by DeLuca, Gia
“I think I kind of like this,” he said, turning to me with his lips parted into a reserved smile. He looked so damn handsome like that, sitting up straight behind the wheel of a beautiful car with the wind rustling his hair and his aviators reflecting the sunlight from above. He didn’t look sick at all. He looked so damn handsome. I caught my heart beating fast as my mind wandered for a split second, and then I jerked my head. I had to stop looking at him like that. As his nurse, it wasn’t appropriate.
I leaned back, stretching my face toward the sky and letting the warmth of the sun above wash over me.
JULIAN
If someone had told me a month ago I’d be gliding along the highway in my dad’s most prized car with a pretty girl by my side, I’d have never believed them. I was living a dream. This wasn’t real. There was no way it could possibly be real.
From the corner of my eye, I watched as Evie tossed her head back, her dark hair blowing like crazy and whipping around her face. She looked happy, carefree. And she trusted me. I’d never driven before, and yet she trusted me with her life, her safety.
“Should we head back toward the park?” she asked a few minutes later, unintentionally ruining one of the greatest moments of my entire life. “Come to a gentle stop up ahead in that driveway, put it in reverse, back out, then put it in drive and head back to the park.”
As I followed her directions, I saw her glance down at her phone in her lap, and then to my surprise, she hit the ignore button. A minute later her phone went off again, and again she ignored it. After a third time, she seemed flustered.
“I’m sorry. It’s my friend, Carys,” she said, annoyed. “She keeps calling. I have to take this.”
“It’s fine,” I said, focusing on the road ahead where my turn was coming up.
“What’s wrong?” Evie asked. “Did something happen?”
Silence.
“What?” Evie asked. I hadn’t the slightest idea about what was being said, but from the sound of Evie’s voice and the way her shoulders fell as if her entire world had just been deflated was like a punch to the gut.
“Of course I want you to tell me,” she said, her voice faltering. “No. No, there’s no way. That can’t be.”
I turned to look at her face. She was biting her nails as she listened to whatever it was Carys was telling her. Her watering eyes and pained expression told me all I needed to know. That jackass had hurt her again.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” I whispered. She swatted me again.
“Why the fuck would he try to get back with me, then?” she yelled into the phone. “That’s so fucked up, so fucked up.”
She wiped away the tears that spilled down her cheek and looked over at me, almost looking at me differently for a brief moment. I drove slow and carefully, pulling us back toward the park parking lot.
“You know what, Carys?” she said, sitting up. “I’m glad you told me this. I needed a reason to move on from him. I needed a reason to be done. I’m tired of being strung along.”
Carys replied, though I couldn’t make out what she said.
“No, I’m fine,” Evie insisted, glancing over at me. “Are we still going out this weekend? Okay. I’ll see you Friday.”
She hung up her phone and tossed it into her purse before wiping the rest of her tears from her cheek and brushing her hair back off her face.
“Would I be a total jerk if I said I told you so?” I said gently. I so badly wanted to remind her how right I was about him. She should’ve listened to me.
She turned her face away, clearly not in the mood.
“Hey,” I said, reaching over and tugging on her arm. I pulled into a parking spot and parked the car. I held onto her arm and she placed her hand over mine as she cried into the crook of her other elbow. I took off my seatbelt and turned toward her. “Evie…”
She turned to face me, her cheeks ruddy and her eyes swollen. She still looked like a million bucks, though; a million sad, salty, beautiful bucks.
“I think you’re pretty amazing,” I said in an attempt to try to lessen her pain. “Screw anyone who’s too dumb to realize that.”
“He has a girlfriend back at Vanderbilt,” she said, wiping the tears that kept spilling down her cheeks. “I should’ve known.”
She leaned in and buried her head on my shoulder, breathing deep and letting it all soak in and wash over her. My heart thumped loud in my chest as I held her close, and I was quite sure she could feel it. I said nothing as I held her, the space around us filled by the faint hum of the car engine.
“If you were mine, I’d never let you go,” I said softly. I didn’t mean to say those words out loud, but I was desperate to stop her pain as she sobbed into my chest.
“I just can’t believe he’d try to get back with me when he already has a girlfriend,” she cried. “Apparently, they’ve been together a couple years. Why would he do that, Julian? Why would he give me that hope?”
“He’s selfish,” Julian said. “You’re a sweet girl, Evie. Some people take advantage of that.”
I readjusted my arm around her and pulled her in close again. I liked holding her. I was never really a touchy-feely person, but I liked touching her. It was the only thing that felt natural.
“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” I said into her ear. “Any man would be lucky to have you.”
She sat up and leaned away, looking me straight in my eyes. “You’re just trying to make me feel better, but thanks.”
“I mean it,” I said as I reached over and stroked my hand against her soft cheek. “You’ve changed my life, Evie. You’ve given me a reason to live. I’ve never really had that before.”
She looked down at our hands, which had somehow managed to become intertwined, and gently pulled them apart. “We should probably head back.”
She climbed out of the car and we switched sides. She said nothing as we headed back to the mansion.
EVIE
No one had ever seen me as raw as Julian had in that moment. Angry. Bitter. Crying. Completely unraveled. He saw me at my weakest as I was reliving one of the most painful experiences of my life, and he just held me. He offered some kind words and he held me.
Before I drove back to the mansion, I caught a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye. I studied his face for the first time, really studied it. My eyes traced the angle of his square jaw, soaked in his deep-set hazel eyes and long lashes, and followed the lines of his perfectly straight nose and soft, full lips. He’d really filled out lately, and to say Julian Garner-Willoughby was officially handsome was an understatement. A far, far cry from the gaunt, sickly stick figure I’d met just weeks ago, this was a man I was only beginning to get to know.
I thought about kissing him there in the Jaguar under the sunny sky when he was comforting me, but I stopped myself. I couldn’t cross that line. There were a million reasons why we were never meant to be, and I wasn’t about to question any of them. I forced the thoughts out of my mind and focused on the road in front of me. I did dangerous things when my mind wandered. That was how I always got hurt.
I didn’t want to go back to the mansion. I didn’t want to step inside those drab, dreary walls and get swallowed up in the darkness that lurked behind the thick tapestry curtains and stained glass windows. But alas, I had no other choice.
I helped Julian up to his room, though he really didn’t need it, and got him situated.
“You don’t have to do that stuff for me anymore,” he announced as I handed him his medicine. “You don’t have to do anything for me anymore.”
“Don’t tell your mom that,” I said. Losing my job would’ve been the icing on the cake.
I turned to walk out of the room and change into something cozier, something I could really wallow in self-pity in.
“Are you coming back?” Julian called out.
“I don’t know, Julian,” I replied. “I think I’m going to go lie down for a bit, if that’s okay with you.”
&
nbsp; “Oh,” he said, his face falling. He relaxed his shoulders and sat up straight as he watched me walk out. I was sure he’d get a hold of me if he needed anything, and all I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts.
***
I tossed and turned all night, replaying memory after memory of nostalgic moments with Spencer. I racked my brain trying to figure out where it all went wrong, what I could’ve done better, how we could’ve made it work. I blamed myself, but it was no surprise. Spencer always walked around like he was perfect, and I’d convinced myself that he was, indeed, perfect. I told myself that I was the one with the flaws. I wasn’t worthy.
I chucked my phone across the room and it skidded across the wood before rolling into the wall.
“Screw him,” I muttered, sobs escaping from my lips. I never wanted to feel that way again. Like garbage. Like I wasn’t worth the love of a man. That I wasn’t good enough. “Never again.”
I buried my head in my pillow, shut my eyes, and forced myself to fall asleep, pushing away every little Spencer thought that floated into my mind. By the time I woke, it was six in the morning. I hadn’t heard a peep from Julian since the previous evening. I didn’t even make him dinner.
I scrambled out of my room and down to his, where I peeked in to check on him. His door softly creaked open, and I watched from afar to make sure he was covered and comfortable before quietly closing the door.
“Evie?” he called out, his voice groggy. “That you?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “Go back to sleep.”
He pushed the covers off and sat up, clicking the lamp on next to him. “Why are you checking on me?”
“I… um…” I stammered. “I’m sorry I didn’t make you dinner last night.”
He smirked and scratched the side of his head. “As you can see, I’m still here. I haven’t withered away yet.”
I stepped into his room, taking a seat on his bed. “I didn’t mean to neglect you last night. I just…”
“Evie,” he said, stopping me, “you had a rough day. It’s okay. I told you, I can take care of myself.”
“I know,” I said. I couldn’t help but notice how he was starting to fill out his satin pajamas. “You’re not going to need me much longer, if you keep this up.”
He smiled subtly and reached over, placing his hand on mine. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll always need you. Who else would I boss around if I didn’t have you?”
I laughed and breathed easy. I knew what he was doing. He knew I still needed cheering up.
“So, I’m up now,” he said. “What’s the plan today?”
“Anything you want,” I said. Our eyes locked for a moment.
“Want to walk the garden?” he offered. “It’s supposed to be nice out again.”
“Sure,” I said, standing up. “Meet you in the hall in a half hour?”
***
The dewy grass soaked into my shoes, moistening the toes of my socks, but I didn’t care. The greening grass, the buds on the rose bushes, the leaves beginning to sprout—all of it made me feel so alive. As Julian and I strolled side by side down to the English garden, it was as if it was just us two and no one else in the world. Time stood still and nothing else mattered except that moment.
“I bet this is just beautiful in another month or so,” I mused. “I can only imagine.”
“I’ve seen it a million times,” Julian said. “Looks the same every year.”
“You don’t know how good you have it,” I said, looking around. “This place is gorgeous. You have everything you could ever want here.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Not at all.”
I squinted my eyes at him, trying to figure out what he was getting at.
“Material things, yes,” he said. “But nothing else.”
“Your parents seem to care about you,” I said. “They make sure you’re well cared for.”
He huffed before incredulously saying, “Yeah, they sure do.”
“Your mom seems so caring when it comes to you,” I said. “You’re her baby.”
He rolled his eyes. “She’s a classic narcissist, if you haven’t noticed. If you’re not stroking her ego and telling her how wonderful and perfect she is, she’ll destroy you with one icy cold glare.”
A chill ran down my spine as I thought about the things I’d heard and seen, yet refused to believe when it came to Caroline.
“She’s incapable of being a genuine, caring individual,” he huffed.
“How’d you turn out to be so nice, then?” I asked, nudging his arm.
“You think I’m nice?” he asked, disbelieving.
“I do now,” I said with a teasing smile. “I was a little on the fence, at first.”
“Sun’s coming up,” Julian said, changing the subject. Perhaps it was painful for him to come to terms with how much he’d changed lately. He’d transformed into a completely different person inside and out in just a matter of weeks, letting go of everything he’d clung to that was so safe and familiar for him.
We walked over to the granite bench by the Garner-Willoughby family plot and sat next to one another.
“You feeling better today?” he asked.
I hung my head and nodded before turning to him. “I think so.”
“I heard you crying last night in your room,” he said. He reached his hand over and hesitantly took mine, wanting to comfort me once again. I could tell he wasn’t used to being touchy-feely, but I appreciated his effort.
“I had to get it out of my system,” I said. “I’m moving on, though. I should’ve listened to you, Julian.”
He smiled, slightly victoriously, but said nothing.
“I wish you knew what it was like to fall in love,” I said as I leaned into him. “I can’t even describe how amazing it is when you’re flying high. Or how much it hurts when your entire world comes crashing down.”
He sighed. “I can imagine.”
“Hey,” I said. “You’re getting healthy. You’re learning to drive. Next on the list? Finding you a date.”
He blushed slightly and bit his lip before turning toward me, his golden eyes sparkling in the early morning sunlight. “Where am I going to find a date?”
I kicked myself for opening that can of worms. As far as I knew, he lived a pretty solitary life and not by choice. “Online?”
He scrunched his face. “Never.”
“You’re too old-fashioned for that, anyway,” I said with a laugh. “You’re so proper and traditional. I can only imagine what a date would be like with you.”
His full lips curled into a smile as he licked them and turned to me. “Maybe you don’t have to imagine.”
My heart skipped a beat. “What do you mean?”
“Let me take you out on a date,” he said, clearing his throat and sitting up straight. “A nice, proper, old-fashioned date.”
I pursed my lips. “Julian…”
“Please, Evie,” he said. “I want to take you on a date. A real date. Not a pity date. A real, proper date. Go out with me.”
In a perfect world, my answer would’ve simply been “yes.” But there were so many things to consider. “I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t want to.”
“It’s because I’m… isn’t it?” he said, his voice turning cold and his hopeful expression fading fast.
“Not at all,” I assured him, gripping his arm and turning him back toward me. “Absolutely not.”
“Well, what it is?” he asked. “I’m not good enough? Not your type? What?”
It was none of that. How could I tell him I thought he was gorgeous, that I had to look away every time I stared at him too long and let my mind wander, that ultimately, I needed this job and couldn’t sacrifice it for a little moment of pleasure?
“I’m your nurse,” I said, hating myself for not having a more compelling reason. “It wouldn’t be right.”
“Here we go again,” he said, rolling his eyes and standing up.
“Where you goi
ng?” I asked, following.
“Back inside,” he huffed.
“Tomorrow night,” I yelled out from behind him. “Tomorrow night, take me out.”
He stopped and turned around to face me. I smiled. “A real date,” I told him. “You and me.”
“You’re sure?” he asked.
I nodded, biting my lip. “Yes.”
JULIAN
I rapped on her door. “You ready?” My heart raced, and I almost lost my breath just thinking about her standing on the other side, waiting for me to take her out. She’d run home earlier in the day to grab a dress and heels, and I’d dug out a suit from the back of my closet that was slightly snug, but got the job done.
“Coming!” she yelled back, a hint of excitement in her tone. Her bedroom door swung open seconds later to reveal a radiant Evie Cawthorn standing before me. Her long, dark hair was swept up into a perfect bun while her ears and neck were outfitted in ivory pearls. A strapless navy dress hugged her in all the right places and some pointy-toed heels gave her an extra few inches of height, bringing her a little closer to my level. Her lips, a shade of raspberry, twisted into a sweet smile. “How do I look?”
She spun around, twirling the slight flare of her skirt and smiling bright.
“Beautiful,” I said. As she stepped out of her room, a delicate cloud of floral perfume followed her, and with a satin clutch under one arm, she slipped her other arm into the crook of my elbow.
We went downstairs, where a limo was waiting in the circle drive, and I escorted her to where the driver waited with the door open.
“A limo?” she said, trying to stifle her excitement. “I haven’t ridden in one of these things since junior prom.”
We climbed in, sliding across the black leather and getting cozy.
“So, where are you taking me on this little date?” she asked, her eyes dazzling under the tiny twinkling lights inside the limo.
“Country Club Plaza,” I said. “Kansas City.”
Her jaw dropped. “I didn’t realize we were leaving Halverford.”
I smiled, proud to have impressed her. “A girl like you deserves more than Halverford. Besides, I needed to take you somewhere where I could show you off.”