by Eden Proctor
He smiled. “See, that’s something I appreciate about you. Stubborn, but not too stubborn to recognize when you’re wrong,” he said.
“Don’t rub it in, Nate. But whether I’m actively dating someone right now is beside the point. Or at least adjacent to it.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I mean, I do hope to settle down myself someday, and if I’m married to you, that’s going to be a little difficult don’t you think?”
Now that was something he hadn’t considered. And for some reason he didn’t like the idea. Still… She had a point but he wouldn’t acknowledge that. Instead, he said, “It’s going to be for a limited period of time. You were intending to settle down soon?” he said.
“No, but I don’t want to give away my thirties to this,” she said.
“What if I limit the time? If I haven’t gotten Grandfather to see reason within a year, then I’ll figure something else out,” he said.
“And if you haven’t, you know that I’ll stick around, if only because I hate to see a project unfinished,” she said.
He was well aware of her tendency to see a project to completion, and that tendency was something he liked about her. But he hadn’t considered it in this context. He did now, decided that it didn’t change anything.
“That’ll be the parameter. We’ll give it a year and after that consider it done, come what may,” he said.
He went quiet, and she made no attempt to say anything further. So he watched her, wondering what she was thinking.
Because she was thinking.
In deals and transactions, Mindy had an admirable poker face, but in conversations like these, she was an open book. He could easily guess at her displeasure, her amusement. Now, he was less certain what she was thinking. But he knew it was intense. He could see that from the expression on her face, the intensity in her eyes.
They were silent for so long that it started to unnerve him, but he wouldn’t press.
After several moments she lifted her lids, which she had lowered, and met his eyes.
“There’s something else you haven’t considered,” she said.
These words she spoke with a solemnity that gave him some alarm.
“What?” he said.
“This would involve me lying to your grandfather,” she said.
Nate’s own stomach clenched a little as he thought about that fact. He hated the very idea, had tried to think of any conceivable way to do something that wouldn’t require dishonesty but had come up short.
“I know,” he said, deciding that he would level with Mindy. “I don’t like that. Not even a little bit. But he’s forcing my hand,” he said.
She nodded, though he couldn’t tell whether it was out of approval or simply a nervous reaction.
“I know you don’t like to lie to him either,” she said.
“But…?”
“But it’s different for you,” she said.
“How so?”
“No matter what he says, he’ll always be in your corner. I don’t have the luxury of risking his wrath,” she said.
“Wrath? Grandfather thinks you’re the best,” he said.
“He does, but within boundaries. If I break that trust, he’ll never trust me again. I can’t do that, Nate,” she said.
She went quiet and he again followed suit. He wanted to argue with her, but he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Trust was the cornerstone of Gordon’s relationship with every single person he knew. And when that trust was violated, it would be hard to get it back. In fact, Nate couldn’t think of a person who had managed to do so. He was banking on the fact that his and his grandfather’s bond would get them past the deceit. But Mindy was right to say that she couldn’t count on that for herself.
“I’ll protect you,” Nate said.
He had intended the words as a reassurance, but they came out different, low, fervent, like a promise. And he realized then that they were. He would see to it that this did not affect Mindy except to make her life better.
“I appreciate that,” she whispered, her expression softening ever so slightly. That told him that her answer would not be in his favor.
“Before you say no…” Nate said, hoping she would give him another chance to convince her.
She shook her head. “No reason to delay the inevitable. Your grandfather took a chance on me. He showed me the kind of faith that no one in my life ever had.”
She trailed off, swallowed, her face bright with the intensity of her emotion. He could hear it in her voice, see it in her expression. He had known how much Mindy cared for his grandfather, but to see it was something different, rare, something he suspected not many people had a chance to.
“So I can’t betray him that way. Lie to his face,” she said.
Again Nate was at a loss to argue. If anything, this stance made her even better in his eyes, made him more certain that he was making the right choice. But he wouldn’t push the matter.
“I understand,” he finally said on a weary sigh.
He looked at her, saw the intense expression that still twisted her face. He felt himself smiling, and when her own expression broke, became if not a smile, then something a little less like a grimace, he felt some relief.
“I still think it’s a good idea,” he said.
“Of course you do. It’s yours,” she replied.
He laughed, enjoying the moment of connection. It seemed he always did, and for some reason he wasn’t surprised that it was Mindy who had managed to lift the dark mood.
He shook his head.
“Hell of a day,” she said.
“Yeah. I’ve never proposed before. Hurts to get shot down,” he said. He added a little smile to the end of the words, one that coaxed a laugh from Mindy.
“Somehow I think you’ll recover,” she said.
Nate laughed with her, but he couldn’t help but wonder if he would.
Chapter 6
When Mindy got home, she was both exhausted and exhilarated. Her body was weary, but her mind was wired. She knew it would be a very long time before she could fall asleep.
She wished she could say it was because of the coffee that she had lingered over with Nate, but that wasn’t the truth.
Or it wasn’t the whole truth.
She had stayed with him at the restaurant until it had closed. That had been the easy part. They’d chatted about this and that, mostly business, which was both of their favorite subjects. It was so rare to find someone who didn’t care that she was obsessed with every minor aspect of the company and didn’t mind discussing the details.
But she knew there was something else at work as well.
She thought Nate had stayed, lingered with her to make sure she understood that things were okay between them.
It was exactly the kind of thing he would do. A gesture no one would expect if they only looked at his surface but one that didn’t surprise her in the least.
His reputation was well earned, but it didn’t give the full picture of the man. The Nate she knew was a conscientious person, one who cared about the feelings of others, went out of his way to make sure they were comfortable.
And that even extended to her.
When Gordon had first hired her, Nate had been defensive, standoffish, but he had warmed to her. There was always a little tension in their relationship, a little ripple of unease, one that she chalked up to the fact that she was one of the few people who didn’t fall at his feet. In fact, she went out of her way not to do so, knowing that maybe she was being a little tough on him, but wanting him to understand he didn’t always have the upper hand.
An upper hand that he had almost wrestled from her earlier.
She had been tempted, far more than she should have been, at the prospect of taking his offer.
The reasons why were self-evident.
She knew she wasn’t the right one for him, knew that she couldn’t be the kind of wife he needed, but the temptati
on had been there all the same.
Her edges would never be worn off, not completely, and she’d never feel comfortable in the circles Nate and his grandfather called home. But that discomfort hadn’t been the thing to ultimately push her away.
The thought of him marrying someone else had been painful, but those few moments that she’d considered his offer had been wrenching.
She wouldn’t be able to survive it.
Being his wife in name but knowing she had no claim to his heart. Knowing that she never would.
It would be torture, living day by day, even if it was only a year, and if Mindy knew herself, her feelings for him would only grow.
She’d be wrecked.
But still she’d been tempted, the temptation of even a shallow claim to Nate almost enough to sway her. She’d been so close to saying yes that it had taken a physical force to keep her mouth closed.
Then she’d thought of his grandfather.
She could so clearly remember the day they had first met. She’d come out of state college, knowing there was never a chance that she’d be able to afford an expensive private school. But she’d worked to make it to the top of her class, did everything she could to ensure she would be prepared for the business world.
It hadn’t been enough.
She’d had no pedigree, no connections, and she’d spent the first eighteen months after college waiting tables and looking for a job. That time had been demoralizing. She could remember many nights when she’d gone back to the studio apartment she could barely afford and cried herself to sleep.
She wouldn’t have been any worse off if she had skipped college altogether, something her mother had told her to do. Mindy had been stubborn, though, but during those dark days she wondered if she had made a mistake.
The surprise call for an interview with Nate’s grandfather had been a moment of hope, but she’d been sure it wouldn’t pan out. Still, she’d been too stubborn not to go, and even now, she could remember how her knees had been practically shaking. She’d seen Nathaniel that first day. It had been little more than a glimpse, but looking at him had distracted her from the interview. And when she’d finally been called back, she didn’t worry that she was going to be sick with nerves.
The nerves had come back instantly when she’d looked at the distinguished-looking gentleman who greeted her.
“Mr. Eaton?” she’d said.
She’d recognized him immediately, something he noticed.
“You do your research,” he’d replied.
“Yes,” had been her answer.
Then she had gone on to recite the company’s history and mission statement.
“Impressive. So, Mindy,” he’d asked, removing his glasses so he could meet her eye to eye, “why don’t you have a job yet?”
She had been somewhat taken aback. That level of directness wasn’t one that she had experienced up to that point, one that she hadn’t really experienced since. She’d looked at him, quiet, weighing her response. “It’s a tough market. Firms are reluctant to hire,” she’d said.
She’d considered giving him the real answer, but cowardice had stilled her tongue.
“You really believe that?” he’d asked blandly.
She’d sensed that a trap was being laid, but she didn’t know how to avoid it. Instinct had told her to stick with her lines, say what she’d known he would expect to hear. But a year and a half of increasing desperation and despair had made doing so impossible.
She’d lasered her eyes on his, looking at the formidable old man without breaking his gaze, though her stomach had been filled with nerves.
“I didn’t go to the best school, and I haven’t any connections.”
“So that’s the only reason?” he’d said, his answer even-tempered and not at all revealing.
“It is,” she’d said, her confidence flagging with each second that had passed. “You saw it yourself. I’m a hard worker. I learn fast, and I would give you my all.”
“And you think that’s enough?”
“I think it can be. I’m not looking for a marriage. I just need someone to give me a shot,” she’d said.
Her voice had started to weaken, something that she hated, but when she’d finished she leaned back, refused to look away from Gordon.
The older man had stared at her, and Mindy had known he was taking her measure. She hadn’t known how she would measure up, but after what felt like hours, but was probably less than ten seconds, he nodded.
“You’re hired. When can you get started?”
That had been seven years ago, and even now Mindy found it hard to believe.
She’d never gotten Nathaniel’s grandfather to say what had convinced him to hire her, but whatever it had been, she was eternally grateful. She never told him that directly, but he had changed her life. Without him, she didn’t know where she would be.
And it was ultimately that loyalty that had rescued her from her own desires.
Because her hopes for her own future aside, and despite the pain that she knew she would surely be courting, she would have taken Nate’s offer. It was too much to pass up, and she knew that she herself didn’t have the strength to say no.
She could handle her own pain, or at least she thought she could. But what she wouldn’t do was lie to Gordon. She admired and valued the man too much to do otherwise. She’d gotten into the shower, and now she lingered under the warm spray, her mind reeling with what had happened today.
But like always, Nate was at the top of her mind.
His pensive expression, the way he’d recovered so quickly. His easy smile as they’d laughed over coffee.
How attractive she found him.
How desperately she wanted him.
How much she loved him.
Her hands stilled on her stomach, and with a deep breath, she let them move lower, over the pooch of her belly, across her curvy hips, down her full thighs. She frowned. It was futile, but just once, she wanted to be the pretty one. Maybe if she were, there might be a chance that Nate could return her feelings.
She curled her fingers against her skin, let herself imagine they were Nate’s. But then she dropped her hand.
There wasn’t a chance, and she was only prolonging her own agony by even entertaining the thought. She turned off the shower, twisting the knob a little harder than necessary. Then she quickly got out of the shower, dried her skin with quick, utilitarian movements. She couldn’t allow herself to linger, not when she was in this frame of mind.
Touching herself when she thought about Nate wasn’t uncommon, but she’d always managed to keep some distance, was able to think of it only as a physical release. But now, her emotions were too untamed to even risk seeking the physical relief she might find. Doing so would only lead her to more longing, and longing would only intensify the hurt she knew was coming.
So she left the bathroom, dressed in her pajamas, and lay down to try to sleep.
No matter how it might hurt her, she wanted Nate and his grandfather to be on the same page.
But she couldn’t be a part of it, because her heart would never recover.
Chapter 7
Nate took a cab home, something that was incredibly ironic given that he had a driver. But if taking a cab meant he didn’t have to deal with Dahlia, he was happy to make that trade.
It was rude of him to blow her off, but him making sure she got into the club and covering her tab was enough of an apology. He almost couldn’t believe he’d been so close to proposing to her.
Foolish, unthinkable really.
Good thing Mindy had been there to bail him out. He thought back on the evening, surprised by how everything had turned out. Seeing her had been fortuitous, and though he had known Mindy wouldn’t be easy, he’d been confident he’d be able to convince her.
Now he wasn’t so sure.
And more, her words about his grandfather had resonated with him. She was fiercely loyal to the man just like Nate was. After he walked into his
condo, he took out his phone and looked at the clock. It was after midnight, but he decided to risk the call.
He punched in the numbers, feeling oddly nervous as the phone rang.
“Hello?”
At the sound of Mindy’s voice, he felt relieved, felt some of the jagged nervousness that had been there moments ago fade.
“Hey, were you sleeping?” he asked.
“No,” she replied, her voice sounding fully alert and edging with worry. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Good,” she said, and Nate could practically see her nodding.
“Well…” He trailed off, staring at the city skyline in his sparsely furnished living room.
“Are you home?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m home. Mindy…thanks,” he finally said.
“You’re welcome. For what?” she asked.
He heard the humor in her voice and he smiled to himself.
“For everything, Mindy,” he said.
Again he found himself being more solemn than he intended, but he really meant it.
“No problem, Nate,” she replied, her voice soft, something like understanding threaded through her words.
“Well…”
“You know he loves you, right?” she asked, interrupting.
“I do,” Nate said.
That had never been a question, but he still had to contend with the facts.
He considered asking her if there was any way she would change her mind, but then decided not to. She’d made herself clear, and Nate didn’t want to push her. He would figure this out.
“Have a good night, Mindy,” he said.
“You too, Nate,” she said.
When he hung up the phone, he felt an immediate and deep sense of loss, one that didn’t make sense, but he knew the source of.
He missed Mindy already.
How was that even possible?
He didn’t know, but he recognized that those minutes he had spent with her at the restaurant, sharing coffee, chatting had been the most pleasant and relaxing in his most recent memory.