“I could get used to this,” Alan said with a grin.
Jessie observed Liz blushing, something Liz rarely did.
Later, at the hospital, the three entered Emily’s room. She was sitting up reading.
“Doesn’t she look great today?” A nurse said in passing.
Jessie did not agree and thought her mother looked awfully pale and a bit yellow, but she said nothing to the nurse. “What are you reading, Mom?” she asked.
“It’s a book on forgiveness. Sandra brought it in to me. I was reading it at her place.” She glanced over at Alan.
Jessie looked at Alan too then Liz intervened. “It’s time you two made up. Don’t you agree, Mrs. Albright?”
Emily smiled and Liz continued, “This whole, silly affair has kept you two apart too long. Alan told me, Jessie, that he’d wanted to make up at your dad’s funeral, but it never happened. Don’t you both think it’s time now?”
Jessie was still looking at Alan and knew from his stubborn expression that she would have to make the first attempt. She opened her arms and walked towards him. Alan hesitated and Liz stepped up to him. “Alan, for gosh sake, hug her.”
Alan did and their mother smiled, her face approving the move. Liz then put her arms around the two of them and the three embraced.
“Finally,” Emily said. “I can now rest in peace.”
Jessie turned to her mother. “Don’t talk like that, Mom. You’re getting better now.”
At eleven, visitors were requested to leave until two for the patients rest period. Jessie, Liz and Alan went home, returning at 2:30. The afternoon was spent listening mainly to Emily tell childhood stories about Alan and Jessie. She had to stop a couple of times after having coughing spells. She was also grumbling for a cigarette but wasn’t allowed to have them in the hospital.
Liz and Alan seemed totally attracted to each other, and Jessie didn’t mind when they went out for a bite, promising to return with food for her.
Jessie tucked the blankets around her mom and sat looking at the book about forgiveness. She turned to her mother. “You don’t have to read this anymore, Mom, now that Alan and I have made up. You can’t know what a burden’s been lifted from my shoulders.”
“Oh, yes I can. I felt responsible. I should have been able to get you two together,” Emily said.
“Well, it took Liz to do that. I think Alan likes her, don’t you?”
“Oh, yes he does. And to think you introduced them. Isn’t it ironic?”
Jessie smiled as her mother leaned back on the pillow and closed her eyes. She breathed heavily. Jessie noticed and asked. “Are you okay, Mom?”
Her mother continued to struggle with her breathing, laying one hand across her chest.
“Is your chest hurting you again?”
Emily nodded. “The doctor took some more tests. They did an MRI this time. I...I don’t think I’m getting better.”
“Mom, don’t talk that way. It was just a slight heart attack. A lot of people get them and you’re young—”
“I’m dying.”
“What?”
Emily opened her mouth again, but no words came out. Her breathing was so heavy that Jessie jumped and ran into the hall to call for help. Two nurses approached her and entered the room. Soon a doctor was summoned. Jessie stood back, holding her breath as they worked over her mother.
Tears slid hotly down both cheeks when finally the doctor stood before her. His kind, grey eyes looked at her sadly. “Your mother’s slipped into a coma, only time will tell if she’ll regain consciousness. I’m sorry. We need to talk.” Jessie and the doctor stepped out into the hallway and he explained, “The MRI just came back. Your mother’s heart attack is not the problem. She has stage 4 lung cancer. Several tumours have been located and it has spread to her liver and her brain.
“What? Lung cancer? How can that be? You sent her home with a mild heart attack, wasn’t it?” Jessie’s own heart was racing and she could feel the pulsating in her throat. The hallway seemed to be spinning or was it her?
The doctor reached out and took her hand to steady her. “All we can do is try and keep her comfortable, get the oxygen to her. If she comes out of the coma she might have a few months…or she might not. Your mother has been dealing with this for quite sometime I’d say, but she kept it to herself. If she had come earlier…surgery is out of the question at this late stage. If breathing becomes more difficult, we can put her on a respirator—”
“No, no respirator. When dad was sick we discussed all this. My mom definitely said she never wanted to be kept alive on a respirator.”
“Well...people say those things sometimes in moments of stress, but they don’t always mean—”
“Oh, she meant it. She made me promise.”
“What about your brother?”
“I…I don’t know, he wasn’t there at the time. I don’t know if she told him or not. We haven’t exactly been on good speaking terms for a while.”
“You’re mom?”
“No. My brother.”
“You’re going to need each other.”
Jessie bit her lip but she couldn’t keep the tears in any longer. “I can’t believe this. My father died of cancer, now my mother…this can’t be right.”
“I should be talking to your brother as well. This is too much on your shoulders.”
“Well, he’s not here right now. He’ll be back later.” Jessie turned and faced the wall, trying to hide the tears that were streaming down her face.
When the nurses finally finished working around Emily and had left the room, Jessie slid into a chair near her mother and watched her breathing. Why was everything good taken away? The last few weeks had been horrible and wonderful all the same time. Good mixed with fear, and now after reconciling with Alan — this. Was it the final climax? The doctor held no hope at all. Her mother may never come out of the coma. And even if she did, she would still die. Jessie trembled as the sun’s late afternoon rays fell across her mother’s pale face. She looked so peaceful, and Jessie had never felt such turmoil.
CHAPTER FIVE
All the doctors and all the modern drugs could not save Emily from leaving her children on Sunday. Alan and Jessie clung to each other, while Liz remained a few feet away, far enough to give them grieving space yet near enough to go forward and offer assistance if required.
All Saturday night and Sunday morning, the three of them had held vigil at the hospital, taking turns inside the room sitting with Emily. But she was never to come out of the coma she’d sunk into on Saturday.
Liz finally drove Jessie to the house and Alan went on to make the funeral arrangements with the help of Sandra Norton, who knew exactly what Emily had wanted. At 8:25 Sunday night Alan returned to the house. He joined Jessie and Liz in the living room. Liz rose and walked to the doorway where Alan had stopped.
“Is everything complete?” she asked.
Alan nodded, rubbing his forehead and avoiding her eyes. She could see how red his eyes were and knew he’d had his own private hell away from them. It wasn’t the time for a hands-on approach and Liz kept her distance, even though her attraction to Alan made it difficult for her. She wanted to put her arms around him and comfort him, instead she went to the kitchen after watching him enter the living room and sit with his sister.
Jessie looked up mechanically. Alan slumped in a chair across from her. “Tell me what you’ve done,” she said.
“I did what I had to. Mom had told Sandra what she wanted. They talked about it when she’d first gone into the hospital. She wanted a simple casket and a small funeral at the grave site. No flowers, just donations. I think she knew she was dying.”
Jessie’s face dropped. “No flowers?”
Alan looked at her but he didn’t have the energy to comfort her. He continued, “We have to do it her way, Jess. It’s what she wanted.”
“It seems so cold,” Jessie said twisting her hands together. She had already dressed for bed and was wearing
a plaid, oversized robe.
Alan noticed. “Where did you get that? It’s Dad’s, isn’t it?”
Jessie tugged on the robe’s lapel. “I found it in Mom’s room, in her closet. It looked like she’d been wearing it. I...just felt like wearing it too. Is it stupid?”
“No, it’s not stupid, if that’s what you feel like.” He shifted his feet around, crossed and uncrossed his legs, then he rose and pulled off his jacket, tossing it on the chair he’d just occupied.
“It’s chilly tonight,” Jessie said. “Almost cold enough for a fire.”
He turned to her. “You want one?”
“I don’t care. I should go to bed anyway.”
“It’s only early. I’ll make one if you want.”
Liz walked into the living room carrying a tray of drinks and sandwiches. “Did I hear you mention a fire? That would be nice, Alan. This has been a crazy spring, first we’re stifling with heat now dreary, damp rain.”
Alan made himself busy bringing wood up from the basement. In no time the sparking fireplace warmed the gloomy living room.
Liz approved of the change in atmosphere. She spied a stack of photo albums organized neatly in a small area beside the fireplace, and she took the opportunity to open them while they ate.
Sitting in front of the fire on the floor, Liz thumbed through an album. “Who’s this cute little boy on the tricycle?” she said. “It must be you, Alan, the red hair gives you away. Who’s pushing you?”
Alan left the chair he was sitting on and joined Liz. He looked over her shoulder and had a grim look on his face. “That’s Sandra.”
“Sandra and Alan never got along,” Jessie said.
“Sure we did,” Alan replied. “We just never agreed. Even there.” His arm rested around Liz’s shoulder as he pointed to the picture. “Sandra is pushing me against my will, and I’m yelling, stop.”
Liz felt his arm against her and turned to look up at him, while he remained that close. “I can tell. You look angry,” she said with a laugh. Their eyes met and held a moment, bathed by the firelight.
Jessie rose. She was not interested in nostalgia tonight. She appreciated Liz trying to break the melancholy, and it might have been great therapy for some, but she just wasn’t up to the company, not even Liz’s. “I’m going to bed you two. Thanks for the fire, Alan, but I’m too beat to stay up any longer.”
“Get some rest,” Liz called to her, and from the stairway Jessie could hear them talking. They were enjoying each other’s company and she was glad for Alan. It was nice to have someone when sorrow called. If only she could have leaned on Kent now. But she was alone, like always. When her father had passed, struck down and emaciated from cancer, she had tried to comfort her mother then. Alan had also taken his turn, even though they didn’t comfort one another at the time. Now, both parents were gone.
Jessie stood outside her bedroom wiping tears from her eyes. She still couldn’t believe her mother’s passing. So young, she thought. Had grief done it to her? Was it worth it to love someone so much? The voice in her head said, it was the cigarettes. Jessie shivered.
Monday passed in a blur of visitors with sad condolences and many tears. The house was full of people all day. Sandra had taken over and Jessie was glad for that. After all, Sandra knew most of the people better than she had, except for some of her school friends who still lived in the town. Alan may have called Sandra a busybody, but she’d been a best friend to their mother for many years, and Jessie appreciated her final devotional efforts.
Like the night before, she retired early in preparation for the morning funeral, but she could hear Liz and Alan down in the living room long after she’d gone to bed. They seemed to talk all night and that was fine, just as long as they weren’t bothering her.
Tuesday dawned wet and cool. A rain spell had set in and sometimes in their area it could last with the fog for a week or more. The whole house was damp and dreary. Jessie walked past Alan’s room on her way downstairs and recalled the scene where she and Kent had fallen on the bed. She touched her lips with her fingers recalling his kiss, and the words, you do things to me I never knew existed.
“Hi, Jessie. Anything wrong?” Alan had appeared out of no where and she turned quickly.
“No, nothing, I guess...except this whole thing.” Her eyes misted and he finally reached for her.
“It’s all right, Jess. We’ll get through this thing. I’d worry about you if you didn’t have a friend like Liz. I made her promise to watch over you. And I’ll be visiting you more. I’m glad we finally got past that stuff about Marcy. She was kind of a drip, wasn’t she?”
Jessie blinked to clear her eyes. “I’m glad we did it while Mom was here. It bothered her, you know.”
“It bothered me too. Did you think it didn’t?”
Jessie pulled away, smoothing down her hair. “I know it did.” She sighed. “And you’re right. Liz is a good friend. I’ll be leaning on her a lot. You like her, don’t you?” Jessie looked in his eyes for a reaction, but Alan still looked sad.
“Liz is nice. She’s helped a lot.” He brushed past Jessie and into his bedroom. “We’d better get going soon. It’s going to be a wet one today.”
Jessie stood with the small gathering at the cemetery. Pouring rain danced on her umbrella. Most of the umbrellas were black she noticed and everyone looked depressed. Was it the day? Her mother hadn’t been much of an extrovert, but she had been active in her local community. She couldn’t help but to be with Sandra for a friend. Jessie recalled as a child how Sandra would pound on the door on Saturday morning, always getting her mother involved in one community event after another. It was good for her mother though, especially after her father passed away.
Jessie peered through the driving rain at the gathering of townspeople who had turned out in spite of the weather to say farewell to her mother. She noticed Sandra dabbing at her eyes. What would Sandra do now? Somehow she didn’t look quite so tall and strong today.
The minister hurried through his sermon and soon the mourners were trooping towards their respective vehicles. Jessie, Liz and Alan returned to the house only long enough for the girls to get changed and pack up Liz’s car. When they said goodbye to Alan, who was staying awhile to clear up his mother’s affairs, Liz and Jessie both pecked Alan on the cheek. He hugged them both and waved as they drove back to Harbourside.
The rain pounded down until they reached the city limits. Finally a warm breeze blew billowing clouds away from the hidden blue sky, and an afternoon sun peeked through.
“Going to be a fine evening,” Liz said. “Why don’t you give Kent a call?”
“What?” Jessie took her eyes off the road to stare at Liz in disbelief. “Are you losing it? Why would I call him? Didn’t you spend all last week convincing me that he was the perpetrator?”
“It was just a thought. And I was probably all wrong.”
Jessie leaned back and closed her eyes. “Well, I’ve heard everything now. Let me get this straight. Did I hear you correctly? You think you were wrong? Explain, please.”
“Yeah, Jessie. I think maybe I was wrong. I was too hasty to judge Kent. I think you should give him another chance. If the messages keep coming while he’s around, you’ll know it can’t be him. Let him come back and live with you. You’ve always gotten messages at night, haven’t you? If he’s there, it can’t be him.”
Jessie shook her head in frustration as she stared out the side window watching shadows move across the deep green hills and valleys like a tide rolling in. Her heart felt as heavy as a giant wave. “I can’t believe you’re serious, Liz. I can’t live with a possible stalker. And if I never get another message, I’ll never know for sure, will I?”
Their car rolled downhill into the heart of Harbourside. They climbed up steep Pine Street and along the Square, leaving behind the old city area and moving into the newer district where both Liz and Jessie had apartments.
“Suit yourself, Jess. Do you want me to stay wi
th you tonight?”
Jessie nodded. Liz was a really good friend, but sometimes she was a little domineering and a whole lot confusing. Liz threaded through downtown traffic, drove up Willow Street and parked in front of the red brick building. At the entrance a cluster of wild roses in bloom had attracted a swarm of bees. The rain had rinsed everything clean and sparkling. A song sparrow on a nearby fence tossed its distinctive call into the evening sky, and Jessie wished she felt as renewed and carefree as the nature around her.
Jessie found it hard to rise on Wednesday morning. If it hadn’t been for Liz staying the night, she might have just rolled over and gone back to sleep. Sleep was the only thing she had now that her mother was gone, and Kent was out of her life. But Liz was up and about early. She had even prepared an enticing breakfast omelette to lure Jessie out of the doldrums. Later when Liz offered to drive Jessie to work she decided instead to walk. What was better than a beautiful, sunny morning to lift her spirits?
Harbourside was noted for its lovely green lawns, freshened continually by an ocean mist, and the many colourful flower gardens that dotted the city. The moisture laden climate kept the delicate blossoms in a constant glory of bloom. As she neared her place of employment, seeing the gulls on wing darting over a glittering sea gave her a feeling of renewal. She took a deep breath and entered the building.
At noon, Liz and Jessie met for lunch at their usual place. Half way through their salads, Kent walked in and saw them immediately. Jessie and Liz saw him too. He was with the same tall, long-haired redhead.
“He sure likes redheads,” Liz remarked.
Jessie looked down and continued to eat her lunch. She pretended not to be interested, but inside, her heart had dropped to her stomach. Who was that woman? And how could he forget her so quickly? She’d thought they’d meant something to each other. And what about the strange love-hate message? Had it really been from Kent? She shuddered, and the light salad felt heavy in her stomach.
“Uh-oh. He’s coming over,” Liz whispered.
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