by Michelle Lee
As I’m still riding out my orgasm, Dash thrusts once, twice, and then he stills, the muscles in his neck straining, his eyes never leaving mine. “Fuck, Jules…” My name echoes around us as we start to come down from our high. Dash attempts to keep his full weight off of me, but I pull him against me, relishing the way he feels. His chest heaves against mine, our panting breaths mingling between us. His lips skim anywhere and everywhere they can. When he reaches my lips, he hesitates, his eyes finding mine—searching. In that moment, time stills. It’s just Dash. It’s just me. No words are said. No tender touches. There isn’t a need.
Moments later, Dash pulls out, rolls out of bed, and heads toward the bathroom. He pauses, then turns and comes back to bed. My heart beats a staccato, his eyes, his expression creating the rhythm. My pulse quickens, and my stomach flutters. He leans down, hovering, and nuzzles my neck, skimming his soft lips against that spot that sends tremors throughout my body. His lips part, his breath causing chills on my heated skin. “I’ll be right back, Sunshine. And then…” His words die off as his lips find my earlobe, gently pulling it into his mouth. I shiver.
Before my hands can hold him to me, Dash pulls away and stands up, heading back toward the bathroom. I immediately feel the loss, but it’s more than him not being inside, being near me… it’s the loss of that profound connection—a connection I hadn’t known I truly needed nor expected to ever find. A connection I didn’t know I wanted more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life. My thoughts are interrpruted as Dash returns, drawing my attention to his very naked body. My eyes appraise him from the tip of his toes, continuing all the way to his eyes. He quirks an eyebrow, questioning my ogling. I should be embarrassed—usually I would be—but with him, I’m not. He puts me at ease. He makes me feel like I can be myself—my true self. I don’t hesitate to answer his expressive response. “Not only are your lyrics beautiful, but so are you, Dash Ford.” My honesty clearly surprises him. His lips twitch, and if I’m not mistaken, he’s blushing. Dash Ford, rock star, lead singer of Redemption, wanted by thousands of women all around this world, is blushing because I said he was beautiful. Wow. Just wow.
In a few strides he’s at the bed, and then in a flash he’s on top of me, tickling my sides with a vengeance. “Men are not beautiful, Sunshine, and I think I just showed you how much of a man I really am… ruggedly handsome is doable. Hot is doable. But beautiful is so not doable…” His fingers continue to torture me, but even though I’m squealing and wiggling like a fish out of water, I remain silent. Dash Ford is definitely beautiful.
“Take it back… take it back, Sunshine, and the torture stops…” And to prove just how torturous it can get, Dash adds his mouth to the mix and starts nuzzling and nipping at my skin, causing me to squeal and squirm even more. “Take. It. Back.” He’s serious, but underneath there’s teasing in his voice. “Sunshine?” He adds more pressure with his mouth and his fingers. I swear I’m about to pee the bed at this point… I concede.
“Fine… fine… I… I take it back… I take it back…” I barely get the words out through my giggles and need for air.
“Say it.”
With a huff, I let him have what he wants. “Dash Ford is not beautiful. He’s… he’s a manly man… he’s ruggedly handsome. Hot, even. There, are you happy now?” My voice, playful and slightly deeper than usual. Even though I may have said it, I don’t believe it for a second. Dash will always be beautiful to me and not just on the outside, but on the inside as well.
“Thank you.” He ceases his attack but doesn’t get off me, and kisses me on the tip of my nose. He starts to pull away stray hairs from across my face, his eyes never leaving mine. His fingers skim across my cheek, my jawline. “You’re beautiful.” Before I can attack him, asking him to take it back, Dash’s lips are on mine, searing me in a kiss that curls my toes. The kind of kiss a girl gets lost in, the kind of kiss a girl dreams of, the kind of kiss that is never forgotten and can never be matched. Dash’s mouth leaves mine, leaving my head a foggy mess and my insides all warm. His soft lips trail along my jaw, nibbling a path along the way. My body shivers. The coil inside me tightens. When his mouth reaches my ear, a small puff of air escapes and tickles, leaving another shiver in its wake. “What are you doing to me?” he whispers. “You own me, completely.” The words are barely out of his mouth when I still. He can’t mean it. He doesn’t mean it. Dash’s assault with his lips ceases as he pulls away.
He hovers over me, his eyes a vibrant blue as they look directly into mine. My heart pounds in my chest while my body shakes with nervous energy. “It’s true. Don’t ever doubt the words that I say to you. Do you hear me, Jules? When I tell you something, I mean it with everything that I have and everything that I am. I don’t lie, and I don’t tolerate lying. So, what is happening between us is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Nothing. You have stumbled into my life, and I can’t imagine it without you, nor do I ever want to. I know what’s probably going on in that pretty little head of yours, but you can just push those thoughts away. His thoughts away. I’m not him. I will never be him. Never. Don’t punish me or yourself because of what he did. You deserve this, I deserve this. Don’t overthink, just feel. I know it’s hard to, but just try. For you. For me. I will never hurt you intentionally, Sunshine, never. That doesn’t mean I won’t fuck some things up, because chances are I will, but know it’s not purposeful. It’s not intentional. Are we clear?”
I nod.
“I need to hear you say it, Sunshine.”
“We’re clear. I’m sor—” The word is lost between us as Dash’s lips kiss mine. It’s tender and unhurried.
“Good.” He gives that pointed look—eyebrow raised, crooked grin. Even though it may come off as playful, Dash is serious. I genuinely smile at him, and that’s when he gives that smile that melts my insides.
Dash settles next to me, pulling me with him. I’m nestled in the crook of his arm, while his fingers strum against me. I feel the blackness inside fade, and it’s replaced with light. Dash is my light. He kisses the top of my head as I feel my eyes grow heavy.
“Get some sleep, Sunshine.” He begins to hum that same tune, lulling me to sleep.
AS THE MORNING light streamed through the bedroom, Dash’s phone had gone off—incessantly. He tried to ignore as long as he could, snuggling into me—the warmth of our bodies blanketing us. But, after about the gazillionith ring, he answered it. Roland wasn’t too happy that Dash was still at home, with me no less. He tried to play it off, but Roland was very vocal at seven in the morning, his voice coming through the phone loud and clear. As much as I wanted to stay, as much as he insisted and tried to convince me to, I left, but not before he showed me how much he was going to miss me. Twice. He said Roland could go fuck himself.
So, now I’m in my car, which magically appeared in his driveway this morning, heading home. To say my heart is heavy and I’m disappointed would be an understatement. Last night… last night was beyond all my wildest dreams. Dash is beyond my wildest dreams. Being with him doesn’t even come close. My muscles are sore, and my body aches as I make my way back to Seattle. I know that no matter what happens from this point on, I won’t—I can’t—regret my decision to be with him. I don’t know where we’re headed, and I can’t dwell on that; it will drive me crazy. I’m just going to live in the here and now. And the here and now is pretty amazing.
In just a little over a week, Dash and the band will fly to Europe to start off their tour, and I will be left here all alone. I mean, I’ll have work and my girls, but… but it just won’t be the same. Dash has become such a big part of me in such a short amount of time. As much as I don’t want to I can’t help but wonder what will happen to us once he’s gone. I turn up the radio, drowning out my train of thought as Michael croons away.
I’M GOING OVER the pictures I took at Enzo’s vineyard, trying to pick the right ones to go along with the story, but my thoughts can’t seem to focus on anything but Dash.
Visions of last night keep playing in my mind—Dash’s lips on mine, Dash’s hands on every inch of my skin, Dash thrusting inside me, filling me, Dash’s eyes dark and hooded with so much lust and desire. The tingly ache between my legs starts to build and build. I squeeze my legs together as best I can, trying to cause any friction, any relief. It does nothing to squash the ache. I squeeze my eyes shut and will it to subside. I’m grasping at straws. The ringing of my office phone interrupts my attempts.
Regaining some form of composure, I answer the phone, praying there is no sign of the desperate need in my voice. I pick up the receiver as I clear my throat. “Jules Bennett.” Success. There is silence on the other end of the line. “Hello?” More silence. “Is there anyone there?” Silence. I push the receiver closer to my ear, trying to hear anything—a sound, a crackle, a muffled voice. But there’s nothing. Dead air. And then I hear a breath—a deep intake of air and a rush out. “Hello?” Again silence. The hairs on the back of my neck start to stand on end, and an uneasy feeling starts to make itself known. I glance at the screen on the phone—outside line, unknown caller. I pull the receiver away and stare at it as if it will give the answer as to who is on the other end. Shaking my head in amusement at my stupidity, I put the receiver back to my ear. “Jules Bennett speaking, can I help you? Is there someone there? I can’t hear you. Call back on a landline or something.” I hang up, the receiver missing the cradle. It takes me a couple of tries to place it back correctly. When I pull my hand away, it’s shaking. Something about that phone call seemed… off. I don’t know why it would make me feel that way but it does. It’s probably just the nerves and uncertainty that’s been swirling around knowing Dash leaves soon. And that’s what I chalk it up to.
My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at my door. When I look up, Janet is standing in the doorway with an extravagant arrangement of flowers. They almost hide her completely. “Jules, I have a delivery for you.”
“Thanks, Janet.” I leave my desk and walk to her to relieve her hands of the beautiful flowers. They are quite heavy.
Janet stands in the doorway, eyeing the flowers before turning to leave. Before she gets too far, she turns to me. “If the guy who sent you these has a brother and he’s single, give him my number.”
“Sorry. No brother.”
She snaps her fingers like the last single guy just got away. “Isn’t that just my luck. Anyway, enjoy, they’re beautiful.”
My eyes take in the various colors of tulips—lavendar, white, and deep pink—interspersed with various colors of roses, from deep burgundy to a pale pink. They are beyond beautiful. I place the vase on the side bar table next to my desk. The scent of them starts to fill the room. I inhale deeply, relishing in their freshness. I peek into the arrangement and find a white envelope with Sunshine written outside of it in a very familiar script—Dash. I carefully open the envelope, taking out the card tucked inside.
My Sunshine,
When I’m in bed late at night, I dream about you. When I wake up in the morning, my first thoughts are of you. You’re my light in the dark. You consume me, Sunshine.
Yours,
Dash
“Dash.” My heart constricts in my chest, and my pulse beats rapidly behind my skin. I pick up my cell and call his number right away. I don’t have to wait. It goes immediately to voice mail. His velvet voice comes through the speaker, and I melt. When I hear the beep, I hesitate, and then hang up. I don’t want to thank him in a voicemail. Afterward, I will stop by the studio and thank him in person. Properly.
THE DAY OF course had to drag on, and needless to say, I couldn’t concentrate on anything after the flowers arrived. All my thoughts were focused on a certain rock star. Hank had come by and noticed how distracted I was and insisted I take off early, since I wasn’t getting much done. Me, being me, I told him sorry and that I would finish up selecting the photos for the Enzo vineyard spread. Hank just shook his head, mumbling “stubborn” as he left my office. After staring at the same picture, again, for the umpteenth time, I took Hank’s advice and left the office a little earlier than usual. And since leaving, I’ve been sitting in bumper to bumper traffic trying to get to the studio.
By the time I get there, the sun has set and the moon has risen in the night sky. A few shades of purple and pink hover low on the horizon, but quickly fade as I pull into the parking lot of the studio. Looking out the window, I notice that there aren’t as many paps as usual. Taking a deep breath, I make my way out of my car. Keeping my head down, I approach the lingering paps who, like always, flash their cameras and ask a ton of personal questions. I ignore them all. Natalie and Dash both told me that it was for the best not to give them any information, so I’m sticking with that advice. When I’m a few feet from the door, Russell comes out and ushers me inside. He doesn’t say anything, just nods in the direction of the control room. His expression gives away nothing. For some reason I have an uneasy feeling. It’s different from before with the phone call. It’s like something is wrong, but so far no one wants to tell me anything.
With hesitant steps, I come to the door to the control room, and with a shaky hand open it. Once it closes behind me, the feeling in the control room is not energetic or frantic or even frustrated, it feels different. It feels off. The creak of the door against the jamb turns all eyes on me—Lance, Vic, Roland, Thomas, and Ethan. My eyes scan the entire room, even the sound booth, but Dash is nowhere. Something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong.
Lance is the one to approach me. “Hey, Jules.” His voice doesn’t carry its usual upbeat tone. It’s soft and concerned. Something has happened to Dash. My heart sinks to my stomach.
“Lance?” It’s all I can get out. It’s the only word that will form on my lips that won’t send me into an emotional spiral. This isn’t happening.
“You haven’t seen or talked to Dash today, have you?” His question surprises me, but also puts me on edge.
“Lance… has something happened to… please, just… just tell me…” I can’t say his name in that same sentence. Dash has to be okay.
“No, Jules, it’s nothing like that. Shit, I thought you would know by now. I thought he would have opened up to you…” Lance paces in front of me, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.
I reach out and grab his arm, stopping his forward movement. “Tell me what? What should Dash have told me?”
“About his sister.”
“Dash told me she died a few years ago. He didn’t elaborate, and I didn’t push the issue.”
“Shit. There’s more to the story, Jules.” He’s clearly frustrated. I get the feeling he wants to tell me so much more, but is afraid to betray Dash in doing so. Obviously there’s something about his sister’s death that I don’t know about, that Dash hasn’t told me. That knowledge hurts, knowing that I’ve told him my deepest, darkest secret. I always knew Dash was protecting a part of himself he didn’t want to let me know. I can’t help but wonder—was it to protect him or me?
“Lance?”
He takes a deep breath, and quickly pushes it out. “It’s the anniversary, today, of Tegen’s death. Dash was here earlier, but things didn’t go so well… so…”
“And what? You’re all just standing around here, while Dash is God knows where, doing God knows what? I can’t believe…” My voice begins to crack while my body vibrates in anger.
“We’re behind enough as it is on this album. I insisted Dash go home and get his head on straight, while Vic and Lance work on their parts,” Roland interrupts, his voice devoid of any compassion.
I give Roland a pointed look. I can’t deal with his insensitivity at the moment. I’m at a loss for how he’s reacting to this whole situation. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes to get my emotions under control, then when I open them, my icy stare finds Roland looking bored, like he has something better to do then worry about Dash at the moment. “Head on straight? Are you… Dash is not only your lead singer, but he’s your friend.”
&nbs
p; “It’s just good business,” Roland says, matter of fact.
“Business? I think your idea of business…” I try to keep my emotions in check. I so want to reach out and wrap my hands around Roland’s freakin’ neck.
“Your opinion isn’t one that counts, so I suggest…”
“That’s enough!” Lances outburst rises above.
Roland turns to him, and I can only imagine the icy glare he’s giving him. I can’t stand being in this room any longer. I can’t stand being near Roland.
“I’m going to him.” I turn to leave, making my way toward the exit.
“Jules?” Lance calls out.
“Take good care of my brother…”
I know Lance, Vic, and Dash think of themselves as family, so I’m not surprised by his request. “Always.” I head out the exit, Russell flanking me as I make my way to my car and eventually to Dash.
I FINALLY PULL into Dash’s driveway. I don’t know what to expect when I walk inside. From what I gathered from Lance and Vic before I actually left the studio, Dash was taking this anniversary a little harder than most. Sure, in the past this day was hard for him, but for whatever reason this year was hitting him harder. No one seemed to know why, especially me. To say it hurt to not know about today’s date and how Dash felt would be an understatement. But, I know this isn’t about me or my feelings. It’s about Dash and his. Still I wish I would have heard from him. I would have been at his side in a heartbeat. Something he said to me when we first met has been played on repeat while I drove over here. “We all have our secrets… even demons too that we try to hide from the rest of the world…” I can only imagine what demons Dash is hiding. I push such questions out of my head and climb out of the car. I take in the house before me. It’s quiet, and the only lights that shine are the security lights positioned around the house. I wonder if he’s even here. I really don’t know where else to look. I drove by the diner in hopes that he might be there, but he wasn’t.