by Peter David
The people who live here have been pretty strange, not at all like the ones at Starbase 42. Here, they keep to themselves and I haven’t seen a single kid since we set up our new home a few days ago.
Mr. Consadine lives next door to us but we only see him in the building lobby, never on our floor. He wears big coats and I think he’s stealing. I keep trying to peek inside his coat—they’re all gray or brown—and see what’s there but no luck yet. Tomorrow I will talk with Ms. Wis’noki and see what she knows. So far, she’s the only one who’s been nice and gave me a cookie the day we moved in. It was the tangiest cookie I’ve ever had, fizzling on my tongue, and watching me eat it made Mom giggle.
LEFLER’S LOG, Stardate 31393.7
Alice. Cheshire. Those are our new names. We decided this after she read the book to me. Mom, that is Alice, likes my smile and says coming home to see my seven-year-old smile is worth putting up with life on Tantalus.
Dad says it’ll take some getting used to, calling us Alice and Cheshire, but we told him those were names just for us. He put on a big frown but I think he was playing with us.
I wish I had someone here to play with but there don’t seem to be any kids in the building. Instead, I’m looking at all the people in here, figuring out who they really are and why none have kids my age.
LEFLER’S LOG, Stardate 31443.8
Okay, I think he’s stealing chips. Dad says they’re isolinear chips, and he brings them home to work on away from the lab. But I never see him bring any back. Mr. Consadine must be a spy, maybe for the Klingons. Dad thinks I’m being silly and won’t let me contact Starfleet. So, I’ll just keep making notes and see what happens. Mom says if I’m right, I can make Daddy buy me a new dress. I think I’d like one just like the one Mom wore last night to the big holiday party. It was all red and shimmery and she wore her hair loose so it was full and curly, making her prettier than usual. Dad kept hugging her as they got ready. They left ten minutes late. I got to stay behind and watch some new vids they downloaded at the lab.
LEFLER’S LOG, Stardate 31448.6
Ms. Wis’noki must be in on it.
This morning, as I was leaving for school, I saw her sneak out of Mr. Consadine’s apartment. She was still wearing her bathrobe and she bunched the front up in her hands, like she was taking out the chips he steals from the lab. So, they’re in on it together. If I can prove they’re both spies, I bet I can get two dresses!
LEFLER’S LOG, Supplemental
Dad laughed a lot when I told him about Ms. Wis’noki being a spy. He sat me down and tried to explain that sometimes adults visit one another and have sleepovers. That made me kind of sad because I can’t remember the last time I had a sleepover with anyone. It had to have been before Starbase 42, so I guess that makes it Coridan. It would have been with LaShaundra. She was nice and now that I think of her, I miss her.
It’s a good thing I have this tricorder Alice gave me for my birthday two years ago. I didn’t really know how to use it then—heck, I was only five. But she says I use it as well as a starship officer. That got me to thinking about starships and how much fun it must be to live on one ship traveling from star to star with everyone. Visiting the new planets is nice, but it’s just Dad, Mom, and me and sometimes I’d like to have a friend to share this with when they’re at work.
LEFLER’S LOG, Stardate 31653.7
This place is haunted. I’ve been hearing weird noises ever since we settled in and I was the only one who noticed. Just like when I found out Mr. Consadine was stealing chips. Well, Dad finally looked into that, I think just to shut me up. He turns out not to be a spy. Darn. He really does design work on isolinear chips. I just never see him go to work so I never see him carry them back out of the apartment.
Anyway, I can hear the noises between the walls. They’re low thuds without a rhythm. And they happen day or night. I can’t figure out what the spirits want. Wait, there’s one now! It came from the hallway so I’m moving carefully out of my room, trying to follow it.
Dad’s been teaching me about this method—scientific method he calls it. I have to record my observations and take good notes, he said. The sound is coming from the wall, not near the vent or the light panel. It’s low, below my knees but not at the floor. The sound is deep and lasts maybe two seconds. I can’t understand why I’m the only one who hears it. I’m putting my ear next to the wall to listen closer. Maybe it’s not haunted, but something is trying to dig its way out.
LEFLER’S LOG, Supplemental
Alice couldn’t stop herself from laughing so I’m mad at her. She found me in my closet, behind my protective wall of luggage and packing crates.
That sound was really loud this time, probably because I had my ear on the wall. And this time there were two thumps! I thought for sure whatever was haunting the building was coming out of the wall. I heard a story once about an alien being buried on another world and he punched and punched and punched his way out of his deep prison even though it took him a thousand years.
If they could bury some monster on one world, they could do it again.
When I explained my thinking to Mom, she put me in her lap and laughed again. It made me so mad, I tried to get away. She just held me tight and whispered in my ear. She said that only happened once and it happened a long time ago and on a planet nowhere near here.
Mom still didn’t know what I heard so I made her promise to have Dad find out.
LEFLER’S LOG, Stardate 31610.7
I’m mad. Turns out Dad found my evil spirit. It was something in the heating system starting to fail. The building’s owner was happy I discovered the problem before it got serious so he took my family to dinner tonight. They let me have whatever I wanted so I asked for King Crab. I remember hearing about that somewhere and the owner had never seen one.
It was huge and I loved every mouthful.
Mom thinks I could be a detective when I grow up because I’m very observant. That’s something I never thought of and will consider.
But only if detectives can travel on starships.
LEFLER’S LOG, Stardate 32854.6
The ship left orbit an hour ago and I just stopped crying. I feel bad and not at all ready to come out of my room. It’s really small and cramped but it’s mine and I’m just not ready to get out. So I thought I’d dig out the old tricorder.
Rimbor was a rough world for Mom and Dad but we spent a year there this time, the longest I remember being anywhere. They were conducting research at a new science institute and it was a one-year assignment. We knew when we arrived that’s how long it would be and I hoped to make friends this time. I didn’t expect Mom—
No. I’m not ready to talk about Mom yet. I want to talk about my friend.
His name is Whis. Well, that’s what I call him. He’s an Andorian and isn’t exactly a he, he says, and the proper name is just too long to always get right. I stopped trying to pronounce it when he kept laughing when I tripped on the third—no fourth—syllable. His mom—he calls her his zhavey—was in Starfleet, assigned to security at the same place, so we saw a lot of each other.
Whis showed me how to find ways into the building that his mom was trying to protect. He thought it was pretty funny that he could do better than her but he never told her about any of it. Had that been me, I would have made notes with the tricorder and showed my mom.
We did a lot of stuff together like go for long hikes in the hills that surrounded the city. They formed a ring and the natives built this city hoping the natural formations would protect it from raiders. Rimbor is a rough world, filled with people angry over some war that ended a century ago that made no one happy. I never did understand what it was all about. Dad said it was about land, like most every other war, and I guess he’s right.
So anyway, Whis showed me his favorite trails and then we set out to find new ones. There was one I liked that took us to a stream where we could swim in the warm months. The air is nice and toasty warm for about three months and w
e went there a lot to swim and splash. I showed him how to skip stones, something Dad taught me.
It’s funny, but I think about our time on Rimbor and I remember spending more time with Dad than ever before. He was there for school shows and met with the teachers. We played cards a lot and he let me try some of his novels but I didn’t like them too much. They were mostly histories of different alien worlds and were thick and boring. I much prefer the stories about explorers or the Pegasus Tales.
I guess I should talk about Mom.
Mom went away while we were on the planet. She just wasn’t there one morning when I came out for breakfast. She had never missed breakfast before and Dad was there, mixing up the oatmeal. His is less lumpy than Mom’s which is kind of nice. Anyway, he kept me going, talking about my school and his studies, and it wasn’t until Mom skipped dinner as well that I figured out something was wrong.
She stayed away four days and when she returned she was bright and cheerful as usual, but wouldn’t tell me what’s going on. I wondered if Starfleet sent her on special assignment. That’s one good reason for not knowing.
I checked my logs and Mom stayed with us exactly three months before going off again. Dad seemed sad about it but kept me distracted and I see now that he was forcing the smile. After a few days, he told me she had been abducted. My first thought was that her secret mission turned out well and she was a captured by someone angry at her. I told Whis about it and he asked why would anyone want a plasma specialist? He just shrugged his antennae and wouldn’t even mention it to his zhavey. When I asked Dad, his answer didn’t really sound right.
Maybe she discovered something and got kidnapped. I’ve been hearing a lot about the Cardassians—they sound pretty nasty so maybe they took Mom. I’ll never know, I guess. She returned, just like the last time, and never told me a thing. She didn’t seem as happy to be back this time, though.
I guess I should have looked over the last year’s entries a lot sooner. It’s like doing research, something I’ve gotten to like. I can see Mom staying out later here and there, then the absences. Never a word if she was on a secret mission or was captured or anything.
Here’s something from the first time she returned. She seemed happy and everything seemed normal. Mom called me Cheshire, like she always did. But the second time she returned, she kept to her room a lot. I’d bring her tea after dinner and sit on the bed and try to amuse her.
I told her that if she was going to keep going away, I’d have to help Dad run the house. To do that, I needed rules, like the ones they had for me. She looked at me with great interest, for a change, and asked what the first rule would be.
“You can only count on yourself.”
She was silent for a while and I thought she’d be mad at me. Instead, she just sipped her tea and gave me a small smile. But, she encouraged me to do more.
I guess she knew she’d be away again, because three weeks later she was gone for a month. Just like before.
I began to wonder if Mom was doing something more than study plasma, which I still can’t quite understand.
Anyway, I’m going to stay in the cabin by myself until I stop missing Rimbor and Whis and maybe until I can figure out why Mom got so sad during the last year.
LEFLER’S LOG, Stardate 33678.2
I’m confused.
We just got home from our camping trip and the weirdest thing happened. I thought things would be great by moving back to Earth. We hadn’t been here since I was born and I don’t remember the place at all. Yesterday, we went to New Jersey, part of North America, and went camping by the shore. It was soft and warm and we flew a kite and did some boating. The water was calm and we just paddled around, just the three of us.
Mom had been home six straight months without being kidnapped again. Dad keeps telling me people keep nabbing her because she’s so brilliant. Well, I know she’s brilliant, but she’s just a plasma scientist. It’s not like she’s found the cure to a disease or has figured out a safe time-travel plan. It’s just energy. Lots of people know about energy.
Since this nonsense started a few years ago, Mom just vanishes for days or weeks at a shot, and Dad and I have to make do. He seems sad all the time, even when she’s around, but she seems even sadder.
I’ve been trying for years now to keep her happy and it isn’t working. Maybe for a day or even an hour, but it’s never enough. I bring home great grades, if I do say so myself, and she just nods. I do fancy art projects and she won’t even come to the exhibitions. When we’re home, she sits and reads or combs the net for information, bringing her work home I guess.
It’s gotten that each time she magically reappears, her first question is what new rule I’ve come up. The last time, I told her they weren’t rules. They were my laws. She delights in them, I think, and they’ve been coming easier and easier. I’m up to sixteen of them and I wonder how many more times she’ll go away. Sixteen and I’m only nine, if this keeps up how many rules will I have?
Like I was saying, we went camping. Dad told some pretty scroggy ghost stories while he roasted some fish. Mom sipped some wine and had a faraway look in her eyes but she did help make some sort of fruit-filled pie that got toasted over the fire. It was kind of neat; I didn’t know she could do that.
We had gotten into our sleeping bags and gone to sleep. I awoke with Mom’s hand on my mouth. She gestured for me to follow her outside. Without a word, we went hiking a bit, going up a hill. At its top, she pointed and we were overlooking the water. It looked so still, with the crescent moon perfectly reflected on its surface. Her hands were on my shoulders and after a time, they tightened. And then they relaxed. This repeated a few times until finally, she turned me around and led me back to the camp. She zipped me in and returned to her own sleeping bag.
Not a word. No idea why we went for the hike. The view was pretty nice, but I’m not sure it was worth getting up in the middle of the night.
Mom is gone again. It’s time for another law. Number seventeen. “When all else fails, do it yourself.”
LEFLER’S LOG, Stardate 359487.1
What exactly is a diary? It can be anything. Most people use one to write down their important thoughts and experiences, and others write really personal stuff about boyfriends and other people. I’ve been keeping these log entries since I was seven, five years ago, and it’s all the former. There aren’t any boys, let alone friends.
I carefully download the entries to isolinear chips, which I keep in a wooden box Mom brought me from a bazaar when we lived on Rimbor. I miss Whis. He wrote me a few times but I haven’t heard from him in two years so I guess he’s got his own life now.
Starfleet started some new warp engine experiments and needed Mom and Dad’s expertise. We’ve been at Starbase 179 for a few months now and it’s nice enough but I still want us posted to a starship. Mom arranged for me to tour the Saratoga when it docked here recently. It was filled with activity, and everyone looked so amazing in their uniforms. The ship was thrumming, purring like a cat, and it felt filled with life. It just fueled my desire to grow up and be on my own.
It’s probably good I feel this way since I think I’m going to be alone soon enough. Mom and Dad have been fighting again. I thought that ended when we left Utopia Planitia. Shows what I know. Dad has finally had his fill with Mom’s moods and disappearances. Good for him. He stopped trying to convince me she was kidnapped when we were on Earth. That camping trip changed everything. Mom isn’t sick, at least not physically. Dad says she’s been depressed and she’s stopped trying to laugh that off. She won’t admit to it but I can’t imagine what else the problem is.
Mom doesn’t even smile anymore. She works late hours and so far, it seems her work hasn’t suffered. Just me. I want to talk to my mother, shop with her and do things that we’re expected to do. I just want a normal life and she’s denying it to me.
Dad suffers. I suffer. Mom suffers. We don’t even do things together except sometimes eat a meal. It might be be
tter if I had some true friends, but we all come and go on starbases or planets so I have friends, but not the true deep ones I’ve read about. Maybe, just maybe, if I had two consecutive years somewhere, that would change. But no, we get a new posting and I pack up my learning discs and clothes—and of course you, dear tricorder—and move away. Not a single friend I’ve made on any of these places keeps in touch. We exchange a few notes and then one of us stops. I’m as bad as they are so I’ve caused my own pain. I should know better, but I make the mistake and then time passes and it feels wrong to finally write.
LEFLER’S LOG, Stardate 37592.4
Well, I wanted my two years somewhere and here it is our second anniversary at Starbase 212. It’s a big rock with great tunnels connecting the buildings. Mom called it a habitrail after we beamed aboard and she had to explain it to me and Dad both. I’ve never had a pet; Dad always said it was just too much trouble given how often we move about. Would have been nice, but hey, I have you, my trusty tricorder. We’ve been together just over nine years so you’re my best friend.
Life is so weird and little surprises happen when you least expect them. Especially when all my friends are involved. At school, there was a plumbing leak and we were standing on the steps, talking. We were pushing each other around but didn’t really mean it. Then, when I least expected it, Jamey pushed me really hard and I went flying across the asphalt. I landed in this big puddle and got absolutely soaked. But it was worth it to see them all coming toward me with really concerned expressions on their faces. It made me feel like I belonged somewhere. About five minutes later, we were all laughing about it. Even though my hip was aching, I was having fun.
I’m not sure getting drenched and calling it fun is right. It certainly isn’t fun at home. Mother and Dad barely speak to one another and he seems more bothered by it than she is. In fact, she seems more withdrawn, almost like a Vulcan, keeping things bottled up. I can’t even remember the last time I saw her smile. Dad’s been starting to keep later hours so I see them both in the morning and that’s it. They go to the labs and I go to school.