by Mary Wood
‘Oh, Ada. Will this pain never go away?’
‘Eeh, lass. It will be like a wave. Receding at times, then crashing over you at others.’
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up today. This is your special day.’
‘I know, but those are the times when the wave crashes. It hit me this morning when I woke. Me lads came to me, and I had to fight not to tear me heart from me. But I focused on what the day is going to give me. Me Joe is finally going to be me husband. He has his freedom, and our life together begins; and somehow that happiness cushioned the sadness and I could cope. You have to think of something to do the same for you, Edith.’
‘Yes, you are right. I will focus on the fact that I have at last engaged a Polish-speaking investigator. I didn’t think I could at first, but I realized that to break my confidence would mean the agency would never again be commissioned by anyone, so why would they do so? He has had a lot of success in tracing people misplaced through the events of war, and has reunited many families. He has agreed to take my case up and search for my girls.’
‘There you are then. All will be well, I know it will. Now, is that husband of yours ready? If he is to be best man, he needs to be on his way to the church.’
‘He is. Ready, that is. I don’t think he has gone yet, though. Ha! He moaned about having to wear a starched collar. He said we British have always been known as “stuffed shirts”, but should have been known as stiff ones!’
‘Eeh, Laurent’s a good ’un. He’s what we would call a joker, but Annie would call “a right card”!’
‘Yes, it is his sense of humour that gets him through. Well, both of us really.’
Edith’s voice was wistful again, so Ada pulled her up sharpish, before she sank back into her morose mood. ‘Reet. How do I look?’
‘Beautiful. Darling Ada. That colour really suits you, and having your hair plaited up like that is a stroke of genius; it looks so pretty. Oh, Ada . . .’
‘Now, now.’
‘These are tears of happiness, I promise. I am so happy that at last you and Joe will be together.’
‘We have a lot of hurdles to jump yet, but we’ll jump them together. And, Edith, ta for offering Joe that maintenance job. He’s reet handy, and will keep Jimmy’s Hope House up to scratch, you’ll see. We’ll have no leaky roofs this year!’
‘I know. And it’s going to be a real treat for them all: you having your wedding party back there. The children are so excited. And all the young mothers are working their socks off getting the wedding breakfast ready.’
‘Wouldn’t have it anywhere else. Me Jimmy is honoured and remembered there. And that’s down to you, Edith. The young ’uns all look up to him as a hero.’
‘He was. Oh, Ada, come here.’
Ada went into Edith’s outstretched arms and took comfort from the hug she received, but didn’t stay long, for it was too much for her. ‘Reet, I’m ready. Let’s do this.’
‘Your carriage awaits you, Madam.’
‘Eeh, fancy me riding in a Rolls-Royce. I never thought I’d see the day. Lead the way, my maid-of-honour.’
Laurent was waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs. He had his false leg on, but sat in his wheelchair, no doubt conserving his energy for his duty as best man. He gasped as he looked at Edith. ‘Ma chérie, you look beautiful.’
Edith wore a dress in a style similar to Ada’s. But hers was cut just below the knee, where it gave way to white stockings and satin pumps with a little heel. The dress flowed from the bodice in gentle folds. The colour – a darker blue than Ada’s long, flowing frock – enhanced rather than paled Ada’s dress and suited Edith’s very dark hair and olive complexion so well.
‘Oh, and look at you! Ada, you are gorgeous. The prettiest bride since my own Edith.’
Ada blushed. Somehow, when Laurent complimented her, it sounded so delicious – if that was a word you could use for a compliment. But it was one that fitted, as his accent and his lush tone seemed to sweep all over her and make her feel special.
‘You should have left by now, Laurent. You need to be at the church to greet and support Joe. Go along with you! Your driver is waiting outside for you, and has been for fifteen minutes.’
‘Don’t chastise me, my darling. I had to see you both before I went. I will go now. Call the chap in to help me.’
At the church, Jay was waiting outside for them. He was to give Ada away, and she could think of none better.
Excitement knotted her tummy muscles as she took his arm and drank in his compliments. She felt, and was sure she looked, like a queen! This was going to be a good day for her. She’d not had many good days in her life to count, and the total of them could be summed up on her ten fingers and toes. But right now she’d only think of them, and not of the terrible days she’d suffered.
Joe turned as she walked up the aisle. His smile warmed her through and gave his face a lovely look, as his expression combined both love and happiness.
As they left the church and the bells rang out, filling the air with joy, and the rice rained down on them, Ada thought she would burst with happiness. Looking around she caught sight of Rene. Eeh, if only Rene could find a nice man. But there were so few to choose from and Rene seemed settled into her work. She worked as a sister in Shepherd’s Bush Military Hospital where Edith also worked. It must seem to them that the war hasn’t ended, she thought, as they tend to those badly wounded that still need their care. Rene came over and held her, wishing her congratulations. Annie was with her, holding on tightly to little Brendan’s hand. ‘Ma, ma, me want up.’
‘Ha, Brendan, lad, I can’t pick you up, it would ruin all me finery.’
‘Huh! If she don’t pick you up, I will, lad!’
Beryl! Ada couldn’t believe her eyes. How did she get here? Had the asylum let her come on her own;
‘Beryl, lass. Eeh, it’s nice to see thee. Ada said as you weren’t able to come. Glad you changed your mind. Now, you’ve not much on and look cold, so I’ll get you a lift sorted to Jimmy’s Hope House, eh?’
‘I’m going nowhere, Joe. Eeh, you’ve got some side. Murdering her husband and then marrying her. Still, she’d not get anyone else, whore that she is. You know that she went with my Bill, don’t you? Well, she did. He told me he had her on the kitchen floor. Well, I reckon that’s best place for her!’
Joe looked shocked. Ada had never told him about the rape. She hadn’t wanted him upset; he’d enough on his plate. Avoiding his eyes, she looked at her sister. ‘Beryl, lass, don’t do this. Not today. I’m glad as you’ve changed your mind and come to be with us. But don’t make a scene. Please.’
‘Scene! What else am I to do when you stole me babby and had me man, eh?’
Beryl lunged towards Brendan as she said this, but Annie was too quick for her and grabbed the little tot and held on to him. ‘If yer try to lay an ’and on ’im, you’ll ’ave me to contend with,’ she said.
Beryl hesitated. Others began to stand in front of Annie and Brendan. Looking from one to another, Beryl looked like a frightened, cornered animal.
‘Come on, love. Let Joe sort you a seat in one of the cars. You’ll be warmer. And if you promise to calm down, you can come to the wedding breakfast. I’ll take you to Annie’s house and get you something to wear. Come on.’
‘I don’t want to, our Ada. I want Mam. Mam. MAM!’
It was a pitiful cry and one that wrenched Ada’s heart.
Edith moved forward, speaking in gentle tones that held authority. ‘Beryl, I will take care of you. Now, nothing is going to happen to you, and you can choose what you want to do. I’ll take you back to your hospital or on to the wedding breakfast. I won’t leave you until you feel safe.’
‘I’ll come too, Beryl. I’ll help to take care of you. I’m Sister Rene, and this lady is Doctor Edith. We will look after you. Come along with us.’
Beryl’s body seemed to fold as she slumped to the ground. ‘I want me mam.’
‘Yes, we know you do. Now, take my arm with this hand, and Sister Rene’s with your other one. That’s it. Now, stand up, but keep hold of us.’ Once Beryl was standing, Edith turned to Jay. ‘Jay, can we take your driver, and you and Eloise go in with Laurent?’ Jay said that would be fine, and Edith turned to Ada. ‘Don’t worry, Ada. Try to carry on as you would have done. Beryl will be fine. We will be with you as soon as we can.’
Ada could only nod. The action spilled a tear from her, but she wiped it away. Her heart wanted to go with Beryl, but, to her immense pain, she had to accept that if she made a move to do so, it would upset her sister again. In Beryl’s tangled mind, Ada knew that she looked on her as the cause of everything that had dragged her down.
As the car pulled away, a hand rested on Ada’s arm. Turning, she looked into the lovely, kind eyes of Eloise. ‘We have a wedding breakfast to get under way. Come on, beautiful bride. Lead the way.’
With a heavy heart, Ada took the hand Joe offered and went towards the gleaming Rolls-Royce. Once her body had sunk into the deep leather seat, Joe climbed in next to her. ‘Well, Mrs Grinsdale, that were a good start! Now I don’t want you worrying about what Beryl said – none of it. I can imagine the circumstances, and I love you more than anything for shielding me and coping with that. Eeh, there’s nowt like a fracas at a wedding – good old northern tradition that!’
She couldn’t help but smile. ‘Aye, we’ll show these southerners how it’s done, eh?’
‘That’s the spirit. Now, try to put it behind you. Everyone knows that Beryl is not well in her mind. None of them are going to hold what happened against you.’
‘Oh, Joe, will she ever be well? Will she ever stop thinking of me as someone that ruined her life?’
‘You never know, lass. It could happen. But if it doesn’t, it’s one more cross we have to bear, and we’ve borne a lot worse.’
‘We have, Joe. As everyone has. You’re reet. Let’s put it behind us. No matter what, we’ll allus support Beryl as much as she’ll let us. And we’ll work towards the day when she is well again.’
‘Good, lass. Now. How about you give your husband a kiss?’
It was a kiss Ada had thought would never happen. All the years they’d loved one another they’d never shared a kiss, not a real one – one that was their right to take and give. With it a warmth came into Ada that blocked out all she’d been through. It unlocked her heart to the possibility of hope: hope for the future, and hope for herself and Joe and little Brendan. From now on they could build a life together, one never again to be shadowed by war.
She wished she could make things right for everyone. She wished that the scars cut deep into people’s souls could heal; and that Edith, especially Edith, could be reunited with her little ones. Something Edith had once said told her there was no possibility of her having any other babbies, as her marriage wasn’t likely to be consummated. That was what Ada would call a deep love – a love that had to be platonic, and yet was so strong the couple were bound together forever. Poor Edith. Poor Laurent. Please, God, bring little Elka and Ania home to them. Make their lives complete. They have done everything they can for their country, and for those hurt by war. It’s time they had sommat in return.
Leaving this prayer behind her, Ada turned her attention to Joe. Her Joe. Her man. A happiness settled in her like she hadn’t felt for a long, long time. Leaning towards him, she pursed her lips again. But just before his lips touched hers, she whispered, ‘I love you, Joe.’
Acknowledgements
First and foremost I would like to acknowledge Nicholas Fothergill, owner of the beautiful, historic stately home Stanford Hall, near Lutterworth, Leicestershire. An English Heritage building, the house was built between 1697 and 1700 by William Smith for Sir Roger Cave. Nicholas Fothergill is a descendant of Sir Roger. Stanford Hall, besides being Nicholas’s home, is now also a stunning venue for many events held in its grounds and in the house. I am honoured that Nicholas allowed me to model the country home and estate of my fictional Mellor family on Stanford Hall. Thank you.
And a special thank you to two wonderful ladies, my editor at Pan Macmillan, Louise Buckley, and my literary agent, Judith Murdoch. You are both always there for me, and your belief in me supports and helps me more than you can know.
I further thank Louise, along with Laura Carr and the rest of her team, for their sensitive editing of my novel – the difference you make is amazing. Thank you.
Thank you too to my beloved daughter Christine Martin and son James Wood, for reading and rereading my manuscripts. Your advice on what is and what isn’t working as the manuscript develops is invaluable.
And to my much-loved nephew, Chris Olley. For your knowledgeable input on the First World War, I am truly grateful.
To ‘Gungeek’ on YouTube, thank you for answering my questions on cordite with such in-depth knowledge of your subject.
And to my dear friends Pat and Den Payne, who have a knowledge of the areas of London. When I told them the type of setting I needed for the London homes of my fictional Mellor family, they took me to Holland Park and there I found the perfect location. Thank you too to my dear friend Jacqueline Lacey for your help with the few French phrases used in the book.
And, as always, my heartfelt thanks to my beautiful family. To my darling husband, Roy. To our children, Christine, Julie, Rachel and James, and their husbands/ partners, Nick, Ed, Rick and Scott. To all our grandchildren and great-grandchildren. To my Olley and Wood families. You all bring me joy; you support me and enrich my life. You climb mountains by my side and catch me if I fall. I love you all with a special love.
If you enjoyed All I Have to Give then turn the page to read an extract from An Unbreakable Bond, the second novel in the Breckton series, coming soon. The first book in the Breckton series, To Catch a Dream, is out now
PART ONE
Innocence Lost
1913
1
One Door of Life Closes
Megan and Hattie’s footsteps echoed as they walked down the draughty, stone-walled corridor towards the Reverend Mother’s office. Within feet of it, Megan paused and motioned Hattie towards the internal window. Using this as a mirror, they checked their appearances, making sure their grey serge frocks were crease-free and their stiff white collars immaculate.
With shaking hands Megan tried to tuck the stray, unruly locks of her auburn hair under her mobcap. As soon as she tamed one curl, another escaped. Hattie giggled at her attempts. Megan made a face at her. ‘It’s all right for you.’ Hattie’s smooth dark hair always looked neat, for next to no effort. Giving up the battle, Megan knocked on the door.
‘Enter!’
Reverend Mother’s tone cracked Megan’s already frayed nerves. Hattie squeezed her hand.
The moment she placed her foot on the carpet and smelt the wax polish, the small comfort of Hattie’s gesture dissolved. The deep carpet and clean scent contrasted starkly with the cold flagstone floors and the stench of carbolic soap and boiled cabbage that permeated the quarters the girls shared with all the other born-of-sin and orphaned children.
As they waited to be acknowledged, Megan’s eyes fixed on the butterfly wings of stiff white linen cascading from each side of the Reverend Mother’s bent head. The sudden lifting of the head made her jump. She tugged Hattie’s frock, bringing her attention back from looking around the room in awe.
‘Well, Megan Tattler and Hattie Frampton, you are now thirteen years of age and you are to leave us. And I don’t have to ask to know how pleased you both are, do I?’
Neither of them answered, but Megan thought that if she were to respond, it wouldn’t be to say she was pleased. Not altogether pleased, as both she and Hattie were deeply saddened at the thought of being separated.
‘Hattie, you go later today, I understand – and, Megan, you are to leave tomorrow.’ The Reverend Mother’s eyes, shrouded by a brow that was squashed into a bulge by her veil, darted between them. Her smile caused her fac
e to look pinched as she continued, ‘Now, Hattie, I see you have a very fitting placement as a scullery maid in the household of Lord Marley’s country residence. Very good! Are you prepared?’
‘Yes, Reverend Mother, but . . .’
‘No “buts”, Hattie. Lord Marley is one of our benefactors and has given many of our girls a good start in life by providing them with jobs. It’s up to you to make something of yourself.’
‘Yes, Reverend Mother.’
‘Good! So, Megan, it seems to me you think you can take up a placement far above your station. It is unheard of – someone of such low status becoming an apprenticed seamstress!’
The insult, and the look that went with it, caused Megan’s hopes to freeze.
‘However, Sister Bernadette has been very persistent on your behalf. And, although aware of the sinful circumstances of your birth, Madame Marie is still inclined to give you a chance. I have therefore had to give the proposal due consideration, and I am persuaded to approve it, after seeing what Madame has written in her letter to me. She states that she is taking you on merit, because you show exceptional talent in the drawings and the sample of stitches shown to her by Sister Bernadette. But she makes it clear that you will be expected to know your place, and to keep it at all times. You are not to try to engage with any of the young ladies who are training there and you will have a room in the attic away from the others. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, Reverend Mother.’
‘I hope you do.’
Megan struggled to hold down the joy surging through her. She stood still, head held high as was befitting and polite. She knew that Reverend Mother, aggrieved at having allowed her to take up the apprenticeship, would take it away from her if she gave her any excuse to do so.
The wings of the Reverend Mother’s veil crackled as she inclined her head. ‘You are dismissed. But remember, what you make of yourselves is up to you. If you work hard and stay true to the teaching you have received here, you will prosper.’ The pinched smile had reached her eyes as she continued, ‘If you don’t, then the gutter is where you will find yourselves, as many have before you.’