“It’s 2009.”
“Oh, well, you’ll be fine. You’ll get by without the money anyway.” She gets up and pulls me into a more secluded space. The crowds disappear.
“So if you’re not here to give me a message or a warning, what are you here for then?”
“I need a reason to visit now?” The joke seems more odd than funny. “The truth is that I’m here for a while before I can move on, and I don’t really know anyone else here. I figured I might as well look you up. You’d understand better than anyone else we know. In 2012, I visited Mom and she almost had a heart attack.”
I don’t know why, but it kinda makes sense to me. I look back at her. She glances at the ground, and for a moment her face looks very tired and somewhat sad. I don’t understand anything that’s happening, but I realize that I don’t need to. I put my arm around her shoulder. She looks back at me and smiles again, then embraces me in a long, comforting hug.
“Somehow I knew you’d understand.” She looks at me a moment longer. “You said it was 2009. Does that mean you’re dating Saphira right now?”
“For a year and a half.”
“And you don’t know Cayne yet?”
I think for a moment, then nod.
“And you’re still poly, right?”
“Yep.” I cock my head to the side. I can’t really imagine a future where I’m not poly.
“Good, I just had to make sure. You can’t always assume that all the details are still the same.” She pauses then shoots me a smoldering look. “Anyway, if that’s all true, then unless I’m mistaken, you haven’t seen a trans cunt up close yet.”
I perk up. “No, but I’ve been curious.”
“That’s another reason I wanted to stop by,” she says, looking me up and down. “How would you like me to give you the opportunity?”
“No way,” I say in disbelief, “But I’m non-op.”
“You might be, but I’m not.”
I’ve thought off and on about how I’d like to check out a trans cunt up close, but I didn’t feel like it would be appropriate to just go ask someone. Having my future self here creates a valuable new opportunity. Before I know it we are back at my place, in my bedroom.
She gets on the bed and starts to take her pants off. A pulse of excitement runs through my body. Everything feels surreal. Like I’m not even sure if it’s happening or not.
“Before we begin, we should check in about things. Part of why I haven’t had the chance to do this yet,” I explain, “is because as much as I want to know what it can look like and what it can feel like, the more significant part to me is that I really want to explore the sensation of it, how it feels to you.”
“Oh, I’m well aware of that, Sweetie. Why do you think I came? I might get some details wrong now and then, but I know you inside and out. I came here because what you want is what I want. Besides,” she adds, “you’re a hottie and I’ve been envisioning this scenario for a while.”
I smile at her. Suddenly I realize, regardless of the trippy context, I’ve got a strong and brazen beauty in my bed who knows every one of my desires and wants to play through them with me. This is hot.
She finishes taking off her pants. I glance down. Her legs have a different shape to them, probably due to a few extra years on hormones. That’s not all I notice.
“Where did you get those scars on your legs?”
“The big one on the outside of my thigh was from a fight—don’t worry, I messed him up even more. The smaller ones are from cutting.” She watches me closely. I think she’s looking for a reaction, but I’m not sure how I’m feeling. “You don’t need to do that, by the way, if you can find a better alternative.”
I decide that a minimal reaction is best. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
She must see my awkwardness with the topic and redirects us. “Come and get a closer look.”
I move forward to look at her. The pattern of pubic hair is somewhat sparse, and I can see her labia underneath it fairly well. I glance up and notice her staring at me. I can feel myself blushing.
“It really is okay to touch it,” she tells me.
I don’t know why I’m being so hesitant. I pull her labia to the side and take a closer look. Her clit is actually pretty cute. Her bits really look like any other cunt I’ve seen, as unique as any other. “What made you decide to do it?” I ask.
“I realized that I had always been interested. I had just thought that if I had a spare twenty grand hanging around that I might have better use to put it to. But there are some real benefits to it. I don’t have any problems in clothing optional space anymore, and I can go stealth in locker rooms, with Michigan festies, or even with one-night stands.”
“You’re stealth now?”
“Only for a few hours at a time.” She flashes me my crooked smile again. “But I suppose the main two factors that pushed me over the edge were that my healthcare plan covered it—actually Saphira’s health plan—but most health plans cover it now. And that I didn’t want the risk of getting placed in a men’s prison again.”
It takes a moment for me to catch the significance of again. I should be disturbed by it, but for some reason I’m simply concerned. I look up at her questioningly, hoping for more explanation.
“Oh shit, that was insensitive of me. I didn’t mean to tell you like that. But don’t worry, I already took precautions to prevent it from happening to you.”
“How did it happen to you?”
“It’s a long story I’d rather not talk about. Let’s just say it had to do with an abusive partner and survival crime. Life sucked for a while, but I got through it and I’m stronger now than I was then.”
I can see the pain again. She’s been hurt a lot. I wonder if, despite her mysterious precautions, that will happen to me.
“Hey, mind if we get back to the fun stuff? I know you’d love to see me get off, and I’ve actually been wanting to try this for a while.”
I smile back at her and let her change the subject. “I’ll grab the gloves.”
“Hmm, that brings up an interesting question. I wonder if it’s possible for me to give you anything? That seems like it would be a bit of a paradox.”
I think about it a moment. “There’s enough paradoxes floating around already. Besides, it’s a part of my agreement with Saphira.”
“Oh, certainly. Of course. I just get curious. Those kinds of things are hard to figure out.”
I move closer to her and run my hand up her leg.
“Before you start…” She beckons me over. I come to her side and she pulls my head toward her and kisses me on the forehead. “Have fun, darling.”
A little more relaxed, I cup my hand over her cunt and hold still a moment. Then I back off slightly and give her some light and teasing touches. She responds positively, with a slight shudder and a sigh. A smile comes to my face. I’m getting really turned on. I run my tongue over her thigh. Then I turn my focus to mapping her vulva with the tips of my fingers, enjoying every tactile sensation.
Once I’m satisfied I slip on a glove and douse my hand in lube.
I move my hand between her legs and find her opening. After rubbing the lube around a bit, I slide a finger in. Her eyes flutter as she takes a breath. It went in easily.
I feel around a bit, drinking in every sensation I can. I’m in up to my last knuckle. She’s moaning softly. I back out to insert another finger. This time she gasps. I do a come-hither motion and she arches her back.
“There, oh fuck, yeah,” she says between breaths, which are coming faster and harder. “Please, right there.”
“You’re a lot of fun to play with.” With my other hand I squeeze her clit between her labia and rub it. She lets out a series of staccato breaths. Encouraged, I increase my pace. She writhes under me.
A moment later I slow to add another finger. I push all three in as deep as I can. She starts lifting up to me and I can feel how much her cunt wants me.
“Oh, yes,” she c
ries. “That’s what I need, fill me more.”
I use a fourth finger as well. There’s more resistance and I slow, then drizzle more lube over her cunt. It takes some time, then I can feel her cunt opening up, begging to swallow my fist.
“Try your whole hand.”
Doing as she says, I tuck my thumb under my other fingers and press in. I’m in awe and not sure if it will work, but I keep the pressure on. As her moans and movement build, my hand slips into her. She’s gasping. I’m filled with a sense of amazement. Her pulse beats around me.
She reaches down to stimulate her own clit. Her whole body is tensing and pulsing. I can feel it as her cunt clenches around my fist. I hold her hip tightly as her body rocks. Then she’s spasming. I feel her cunt quiver around me. Her abs tense and she almost sits up. Then her body slumps back and goes slack.
I take the cue to slowly remove my fist. When I finally am out she lets out a long breath. I lie down on the bed next to her and she puts her arms around me.
“A thousand throngs of thundering thespians, goddamn, I needed that!” She gives me a peck on the cheek. “It’s been a while.”
“Of course. I should be thanking you.”
“You really are an adorable sweetie. I kinda miss that part of me.” She brushes the hair out of my eyes. “So, what do you think?”
“That was incredible. When did you get it?”
“In 2015. As soon as I could after I got out.”
“You know, I don’t think you lost it,” I say, “the sweet caring part of yourself, I mean.” I lean over and give her a kiss. She’s somewhat surprised at first, then kisses me back with a gentle tenderness that makes my heart swoon. I run my hand through her hair and kiss her harder.
I roll over her and run my hand down her side. Her hand moves up under my shirt and scratches my back. The sharp sensation intensifies the arousal I’m feeling. Her fingers find and undo the snap of my bra.
She gets my shirt off and cups one of my breasts in her hand. She pinches my nipple between her middle and ring finger. I moan. She twists. I gasp and pull back slightly. I’m disoriented for a moment, then she pushes me onto my back and is sitting on top of me and holding a royal blue dildo.
“The Empress! You still have her after all these years?”
“Of course. When you form a psychological connection with one of these babies, it doesn’t go away easily.” She leans over me. “You did such a nice job with me just now, how would you like it if I returned the favor?”
“Please.”
She gets off the bed and walks around by my feet. She’s wearing a strap-on harness, but I don’t remember her putting it on. I grab the lube and spread some on myself. Kneeling at the foot of the bed, she lifts my legs into the air and leans over me.
She kisses my ankle and guides the Empress to my ass. I’m hungry and ready for her. She pushes the tip into me. I moan. She holds still for a moment while I adjust. Minute by minute, inch by inch, my ass swallows her. When she knows I’ve had enough time, she pulls almost all the way out, only to sink deep into me in one fluid motion.
I arch myself into her and she alternates between a few slow thrusts and several faster ones. I let out a slow groan. She reaches down with one hand to play with my breasts. As I get more into things she shifts her position so she’s lying on top of me and kisses my neck. She’s panting.
“How much can you get out of using that?”
“Quite a bit, actually.” She moans into my ear while making several quick thrusts in succession as if to demonstrate. She grips my hair and grinds her hips into me. Her head lifts up and leans back. She’s a lot louder. Her energy is intensifying, then suddenly she downshifts and returns to her previous patter.
She smiles at me. “A little more of that, and I could have come.”
After a while I roll us over so that I’m on top. I’ve got room to touch my bits now. She’s still thrusting up into me. Everything feels so good. She’s staring straight into my eyes with such intensity and focus. The sensation is arcing. Waves of pleasure crash over my body. I collapse onto her. A tingling sensation is still making its way back and forth over my spine. I wrap my arms under her back and clutch her to me.
After it subsides I lift myself up and pull the dildo out. I snuggle up to her side. “Damn, I love you,” I say.
“I love you, too.” She laughs. “But seriously, I’m really glad you still think I’m worthy of your love.”
“I don’t think you’ve changed as much as you think you have. At least not in the important ways.”
“Keep that in mind,” she says. “You and I, we’re resilient. I’ve been through a lot. A lot that I hope you don’t have to deal with. But even with all that, you can still love the self that I’ve become. I hope you never stop loving the self that you are.”
It’s a rather beautiful sentiment. “Is that the message you came here to give me?”
“Maybe.” She grins and looks to the side. “Hey, you wanna try something really weird?” She pounces back onto me and changes the subject, a habit I hadn’t noticed about myself before. It’s also interesting to realize how much bubbly energy she has, and I wonder if I’m like that too. She interrupts my thoughts and holds up a condom. “I’m creaming all over at the thought of you fucking me with your bits—if you feel comfortable with it.”
I smiled. “I like how you think.”
We keep going like that for who knows how long. We try everything we can think of. I’m getting to know her body really well, and she already knows mine. Occasionally we take breaks and she tells me more about her life. Time slips by. It’s hard to keep one moment distinct from the next. I don’t remember it becoming night, but suddenly it’s morning. I must have fallen asleep.
I feel arms around me. I turn around to kiss my future self, but she’s not there. Instead, it’s Saphira. She’s awake and kisses me.
“Saphira, when did you get here?”
“I got back really late last night and you had already fallen asleep. You looked so happy I didn’t want to wake you.”
Now that I’m more awake, I think I realize what happened. Oh well, I say to myself. I guess I can never deny being vain again.
“I had a thought last night, darling.” It would be nice to keep my options open. “What would it take for me to be on your health plan?”
FACE PACK
Penelope Mansfield
Rory says bukkake sounds like an Asian martial art, Jane says, “Are you sure you still want to go through with this?” We’re standing outside the warehouse Rory has rented. Rory practices a high kick against the door.
I say that I’m sure, I’ve waited long enough for this, and where would we send all those guys? Inside, though, I feel jittery, knowing soon unless I back out I’m going to be the center of attention.
“This is where you’ll kneel,” says Rory. “You get tired of kneeling you can sit for a while, or writhe or whatever. Just make it look hot.” Rory’s the skinhead in charge of videotaping the event, and it’s making him all directorial.
Janey hugs me and says she’ll be there if I need anything. She’s happy to help, just don’t call her a fluffer. Rory’s busy reciting stats about the airborne velocity of jizz while Janey holds the hug.
I run my hands over my face, checking by touch that yes, I’m ready, it’s fine. No hairs at all—plus no shaving nicks, no tiny abrasions. “Four hundred hours,” I murmur, “thousands of dollars.” This is the reward I promised myself.
For years, every week, Rosa has stood over me and jabbed at my face with steel needles, one spike per pore it seemed like, until the electrolysis machine chimed victory in its attack on the follicle and she could rip another hair from deep inside my face. The anesthetic cream didn’t help, her conversation about television shows and sports didn’t help, her Dolly Parton CD on infinite repeat definitely didn’t help.
The only thing that helped at the time was imagining me on my knees, a hard-on everywhere I looked, even straight up, all
of them in the shivers of pre-ejaculation, aimed and ready… While I squirmed as the bug zapper went into my face, I imagined squirming under a completely different barrage. I couldn’t turn pain into fun like some girls could, I just had to make my own distraction out of fantasy.
Rory reminds me it’s time to do my makeup, which needs to be perfect even though it’ll be ruined soon. Already a couple of guys straggle into the back of the room, chubby and plain in jeans and T-shirts. They size me up in my sweats and sneakers, so I duck into the bathroom to change and primp.
I smooth on tons of foundation, though there’s nothing to cover up. I remember when the first hairs appeared around my mouth, how I cheered for them because they made me normal. Now years later, they’re gone again and I’m amazed to realize there’s something I’m still a virgin at.
I slide lingerie up my smooth legs and strap on my fuck-yeah pumps. I imagine dozens of men—did Rory say thirty-three or thirty-seven?—jacking off to this, and hundreds more getting off on the video later. I touch my sensitive girlcock, then stop and save it for later. It would suck if I lost this thrill of desire now.
Whenever I would get used to the electric current going into my face, Rosa would ask if I could take a little more. She’d turn it a bit higher, cranking up the AC or the DC, just to make sure the fucking follicles would up and die already, die and not come back, for a change. My beard had a will to live almost as fierce as my determination to be my truest, most beautiful self. I would stagger out of Rosa’s back room at the beauty salon, red-faced, blistered and so exhausted from gritting my teeth, I could barely stand up. The endorphins were a long time coming during my sessions, and they only made me feel more tired afterward.
I draw another mouth over my mouth with lipliner, then fill it in with lipstick. Blush takes my inner tremors and projects them onto my cheeks, as if I don’t know how such an innocent girl came to be in such a fix. I’m still telling stories about my eyes with brushes and pencils when Janey knocks and asks how I’m getting on. I invite her in.
“There are so many out there,” she says, “I think some guys brought friends and there’s no game today.”
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