by Diana Palmer
Bess shook her head. “I went to a boarding school up north. I didn’t like it very much, but it was fashionable. I’d much rather have gone to a public school in town and been able to stay with my parents.”
“I’m glad I go to my school,” Katy said. “I like going with all my friends.”
“I never had friends,” Bess confided. “Except one. She died when we were in the eighth grade, and I mourned her for a long time. I…don’t get close to people easily.”
“You’re close to me.”
“You’re different.” Bess smiled. “You’re very special.”
The young girl hugged her. “So are you. I’m glad you’re my mother.”
“Darling, so am I.” Bess kissed the black hair that was so like Jude’s, and then reached out to stroke Blanket’s nose again.
“Would you like to go riding?” Katy asked. “We’ve got a lot of saddle horses, and Benny’s as gentle as a lamb.”
Bess’s eyes lit up. “Yes!”
“Come on.”
Minutes later, Bess was riding the old gelding beside Katy’s little buckskin mare, heading down one of the trails on the property. The air was nippy, but it felt good.
“I should have worn boots, I guess,” Bess said, glancing down at her low-heeled walking shoes. “Not to mention jeans. This is insane, riding around in a dress. What if someone sees us?”
Katy laughed at Bess’s bare legs. “Nobody will, I promise.”
They rode through the woods where pines and leafless oaks and mesquite sheltered the trail, and Bess thought she’d never felt so alive. She forgot Crystal and Jude in his study; she forgot everything but the joy of being alive, and gloried in the stark beauty of the landscape.
“The cattle look cold,” Bess murmured, watching them as they paused beside a barbed-wire fence where cactus grew in a line paralleling it. “And so am I,” she added, glancing at her bare, chilly legs. “We’d better go—”
“So there you are,” Jude growled, riding up on his big chestnut gelding. He looked ferocious with his hat pulled low over his eyes; his very posture spelled trouble. His eyes went to Bess’s bare legs and he caught his breath. “Are you crazy?”
“Don’t be mad, please, Daddy,” Katy asked gently. “We just wanted to go riding, and Bess didn’t want to go all the way back to the house to change.”
“No, she’d rather catch pneumonia and be waited on,” he growled.
“We’ll go back now,” Bess said quietly, turning her mount. All the sweet pleasure of the day had gone, and the excited, happy radiance of her face had paled to numb disillusionment.
“Go ahead, Katy. It’s getting cold. Go play in the house,” Jude said tautly.
“Yes, sir.” Katy tossed an apologetic glance at the older woman and reluctantly turned back toward the barn.
Bess sat straight in the saddle and met Jude’s hard eyes. “Where’s Crystal?”
“Back at the house, wondering why her damned stepsister can’t spare a few minutes to talk to her,” he said coldly.
“You took her into your study and closed the door,” she reminded him. “I assumed that meant you wanted privacy, and Katy wanted to go riding.”
“Didn’t you mind that I closed the door?” he asked with a watchful expression.
She had, but she wasn’t going to let him know that. She shook her head. “Do what you please, Jude. I don’t have the right to say anything.”
He looked as if she’d hit him. She coaxed her mount forward, but his lean hand shot out and jerked the bridle, halting her.
“For God’s sake, stop looking like a lost orphan,” he said harshly.
“I am an orphan,” she said quietly, searching his hard, shadowed eyes. “And I feel lost.”
“Bess…damn you!”
He was out of the saddle before she could blink, reaching up to pull her down with him. And even as she looked up, stunned, his mouth went down to take total, absolute possession of hers.
“No, don’t fight me,” he whispered urgently when she put her hands against his chest. His mouth softened on hers, coaxing, teasing.
“I wasn’t going to,” she confessed. Her fingers unbuttoned his shirt, very slowly, while his mouth teased her lips and his breath rasped against them.
The shirt came open and her hands went inside it, against his warm body, spearing through cool, thick hair to find smooth, hard muscles.
His mouth grew harder with the rough caress of her hands, and she felt him shudder.
He picked her up and carried her off the trail to an open space under a huge live oak, where leaves carpeted the ground, and he laid her down.
His hands slid under her to find the zipper at her back while his mouth brushed over hers.
“I’ll…I’ll catch cold,” she whispered shakily as he drew the dress down her arms and removed her bra.
“I’ll keep you warm,” he whispered back, and moved so that his bare chest eased down over her own bareness, his hands going under her again to bring her body up against his in a wild, hungry rhythm.
It was because of Crystal, she thought wildly, because he wanted her but couldn’t forget his marriage vows, so he was venting his passion on Bess.
But even as she was thinking, her hands were twining through his black hair, dislodging his hat to give her access to it. Her body moved wildly against his.
“Please,” she whimpered against his devouring mouth, her hips arching under his in helpless invitation.
“Keep that up and I’ll have to,” he bit off. His hands went down to her hips, grinding them into his. “Feel me?” he whispered roughly.
“I want you, too,” she whispered back, her hands feverish as they tugged his shirt loose from his jeans and went under it to find the hard, smooth muscles of his back. “Oh, Jude, I want you, I want you…!”
“All that fire,” he breathed unsteadily, lifting his head so that his mouth could reach her high, trembling breasts. “That’s it, honey, that’s it,” he murmured when her body leaned toward him, helping him, as his lips drew slowly back and forth over soft curves, open and moist and rough in their hunger. “You’re burning me alive, Bess, do you know it? I look at you and start aching. Ever since last night, when you let me see all of you and I went crazy and took you…I want you, right here, Bess. Right now.”
He was out of control. Totally, wildly, helplessly out of control, and so was she. It was insane; Katy might come back; any one of the men might ride past…!
But minutes later their clothes were out of the way; it was bitterly cold but neither of them felt it, they were so hungry for each other.
He lifted her as his body overwhelmed hers in the cool silence of afternoon, and she gasped, her tiny cry merging with birdcalls from the distant meadow.
He watched her intently, his eyes blazing, cloudy with desire and recklessness, his hands hurting her as they held her narrow hips to his, his heartbeat pounding as the world seemed to catch fire around them.
She heard his voice repeating her name in a feverish rush until it splintered over her, and she felt him lose control, completely lose it, while her own body tautened and tautened and finally snapped in a glorious fury.
He fought to catch his breath, his face buried in the damp hair at her throat.
“My God, we’re both crazy,” he said in a voice that shook. “It’s damned near freezing….”
Her eyes were closed, her hands delicately stroking the hair at the nape of his neck while she savored this one moment of closeness, loving him with all her heart, delighting in his insanity, and her own.
He pulled himself away and rearranged his clothing, keeping his back to her while she got back into her own things. She was shaking so much she could hardly do it, and he had to zip the dress back into place for her.
“Here,” he said gently, helping her into the leather jacket. “You’re trembling.”
She was, but it wasn’t from cold. “Thank you,” she said softly. She forced her eyes up to his, shy with him all at
once.
His lean fingers brushed her cheek and he looked at her strangely, quietly. He bent and his mouth brushed hers in a kiss so tender that it turned her heart over.
“Every man’s dream,” he whispered. “A lady in public and a wildcat in bed.”
She blushed, and he smiled, but it was a different kind of smile than it had been before. But only for an instant. He got to his feet and pulled her up with him.
“In the middle of the bridle path,” he mused, glancing down at the disordered leaves where they’d been together. “My God.”
She was pulling leaves out of her hair with trembling hands. “They’ll miss us,” she said shakily.
“You were the one who wanted a baby,” he said, all the old sarcasm back as he stared at her. “I’m only trying to oblige.”
She turned away, feeling empty all over again at the sarcasm in his voice. “Was that why?” she asked coolly. “I thought you might have gone wild over Crystal and were looking for relief.”
The look on his face was a revelation. He glared at her back. “And why do you think I wouldn’t look for it with Crystal?” he taunted. “She might not mind the scars in the dark, you know, and she’s not inhibited, either.”
Her face blazed wildly. She whirled. “Then why don’t you try your luck, Rawhide Man?” she challenged with burning eyes and a cool smile. “She likes men with money.”
“All the better, if she gives full value for it,” he returned. He moved toward his horse. “Never mind what I said about moving into my room and sleeping with me,” he said when he was mounted and his hat was back in place. “You might cramp my style.”
She felt as if she might explode. But with an effort she controlled herself and got back into the saddle, gripping the reins tightly.
“It’s just as well,” she said. “You probably snore.”
He looked as if she’d surprised him, and he laughed unexpectedly. But before he could say anything she turned the horse and coaxed it into a canter. She couldn’t handle any more sarcasm from him right now, or any more threats about Crystal. She was hurting too much.
Chapter Eight
That evening at the dinner table it was like old times for Bess as she sat quietly, picking at her food, while Crystal held court.
Her stepsister was charming, there was no doubt about that, she thought miserably as she watched her. And Jude was responding to all that blond charm like a blind man just able to see.
“Want some more corn, Bess?” Katy asked, sounding concerned.
She shook her head and even managed a convincing smile. “No, thank you, darling.”
“Daddy wasn’t mad at you for going riding in your dress, was he?” Katy asked under her breath.
Remembering how it had been in the woods, Bess flushed to the roots of her hair. “Uh, no,” she whispered, and turned her total attention to her plate.
“Bess, I said, ‘Do you remember the Cochrans?’“ Crystal repeated. “I ran into them on the coast of France early in the year. Bert’s in college, can you imagine?”
“That’s very nice,” Bess said, refusing to be drawn into the conversation. What was the use anyway? It was Jude Crystal wanted to talk to, not her.
She excused herself as soon as she could and went upstairs with Katy, while Jude watched her from his chair with an intent stare.
That night set the pattern for the next few weeks, as Crystal settled in and enlisted Jude’s aid in getting her affairs in order. Apparently she’d invested some of her small inheritance from Carla and needed advice on how to play the market. It was a nice excuse, Bess thought angrily, for her to get Jude’s attention as she asked him question after question about finance and investments.
For his part, Jude seemed to spend most of his time away from home on business, and if he spoke to Bess at all, it was curtly, reluctantly. He hardly ever looked at her these days, while he laughed and teased Crystal as if…as if she were his real wife.
“What is it like, living with Jude?” Crystal asked unexpectedly one afternoon during a rare few minutes together.
Bess glanced at her warily. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m just making conversation. Or trying to,” came the exasperated reply. “Bess, I’ve been here just shy of a month, and we haven’t really talked yet! Can’t we communicate with each other? If it’s because of Carla, I realize I should have shouldered more responsibility, but it’s ages too late now. I can’t help it that I was spoiled my whole life, can I?”
Bess looked away. She’d have loved a little of the spoiling that had always gone to Crystal, with her finely honed beauty. “Being beautiful has its advantages,” she murmured.
“And its disadvantages,” came the bitter reply. “Has it ever occurred to you that I never know where I am with men? Whether they want me because of me, or because of how I look? Beauty doesn’t last, Bess. It’s gone in such a short time. And I don’t have anything to show for all mine. Not a husband or children or a future I want to look forward to.”
Do you want my husband? Bess almost asked. She sighed wearily. “What about your French count?”
Crystal looked away, her features going rigid. “I hate him.”
Bess almost asked what had gone wrong. She almost did, but the reticence of years made it impossible for her to go that one step toward camaraderie. She didn’t know how to approach Crystal. She’d never tried.
“You’ll find someone else,” Bess said instead. “Would you like some coffee?”
Crystal looked at her as if she desperately wanted to say something, but Bess’s practiced coolness wasn’t encouraging. She laughed shortly. “Sure, I’d love some. When is Jude coming home, by the way?”
Bess froze. “In a few days, I suppose. I’ll have Aggie fix a tray,” she murmured as she left the room.
“What did I say now?” Crystal asked the coffee table with a sad smile.
Bess paused in the hall to get herself back together. Why didn’t Crystal just go with Jude if she wanted his company so much? He’d let her. She laughed until tears rolled down her cheeks. He’d let Crystal go anywhere with him, and at the same time, he wouldn’t notice Bess if she dropped dead at his feet!
“Bess?” Crystal, hearing the unfamiliar sound of weeping, had come to the door and was standing aghast at the sight of her normally composed stepsister in tears.
Bess dried the tears with the hem of her blouse. “Sorry,” she muttered, “I…think about Carla sometimes,” she lied, letting it go at that.
“I know you miss her, darling,” Crystal said gently. “I miss her, too. I don’t suppose I realized just how much I cared until it was too late to tell her.” She reached out toward Bess, but drew back before her fingers could make contact. “Say, you don’t really mind my staying, do you? Or getting Jude to help me with this financial tangle I’m in?”
“Of course not,” Bess said with magnificent carelessness.
Crystal, taking the statement at face value, relaxed. “Thank goodness. I mean, I hoped you weren’t jealous or anything.”
Which intimated that she had reason to be. Crystal couldn’t have missed the coolness between husband and wife, the pointed way they had avoided each other ever since that wild afternoon in the woods.
“I’ll get the coffee,” Bess said tautly.
Crystal stared after her quietly. Her lovely face was strained.
* * *
The day Jude came home Katy and Aggie had gone with Crystal to shop in San Antonio. Bess was sitting in the porch swing alone when he drove up, and her stupid heart went wild at the sight of him.
He walked up the steps as if he was bone tired, his attaché case held firmly in one lean hand.
“Isn’t it a little early in the year for swinging?” he asked curtly.
She was wearing his leather jacket with jeans that, strangely enough, wouldn’t fasten at the waist, and a pale yellow sweater. Her hair was in a French twist. She hadn’t noticed the cold.
“I like swinging,” she ret
urned.
“Yes, I remember,” he murmured, watching her closely. “Where’s Crystal?”
Her face closed up and she stared out over the bleak landscape. “Gone shopping with Aggie and Katy.”
His fingers contracted on the handle of the case. “Damn it, why do you do that?” he ground out.
She glanced up at him, startled. “Do what?”
“Close up like a flower whenever I come close,” he said. His eyes swept over her face. “Do you think I haven’t noticed? I can walk into a room when you’re playing and laughing with Katy, and the color drains out of you the second you catch sight of me.”
She lowered her eyes to his chest. “What do you expect me to do, run to you?”
He was rigid for an instant, his eyes narrowed. “I can’t imagine you doing that,” he said heavily. He set the case down on the settee and eased himself down beside Bess, lighting a cigarette on the way.
The feel of him so close was unnerving. It had been weeks since he’d touched her, since she’d been near him physically. She had to clench her hands in her lap to hide her nervousness.
“You used to spend quite a lot of time out here in the summer,” he remarked, leaning back to rock the swing back into motion. “God, you were a pretty little thing, all long tanned legs and smiles.” He looked down at her assessingly. “Away from your stepsister, you blossomed. But the minute you got in the same room with her, you turned it all off. You’re still doing it.”
“How can I compete with someone who looks like Crystal?” she asked, as if she didn’t mind. Her eyes studied her folded hands. “She could charm a dragon.”
“I suppose she could. But it isn’t because she’s beautiful, Bess,” he said. “It’s because she has a bubbly personality. She reaches out.”
“Is that a dig at me?” she asked curtly, glancing up.
“You don’t reach out at all,” he returned. “You never have. Is that why you’re so eaten up with envy that you can’t even stay in the same room with Crystal? Because she can communicate and you can’t?”
She hated that mocking smile. She hated what he was saying. Her hand lifted toward his face without her being aware that it had moved.