by Jenn Hype
I quickly decided to put a pin in that thought. I did not need to start acting jealous about Chad spending time with women. We weren’t dating, hell we weren’t even friends. He could do whatever, or whoever, he wanted in his free time. I was only there to make amends, see if we could reach some kind of truce so that we could be near one another without him nearly killing someone, or me nearly tearing off all my clothes.
I’d had to stop at the store for the supplies I needed to cook, and I had contemplated just bringing food already made since I was so terrible at cooking, but figured it was the gesture that would show how hard I was trying. Once I was inside his house though, I suddenly felt really lame for making such a simple dish that I would probably screw up anyway. Hopefully I just didn’t catch his house on fire.
What was most unexpected was Chad rubbing my hand, trying to comfort me. His rough, calloused hands made my skin burn in an entirely different way than the splattering sauce had. Just a simple touch ignited my entire body and he sucked me in like a moth to a flame. His plain white t-shirt was snug against his broad chest, and the tender movements of his hands combined with his manly smell made me almost spontaneously combust. Chad was ruggedly handsome. He had a shadow of a beard from not shaving for at least a few days, his hair had grown out a little longer and I wanted badly to run my fingers through it.
Chad excused himself to freshen up while I finished up the spaghetti. Thankfully he had saved the sauce before it burned. When we sat down to eat though, the noodles were more than just slightly undercooked. Had I even turned the water on? I expected Chad to tease me about it, but instead he sweetly tried to force himself to eat the food anyway. I finally took pity on him and chucked the food and suggested we order pizza.
Chad had insisted he do the clean up since I cooked, but considering we didn’t even eat what I made, I figured it was my job to clean up the mess. So we ended up compromising and cleaning up together in comfortable silence, our hands occasionally brushing and other various body parts casually touching as we moved around each other in the small kitchen. Every time we made contact a zing of electricity would shoot through me, and several times I could have sworn I saw it affecting him as well. I told myself I was imagining things and tried hard to not get carried away in how good it felt to be near him.
After the pizza arrived we sat on his couch eating right out of the box, flipping through channels and not really settling on one specific show. When we couldn’t find anything good on, Chad switched it to a soap opera channel and muted it and we spent the next several hours making up our own captions for what was going on. When our stomachs started to hurt from laughing so much, I yanked the remote out of his grip to find something else to watch. I saw Chad raise an eyebrow at me out of the corner of my eye, but he didn’t say anything, just let me flip through the channels.
It was late and nothing was on, so I eventually gave up with a huff. As much fun as I was having, I couldn’t help wishing that the distance between us on the couch was smaller. I wanted to be snuggled up next to him, my head on his chest. I couldn’t remember ever feeling that way about a guy. The intimacy of such an act usually made me uncomfortable, but I found myself wanting to be in his arms.
Glancing at the clock I realized it was after one in the morning, and as much as I wished he would make a move or ask me to stay, I knew that’s not why I had shown up at his place and figured it was better to just leave before things went south. It seemed like every time we got close to each other is when shit would hit the fan.
I stood up to leave and turned to him, avoiding his eyes as I spoke. “Thank you for not kicking me out when you came home tonight, Chad. I had a really great time. It’s um, it’s getting late so I should probably…”
He yanked on my arm, pulling me down onto his lap and cut me off with a kiss. I immediately sank into his arms, wrapping my hands around his neck. His hands were tangled in my hair and I started gyrating my hips, the feel of his hardness underneath me fueling me and causing me to quicken my movements. My hands started roaming, eager to feel every hard line of muscle on his body from his chest down to his abs and around his back. The kiss grew hungrier and he bit my bottom lip hard as I tugged on the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head.
I started trailing kisses down his neck and all over his chest. I noticed a few tattoos spread out over his otherwise perfect stomach, but I couldn’t tell you what they were and I didn't stop to examine them more closely. I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. I wanted to taste and lick every inch of his body. His skin was smooth yet somehow rough at the same time, and I couldn’t get enough.
I stopped long enough for him to pull my shirt over my head and his hands immediately pulled down the cups of my bra, exposing my hard nipples. He flicked one between his fingers and I moaned as he pulled the other into his mouth, licking and biting until I felt like I would explode just from his mouth on me.
I threw my head back and pushed my hands into his hair, pulling his mouth harder against my chest as he let out an appreciative moan. I knew he’d like it rough. I put my hand on his chest and pushed him back against the couch and slithered down his body until I was on my knees in front of him, and I started to undo his belt buckle.
“Wait, Stacy. Maybe we should slow down,” he said as he put his hands over mine, stopping my movements.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me…” I mumbled under my breath as I stood up and fixed my bra, grabbing for my shirt that had been tossed aside.
“No, Stacy, listen it’s…”
“Just stop right there,” I snapped, holding my hand up to prevent him from saying anything else. “I get it; you don’t want me. You said it before, no need to say it again. I hear you loud and clear this time, so don’t worry, I’m leaving.”
“Stacy, that’s not what I was going to say,” he said sternly as he tried to get between me and the door.
“Save it, Chad. This is the third time you’ve done this to me. I can only take so much rejection before I have to start putting the blame on myself. Coming here was a mistake. I thought…I thought we could be friends, but I don’t think I can do that now. I can’t just pretend I don’t feel something for you, and I can’t keep going through this humiliation every time you push me away.” I turned away, trying to blink back the tears that were threatening. I’d spent more time fighting back tears since meeting Chad than I had in my entire life, and I’d be damned if I was going to let now be the time I finally broke down.
“Stacy, stop…”
I was out the door before he could finish. I had parked down the street so he wouldn’t see my car when he first got home, and I didn’t stop running until I reached the driver’s side door, thankful for not having worn heels. I yanked the door open and heard Chad yelling my name and knew he had come running after me. I started the car and hit the gas and took off, not bothering to look back to see how close he was.
He’d humiliated me for the last time. I realized tonight how much I truly liked Chad, and I had even convinced myself for a while tonight that maybe we could have some sort of future together. I felt like a fool and now that there was a safe distance between us, I gave in and let the tears fall. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I cried. And it felt horrible.
Chapter 14
Chad
Stacy took off right as I reached the bumper of her car. I stood in the middle of the street cursing at myself for being such an idiot. I don’t know how long I stood there doing that, but when porch lights started to come on and a couple neighbors started yelling, I finally retreated back to my house, slamming the door behind me.
I should have realized what stopping her was going to look like. I’d not only walked away from her twice in the middle of a heated moment, but the last time I had gone as far as to tell her I didn’t want her. Of course she would assume that me stopping her would mean I was about to say the same damn thing.
But that’s not what I was going to say. I hadn’t meant to pul
l her onto my lap, but when she said she was leaving instinct kicked in and my body just reacted. Then once her mouth was on mine and her hands were all over me, I realized how much I really wanted her, needed her. More than I needed to breathe. But I also didn’t want her to think that sex was all I was after and that she didn’t mean more to me than one night of pleasure. I wanted to take things slow, not cease them entirely. The whole night with her had been such a damn surprise, and just hanging out and laughing with her had been so easy.
It was the happiest I’d felt in years, sitting next to her, joking and letting my guard down for a few hours. It had changed something in me, made me want to let her in.
Yeah, she was wild and a little on the crazy side, but there was more to her than that. And if I was being totally honest with myself, I was the one who had been acting crazy for most of the time we’d known each other. Something about her called to me and I became a different person when she was near. I’d been fighting it so hard that it had cultivated into anger in her presence, but after the bar and taking the time to reflect on everything that’d happened since meeting her, I realized that I was the issue, not her. So when I found her in my kitchen, despite her having broken in, I was relieved. It was my second chance.
And I’d ruined it. She was there, in my house, in my arms, and it felt amazing. It felt right.
“Fuck!” I threw my fist into the drywall, busting a hole and making a mess. Thankfully I hadn’t hit a stud or my hand would have been paying dearly for that outburst. Though I would much rather have been dealing with a broken hand than the pain in my chest right that moment.
I went back and forth over whether or not to chase after her. I wouldn’t have to go after her at all if only she’d given me a chance to explain why I’d stopped things, why I wanted to slow things down. I didn’t blame her, I couldn’t after how I’d treated her. From the moment I’d met her I had been pushing her away.
I didn’t understand it at first. Attractive women hit on me often enough, but the reaction my body felt to her had made something snap in me. It was as if my mind instinctively started pushing her away as a defense, but I hadn’t just pushed her away, I’d been mean about it.
She’d come over tonight to make amends, even though I was the one who needed to apologize. I had to find a way to make it up to her. This couldn’t be over. Even if she hated me and never wanted to talk to me again, she at least deserved to know that I wasn’t pushing her away because I was rejecting her. I was pushing her away because I wanted her so badly and scared shitless of screwing up. And maybe, just maybe, if my luck hadn’t completely run out, she might forgive me and I’d get a third chance.
Chapter 15
Stacy
I’d been in a funk since the night at Chad’s house, but I refused to act like a whiny chick about it. So what, he didn’t want me, big deal. His loss.
That’s what I told myself over and over again, even though it never did any damn good. I was just in denial. It fucking hurt having him reject me again. I’d been even bitchier than normal, and it was starting to seep into all aspects of my life.
Chad had called several times since our last blow out and I sent him to voicemail each time. When he started texting I considered changing my phone number. I had no desire to talk to him. Then to my surprise, he actually sent me flowers to my work. Lilies, which were my favorite flower, so either it was a coincidence or he’d actually taken the time to do some recon about me.
It was hard not to give in, almost physically painful to fight the urge to reach out to him and thank him, but I couldn’t let myself do it again. I couldn’t keep giving him all the power just to watch him use it to hurt me.
A few days after the flowers, his calls and texts started slowing down, and as much as I was actually enjoying how hard he was trying, I knew it was for the best if he just gave up. There wasn’t anything he could say or do that would make me put myself out there again for him. Then when the contact ceased entirely, the sinking feeling in my gut about destroyed me, but I fought the urge to let it consume me.
I lost that battle the morning the stupid fucking alarm went off at work.
I was the first one to work one day and I entered the damn code wrong, which made the alarm start blaring. I didn’t know the stupid password for when the security people called, so ten minutes later the cops showed up. And because I have the shittiest luck in the entire world, it was Joe and Chad that got the call to come to my office.
To say things were awkward would be an understatement of epic proportions. When they walked in and Joe saw me, he turned right back around and walked outside, without even saying a word to me. I’m sure he assumed something ugly was going to go down between Chad and I, considering I’d told him everything that had happened, but I was over it.
Okay, maybe not over it, but at least numb to it. Or at least I thought I was, because now that Chad was standing in front of me, only a few feet away, the piercing ache in my chest felt like a fucking ninja had shoved a samurai right through my chest cavity. I felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs, and seeing the look of vulnerability on Chad’s face nearly killed me.
I opened my mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. I honestly had no idea what I would even say, it was just so quiet and awkward that I wanted to break the silence. Chad started to take a step towards me, but I backed up, shaking my head.
“You haven’t returned any of my calls or messages. I got the delivery confirmation for your flowers, but I didn’t hear from you. I asked Joe what your favorite flower was, and he had to do some investigative work to find out, but he said lilies. I thought maybe he got it wrong when I didn’t hear from you, but…”
“Just stop,” I snapped, wincing a little at the harshness of my own voice. He tried to take a step towards me again, but I met it with a backwards one of my own, this time looking him in the eye. I always felt so damn vulnerable around him and I was sick of it, so even if it meant pretending, I was not going to let him see how much his being there was hurting me.
“I guess Joe didn’t know this is where you work. When the call came through I panicked. I was worried something bad happened here so I took the call. He’s probably going to be pissed at me, but I…”
“Seriously, just stop!” Something inside of me just snapped. I didn’t want to hear that shit. I didn’t want him being nice and caring and pretending like he gave a shit about me, because he didn’t. Maybe it was a game to him or maybe he was fucking crazy, but it felt like all he ever did was toy with me and I couldn’t do it any more. “Just leave.”
Pain flashed in his eyes, but was erased quickly by anger. “Fine,” he bit out at me. Then without a glance back he walked out the door.
My day only got worse from there. By lunchtime I was almost to my breaking point.
“Stacy, a word please?” I didn’t even try to hide the groan as I tossed my head back and trudged towards the office of the dentist I worked for. I plopped down on the chair in front of his desk that was covered in charts and papers. How he ever got a damn thing done I had no idea, the man’s office was a mess. He was a decent enough guy, but somewhat of a push over. Usually he didn’t bother to call me out on my shit, but like I said, I’d been bitchier than normal.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, Stacy, but if you can’t snap out of it then I’ll have to force you to take some time off.” I was laying back in the chair with my arm draped dramatically over my eyes. Even without seeing him I knew he was cringing, nervously waiting for me to lash out at him. It almost made me feel a little guilty that a grown man would be afraid to have what most would consider a civil conversation.
“Is this about that little shit this morning? He’s fucking ten years old and he was crying like a little bitch. All I was doing was cleaning his teeth and he acted like I was ripping his fingernails off with pliers. And his mom was in the corner babying the shit out of him, so yeah, I lost it.”
I was a dental hygienist and whil
e even on a good day it was still pretty hard for me to keep my opinions to myself, today had been an exceptionally ridiculous one. After dealing with two patients this morning telling me how much they hated the dentist and then having that little twerp crying the whole time, I just kind of lost it.
“Alright buddy, quit acting like a whiney baby and shut it. If you’re going to cry over a stupid cleaning, then I’ll just give you a reason to cry. You see this sharp instrument in my hand? I’m being really careful with it right now, but when I hear little girls crying like you are it makes me jumpy, and I’d hate to accidentally stab…I mean poke you with it.”
His mom had been pissed when I said that, but I wouldn’t have had to threaten him if she would have just slapped him across the face like any good parent would do. He was seriously being a little shit, and personally, I felt I’d taken it easy on him. But apparently Dr. Doofus (the affectionate nickname I’d given my dentist) thought losing the family as patients because of my little outburst was a big deal.
“Stacy, I get complaints about you on almost a daily basis and for the most part I let it go, but you threatened a little kid. That’s just not okay, and the worst part is, I’m not even sure whether or not you would actually do it. If you don’t get control of yourself then I’m going to have to up my malpractice insurance. You’ve worked here for years and you’re good at your job, even though you’re horrible with people, but some things I can’t just turn a blind eye to.”
“Ughhhhh, I know, but I’m not bad with all of the patients. Just the ones who are idiots or annoying. Is it my fault that the majority of people fall under one of those categories?”