by Diana Palmer
She could feel herself weakening, because the way he was looking at her was different from any way he’d looked at her before. She could hardly breathe for the wild beating of her heart. But she couldn’t do what he wanted her to do. Not yet.
She lowered her eyes. “I…don’t feel that way anymore, I told you last night,” she bit off.
“You told me. I just didn’t quite believe you.” He stood up, and his look was unnerving. “Is it just me, or are you frozen clean through? Damn it, you wanted me when we married.”
“Yes, I did,” she said. “And you threw it in my face until I choked on it!”
He turned away. “I suppose I did,” he said wearily. He ran a hand through his hair. “But on the front porch, when you were sitting in the swing…and that hasn’t been so long ago, lady.”
She avoided his accusing gaze. “That was then. This is now.”
“What’s changed?”
“You!” she burst out, glaring at him. “I don’t know what to make of you. And I just don’t dare trust what you say. First you force me into marrying you, but you don’t want anything to do with me. Then you want me in bed, but you go out of your way to hurt me. Now you say you want to make the marriage work. Sometimes I think you enjoy torturing me!”
“Is that what it seems like?” He moved back to the bed with a weary sigh. “Bess, must we fight? I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve given you plenty of reason not to trust me. But there has to be a common ground.”
“Does there?” She stared at the coverlet blankly.
He tilted her chin up. “You look different lately,” he murmured, changing the subject. “Your face is rounder, your breasts are bigger.” His eyes went down to them and she flushed.
“Thank you for bringing up my supper,” she said.
“Thank you and good night?” he asked. He stood up and laughed curtly. “I had you in the palm of my hand once upon a time, Bess. What a pity that I was too damned stupid to realize what I was holding until it was too late.” He picked up the tray. “Get some rest, honey. Maybe we’ll eventually be able to sort things out.”
“Is Crystal still up?” she asked as he started toward the door.
He glanced back at her, looking strangely pleased. “Yes, as a matter of fact, she is. Jealous, honey?”
She was getting tired of having him ask that. Her eyes flashed wildly. “Go away! I hate men. I hate you. I hate Crystal. I hate the whole world!”
He only laughed, moving gracefully toward the door. “When you get tired of brooding, come and get me. You might discover that it’s easier than you think.”
But Bess only half heard him. She was too busy trying not to cry. How could he, how could he!
She tossed and turned all night, her mind overwhelmed with images of Crystal with Jude, dark and light, in bed together. She’d kill him. She’d kill Crystal. She’d leave and go home to Georgia. She’d do something! But when she awoke, worn-out and feeling deathly ill, revenge was the last thought on her mind.
She glanced at the clock and realized that it was already past time for church and she’d never make it before services were over. With a weary sigh, she pulled on a loose gray dress and brushed her hair, leaving it long.
She went downstairs, but the house was oddly quiet. There was a muffled sound in the den, where the door was ajar.
Her hand reached out and pushed the door gently open. Her face went paper white. Crystal was wrapped tight in Jude’s arms and they were kissing. Bess stood there gaping at them, her whole life flashing in front of her, hating them, hating them!
At that moment Jude lifted his head, laughing, and saw Bess. The look on his face would have been, in another time and place, utterly comical. But to Bess, whose whole world had just gone down in ashes, it was only confirmation of her worst suspicions.
Crystal stared at her with her mouth open. “Now, Bess,” she began hesitantly. “Darling, let me…”
“It isn’t what you think,” Jude added slowly, his own face oddly pale under his deep tan.
“Of course not,” Bess said. Her lower lip trembled and all the years of control, all the years of cool acceptance went flaming up in the grip of the worst fury she’d ever felt.
“Damn you,” she threw at Crystal, her brown eyes blazing, her face lined with anger. “You tramp! It isn’t enough that you spent the past ten years taking everything of mine you could lay your hands on, or that you went flying off to Europe and left me alone to take care of Mother all those long years. No, you had to come out here and make a grab for my family.”
Crystal was slowly turning pale herself. “Bess, wait—”
“Wait, hell!” she shot back. Her fists clenched by her sides. “All the years I dated, you stole every single beau I had. You coaxed Carla into giving you my grandmother’s jewels, the heirlooms I would have passed to my children, and you hocked them to get money! You even had the gall to question the will that left Oakgrove to me. Oakgrove, for God’s sake, that had been in my family for a hundred years! And now you want Jude.”
“Darling, Bess, please…!” Crystal pleaded, moving toward her.
But Bess backed away, hating them both. She tore the wedding bands from her hand—the gold one Jude had reluctantly slid on to her finger, and the silver one he’d bought her at the Alamo.
“You might as well have it all,” she said harshly, and flung the rings at Crystal. “All of it! Finally, this time, you’ve taken something I didn’t want to begin with!”
Jude looked as if she’d slapped him. He didn’t even move.
“I’m going home,” Bess wept, brushing wildly at the tears on her cheeks. “If I have to walk every step of the way. And I never want to see either of you, ever again!”
Blindly she turned and rushed out of the study, deaf to Crystal’s harsh plea. Without any particular course in mind, she threw open the front door and ran for the steps. But, blinded by her own tears, she didn’t see the first one. She lost her footing and tumbled headfirst down the long wooden row of steps, feeling at first a sudden, sharp pain, and then a quiet black oblivion.
* * *
The dreams were wild and strange. She was drowning as she reached out toward Jude, but he was dancing with Crystal, and she couldn’t make him hear her. She was drowning, drowning….
“Wake up now, wake up, that’s it,” came a slow, soothing voice.
She opened her heavy eyelids and looked up into a round face with glasses behind an optical tool with a light in its center.
“Hello,” she murmured drowsily.
“Hello, yourself,” he murmured back. He looked in her other eye and stood up. “Well, that doesn’t look too bad. You were lucky.”
She swallowed, looking around the room. It was empty except for a nurse hovering in the background. “The baby?” she whispered, frightened as she remembered the long fall. Her eyes looked up into his for reassurance. “What about my baby?”
He frowned. “Are you pregnant?”
“Yes, I think so,” she whispered unsteadily, and proceeded to tell him about her symptoms.
He examined her again, very carefully, and ordered tests. “You’ll need to stay overnight,” he said. “I don’t think you’ve done any damage, but we’ll have to make sure.” He patted her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, now. We’ll take good care of you.”
“Doctor, please, if my husband and family are out there, don’t tell them about the baby just yet,” she asked pleadingly.
He lifted an eyebrow and grinned. “Don’t steal your thunder, huh? Okay. But if I don’t let that husband of yours in here pretty quick, I won’t have any staff left. He’s been chewing them out ever since he brought you in here. I’ll get him.”
Not Jude, she wanted to say. Not now, please, when I’m too weak to fight. But that would have sounded strange, and she wasn’t up to explanations, either.
She closed her eyes, and when she opened them Jude was standing over her, white as paste and with eyes that frightened her.
She licked her dry lips and tried to breathe normally. They’d given her something for the pain and she was already feeling foggy.
“I feel sort of numb,” she whispered.
He reached down and touched her hand very lightly, as if he expected her to jerk away from him, and she saw that her wedding bands had been replaced on it. “He said you weren’t hurt. Why are they keeping you?” he asked in an odd tone.
“Just…to do some…tests,” she said. “I’m okay.”
His fingers curled around hers and tightened. His jaw clenched. “Oh, God, honey…” he ground out, closing his eyes. “Bess!”
He sounded terrified. If only she weren’t so sleepy. She tried to get her hand away from his because she wanted to reach up and touch him. But he misunderstood the weak gesture and moved away.
“Shall I stay with you?” he asked tautly.
But she was already fading out and she didn’t hear him. The pain was going away….
When she came to again it was dark. Very dark, and quiet. She opened her eyes just in time to see Crystal come in the door with a Coca-Cola in one hand.
Her eyes went cold and she started to speak, but Crystal moved toward the bed quickly.
“Please, don’t get upset,” Crystal pleaded gently, her face a mask of pure anguish. “Please, Bess. They’ll make me leave, and I’ve got to stay with you. I promised Jude I wouldn’t leave you alone for a second.”
She lay back on the pillows with a bitter sigh and closed her eyes. Maybe she could pretend she wasn’t conscious.
“Please listen,” Crystal begged softly. “Please. Then if you want me to go, I’ll call a nurse or somebody to stay with you instead of me. All right?”
“I can’t go anywhere,” Bess said weakly, turning her head away.
“No, you can’t.” Crystal sat down by the bed, putting her soft drink on the elevated tray nearby. “What you saw…I swear to God, it wasn’t anything more than gratitude. Despite what you seem to think, I didn’t come here to steal your husband. As if I could.” She laughed. “Jude doesn’t want me.”
Bess stared at the wall, wishing her stepsister would just go away.
“I got a phone call this morning from Jacques, my Frenchman,” she said softly. “He wants to marry me, Bess. Can you imagine? He actually wants to marry me!”
That drew Bess’s attention for the first time. She turned her head on the pillow and stared at Crystal.
“I didn’t dream that being away would make him miss me that much,” Crystal continued quietly. “Even though Jude told me that if Jacques cared at all, it would happen. I wanted to leave weeks ago, but he asked me to stay. I thought maybe he was spending time with me to try and make you jealous. And I played up to him a little, to see if I could help.” She smiled sadly. “But all I did was make things worse. Darling, you’re so…withdrawn. You won’t let any of us near enough to hurt you. I suppose I even understand.” She reached out hesitantly and touched her stepsister’s arm. “I’ve been pretty callous at times, haven’t I? I knew you didn’t want me here. But I kept telling myself that if I tried a little harder I might be able to reach you. I just wanted someone to talk to, Bess,” she finished. “I had no one else, only you.”
Bess’s eyes felt wet. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she burst out.
Crystal stared at her lap. “I didn’t know how. It’s all bluff with me, Bess. I laugh and tease and pretend that I’m always on a high. But I can’t stop acting and be myself. Especially with the people who matter.”
“Like Jacques?”
She nodded, smiling. “You see, he thought there was nothing under the fluff. He thought I was a shallow little flirt with no real feelings. He told me so. I came here hurting, but I hid it so well that nobody knew. Except Jude,” she added quietly. “I suppose he’s been hurt so much that he knew the signs.”
Bess closed her eyes. She couldn’t bear to think about that.
“Please don’t hate me,” Crystal said unsteadily. “I was thanking him in the only way I could. I wouldn’t have hurt you for the world.”
Bess reached out and gently touched Crystal’s hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand,” she said softly. “I’m sorry for the things I said….”
“You had every right,” Crystal returned. The hurt faded out of her eyes and she smiled. “Wow, what a temper!”
Bess laughed self-consciously. “I never knew I had one, except when Jude baited me.”
“Poor old guy,” she murmured. “He’s paid today for sins he hasn’t even bothered to commit.”
Bess searched her stepsister’s eyes. “Is he here?”
“All day long,” came the quiet reply. “Up until just a few minutes ago. I made him go get something to eat. He’s sick about what happened. He feels responsible.”
That was like Jude, to bear the brunt of responsibility for whatever happened to his possessions. Wasn’t that what she was?
She smiled bitterly. “Well, I’m all right now. He can go home and…”
“And do what?” Crystal asked quietly. “Bess, the man loves you. I’ve never seen a man suffer the way he did when you fell down those steps. I had to call the ambulance. He wouldn’t leave you even that long. And when the ambulance attendants came, they had to work around him because he wouldn’t let go. He was terrified. Thank God Katy wasn’t home when it happened.”
“Katy!” Bess tried to sit up, but she held her head as it began to throb. She lay back down. “Poor Katy, have you called her?”
“Hours ago,” Crystal said. “She and Aggie are at the house.”
“I feel like such a fool,” Bess moaned. “All this, because I was eaten up with jealousy and couldn’t admit it.” Her eyes searched Crystal’s. “Can you forgive me?”
“If you can forgive me,” came the soft reply. “Oh, Bess, don’t you know that I’d never be able to compete with you? You’re so gentle and caring, so giving with the people you do open up to. You’re warm and generous, and you have a poise and sophistication I’ll never have in a million years. Beauty fades. But character never does.”
Bess held out her arms, crying as she embraced her stepsister.
“Are you really okay?” Crystal asked as she drew back, frowning.
Bess nodded. “Just a little whacked and bruised. But I’ll be fine, now. Really I will.”
“That’s good. Because I have to catch a plane to France in the morning, before a certain count changes his mind about that emerald engagement ring he promised me.” Crystal grinned. “Will you mind?”
“Not if I can come to the wedding,” she replied, amazed at the ease with which they conversed now.
Crystal grinned. “You’ll get the first invitation. Jude can bring you.”
The smile faded. “Yes.”
Crystal squeezed her hand. “Give him a chance,” she said. “He hasn’t had an easy time of it, either.”
“He takes his responsibilities seriously,” Bess agreed tiredly.
“You’re more than that to him, darling. If you’d seen him the way I did, you’d realize that. Now get some rest. I’ll sit here and sip my Coke and in the morning you’ll be all better. Okay?”
“Okay.” She smiled, clutching Crystal’s slender hand as she drifted off to sleep peacefully for the first time.
When she opened her eyes again, the doctor was there and Crystal was blowing her a kiss from the doorway.
“I feel like Santa Claus,” Dr. Barnes said with a grin after Crystal had left. “Which do you want, a boy or a girl?”
“I’m really pregnant?” she asked, rising.
“You’re really pregnant,” he answered. “Not bad news, I gather?”
“Oh, gosh,” she breathed. She lay back down, grinning like a child. “Oh, gosh.” Her hands went to her stomach and all of a sudden she felt wonderful.
“No sense talking to you any more tonight, I can see that,” he murmured after he checked her over. “Baby’s
fine. So are you. I may let you out of here tomorrow. We’ll see in the morning. Sleep tight!”
But she only smiled. What a wonderful, sweet secret. She closed her eyes and carried it off into the dark with her.
Chapter Eleven
Sunlight streamed in through the blinds and she moved restlessly. She felt bruised from head to toe, aching and miserable.
Her eyes opened and Jude was sitting rigidly in a chair by the bed. His eyes were bloodshot, staring straight ahead in a face like rawhide. His black hair was disheveled, and the pale blue silk shirt he was wearing with a blazer and dark slacks looked rumpled. It was unbuttoned halfway down, displaying bronzed muscles and curling dark hair, and she remembered with a shock of pleasure how it had felt to touch him there.
“Jude?” she whispered.
He sat up, his face alert, his eyes probing. “How are you?” he asked tautly.
“A little bruised,” she said, avoiding that probing stare. “Where’s Crystal?”
“On her way to Paris. She said she’d phone you tonight.”
“Yes, I’d like that.”
He studied her wan face. “She said you talked last night.”
She nodded. Her eyes glanced off his. “Crystal told me why she was kissing you. I’m sorry for the accusations I made,” she said gruffly.
He caught her hand and pressed the palm hotly to his mouth, his eyes closing as he kissed the soft flesh hungrily. “Shut up, will you?” he asked on a harsh laugh. “My God, when I saw you pitch down those steps I wanted to put a gun to my temple!”
“It wasn’t your fault,” she managed shakily.
“The hell it wasn’t.” He kissed her palm again before he laid it back gently on the bed. He got to his feet, stretching as he went to the window and opened the blinds. “The doctor said you could go home today.”
“I’d like that.”
“If you feel like it,” he emphasized. “I don’t want you taking chances.”
“I’m okay,” she said, touched by the concern in his voice.
He turned from the window and moved back to the bed. “Bess,” he said, oddly hesitant as he looked down at her, “Aggie said you were losing your breakfast lately.”