by D. Kelly
“Mel, are you okay? You look like you’re about to pass out.” Anna grabs my elbow to help balance me.
“Come on, let’s take her to the green room,” Belle says, keeping her arm around my waist. CeCe never did like me; she was always jealous I got to go on tour and she had to live at home while her brother was living his life. Dammit!
Once we’re settled on the couch, I scroll through the responses to her revelation. They range anywhere from “awesome” to me being called a “gold-digging whore” and worse. “I didn’t think it would come out this fast, and I sure the hell didn’t think CeCe of all people would be the one behind it.”
“Can one of you tell me what’s going on? Please?” Anna asks sweetly, and I pass her Belle’s phone. Her eyes scan the text while Belle continues to rub my back. I’m sure the guys are wondering why we’re not in our front row seats since I can hear the strains of the first song kicking off.
“Oh, that’s … unfortunate. But it’s not true, right? Well, I mean, don’t be mad, but Wyatt told me your story. It’s just … we don’t keep secrets from each other. It’s how we survive being separated. We take it pretty seriously, but he wasn’t intentionally trying to violate your privacy or anything, I swear.” Anna’s rushed confession actually brings a small smile to my lips.
“It’s okay, Anna, I wouldn’t expect anything less. And no, it’s not true. At least, I don’t think it is … exactly.”
The two of them look at me like I’m crazy. “Explain,” Belle snaps.
“Being on the road again has made me think a lot about what happened with me and Eli. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a cheating asshole and he broke my heart, but I’ve been playing devil’s advocate lately, and I think I owe him an apology.”
“The hell you do!” Belle screams.
“We were kids. And he did something he seemed to truly regret. Now that I’m older, I don’t hate him as much for it, but what I do hate was how I treated him. How I cut him off and ignored his calls, texts, and emails for years. He tried, and I was so angry I refused to acknowledge his hurt, his pain.”
“No. He doesn’t get to make you feel like you should acknowledge his pain. He cheated. You lost your baby. It’s his fault,” Belle states adamantly.
“Belle, we both know I wasn’t going to keep that baby. And we both know Eli did love me. You can’t deny that any more than I can. I’m not justifying it at all, but I should have talked to him and given us both closure. We deserved that.”
“He didn’t deserve anything, but I will admit he looked like shit after you broke up. For a long time, actually,” she says, biting her lip with the afterthought.
“You guys should go out there. They’re expecting you. I’m going to watch from back here tonight and let all of this sink in.”
Anna shakes her head and stands up, holding her hand out to me. “Nope, that’s not going to work for me. Let’s go sit in our seats and watch our men. We’ll leave before the encore and the guys can meet us upstairs. Don’t take this special night away from Noah because Eli’s sister has her panties in a wad.”
“She’s right, Mel. You avoided the press because you wanted to be a normal teenager for a change. You’re an adult and I know you’re proud of who you are. You’ve been hiding in plain sight for years. You need to act like it doesn’t bother you to be ‘outed’ because it shouldn’t after all this time. You’re the same amazing person you’ve always been. It’s time to shine in your own light. If you want to release an official statement, I’ll post it … but I don’t think it’s necessary. If people wanted to find you, they would have.”
They both make a lot of sense. My parents were legends, but I’ve proven myself in my own career path. I’m not riding the coattails of their fame; I never have. I just happen to be their daughter, and even with everything that happened, I know they loved me.
“Let’s go. You’re both absolutely right. This is supposed to be a good night for us all.” I link my arms in each of theirs as we head out to the main floor.
As we take our seats, the beginning verses of Just an Illusion start. Anna shoots Wyatt two thumbs up, and Sawyer shakes his head and mouths “geek” at her, to which she promptly blows him a kiss. Darren and Noah both look at me and Belle quizzically, but when we flash them a smile, they both seem relieved.
When Sawyer and Noah softly begin to sing and alternate verses, I lose myself in the song.
I’m looking out the window
Can’t believe what my eyes see
His arm is wrapped around you
In the place where mine should be
Is this just an illusion?
A trick played by my mind
Or have you really found another?
One who gives you all his time?
Didn’t sparks fly when your lips met mine?
Didn’t you feel it?
It couldn’t have been in my mind
Was it just an illusion?
The way you looked at me
How your body felt
Pulled so close to me I could hardly breathe
Baby I know I’m not your typical kind
And maybe I know he’s more worthy of your time
I can change for you if you’d open up your mind
It wasn’t an illusion
This isn’t just in my mind
Our love could last forever
I can see it in your eyes
You want me, but you’re still with him
You touch me
But you’re too deep with him to even try
Your love is an illusion
Not given without strings
You can’t be mine forever
Not while wearing his wedding ring
You’re just an illusion
From a place deep in my mind
Where your love surrounds me
And withstands the test of time
This song is the antithesis of their typical music, but somehow it fits. And their fans agree because everyone is giving them a standing ovation as praise for their perfect harmonies echoes through the building. But I swear, in the midst of it all, Sawyer only has eyes for me.
“Do you see that?” Belle leans over and whisper-shouts in my ear. I nod and shrug. I don’t know what else to do. Noah has my heart, and Sawyer has been so strange lately I don’t even know what to make of it. Thankfully, he turns away before anyone else catches on. When they launch into their next song, the crowd goes wild once again. It’s a shame they’re ending with this tour; the music really is their best ever.
During the last song before the encore, the three of us stand to make our way back upstairs. Ryan follows us immediately. Once we reach the lobby, we bump into Sara and a woman who must be the friend she said she was attending the concert with.
“Well, well, look who we have here. It’s Noah’s bitch and her posse.”
I seriously don’t know what this girl’s issue is but I’ve had enough of crazy for the night. “Let’s go,” I tell them as Ryan positions himself so close he’s actually rubbing against my arm with his.
“No, don’t go. I wanted to thank you for fucking up. As soon as Noah finds out you lied to him about who you are, he’s going to come running back to me. Especially when he learns he’s been banging Eli’s sloppy seconds.”
Her friend high-fives her and they laugh. But I’m done and so over this night.
“When you stop acting like a teenager, maybe you’ll realize adults don’t keep secrets from each other. We also don’t try to steal someone else’s boyfriend or force men who want to leave into staying. If Noah wants you back, he knows where the door is.”
I swear I saw the corner of Ryan’s mouth kick up into a smirk with my words, but he schools his features quickly and escorts us to the elevator. The look on Sara’s face is a mixture of crazy bitch and “I just got told” but I couldn’t care less. Belle and Anna are still laughing at our exchange as the elevator d
oors close.
“It wasn’t that funny.” My frustrated tone quiets them, but not for long.
“Yeah, Mel, it really was,” Belle says with a warm smile. I decide to let it go because if this keeps her mind off the rest of the night, all the better. When the doors open a few floors below mine, Mac is waiting for Anna. She kisses us each on our cheeks.
“Night, ladies. Time to get my own fangirl experience ready. See you both tomorrow!”
Belle and I are quiet on the way up to my room and as Ryan checks the suite. As soon as we’re inside, I make myself a vodka tonic and Belle looks at it wistfully.
“Sorry, Mama, I’ll drink enough for you, too.”
“If you did that, you’d be drunk before Noah even gets here.” She walks over to the windows and looks out at all the lights.
“Nervous?”
“Terrified,” she confirms as I wrap my free arm around her.
“It will be okay,” I reassure her, and she leans into me.
“Yeah, I know. It’s just getting to the point where it’s okay is what I’m worried about. The in-between. I wonder how long Darren will need to process it all before he’s ready to talk about it.”
Me, too, but I keep that to myself.
“Have you thought about how you’re going to do it?”
She nods. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to tell him here. If he gets pissed, I don’t want to feel awkward sitting in his room, and if he kicks me out, I don’t think I could handle it. I’m safe here either way.”
“Sounds like a good plan. We’ve got you, Belle, no matter what.”
“We?” she asks with a raised brow and a smirk. “I’m glad you love him enough to consider the two of you a we. That’s progress.”
“Whatever, bitch.”
She laughs with my endearment and we take a seat, passing the time catching up on random stuff. It seems like we wait forever, but it’s really only a little more than an hour before Noah and Darren show up.
Noah stalks straight toward me and pulls me to my feet, hugging the daylights out of me. Belle and I exchange quizzical looks over his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Mel,” he says as he hugs me even tighter. Over his shoulder, I watch as Darren pulls Belle up and kisses her senseless.
“For what?” I ask, pulling back, still wrapped in his arms.
“For the world finding out who you really are, for Sara attacking you, for all of it.”
“Hey! Sara didn’t exactly win that battle of words,” Belle cries out, pulling away from Darren. He lets her but holds on to her hand all the same. Interesting.
“No?” he asks, and Belle beams.
“Hell no. Your girl can take care of herself.”
“Well, I’m sorry all the same.” Noah sits down and pulls me into his lap.
“It’s fine, Noah. I’m fine. I knew as soon as we announced our relationship everything would come out. I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t ready. Although, I did think I’d have at least a few hours before the news hit. And as far as crazy goes … don’t even worry about her. Eventually, she’ll go away.”
“Alright, you two, it’s been real, but I’m taking Belle back to my room. Later.” Belle looks at him, wide-eyed, and drops his hand.
“Don’t you think you should ask me if I want to go to your room first?” she fires off. Darren looks to Noah for guidance and he shrugs.
“Sorry, I just assumed you wanted to spend time with me. That is why you came here, isn’t it?”
“Not exactly,” Belle whispers. Noah and I take that as our cue.
“We’re going to let you two talk,” Noah says, standing and pulling me with him. “If you need us, we’ll be in the bedroom.” We turn toward the bedroom, but Darren isn’t having it.
“Hold up,” Darren states firmly, and we turn back around. “You two stay,” he commands, turning to Belle and then looking back and forth between us and her. She’s like a deer caught in headlights, and my heart aches for her.
“Do they know what you came out here for?”
“Yes,” she answers softly.
“Might as well stay, then, since your best friend and my best friend obviously know something I don’t.”
“Dude, look, we’re going to give you some space. Just come knock on the door if you need us,” Noah tells Darren diplomatically.
“Fuck this! If you want to break up with me, just do it, but don’t bring my friend into it.” Darren’s backed up against the wall now, with his arms crossed over his chest. Belle looks like she’s about to cry.
I turn around, determined to give them space. “Stay,” Darren bites out sharply. “Or I’ll go.” When I turn back around to gauge what Belle wants us to do, she’s not even looking our way. Her gaze is locked onto Darren, and she’s pissed. This isn’t going to be good.
“I had no idea you could be such a fucking asshole. And an assumptive one at that. Why do you automatically assume I’m going to break up with you? I saw you four hours ago and we made out like horny teenagers. What could have changed between now and then?”
Belle assumes his same stance directly across from him. She might be tiny, but she’s fierce, and Darren looks like he might be a little worried now. He should be.
“Well, it’s obviously something bad if everyone already knows but me.” His response is weak but semi-accurate, depending on how he feels about being a dad.
“Whatever … This isn’t how I wanted to tell you, but it’s your own damn fault. And before you take what I tell you and run with it, just know Noah wasn’t hiding anything from you. He had your back. He’s the one who told me to tell you or he would, and he only found out a few hours ago.”
“Found out what?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Darren closes his eyes with her words, and the rise and fall of his chest becomes more frequent. The silence in the room is uncomfortable, and Belle is biting her lip so hard I’m surprised it’s not bleeding yet.
“Say that again,” he tells her, eyes still closed.
“I’m pregnant,” she repeats, this time softer, the timber of her voice wavering.
“That’s what I thought you said. I need to take a walk. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be back. Noah, don’t let her go anywhere.” His words are as forceful as the sound of the door slamming behind him.
“Great … now what?” Belle mutters, taking a seat on the couch. Noah and I follow, sitting with her.
“Now we wait. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but that was the best possible reaction you could have had from him,” Noah tells her honestly.
“I guess it could have been worse,” she admits. “What would you do if it were you?” she asks him, and I throw daggers her way. She doesn’t need to jinx me with her hypothetical questions.
“Honestly, it would depend on who was telling me. If it were some girl I didn’t have feelings for, I’d probably be pissed and freak out. I know better than to have sex without protection. But if it was someone I had feelings for … at this stage in my life, I’d most likely be happy.”
“Really?” she asks, wide-eyed, and he nods.
“Yeah, sure. I mean, being a parent is scary as fuck, I’m sure. People always talk about the right time to have a baby. There’s never a right time. You’re always going to have to work, pay bills, want to get ahead in your career. There’s all kinds of shit you can say to blame timing. I think babies come when they’re meant to. Just like love and even death. When it’s your time, it’s time. Everything is destined by fate, so why not go with it and enjoy the ride?”
Belle laughs and points at me. “Oh, Amelia, you couldn’t have ended up with someone more polar opposite than you, and yet, you two make perfect sense together. When she’s forty and her eggs are drying up, you better have something more than fate as your Hail Mary pass to get her to agree to have kids.”
“You don’t want kids?” he asks incredulously.
Guilt washes over me with his words.
“It’s not that I don’t … I’m just sort of indifferent about it. I’m not the kind of person who has ever pictured my life and planned out my husband and kids. I guess I figured someday, when I find someone I want to spend my life with, we’ll have that talk then.”
He nods but doesn’t seem happy with my answer. Tough, because it’s how I feel.
“Don’t worry, Noah, if worse comes to worse, I’ll share my rug rat with you because I’ve got a feeling Darren isn’t exactly happy.”
Noah laces his fingers into mine and squeezes. My heart feels like a weight has been lifted. I didn’t even realize how worried I was about how my answer would affect him.
“He’ll come around, just give it time.”
A few hours later, just as we’re all getting ready to go to sleep, there’s a soft knock at the door. Noah leaves us on the couch to go deal with it. I squeeze Belle’s hand in reassurance while we wait.
Darren walks in looking disheveled and carrying flowers. Looks like a promising start to me.
“I’m an ass,” he states simply.
“That’s yet to be determined,” she answers, and he smiles.
“You warned me you weren’t consistent with your birth control, but all I could think of was the fact that you were the sexiest woman I’d ever seen and you actually wanted me as much as I wanted you.”
“I felt the same way. I don’t make it a habit to sleep with anyone without a condom. Ever.” The corner of his mouth kicks up into a smile as she emphasizes the word.
“The truth is, I’ve been struggling. Ask any of them,” he says, pointing in our direction.
“About what?”
“You! I don’t do the girlfriend thing, and I’ve got no idea what I’m doing with you on any given day. I’ve been trying to figure out for weeks how to ask you to be my date to the video party.”
Belle chuckles. “I’m going to be there anyway.”
Darren slides his hands into his hair and sighs. “I know, but I want you there with me, as my girl. Not as Belle, Slammed reporter extraordinaire … not only as that, anyway. I don’t know how to do this.”