Lost Innocence

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Lost Innocence Page 51

by Susan Lewis


  ‘It’ll be all right,’ he told her, as she turned her face into his chest.

  ‘No it won’t,’ she wailed. ‘Everyone hates me. They’re all talking about me…’

  ‘That’ll stop,’ he assured her. ‘Everyone’s way more interested in their own lives really. They’ll forget all about this before very much longer, and if you’re going to move away…’

  ‘I know,’ she choked, ‘but I don’t want to be on my own all the time. I don’t have anyone to talk to, or anywhere to go, and I know it’s all my own fault, but…’

  ‘Sssh,’ he said, patting her back. ‘It’ll change, honestly, things always do. Look at us now. A month ago, a week ago, no one would ever have thought we’d be talking together like this, and you’re the one who made it happen.’

  She gave a shaky sort of smile. ‘Because I thought you might want to apologise,’ she reminded him. ‘I still think you should.’

  ‘I will, for scaring you that night, and saying so many hurtful things, but I swear, when I…Well, you know, when we did it…I swear on my father’s grave I thought it was what you wanted, and when I realised it wasn’t, that’s when I stopped.’

  She nodded. ‘And I swear that when I told the police it was because I truly believed you’d raped me – and I suppose I wanted to punish you for everything you said after.’

  ‘Well, you’ve definitely done that.’

  ‘Sorry,’ she said softly.

  ‘Me too,’ he said.

  Standing at the window, Robert could only smile with relief as he watched a second embrace that seemed to end in an eruption of giggles on Annabelle’s part, and a bemused sort of grin on Nat’s. It filled him with such pleasure to see them like that, he almost felt light-headed. He could only wish their mothers might follow the example. However, all things considered, he guessed he’d be waiting a very long time for that.

  Sabrina and June were sitting in Sabrina’s car, parked outside the colourful garages adjacent to the Coach House, close enough to see, but shielded by another car so unable to be seen. They watched in silence as Alicia came out of her front door and went to drop something into the dustbin at the gate.

  June cast Sabrina an anxious glance. ‘Are you sure you want to go through with this?’ she asked doubtfully.

  Sabrina continued to stare across the street, glassy-eyed and frighteningly pale.

  June wasn’t at all sure they should be here. She felt certain if Robert knew, he’d forbid Sabrina to go over there, but on the other hand, considering Sabrina’s intentions, it might actually be what he wanted.

  As the front door closed behind Alicia June’s eyes flickered towards Sabrina again, but she was still fixated on the Coach House, as though seeing through its walls to the woman inside.

  A few more minutes ticked by, then suddenly pushing open the driver’s door, Sabrina got out. She didn’t utter a word to June, nor did she hesitate as she started across the street. She merely kept her eyes trained on the front door she was approaching.

  Watching her, June was becoming more concerned than ever by how unstable she’d seemed during this past twenty-four hours. It was reminding her of the early days after she’d broken up with Craig, when everything on the surface had still seemed to be functioning, while underneath it all she was already in pieces. She wondered if she should run after her and try to persuade her to go home. If she felt she had any chance of succeeding she probably would, but she knew she didn’t, so the best she could do was sit here and wait, letting Sabrina feel safe in the knowledge that she was close by if she needed her.

  Alicia frowned as the sound of someone knocking on the door penetrated through the blare of Darcie’s iPod speakers. ‘Didn’t Nat take his keys?’ she said, glancing at the clock.

  ‘Dunno,’ Darcie answered, engrossed in the chocolate sponge she was making.

  Quickly rinsing her hands, Alicia wiped them on her apron as she went to find out who it was.

  The instant she saw Sabrina, her insides froze in shock. ‘What the…?’

  ‘Please, listen,’ Sabrina interrupted, putting a hand on the door to stop Alicia slamming it. ‘I have something to say. Can I… Could I… come in?’

  Alicia’s eyes were cold. ‘I’m not interested in anything you…’

  ‘Please,’ Sabrina said. ‘It won’t take long.’

  Alicia stared at her hard, not trusting her an inch.

  ‘I need to talk to you,’ Sabrina said shakily, and her eyes filled with tears.

  Though unmoved, Alicia stepped outside, pulling the door to behind her. ‘Darcie’s in there,’ she said. ‘I don’t want her hearing whatever it is you have to say, especially if it concerns her father.’

  Sabrina visibly flinched. Then her fractured gaze seemed to fix on Alicia’s, as she said, ‘I want… I’d like to apologise for what I said at the Roswells’ party.’

  Alicia blinked in disbelief. A moment later her suspicions kicked in. ‘Why?’ she demanded.

  Sabrina appeared confounded by that. ‘I just…It was… I shouldn’t have said it,’ she finally managed.

  ‘You’re damned right you shouldn’t, but there’s no way I’m accepting your apology, because frankly, I don’t trust your motives.’

  Sabrina seemed thrown, as though the possibility of being rejected had never occurred to her. Then quite suddenly, as though something inside her shifted, her eyes flashed with temper. ‘Perhaps you’d like me to get down on the ground and grovel,’ she suggested bitterly.

  ‘If you like, but it won’t make a difference. Either Robert’s put you up to this, or you’ve got some other reason for coming here that serves only you.’

  Sabrina was about to snap a denial when she seemed to think better of it. ‘OK,’ she said, pushing a stray strand of hair from her face, ‘I’ve come here because I was hoping that we could put our differences behind us and start again. We both love Robert, and feeling torn between us the way he has, especially with all the dreadful business with Annabelle and Nathan, has been very difficult for him. I think he’s unwell, and I’m afraid if we continue this… feud, we’ll only make him worse.’

  Alicia was watching her closely. She was putting on a good show, she’d hand her that, but she still wasn’t buying it. ‘My brother was here only yesterday,’ she told her. ‘There’s nothing wrong with his health, or nothing that getting you out of his life wouldn’t put right.’

  Sabrina recoiled as though she’d been slapped. ‘How would you know how he is?’ she seethed. ‘You don’t live with him.’

  ‘I don’t need to, to know you’re lying. So what’s this really about, Sabrina? Don’t tell me he’s finally come to his senses and decided to throw you out? Is that why you’re trying to apologise? To impress him? Oh my God, I’m right. He has.’ She almost felt like laughing.

  Sabrina’s eyes turned deadly, but as she started a scathing retort Alicia put up a hand.

  ‘You’ve had this coming, Sabrina,’ she told her bitingly. ‘I can only wonder why it’s taken him so long.’

  ‘It wouldn’t be happening at all if you weren’t here,’ Sabrina hissed. ‘Everything that’s gone wrong in my life is because of you, first Craig, then Annab—’

  ‘Don’t ever speak my husband’s name to me again,’ Alicia growled furiously. ‘You pushed your way into my marriage, you did your best to destroy it, and you broke my brother’s heart trying. So go somewhere else with your lies and false apologies, Sabrina, because they won’t wash here.’

  ‘No, wait, wait,’ Sabrina cried, grabbing Alicia’s arm as she started to turn away. ‘Please. Think of Annabelle. I know this has been a difficult summer…’

  Alicia gave an incredulous laugh.

  ‘… but if Robert makes us leave,’ Sabrina pressed on, ‘she won’t only be losing her home and her friends, she’ll be losing him and neither of them really wants that.’

  Not entirely unmoved, though amazed that Sabrina would try to use Annabelle to soften her after all that had happened, Alici
a said, ‘You should have thought about all this a long time ago, and besides, if I know my brother, he’ll never give up on Annabelle even if she’s not living under the same roof as him.’

  Sabrina’s hands suddenly clutched at her head in frustration. ‘Look, I understand why you hate me,’ she cried, ‘but to try and punish me for something I had no control over…I didn’t ask to fall in love with Craig, any more than he asked to fall in love with me.’

  Alicia’s expression hardened with anger. ‘It’s time to stop fooling yourself, Sabrina,’ she snapped. ‘He didn’t love you…’

  ‘Those were the last words he said to me,’ Sabrina shouted desperately. ‘What were…’

  ‘You’ve asked me that before,’ Alicia cut in sharply, ‘and it’s none of your damned business, but I’ll tell you what his last words about you were, shall I? He wondered how he could have risked so much for so little. You were a madness, a compulsion, he said, but sex with you was meaningless.’

  Sabrina took a step back, as though she’d been struck. ‘You can tell yourself whatever you like, but I know the truth…’

  ‘No, Sabrina, all you know is what you’ve told yourself. In that pathetically sick head of yours you’ve twisted and changed things to suit your self-delusions and fantasies, when all the time he was here, loving me and his children and doing his level best to try and get rid of you…’

  ‘It’s you who’s the fantasist,’ Sabrina cried wretchedly. ‘He came back to me, remember? He couldn’t give me up…’

  ‘But he did in the end, and the only part of it that was difficult then was dealing with the guilt he felt at having hurt me so much. While you, to quote him, were nothing more than an aberration. In other words, you were the biggest mistake of his life and one he regretted till the day he died.’

  Sabrina’s face twitched and blanched with denial. ‘He would tell you that…’

  ‘Actually, it was my mother he told. He wrote her a letter, over a year ago, telling her what your affair had meant to him, and how his family always had and always would come first. I could show you the letter, but I won’t, because it belongs to me and my children, as did he. You had no right to him, Sabrina, either when he was alive, or now he’s dead. So go away. We don’t want you in our lives any more.’

  As Alicia turned round something inside Sabrina suddenly snapped, and launching herself forward, she slammed her fists into Alicia’s back, sending her crashing into the door.

  Stunned from the blow, Alicia barely registered Sabrina grabbing a rock; she only saw it at the last moment and managed to spin away before it smashed into her head.

  ‘Noooo!’ June yelled, leaping out of the car.

  Sabrina spun round as June came racing towards her. ‘Stay back, June,’ she warned. ‘She’s had this coming.’

  ‘No, no,’ June begged, tripping as she dashed in through the gate.

  Darcie flung open the door. ‘Mum!’ she cried, seeing Alicia picking herself up from the ground. ‘What is it?’

  ‘Go back inside,’ Alicia gasped, pushing her in.

  Darcie screamed as Sabrina threw herself at Alicia again.

  Just in time Alicia ducked out of the way, then she was on her feet, dragging Darcie into the hall and slamming the door behind them.

  ‘You bitch!’ Sabrina shrieked. ‘You’re taking everything that’s mine and I won’t let you.’ She stood back and hefted the rock straight through the sitting-room window.

  ‘Robert,’ June panicked into her mobile. ‘You have to come. We’re at Alicia’s and Sabrina’s…Oh my God, she’s lost it.’

  Inside, Alicia was huddled with Darcie in the kitchen. They both gasped and flinched as another window was broken at the front. They could hear Sabrina screaming and ranting, but Alicia’s hands were over Darcie’s ears, trying to block out the madness.

  ‘What’s the matter with her?’ Darcie cried. ‘Why’s she doing this?’

  ‘She’s … I don’t know,’ Alicia answered shakily. ‘I’m going to call Uncle Robert.’

  As she grabbed the phone she jumped as another rock smashed through a window.

  ‘You don’t belong here!’ Sabrina was screeching. ‘This is my and Robert’s house…’

  June was trying to grab her. ‘Sabrina, please stop,’ she begged.

  ‘I want to kill her,’ Sabrina hissed savagely. ‘She’s the reason I’m losing everything. She’s to blame…’

  ‘Sabrina, Darcie’s in there. She’s just a child…’

  ‘I don’t care,’ and shoving June out of the way she scooped up another rock.

  ‘Sabrina, you have to get a grip,’ June begged, trying to snatch it away. ‘People are watching…’

  ‘Let them. I want everyone to know how much she’s taken from me,’ and with all her might she flung the rock at the playroom window.

  ‘Oh my God,’ June muttered as the glass smashed into a thousand pieces.

  ‘Sabrina!’ Robert shouted as he ran into The Close.

  She spun round, and when she saw him she yelled, sneeringly, ‘Here he comes, riding to his sister’s rescue. I’m starting to have my suspicions, you know, always putting her first… What the…?’ she growled as June wrenched both her arms behind her.

  ‘For God’s sake, pull yourself together,’ June muttered as Robert ran in through the gate.

  ‘What’s happening?’ he demanded, looking at June. ‘What’s she doing here?’

  With helpless eyes June said, ‘She came to apologise…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m sorry, I thought it might be all right.’

  Catching hold of Sabrina as she broke free of June, he turned her towards him and was about to demand an explanation when Nat and Annabelle came running down the street. ‘Mum rang,’ he shouted. ‘What’s happening?’

  Sabrina recoiled. ‘Keep that boy away from me,’ she spat. ‘He’s evil. He’s a rapist…’

  Clapping a hand over her mouth, Robert said to June, ‘We have to get her home.’

  ‘I’ll get her car,’ June said.

  ‘Mum, what’s the matter?’ Annabelle cried, looking terrified as Sabrina started to scream and scream as though unable to stop.

  ‘Nat, go inside and make sure your mother’s all right,’ Robert barked.

  Digging out his keys, Nat threw a look over his shoulder to Sabrina and Annabelle, then opened the door.

  ‘I’ve always hated you too,’ Sabrina yelled as he disappeared inside. ‘I hate him,’ she told Annabelle. ‘He’s no good. He raped you…’

  ‘Mum, stop, please,’ Annabelle begged.

  Robert had hold of Sabrina, but she was struggling ferociously to try and get free. Her hair was like a torn nest and her cheeks were streaked with tears and mascara. ‘This is your fault,’ she raged at Robert. ‘You’re throwing me out. You don’t want us any more…’

  ‘Sssh, stop this, please. Now!’ Robert commanded, giving her a shake.

  ‘I can’t,’ she gulped. ‘I’m…Oh God, Robert, I can’t stand it. I can’t take any more…’

  Pulling her against him he held on to her tightly, and as she shuddered and gasped with despair, he felt himself filling up with guilt and dismay. She was right, this was his fault. He should have realised how close she was to the edge, how hard their talk would be for her to take.

  ‘Please don’t make me leave,’ she begged, clinging to him. ‘You’re all I’ve got. I won’t be able to survive on my own.’

  ‘What about me?’ Annabelle said. ‘You’ve still got me.’

  Sabrina looked at her blankly. Then, seeming to realise who she was, she started to sob. ‘Annabelle, my baby,’ she gasped, covering her face with her hands. ‘What have I done to you? Why do you hate me?’

  ‘I don’t,’ Annabelle cried, going to her. ‘You just…’

  ‘Sssh,’ Robert said, gently cutting her off. ‘Let’s get her home. There’ll be time later for everything else.’

  ‘Yes, I want to go home,’ Sabrina wailed. ‘Please
take me home.’

  ‘June’s here with the car,’ he said soothingly, and guiding her towards it he nodded for Annabelle to open the gate.

  ‘Is Annabelle coming?’ Sabrina choked.

  ‘Yes, I’m here,’ Annabelle said, slipping an arm cautiously around her.

  ‘I’m going to call the doctor and ask him to prescribe something to help calm you down,’ Robert told her quietly.

  ‘Yes, yes,’ she agreed. ‘I need to calm down. I shouldn’t have lost control like that, but I couldn’t help it.’ She looked at him anxiously, her head and shoulders still jerking with sobs. ‘She tried… She tried to say Craig didn’t love me,’ she said haltingly, ‘but I know he did. It doesn’t matter now though, does it?’

  ‘No,’ he answered, and opening the back door of the car he waited for Annabelle to get in first, then eased her mother in beside her. ‘Take her back to the house,’ he said to June. ‘I’m going to make sure my sister’s all right, then I’ll follow you over.’

  ‘No!’ Sabrina shouted. ‘I’m the one who needs you now.’

  ‘I’ll be there,’ he told her, ‘now please try to pull yourself together for Annabelle’s sake, as well as your own,’ and leaning past June through the driver’s window, he hit the button to child-lock the doors.

  June looked up at him, and after giving him a small smile of sympathy and encouragement she drove off. They’d been here before, and she felt as saddened and worried as he did that they were here again.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Robert said to Alicia as he followed Nat into the kitchen.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she answered, turning from dabbing away Darcie’s tears. ‘A bit shaken up, but we’ll survive.’

  Darcie’s eyes were dark with confusion as she looked at her uncle. ‘What’s the matter with her?’ she wailed. ‘Why did she shout at Mum and break our windows like that?’

  Both Nat’s and Alicia’s eyes went to Robert, anxious that he would realise that Darcie was too young to have her illusions about her father shattered yet.

  Pulling up a chair to lower himself to Darcie’s height, Robert said, ‘She’s not well, sweetheart. She couldn’t help herself, so we’re going to get her some help. Now, I don’t want you to worry that she might do it again, because I’ll make sure she doesn’t.’

 

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