Anyway, she’s meeting one of Craig’s old colleagues at Hunstrete House.’
Sabrina stiffened.
Noticing, he felt a fist close tightly in his chest, and wished he could take the words back. ‘One of your old haunts?’ he said, managing to keep his tone mild, but it was underscored by an acuity that gave a knowing edge to his smile.
She turned away, intending to pick up her car keys.
He didn’t want a row, more than anything he wanted to take her in his arms and start his homecoming all over again, perhaps even begin their marriage all over again, but he heard himself saying, ‘I hear you’ve managed to throw a spanner in the works for Alicia’s shop.’
Sabrina spun round, outrage not quite managing to mask the guilt in her eyes. ‘I’m not the one who makes the rules,’ she snapped.
‘My guess is you didn’t even know what they were until you went looking,’ he commented. He looked her straight in the eye. ‘It’s not going to stop her,’ he said evenly. ‘She’ll get the authorisations or permits…’
‘Why? Because you’re going to help her?’
‘I don’t have any sway with the local authority. She’ll get them through the proper channels, so your only success will be in delaying the inevitable.’
Though her face was pinched, and her eyes were darting about wildly as she tried to think what to say, she knew very well he’d get the better of her if this developed into a full-scale row. So, attempting to turn the tables, she said, ‘Is this what you want, Robert? Always to be in the middle, her one side, me the other? Because I hope you realise that’s how it’s going to be if she stays here.’
Fearing she was right, he said, ‘It doesn’t have to be.’
‘There isn’t any other way.’
Sighing, he picked up his mail and started to leaf through. They’d have to find some way of dealing with the situation, but for the moment he was at a total loss as to how they might. ‘Where’s Annabelle?’ he asked. ‘I brought her the perfume she asked for.’
Not yet ready to change the subject, she said, ‘Tell me, do you defend me when you’re talking to her? Or do you just stand there letting her play the victim, slagging me off and…’
‘Sabrina, please don’t do this. I’m tired, I’ve got a lot on my mind and I’m not going to let myself be drawn into this ridiculous campaign you seem to have started. You are the one who was in the wrong, when you slept with her husband, and now you’re compounding matters by trying to stop her making a living. So why don’t you simply get on with your life and let her get on with hers?’
‘Before you walk away,’ she shouted, as he started to leave, ‘maybe you’d like to consider the favour I did her, by bringing the permits to her attention. If I hadn’t she’d have been operating illegally and they’d probably have closed her down.’
‘Nice try,’ he said, turning back, ‘but as we both know there was no altruism in your motive.’
‘OK, but please try to understand how difficult life is going to be, having her here. Look at us now. You’ve just come back after ten days away, and we’ve already fallen out, which wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t called in to see her.’
‘Actually, it was Nat I dropped in to see. I wanted to invite him to Lord’s with me next week, but he wasn’t there, so I had a chat with Alicia instead.’
‘You’re taking Nathan to Lord’s?’ she gasped, looking so shaken he might have hit her.
‘He’s my nephew,’ he reminded her. ‘His father has recently died, which means I have a role to play in his life, and I’d like to do so.’
‘I see.’ Her mind was spinning with dread as the ramifications of what he was saying began crowding in on her. She was going to lose him, she could feel it deep inside her, and she couldn’t bear it. ‘So what about Annabelle?’ she said huskily. ‘Or doesn’t she count any more?’
His eyes turned hard. ‘Don’t ever accuse me of not caring about Annabelle,’ he growled. ‘I’d take her anywhere she wanted to go, if she was willing to go with me, but she’s at the age now where she’d rather be with her friends, as you well know. Now, where is she? I was hoping to see her before I set off for the labs.’
‘Actually, she’s taking my appointment at Babington. I drove her there about an hour ago, then came home, thinking we could spend some time together before I had to go back for her.’
She looked so lost and unsure of herself that he put his mail down and went to gather her up in his arms. ‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured into her hair. ‘It wasn’t the best home-coming, was it?’
She clung to him hard, as though afraid he would let her go, then looking up at him she began searching his eyes, but for what he couldn’t be sure. ‘I love you, Robert,’ she said. ‘You know that, don’t you?’
‘Yes,’ he answered, certain it was true, but knowing with an old familiar ache that it wasn’t the same as she’d felt for Craig.
‘I know I’ve messed things up,’ she said brokenly, ‘but I’m… It’s been so hard since …’ She gasped on a sob, and pressed her fingers to her mouth. ‘I’ll get it together,’ she told him, trying to sound firm. ‘It’ll be all right.’
‘Of course it will,’ he said, wishing he could believe it.
Her luminous, but tragic, eyes returned to his. ‘Will you help me?’ she whispered plaintively.
He swallowed hard as he nodded, wishing he could ignore the doubts that were gathering in his mind. ‘I know this isn’t easy for you,’ he said softly, ‘but trying to hurt Alicia is only going to make it worse.’
‘I know,’ she agreed, ‘but I might not find it so difficult if I felt you were fully on my side.’
‘I would be, if you were in the right. Which doesn’t mean I stand there allowing her to say what she likes about you without speaking up on your behalf, but I have to tell you, Sabrina, the way you’re behaving … Looking at you now … Well, it’s starting to worry me in more ways than one.’
Feeling a burst of panic in her chest, she clutched at his shirt and tried to feign confusion as she looked up at him, but they both knew what he meant.
‘I understand that his death came as a shock,’ he told her, ‘but to feel so bitter towards Alicia this long after the affair is suggesting to me that you never really got over him. And if that is the case, I have to ask myself if I want to go on living with someone who’s probably only with me because the man she really loves either didn’t love her enough to leave his wife – or is no longer around to fulfil the promises he might have made for the future.’ As she started to protest he put a finger over her lips. ‘Think on it,’ he said, torn inside by the truth of his words, and kissing her briefly on the mouth, he picked up his mail again and went off to his study.
* * *
‘Sabrina, it’s me. I’m sorry about last night. Alicia insisted on using my phone to call. Are you OK?’
‘I am now,’ she answered, sounding clogged and shaky from all the crying she’d done. ‘She hates me so much.’
‘Don’t think about it. Just tell me, please, that you’re not going to do anything stupid.’
‘I don’t want to go on without you …’
‘You’ll get over it, Sabrina, I promise. And think of your family.’
&nbs
p; ‘I can’t. All I can think about is you and how wonderful it was when we were together. All the things you said … You still love me, I know you do, so don’t deny it.’
‘I’m not going to, I just want you to accept that we can’t see one another again.’
‘Darling, I understand about the children, but they’ll survive, children always do.’
‘Sabrina, listen to me. I’m not leaving Alicia.’
‘So why did you say you would?’
‘At the time … I … I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry that I let you believe we could be together.’
‘We still can. I know it’s what you want, in your heart. Tell me you don’t think about me.’
‘Of course I think about you.’
She sat quietly in her car, feeling his words wrapping themselves around her as tenderly and passionately as his embrace.
‘Sabrina, please don’t tell Alicia I’m with you when I’m not,’ he implored. ‘It won’t make me change my mind about us.’
‘Would you like to make love to me again?’ she croaked desperately.
There was only silence at the other end.
‘It can happen,’ she told him, ‘it’s only you who’s stopping it.’
‘You know why.’
‘But you want to.’
Again he didn’t answer. ‘You see, I’m still in your heart, and however much you try to deny me, I’ll always be there.’
‘Let me go,’ he said softly.
‘Tell me you love me.’
‘No.’
‘Say it, and I’ll never call you again.’
‘Is that a promise?’
‘Yes.’
‘OK. I love you.’
‘Alicia. It’s Cameron Mitchell. I hope this is a convenient time to call.’
Quickly glancing out to the front of the shop where Nat was mixing paint, Alicia stepped out on to the back patio saying, ‘Of course. How are you?’
‘Surviving the heat,’ he replied. ‘I hear it’s supposed to go into the thirties over the weekend.’
‘Really? Then I must blow up my paddling pool.’
Laughing, he said, ‘There’s a pool here that you’re welcome to use if you’d like to come over. I’m afraid Jasper might keep you company, though – he’s rather partial to a swim. And he gives anyone in the vicinity a good soaking when he gets out and shakes himself down.’