by Alec, Joyce
Sarah was on her feet before she knew what she was doing. Drawing in a sharp breath, she saw Mrs. Stanton staring at her with wide eyes, a horror stuck expression on her face.
“I am so very sorry, but I suddenly feel quite ill,” Sarah lied, turning her gaze to Mr. Stanton, who was looking back at her with those sharp eyes of his.
She did not flinch.
“A terrible headache,” she said firmly, keeping her eyes fixed on her guardian. If he can lie, then so can I, she told herself, her fingers tightening together as she held them in her lap. “I have tried to manage as best I can, but I am afraid it is becoming much too painful.”
“I did think you quiet this evening,” Mrs. Malleby said, another one of the guests who was ages with Mrs. Stanton. “You poor thing. I often get headaches, and I find the best thing for them is a cool compress over the eyes and to lie in bed for a time.”
Sarah grasped a hold of the suggestion at once. “You are most kind, Mrs. Malleby. I shall do just that.” She put one hand to her forehead, rubbing it gently whilst wincing, hearing the murmurs of concern from the other guests. “Do excuse me. I am most dreadfully sorry.”
“Not at all,” Mr. Ferguson said, as she stepped away from the table. “I do hope you are recovered by Friday so that we may dance together.”
Plastering a pained smile on her lips, Sarah bobbed a curtsy in his direction. “I am sure I will, Mr. Fredricks. Do excuse me, and please, again, accept my apologies.”
Leaving the dining room, Sarah let out a long breath of relief, as she quickly made her way to her room. There was little doubt that she had upset Mr. Stanton, although she could not tell whether or not Mrs. Stanton had believed her nonsense about a headache or not. There would be a conversation in the morning, but Sarah was determined not to simply accept whatever rebuttals came her way. It was time to start making a change for herself. If she did not, then the rest of her life would pass her by without her ever receiving any answers, and she would continue to find herself controlled by those who were meant to care for her.
“A cool compress, please,” she murmured to the passing maid. “There is no particular rush.”
The maid nodded and left to fetch it at once, as Sarah made her way to the door of her bedchamber. The cool compress she had no intention of using, but it would be useful should Mr. Stanton question the staff as to Sarah’s movements after she retired from the dining room early. It would give credence to her supposed headache, and since there were never any physical observations that accompanied a headache, Sarah knew that Mr. Stanton could not easily doubt her.
Pulling out her room key from her pocket, Sarah pushed into the lock and made to turn it, only for the key to stick. Frowning, she tried again but to no avail. Turning the door handle, she realized that it was not locked at all. Frowning, she looked all about her room, seeing nothing out of place. She had been quite sure that she had locked the door before going down to dinner, just as she always did. Her room was the one place she could call her own, where she could go and know that no one would disturb her unless she asked. Mrs. Stanton had a key, of course, but she did not often use it unless it was to have the maids go to prepare a bath or the like. So why was the door open now?
The maid returned just as Sarah was sitting down at the dressing table, removing her jewelry.
“I will just leave the compress by the basin, miss,” the maid murmured, setting it down carefully. “Can I get you anything else?”
Sarah thought for a moment. “Tea, I think.” The maid bobbed and made to leave, only for Sarah to speak again. “Did Mrs. Stanton ask for my room to be opened?”
The maid turned and shook her head, a slight frown between her brows. “No, miss. Your room was locked when I last checked it.”
“You checked it?”
The maid nodded, a small dusting of pink on her cheeks. “I had some linens to put away, but the room was locked. I thought it best not to interrupt either yourself or Mrs. Stanton, and so I put them in the chest by the door.” She opened the door a little wider and indicated the chest, where linens and things were often kept in preparation for being placed back in Sarah’s room.
Sarah nodded slowly, her own brow furrowing. “I see. Thank you. There is nothing more.”
Taking out her jewelry box, Sarah began to put her jewels away before getting up and wandering over to her bed. She would have to put on a bit of a performance for the maid, just so that the maid could tell Mr. Stanton that, yes, Sarah had laid down with the compress over her eyes after excusing herself from the dinner table. Besides which, Sarah was going to need the maid’s help to get out of her dress.
Picking up the compress, Sarah walked back to her bed and tried to lie down carefully so as not to crush her gown. Placing the compress over her eyes, she lay back against the pillow, only for something hard to jab at her head. Frowning, she tried to adjust her position, only to feel the same thing.
“What on earth is the matter with these things?” she said aloud crossly, as she sat up and pulled one pillow away from the other.
Her eyes fell on a small box, wrapped in parcel paper, and tied with a small red ribbon.
Her breath caught.
Someone had been in her room.
3
Sarah froze, her stomach tight and tension rifling through her as she looked at the box. She had no idea what it contained, and for whatever reason, she did not yet want to touch it. The knowledge that someone had been in her room without her awareness made her sick to the stomach, as a few beads of sweat formed on her brow. Were they still here, waiting for her? Hiding in the dark shadowy corners of the room so that once she was alone, they might attack?
Slamming the pillow back over the box, Sarah got to her feet and began to search the room, picking up a candle so as to get as much light as possible. She would not give in to fear, determined to ensure that she was quite safe. The maid would return in a moment or two with her tea tray so should anything untoward happen, she would not be alone.
“Is anyone there?” she asked, peering around the corner of her screen where she often dressed. There was nothing there, her heart hammering wildly as she bent down to check under her bed. Half expecting someone to climb out from underneath it, Sarah let out a scream as the maid opened the door again, her tea tray in hand.
“I am so terribly sorry,” the maid gasped, setting the tray down quickly on the table. “Are you all right, miss?”
Sarah drew in a long breath, one hand pressed against her middle. “I am quite all right, thank you. I just thought I lost one of my ear bobs, but it turns out I did not.”
The maid nodded, as Sarah set the candle down. “Of course, miss. Is your headache still bad?”
“I intend to lie down once I am out of this dress,” Sarah answered, as calmly as she could despite the frantic beating of her heart. “Might you help me?” Pulling the room key from her pocket, she set it aside on the dressing table so that she could lock the door once the maid had gone. Usually, she left it open so that they could bring her early cup of tea in at the usual time, but—tonight—Sarah wanted to keep it locked.
As the maid began to help her change into her night things, Sarah could not help but let her eyes rove around the room, as though she might somehow find clues as to where this stranger had been. She did not know what to think, terrified about what might be within the box. Would it be something that threatened her safety? Someone that knew where she had come from and was using this knowledge to ensure she remained exactly where she was? Had they somehow known that she was thinking to make her own path in life, somehow?
“You are being ridiculous,” she muttered to herself, as the maid brought over her nightgown, eyeing Sarah carefully as though she were going mad in speaking to herself.
Not wanting to explain, Sarah dismissed the maid as quickly as she could, grasping the key and locking the door after her. Turning the handle to ensure that she was safe, Sarah turned around and looked back at her pillows.
; Her hands began to tremble, as she lifted the pillow away to reveal the small parcel. Picking it up, she looked at it carefully, seeing the neat ribbon tying it all together. There was no indication as to who it might be from, for there was nothing written on the parcel anywhere.
There was nothing to do but open it to see what was within. Her breathing ragged, Sarah tugged at the ribbon which fell away easily, the paper still remaining in place once it was removed. Looking all about her for a moment, as though there might be someone watching her from within the room, Sarah unfolded the brown parcel paper, and setting it aside, she held the black box in her hand.
Swallowing hard, she got up to ensure that the drapes were completely closed, her heart now hammering wildly. Sitting back down, she lifted up the lid and heard herself gasp.
There, nestled within the depths of the box and surrounded by delicate lace, was a beautiful gold locket. It was decorated with seed pearls and had an amethyst at the center. It was, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful pieces of jewelry she had ever seen, and she was not even able to guess how much it was worth.
Setting the box down carefully on the bed, Sarah lifted the locket out of the box, feeling the weight of it in her hands. Running one finger over it, she found the delicate catch, and her nerves running wildly through her, she opened it carefully.
To her disappointment, it was entirely empty. There was no miniature within, no picture of someone she did not know, something that might have become something to her.
Sighing, Sarah closed it again, turning it over in her fingers. There was no inscription on the back, nothing to let her know who it was from. What was the point of sending her a piece of jewelry if there was nothing else with it? Why had someone come into her room and set this under her pillow if it was nothing more than a locket that she knew nothing of?
Rising to her feet, Sarah made to pick up the box so as to hide it somewhere on her dressing table, but to her surprise saw that there was a small, unfolded note hiding underneath all the lace which had held the locket so carefully.
Sinking back down onto the bed, Sarah set the locket aside and picked up the note, her fingers shaking slightly. This was more important than the locket, she was certain of it.
Unfolding it, her eyes glazed over for a moment as she saw the writing there. Drawing in a long breath, she fixed her gaze on it and began to read aloud.
“Ask Mr. Stanton about your fortune. Make your way to London. Find the owner of this locket. All will become clear.”
She frowned, reading the note three times before setting it down next to the locket. Who had written her such a note, and why did they seem to know more about her than she did? What would Mr. Stanton know about her fortune? Did she have one?
A spiral of excitement coiled in her belly. If she did have a fortune, and if she was of age – as well as being out – then Mr. Stanton could do nothing if she wished to use her fortune for her own ends. He was her guardian, yes, but if she was of age, then it meant that she could do as she wished with her fortune. This was just what she had been hoping for. It gave her the chance to do as she pleased with her own life, although she did not intend to use her funds—if she truly did have some—to live in the lap of luxury. No, she would do what this note said. She would find the owner of the locket, and in doing so, she would find out more about who she really was.
A sudden thought struck her, making the smile on her lips fade. What if the person who had written the note did not have good intentions for her? What if they wanted her to go in search of the locket’s owner for their own nefarious purposes, whatever that might be?
“If I am illegitimate,” Sarah said aloud, giving voice to her thoughts, “then for me to appear with this locket will send such rumors around about my parent, whomever he might be, and bring shame and disfavor to his life.” Perhaps someone wanted that to happen; perhaps they wanted her to reveal herself so that consequences could follow for her father or mother were they still alive.
Sighing, Sarah traced the delicate locket with one finger, her heart sinking a little lower than before. She was not sure what to do, having been caught up with a sudden flurry of excitement when she had first read the note.
A small, aching throb settled between her eyes, bringing a sharp pain to her head. Perhaps she was going to have this headache after all.
Lying back, Sarah held the box that contained the locket tightly in her hand as she set the cool compress over her forehead. Everything was muddled. She wanted desperately to do what the note writer had said; she wanted to go to Mr. Stanton at this very moment and demand that he tell her everything about her fortune, but instead, she lay exactly where she was and tried to think things through.
If she had a fortune, that meant that whoever had sent her to Mr. Stanton had been wealthy in his own right. Had Mr. Stanton received a generous sum in payment for his care for her? Was that why he had never complained about taking her in? Was he instructed never to talk to her about where she had come from?
Questions flooded every part of her being, each one being asked before spinning away without an answer. Suppose she did have a fortune, suppose she did go to London, what would she do next? The ton would be welcoming to her, she supposed, although she could not expect to mingle with those highest in society. However, she had no idea where to start when it came to finding the owner of this locket. Why London? Why there, the very place that Mr. Stanton had kept her from for so many years? Would she truly find answers there?
Her stomach began to churn, bringing a feeling of nausea with it. The room grew chilled, and Sarah tugged the blankets over herself, setting the compress aside whilst keeping the box that contained the locket and note in her hand. Turning onto her side, she gently set them both back under her pillow, secure in the box she had found them in. Closing her eyes, Sarah tried to sleep, praying that the answer about what she should do would be there waiting for her in the morning.
4
Sarah had not slept well. The night had been filled with awakenings, her sleep clouded with dreams of unknown faces and grasping hands, of shouted words and terrifying screams. She had not been settled. And so, when the first lights of dawn crossed the sky, Sarah had chosen to rise, looking out at the cold morning sun with a feeling of dismay in her heart.
Everything was as muddled as it had been last night. She had not come up with any answers, had not made any kind of certain decisions. She was just as lost as before.
Gazing out at the grey sky, Sarah drew in a long breath and felt her bones shake. She was scared. Scared that the note writer might be telling the truth, that she did have a fortune that Mr. Stanton had hidden from her. The consequences of that were more than she dared to think of, knowing that she could not allow her questions to be batted away by him, as they had been so often before. Were she to speak to him about such a thing, then she would have to demand that he answer her, refusing to back down and go away in silence as he had no doubt expect.
She knew the note by heart, having read it so many times. What was she to do with it? What she decided now would decide the course of her future, of that she was certain. If she ignored the note, ignored the locket, then her future would play out entirely as she had expected, with her husband chosen for her by her guardian. She would be wife and mother, respectful of her husband and obedient to his requests, just as she was to Mr. Stanton. If she chose to speak to Mr. Stanton about what she had discovered, then her life would take an altogether different direction, one that was clouded in confusion and uncertainty.
Find your courage.
Taking a deep breath, Sarah continued to look out at the gardens, her heart lifting. She would have to take precautions and would have to find herself a companion with which she could traverse the plains of society. However, anything was better than staying here and having her life planned for her. She would have to make sure that Mr. Stanton knew and understood that she was more than determined to do what she pleased with her life, knowing that he would be both aston
ished and horrified at her demands, but she would have to remain steadfast. There could be no shrinking back, no pretending that she was content to simply do as she was told any longer.
She would have to find her courage from somewhere, to do something she had never done before. It was time to take control.
* * *
That courage seemed to disappear the moment she knocked on Mr. Stanton’s study door. She had not gone to see him of her own volition but had, in fact, been summoned by a maid, telling her that Mr. Stanton wished to see her. Sarah did not need to ask why, aware that she was about to be heavily reprimanded for her sudden absence last evening. He would, no doubt, quiz her about her headache, his bushy brows furrowing as he made it clear that he did not entirely believe her.
“Mr. Stanton?”
He was sitting at his study table, his elbows on the desk in front of him and his fingers pressed gently together. His eyes took her in as she walked into the room, making Sarah’s stomach churn with nerves. This was not how she’d wanted to feel – small, intimidated, and afraid. She had wanted to feel strong, brave, and determined, but just one look from Mr. Stanton’s sharp eyes and she wanted to sit in the chair and accept his angry reprimand as she had done before.
“Sit, Sarah.”
She made to do so, only to stop and look down at the chair, one hand grasping the top of it tightly.
“Sit down.”
“No, thank you.”
The words came out as a whisper, as her eyes shot towards him. “I think I would rather stand.”
“And I would rather you sit.”
There was an anger to his voice now, seeping into the lines on his face, but Sarah told herself not to move, her mind screaming at her to remain steady.