by Anna Brooks
No matter how badly I wish things were different. Like if I had a man living with me, he’d be the one to take care of these asshole neighbors. He’d know what to do, and I wouldn’t be sitting here holding back tears, unsure of every damn thing. Yes, I want to be independent, but being with someone who had my back wouldn’t be a bad thing.
With a dramatic sigh, I clean the scrape on Olivia’s head and give her a kiss, and then look up how to fix a broken window. I have a kid to feed and my sister’s wedding is this weekend, so I’ll figure out how I’m going to pay for the window later.
“HEY, MAN.” I BUMP FISTS with Jay. “Congrats.”
“Thanks, Ryan.”
“And you.” I hug Liv and hold her at arm’s length. “You’re a beautiful bride. I’m so happy for you two.”
She snuggles under Jay’s arm. “Thank you.”
The bartender hands Jay a drink, and he takes a small sip before handing it to Liv. Their wedding was pretty awesome, and I was honored when he asked me to be a groomsman. The best part of the day was walking down the aisle with Opal on my arm. She hasn’t called me since our night together, and it’ll be a cold day in hell before I beg, so it appears we’re at a stalemate. Which is probably better anyway. I’ve almost wrapped up my current assignment, one I wasn’t even supposed to be here for, and I promised my mom I’d be home soon. I have no reason to stay; I’ve already been here way longer than I was supposed to be.
Speaking of her. “It’s time for your first dance.” Opal stands in front of Jay, beautiful as ever. “If you could please keep your hands above the waist, that would be really appreciated. Lots of old people here who don’t need to see you feeling my sister up.” She scrunches up her nose as she motions to the reception hall.
Jay laughs as he drags Liv to the center of the dance floor. Their song starts, and he immediately slides a hand to Liv’s ass.
“Oh, my God.” Opal groans with a laugh.
“What’s the problem?”
She hesitates before she relaxes and then leans on the bar next to me. “Nothing. It’s kind of cute, I guess.” She then glances at me. “Don’t tell him I said that.”
“Why is it cute?”
“Because”—she shrugs—“he loves her so much he can’t keep his hands off her. Even before everything happened, I always remember just knowing he was the one for her. He just… breathes her, ya know?”
“No.” I lift my chin at the bartender and hold up two fingers. “Never felt like that before,” I lie. If she only knew I already felt that way about her.
Instead of standin’ here acting like a lovesick fool, I grab the salt shaker and take Opal’s wrist in my hand. She takes her attention off the newlyweds and watches as I run my tongue over her pulse point, then sprinkle some salt on it. Without another word, I suck the salt off, throw back my shot, then put the lime wedge in my mouth.
“Your turn.”
She shakes her head. “Oh, no thanks. I’ve never done one of those.”
“A tequila virgin?” I lean closer. “Want me to teach you?”
“I don’t like hard liquor, Ryan.” Her head tilts up more and her lips part; she may not like hard liquor, but she is tipsy from the champagne. “But I want to see you do it again.”
“You like to watch, baby doll?”
After a quick glance around the room, I notice everyone’s eyes glued on Jay and Liv, but I still turn her so I’m blocking her from the crowd. Opal’s long blond hair is up in a fancy thing, leaving her neck exposed, so I lean into her and kiss the soft skin there. She squirms, and I bring my lips to her ear. “Stay still.” I tilt the shaker, and when salt covers the wetness my mouth left, I slowly lick it off. She moans quietly, and I take the other shot before I hold the lime to her mouth. She opens her pretty pink lips, and I squeeze the fruit, mesmerized as I watch the drips melt on her tongue. Then I can’t hold back any longer and kiss her deep, groaning at the flavor combination.
When I pull back, she lazily puts her fingers to her lips. Yeah, that’s right.
Her eyes, heavy with lust, come back to me. “Ryan, I need you to kn—”
“It’s now time for the bridal party to join Mr. and Mrs. Jamison on the dance floor.” The boom comes through the speakers, and she jumps. I take her hand and lead her around the tables to the dance floor, then hold her close, needing to hide my rock-hard dick from public view.
“I want you again, Opal. Christ, I’ve wanted more of you since the very first time I saw you.” I drop my head so my mouth is by her ear. I said I wouldn’t, but if it’s what she needs, I’ll beg. I’d get down on my fuckin’ knees if it meant another night with her. “Come back to my place with me tonight, please.”
She shakes her head. “You’re leaving.”
“Look over here and smile.”
We pause for the photographer, and once he walks away, I sway my hips, my erection rubbing against Opal’s lower belly. “So what? You said you didn’t want anything else.”
She sniffles, and when I pull away enough to look at her, I see the shining of tears in her eyes. Goddammit.
“Shit, don’t cry.” I tuck her head into my chest, hugging her and hoping to ease some of the fear. Or maybe it’s sadness. Either way, I hate seeing her cry, and I want to make it stop, but since I’m the reason she is, the only thing I guess I can do is walk away like I was originally supposed to. “I’m sorry. You’re just so damn beautiful, and I know I’ll never… I’m sorry. I won’t ask you again.”
“I like it. I like you,” she whispers. “Nobody has made me feel like you do, but I… I just can’t, Ryan. Not with the way things are. There are things you don’t know. A history I can’t get over and—”
“Can I dance with Ryan?” Olivia’s high-pitched and squeaky voice breaks us apart. Opal smiles down at her daughter, and I can’t help but do the same.
“I bet he’d love that.”
“Would you?”
I calm myself by taking a deep breath and then hold my hand out. Olivia giggles and I bend down to kiss her knuckles. “I would love to dance with you, Olivia.”
Opal rubs the top of Olivia’s head before she walks away, leaving me with the most adorable dance partner I’ve ever had.
Everything inside me heats up knowing he’s here. Knowing what he makes me feel. Knowing I have another chance for another night. One more night that nobody else could ever give me. God, just feeling his mouth on my skin, his breath against my ear… he makes me insane.
“He’s really good with her.” My mom sits down next to me at the table, and we both smile at Olivia standing on Ryan’s shoes as she dances with him. His head is tilted down as he smiles at her, and my heart bursts with the love he clearly has for her.
“He is.”
“I can’t help but notice he can’t take his eyes off you.”
If there was anything I could say to deny it, I would, but my mom wasn’t stupid. All day, he’s been by me, and if he’s been across the room, whenever I look up, I find him looking right back at me. “I know.”
“And you can’t take your eyes off him.”
“I know.”
She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “You’re allowed to have a life, Opal. You’re allowed to have fun. To date. To love.”
Tears burn behind my eyes. “Stop, Mom.” Little does she know I already have. I’ve managed to fall for a man who’s leaving, and the thought of never seeing him again tears me apart in ways I didn’t think I’d ever experience again. I wish he’d just go already, so I didn’t have to feel this way anymore.
“It’s been four years, Opal. You’re ready; you’re just scared.”
“You’re right.” I take my hand from hers and pick up a napkin to dab under my eyes. “I am scared. I can’t do it again, Mom. I can’t lose anyone else. I’m not scared to love; I’m afraid to lose.” Ryan’s already there deeper than anybody’s ever been, I want to say.
“What makes you think you’ll lose him?”
I toss the napkin on the tab
le. “He doesn’t live here. His family is thousands of miles away. He has nieces and a sister and a brother. His parents are there.” I learned all this through bits and pieces of our conversations. “His life is there. It’s not some tragic story, Mom. He has responsibilities and a life across the country. This job was temporary. He’s a great guy, but he’s leaving.”
“Hmm. I see.”
“Told you. I really like him, but I can’t keep him, so it’s better this way.”
“You mean easier.”
She won’t change my mind, and I’m not going to argue with her. “Yeah, Mom, it is. Olivia is already in love with him, and she’s only met him a handful of times. She thinks he’s just Jay’s friend, and she’s already attached.”
“Have you asked him if he’d be willing to stay and try?”
“No. And I won’t. Could you imagine how crushed she’d be if I allowed something to happen between us, and then he split when he got bored? Or when things with a child got too hard? Or he realized the thrill of the chase isn’t nearly as fun once he catches the prey? If he wants to be here, then he needs to be the one to make that call. I’m not going to ask him to uproot his life for the possibility of something. That’s selfish on my part.”
“Wanting love isn’t selfish.”
I stand, finished with this conversation. “You’re right. Wanting love isn’t. But you know what is selfish, Mom? A man who makes a lonely woman and her daughter fall in love with him knowing all along he would disappear.” That’s a lie. He didn’t do anything wrong. I did. I said yes; I wrapped my legs around him when I should have said no. I knew what would happen; I knew it, but I did it anyway.
When I turn the corner, I find the first door and open it, rushing inside. I rest my back on the wall and take a couple of deep breaths. Jesus, what has this man done to me?
This is exactly why I haven’t called him. I knew, I just knew he would make me weak like this. He told me one night. That was what he said. Then he says all the sweet things to me, and I can’t deal.
The room is dimly lit and, apparently, a storage room because chairs and tables are scattered throughout. The momentary reprieve doesn’t last long enough, though, because someone comes in. When I hear the lock click, I know exactly who it is, too.
“Please don’t do this,” I beg him.
“Christ. Stop crying.” He comes right to me and puts his hands on either side of my face. He hugs me to him, and I stop fighting him, knowing deep down this is where I belong, but I’m too much of a coward to tell him that. “I don’t want to hurt you, Opal.”
I wrap my arms around him and tilt my head back. He kisses me like, well, he’s leaving. Slow and hard. It’s like he’s trying to tell me more than he can say. His hands slide down, lift my skirt, and push away my panties. He drops to his knees, and I lean against the wall, trusting whatever he’s going to do to me will be good.
“Never wanna hurt you.” He takes one of my legs and tosses it over his shoulder, and I let him. God, I let him. “Just wanna make you feel good,” he mumbles more to himself than me right before he does exactly that. “Wanna taste you again.” He makes me feel fantastic. Beautiful. Loved. His tongue licks and strokes while his fingers enter me and curl inside. He’s only had me the one night, but he already knows my body better than I do.
I grab his hair in my hands and tug on it as waves of pleasure drown me. He doesn’t let up, only slows down as I ride the crests until they fade away. When he stands up, he sucks his fingers, licking my wetness off them, showing me what he does to me.
Unable to hold myself up, I slide to the floor, heaviness in my heart weighing me down. He leans only far enough to cup my jaw. “Come home with me.”
“Okay,” I whisper. Weak, so weak. And if I end up regretting it, I can blame it on the alcohol. Even though I’ve only had two and a half glasses of champagne.
When he slides his thumb across my lips, I open my mouth. The taste of him, of his fucking hand turns me on. His groans as he pushes it in, my flavor foreign but still hot somehow. My eyelids weigh a million pounds, and they fall closed as I suck his finger. “You gonna wrap your pretty lips around my cock like this later, baby doll?” I nod, and he pulls his hand away. “Yeah, you are.”
Yes, I am.
“You ready to go back out there?”
“Yeah.”
He helps me up and straightens out my dress before leading me back to the party. For the rest of the night, he doesn’t keep his hands off me. Like I’ve always wanted, almost like we’re an actual couple. At this point, I don’t even care. Let my family see. Have people ask me what’s going on with us. I’ll take this night, these hours with him, and cherish them for what they are.
Temporary.
Except for tonight. Tonight is something I’ll never forget.
As Ryan is dancing with Olivia again and my sister with our father, Jay comes up to me. He sits next to me on the open chair, and I hold my hands out. “Gimmie.”
After kissing the top of my nephew Jaydon’s head, he hands him over. I sniff his hair and sigh. “I miss that new baby smell.”
“I hope it never goes away. It’s so… clean.”
I gently bounce him in my arms and gaze down at the perfection they’ve created. “I know. Babies remind you that there’s still good out there.”
“Whoa.” He laughs. “I’m the cynical one. What’s with that talk?”
“Nothing.”
“You okay?” He leans in closer and puts a hand on my knee. “I know we haven’t hung out much lately, but you know I’m always here.”
Nodding, I blink rapidly to push away the tears. “I know.”
Olivia squeals, and we both look over at her as Ryan spins her around the dance floor. It’d be so nice if she had him all the time. Hell, I wish he’d stay just so she could have him. A lone tear trickles down my face, and I hate that I’m letting my guard down.
“Talk to me,” Jay says firmly.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not okay.”
“I’m okay, it’s just…” I don’t want to discuss this with him especially since Ryan is his friend. It’d be awkward for him. Not to mention it’s his damn wedding day. It’s a happy time that I won’t ruin. “I’m fine. Tired.”
He pats my leg and stands, then leans down to whisper. “I know you’re lying, but if you ever want an ear, I’m here.”
My nose stings, and I nod. “I know that, Jay.”
He takes Jaydon back and I watch him walk away, then direct my attention once again to the dance floor. Time seems to speed up as the night goes on. Ryan effortlessly makes this one of the best nights of my life. He dances with me, gives me his cake, and makes me laugh so hard my cheeks hurt. Olivia clings to him and he never once seems irritated about it, in fact, he laughs nearly as much as I do.
This is what it would be like. To be happy and feel loved by a good man. I wish things could be different with him, I really do, but it’d be stupid to pretend he’s not leaving. Before I know it, my sister is thrown over Jay’s shoulder and he carries her out to go to their fancy hotel for the night. Olivia leaves with my parents, and Ryan takes me back to his place.
I drop to my knees and pull him out of his dress pants and suck his cock as I promised. He gently fucks my face until his movements become erratic and then carries me to his bedroom where he throws me on the bed. I land on my stomach, and in one smooth move, he yanks me back by my hips, tilts me so my ass is in the air, and slides in. He makes me dizzy with pleasure. God, it’s so much… so good and so right, I wish it was something that could last forever. I wish I could experience this every day. I wish he wasn’t leaving, and I had the guts to ask him to stay.
But I don’t. What I do is take everything I can while he’s still here. I take it all from him just as I give everything to him. We climax together, and I enjoy the security of his arms around me as I drift off to sleep.
I wake up slowly, his fingers gently gliding over my skin. I have no c
lue how long I’ve been sleeping, but it’s still pitch black, so it couldn’t have been long. His lips tilt up into a gentle smile, and I decide it’s now or never.
Because I know I’m confusing him, I give him the truth. He should understand why things are the way they are. I want him to understand. He needs to know I’m not playing games; that this is my life and my daughter’s life. It’s our future and not something I’m willing to risk.
“He died, Ryan,” I whisper to him. His chest is to my back, and his arms hold me tight in his bed.
“Who?”
“Josh, Olivia’s father.” We lie together, and I pour my heart and soul out to him, so he gets it.
I hear him suck in a breath, and his arms, already tight, hug me impossibly tighter. “Fuck, baby. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” He wouldn’t. Nobody talks about it anymore, and I want it that way. I don’t want Olivia overhearing something and trying to process things she can’t fully understand yet. She knows her daddy loved her, and she knows he’s in heaven. That’s enough for now. She doesn’t need to hear any of the gruesome details.
“I was, um, I was in labor in the hospital, waiting for him to show up. God… so much pain. I just remember the pain and how I thought I would pass out from it. I couldn’t get an epidural because Olivia arrived so fast. Josh tried to come faster, but he got in an accident on the way and died.”
He slowly opens and closes his eyes, then wipes my tears away with his thumb.
“He never got to meet her and—” I choke on a cry, words failing to come out, refusing to form. He lets me use his strength, soothing me with encouraging promises and gentle kisses. I pull him over the top of me and beg him to make it go away. Plead with him to just give me a night… just one more when I don’t have to remember.
“Opal, you’re hurting, baby doll, and I don’t want you to regret anything more that happens.”
“I won’t,” I promise. “Please, Ryan. You’re the only one who can take it all away.” He’s the only one who makes it all disappear.
“Baby…”