He could not stop the amused chuckle when he saw the condom packets. Maybe Jessica considered the cabin to be a quiet getaway, but it was obvious that Justin used it as a seductive location for his love life. The chuckle faded as he picked up one of the packets. He glanced toward the bedroom door. She was so near. A sigh of resignation reverberated through his chest. He put the packet back and slowly closed the drawer.
He undressed and climbed into bed, but sleep eluded him. He couldn’t shut off the thoughts about Jessica, about the possibilities presented from their being stranded together. There was one thing that had become very clear to him—there could never be a no-strings-attached affair with her. She was the type of woman who would demand…and he reluctantly allowed that she would also deserve…some sort of commitment. How could he possibly think in terms of a commitment when he had no idea what the future held for him? There was no way he could involve anybody else in his life until he put his own demons of guilt to rest and resolved his emotional fears.
He tried to get his mind off Jessica by concentrating on his plans for the future. He had been turning an idea over in his mind, one that allowed him to give something to the community rather than selfishly indulging only his own interests. The more he honed the rough spots in the plan, the more he liked it.
Had Jessica’s presence allowed him to finally bring the plan into clear focus? The notion that she somehow had something to do with his being able to bring the pieces together sent a warm sensation through his body. His tensed muscles loosened up, and the myriad of thoughts circulating through his head took on a much-needed calm. He drifted into a comfortable sleep with reflections of Jessica filtering through the subconscious workings of his mind.
Jessica stood on the porch, watching as the clouds gave way to the early-morning sun. It had all the signs of being a beautiful day with the storm having moved on. She had spent a very restless night trying to justify what had happened. No matter how exciting she found him, she knew if she had allowed things to progress she would inevitably have been filled with regret. She had no intention of being another notch on this playboy’s bedpost.
She stared up at the morning sky. The cruel light of dawn had arrived and despite her chosen path she still had regrets, but she wasn’t sure exactly why. Were they for what had happened or because she had stopped what could have happened?
“Good morning.”
Jessica whirled around at the sound of Dylan’s voice. Her pulse shot into high gear the moment she saw him. He appeared well rested, which was more than she could say for herself, and far too tempting. Memories of the heated kisses they had shared ignited her senses, resurrecting the very real excitement from the previous night. She touched her trembling fingertips to her lips, then took a calming breath before she tried to speak.
“Good morning. I…I didn’t hear you open the door.”
“Here.” He handed her a mug of steaming coffee. “I went to the kitchen and saw that the coffee was almost ready, so I waited for it.”
“Thanks.” She took a sip from the cup. “This hits the spot.” Inane small talk…she knew she sounded like an idiot. If only she could have thought of something intelligent to say, something that would have conveyed her control of the situation…something that would have let him know that his kisses had no effect on her. If only she could convince herself of that, too.
He glanced up at the clear sky. “Looks like the storm has moved on.” He returned his attention to Jessica. “I’m putting my money on a nice sunny day and a chance to dry out. What do you think?”
“That sun and clear sky could be deceptive. According to the radio there’s another wave of this storm coming through.”
“Uh, Jessica…” Dylan nervously cleared his throat then continued with what had been on his mind ever since he woke up that morning. “I know things have been a little strange around here. We got off to a bad start with the confusion over the use of the cabin, then it seems that everything kind of disintegrated through the morning and afternoon.”
He saw the wariness in her eyes. “Why don’t we call a truce to our misunderstandings…maybe take advantage of this sunny day and go for a walk in the woods? Getting out in the fresh air and indulging in a little exercise will probably do both of us some good.” He extended a hesitant yet hopeful smile. “What do you say? Maybe some breakfast and then a nice walk?”
She paused a second before answering him, breathing a sigh of relief. He had thankfully refrained from mentioning the heated kisses they had shared. She had feared he would taunt her decision to put a stop to things…or worse yet, want to pick up where they had left off. It was a thought that gave her mixed feelings.
“Sure…” She returned his smile and tried to sound upbeat in agreeing with him that a truce was certainly in order. “That sounds like a good idea.”
They made quick work of breakfast, dressed warmly, pulled on hiking boots, then set out from the cabin. The crisp morning air carried the scent of a mountain forest following a cleansing rain. The sunlight glistened off the still-wet needles of the Sitka spruce and Douglas fir. The silence was broken only by the cries of birds as they circled overhead, the occasional cone dropping from a fir tree and landing on the ground with a plop and the sounds of their own footsteps as they walked along the trail. They were each absorbed in private thoughts.
It was finally Dylan who made the first attempt at conversation. “It’s been a long time since I was on the Olympic Peninsula. I’d forgotten what a beautiful place this is….” He stopped walking and took in a deep breath, then slowly expelled it. He stood still, moving only his head as his gaze swept over the scenery. “Fresh air, peaceful surroundings…it’s very restful.”
Jessica, too, stopped walking. “That’s one of the reasons Justin and I settled on this location when we started looking for a getaway cabin. We ended up paying more money than we had planned on, but we fell in love with this particular area and couldn’t resist the cabin. It’s larger than what we had originally started looking for, but we’re glad we went ahead with the deal.”
“When did you buy it? The first I remember Justin mentioning it was a couple of years ago.”
“We bought it four years ago. Sometimes it’s a little difficult getting here in winter because of the snow.” She looked around as the calm settled over her, a slight smile of contentment tugging at the corners of her mouth. “But it’s worth the effort. I feel more relaxed here than anywhere I’ve ever been.” She closed her eyes and turned her face toward the morning sun filtering through the trees.
Dylan studied her finely sculpted features and the way the sunlight caught the golden highlights of her hair. It was hard to believe that this enticingly stunning woman was that same teenager he had first met so many years ago. He drew a deep breath, in an attempt to counter the tightness that banded across his chest again.
“Do you get up here very often?” It was a stupid question, but he needed to say something to help break the tension building inside him.
“Not as often as I’d like. Probably once a month on the average for me and about the same for Justin. Our schedules very seldom coincide to let us be here at the same time.”
“Do you ever rent the cabin out as a vacation place?”
“No. We talked about it but decided against it. We didn’t want to be shut out of our own cabin if either of us had a last-minute cancellation of work and could get away for a couple of days.” She shot him a sidelong glance of disapproval, more in an effort to provide herself some emotional distance from him than anything else. She resumed walking along the trail. “Like when my New York project was postponed and I had a last-minute opportunity to use the cabin for a few days…what I thought would be a quiet getaway.”
He continued down the trail walking along beside her. He spoke reflectively, almost as if he were talking to himself. “And I was there first, ruining all your plans and spoiling your quiet time.”
She stopped walking again and turned to him, her eyes
wide with surprise at what he had said. “That’s not what I meant—”
He quickly pulled himself together. “Of course not.” He smiled condescendingly, making no effort to hide his feelings. “Don’t worry, you’ve already explained the rules to me…you have no intention of being gracious and you have no desire to entertain guests.”
She felt the sting of his pointed barb. “That’s not fair. You’re putting words in my mouth—”
“They were your words, not mine.”
She looked up at him, her expression almost pleading for an end to what appeared to be the start of an argument. “But you’ve twisted the meaning. I only meant—”
His mouth was on hers before she could finish her sentence. He folded her into his arms. A little shiver darted across his nape when her fingers raked through his hair. Then he felt her arms slip around his neck. Every heated spark from the previous night came rushing back to him. He pulled her body so tightly against his that he literally lifted her off the ground. She was everything he could ever want, but he didn’t know what to do about it. And the notion frightened him.
He reluctantly released her from his embrace, but continued to clasp her hand in his. He spoke softly, trying to keep his emotions under control. “It’s too nice a day to spend it at odds with each other.” He lifted his other hand and lightly traced the outline of her lips with the tip of his finger. “Don’t you agree?”
“You’re right.” A shiver darted through her body. Her breathless reply matched his. “It’s too nice a day.”
He kept her hand firmly in his as they walked along the forest trail. The warmth of her touch radiated up his arm and through his body. His tension began to drain away, leaving only a sensation of well-being and contentment.
“You never did tell me how you got involved in public relations. Was that your area of study in college?”
“Yes. I had hoped to take a position with a large corporation after graduation, but it didn’t work out the way I had planned.”
“What happened?”
She paused a moment, a frown wrinkling her forehead. “I guess you could say marriage happened, and everything I wanted got put on hold for the duration.”
“You mean your husband didn’t want you to pursue a career?” He tried to suppress the laugh, but wasn’t totally successful. “From what I’ve seen, I can’t imagine you allowing someone else to control your life so completely.”
She angrily jerked her hand out of his grasp, turned and glared at him. “And what’s that supposed to mean? Just what is it you find so amusing?”
He stared blankly at her. “I didn’t mean anything by it. It was just an observation.”
Seeing the bewilderment in his eyes, she took a calming breath. “I’m sorry. I guess that’s sort of a touchy subject with me.”
“From what you’ve said…first his not wanting a family and now his not wanting you to pursue any interests of your own…it sounds like the two of you had some serious problems to work out.”
“Well, let’s just say that my marriage to him is a major regret in my life—one of those things I’d do differently if I had a chance to do it over again.” She looked at Dylan for a moment as she turned a thought over in her mind.
“How about you? Is there anything in your life you’d do differently if you had the chance?” It was a loaded question, and she knew it. The way he had been protecting his reasons for being at the cabin told her there was something important bothering him. Every now and then she had gotten a quick glimpse of something beneath his smooth charm. It was enough to tell her that he had a layer of vulnerability which he kept carefully hidden. She wanted to know that level.
Justin was always telling her that she judged people too quickly and sometimes too harshly. Perhaps her brother had been right. She had predetermined that Dylan was the same type of man as her ex-husband. Possibly…just possibly…she had allowed her bad experience with marriage and the hurt that should have been relegated to the past to intrude on her impartial assessment of what was going on now. Or was she still trying to rationalize her very real attraction to Dylan Russell?
He looked away from her, preferring to focus his gaze on the landscape. Was there something he’d do differently? It was a list so long he didn’t even know where to begin. He cautiously responded to her question, carefully choosing his words. “I imagine everyone has something they’d do differently if they had a second chance at it.”
To his chagrin she persisted in her questioning. “What event in your life would you choose if you could do it over?”
“There are probably several things I’d elect to do differently if I had the opportunity.” He laughed nervously, anxious to turn the focus of their conversation back on her. “What about your marriage…would you have handled it differently with the same man, chosen a different man or not gotten married at all? You said you wanted a family, so I imagine that would preclude your staying single.”
She wrinkled her brow into a frown. “They say hindsight is twenty-twenty. In retrospect I wouldn’t have entered into a marriage without first finding out what he wanted from the relationship, and I would have told him what I wanted.” An edge of anger crept into her voice. “We would have discussed important issues such as children and careers.”
She stared at him for a long moment before continuing. An uncomfortable level of anxiety began to build inside him. “In short, I’d make sure he was looking for a marriage that was an equal partnership, each having respect for the other’s opinions and goals.”
He saw the pain in her eyes, a hurt she obviously hadn’t been able to hide and issues she hadn’t totally reconciled yet. It touched that vulnerable spot deep inside him, the one he had tried to protect from an emotional assault. He brought her hand to his lips, kissed her palm, then held her hand against his chest. His words were barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you.”
He felt so close to her at that moment and for the first time in more years than he could remember he wanted to share something deeply personal with someone else. He wanted to share it with Jessica. A thousand butterflies instantly materialized in his stomach, each battling for its own space. A tremor of panic started deep inside him and quickly spread through his body.
He opened his mouth and the words tumbled out. “I once came within minutes—literally—of getting married.” He chuckled nervously in an attempt to cover his anxiety. “I was sort of left at the altar.”
She blurted out her surprise. “Really? Someone jilted you? It doesn’t seem—” The crimson color spread across her cheeks and forehead as she glanced down for a moment before looking up at him again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. It’s just that, well, I’ve never thought of you as the type to ever get married. And I can’t imagine someone walking out on you….”
He took in a calming breath. “I guess we all have things in our pasts that would come as a surprise to others.”
“Uh, what happened, if you don’t mind my asking.”
“It seems that she was only using me to force some rich married man thirty years her senior to divorce his wife and marry her. She had me completely fooled as she played her little game. She pushed for us to get married right away, and I went along with it. There weren’t any formal preparations, just a simple justice of the peace ceremony. It was a last-minute whirlwind decision prompted by what was supposed to be love.” He made no attempt to control the sarcasm and bitterness that forced its way to the surface. “The other man showed up and told her she had won…he had left his wife. That was the last time I saw her.”
Jessica reached out and touched his arm as a gesture of comfort and understanding. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Justin never mentioned it to me.”
“I’m not sure he even knows. It’s not something I like to talk about.” Or to be even more accurate, it was something he never talked about, just as he had never told anyone about what happened with the Clarksons. A blanket of despair sett
led over him. He tried to shake it away, but became lost in his own thoughts, momentarily oblivious to what was going on around him.
A sudden wave of sadness and loneliness washed over Jessica when she saw the expression on his face. It was as if she had tapped in to his emotions. She had wanted to see beneath that smooth, perfect outer shell of Dylan Russell, but now that she had gained a glimpse of the inner person she wasn’t so sure she wanted to know any more. It certainly explained where his cynical attitude toward marriage had come from. An overwhelming need filled her with a desire to say something. She wanted to let him know she understood the pain of a failed relationship, even though she couldn’t possibly fully comprehend the extent of the impact caused by the way he had been used and dumped or the type of pain he still carried around because of it.
She ventured a tentative question, not sure of her ground or how much she had the right to ask. “Is that why you wanted to use the cabin? To kind of pull yourself together after…well, after your—”
Her question brought his attention back to the present. A bittersweet laugh escaped his throat. “No. My close brush with that unnatural state known as marriage was many years ago, right after I graduated from college.”
“‘Unnatural state’? I see you haven’t let your experience stop you from keeping an open mind.”
He cocked his head, arched an eyebrow and leveled a steady gaze at her. “And what about you? You’ve been divorced for several years and have apparently chosen to devote your time and energy to work rather than a personal life, even though you indicated that you wanted to have children.”
“Well…” Her defenses leaped into play. “That’s entirely different. I’ve been building a career. I haven’t had time to think about—” Her words came to an abrupt halt when she saw the teasing glint come into his eyes. An inner sigh of relief caught her by surprise. It was almost as if she was glad that he had apparently snapped out of his momentary despair. It had pained her to see him so despondent, although she wasn’t sure exactly why.
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