He carried her upstairs and deposited her gently in the middle of her bed. He stretched out next to her, reveling in the feel of her bare skin against his. She was right, his appetite was insatiable…at least where she was concerned. He couldn’t get enough of her, both body and soul. Even if they never made love again, he would still want to be with her just to hear her voice and the sound of her laugh, to see the sparkle in her eyes.
He framed her face with his hands, not at all pleased with the slight tremble that he didn’t seem able to control. He took a moment to simply drink in her beauty while wondering just how deeply he had gotten himself involved. Did the word love truly apply? He didn’t have an easy answer, at least not one he was ready to accept.
His fingers trembled against her face, his touch sending a new wave of excitement coursing through her body. In the past twenty-four hours they had made love more times than she had since her divorce seven years ago. And each time he had touched her on a deeper level, reaffirming those feelings of love. And now they were going to make love again.
Had she become as insatiable as she had teasingly accused him of being? This was not like her. It flew in the face of the logical and orderly life she had worked so hard to develop, yet it all felt so very right. She was caught up in a whirlwind of totally unexpected love with the most unlikely person she could imagine. But that didn’t make it any less real or true. It was the type of spontaneous devil-may-care happiness she had never believed could be part of her life.
His mouth closed over hers, banishing everything from her consciousness other than the ecstasy she knew they would share.
Dylan stared up at the ceiling through the early-morning light. He glanced at Jessica asleep in his arms, seemingly without a care in the world. His heart swelled with the euphoria that filled him just thinking about her. But his joy remained tempered with caution. He had been awake for probably an hour, his mind racing with a myriad of conflicting thoughts. And at the top of the list was his difficulty in separating lust and love. The lust he knew well, but the unexpected feelings of love that he had not been prepared for had him confused.
Waves of uncertainty washed through him. He was not sure how to handle the feelings. In fact, he had never been so unsure of anything in his life. Should he say something to her? Did he dare tell her how he felt? She had opened up a world of possibilities for him and had been responsible for him being able to make some serious determinations about his future…a future he knew had to include Jessica McGuire.
He brushed a light kiss against her forehead, but continued to lie quietly so he wouldn’t wake her. The enormity of what had been happening to him over the past three days nearly overwhelmed him. He had a plan for the future, a plan of what to do with his life and how to give back to the community. That was business. However, a plan for his personal life was not yet within his reach. It gleamed on the horizon, beckoning him forward. Was it real or only a mirage conjured up from his most deeply hidden dreams and desires?
Jessica stirred, immediately drawing his attention away from the bothersome thoughts and focusing on the enticing woman cradled in his arms. He watched her, not knowing whether she was still sleeping or awake. After a few minutes he closed his eyes in hopes of going back to sleep, but he couldn’t turn off his thoughts.
Dylan wasn’t the only one trying to sort out uneasy thoughts. She’d been awake for several minutes trying to get a clear picture in her mind of how things stood…of what the future held. Was it a future that included Dylan as part of her life? With all her heart she hoped so. She loved him, that she knew for sure. But what were his feelings toward her? She knew he cared about her very much, but did he love her? Could he possibly love her as much as she loved him?
It wasn’t the only thing troubling her in the early-morning hours. The spontaneity that exploded between them in front of the fireplace had led to their making love without taking any precautions. That same heated passion carried over to the second time they had made love after he had carried her upstairs. It was a terrible lapse of good sense that had started preying on her mind even as she snuggled in his arms before she fell asleep. Had the same worry occurred to Dylan as well?
It only took one careless moment, and the entire course of her future could be drastically altered. The possibility of an unplanned pregnancy by a man who might not even want a child had given her a troubled night. She tried to clear her mind of the worrisome possibility. What was done couldn’t be changed. She now had more immediate concerns that must be handled as soon as possible. She needed to have a serious discussion with Dylan, one that didn’t include any touching. Her thinking needed to be clear and on track, not muddled by the desires he stirred in her. She had to know what to expect from him, what their future together would be…or if they even had a future together.
She slowly opened her eyes and stretched. She caught a quick glimpse of the worried expression on his face before he realized she was watching him. He quickly replaced it with a smile.
“Good morning.” He kissed her on the forehead while smoothing her hair away from her face.
“Good morning to you, too.” She tried to project an upbeat manner. She reached out and lightly touched his cheek, feeling the overnight growth of whisker stubble. Nothing would make her happier than to wake up every day with his arms wrapped around her. If only she knew what the future held.
They remained in the warmth of the bed for a while, each content to not speak and enjoy the comfortable moments of the morning—the sun filtering in through the window and the birds providing a cacophony of sounds. Then Jessica sat up, her brow furrowed slightly as she stared toward the window.
She glanced at Dylan. “Do you hear that? It sounds like trucks and voices.”
She slipped out of bed, looking around the room for her clothes. Then she smiled. “Oh…I forgot. We left our clothes scattered around the living room.”
He returned her smile as he sat up, swinging his long legs over the side of the bed. He grasped her hand, tugged her toward him, then wrapped his arms around her hips. His warm breath tickled her bare skin as he placed a soft kiss between her breasts. A little shiver of delight rippled through her body. Then the sound caught her attention again.
“There…did you hear that?”
“Yes.” Dylan released her from his embrace and climbed out of bed. A hint of concern clouded his features as he peeked through the miniblinds. “I don’t see anything, but we’d better get some clothes on just in case.”
Nine
Jessica stood on the porch with Dylan and watched as the power company truck continued on down the road. The bridge was open and now electricity had finally been restored to the area. A sadness settled over her, seeping into every corner of her reality. She knew their idyll had reached the end. The time had come to leave the fantasy world that had totally captivated her senses and return to the real world of responsibility and commitment.
A level of anxiety welled up inside her, nothing too uncomfortable, yet a distinct feeling all the same. The last two days of their time together had been perfect—long walks in the woods, cozy evenings in front of the fireplace and nights filled with a passion unlike any she had ever known.
As she turned to go back inside the cabin, he slipped his arm around her. A shiver of trepidation darted up her spine. She reached up and laced her fingers with his where his hand rested on her shoulder. The warmth of his touch brought a calm to her internal jitters. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She loved him and didn’t want to lose him, but her practical side said a relationship needed a commitment and two people who both wanted it to work. She had to know where he stood and what he wanted.
A heaviness pressed on her shoulders, a moment of sorrow she feared would soon be all she had left of what she hoped would be a love to last a lifetime. She tried to still the growing uneasiness that had rapidly overshadowed her joy. She also needed to pack her suitcase so she could return to Seattle and her job. She eased her hand out of his
grasp. The moment she broke the physical contact with him, she felt as if she had lost a little piece of her life. It was too late to turn back. She lived in the real world, she couldn’t do any less. She headed for the stairs. “I have some things to do.”
“Anything I can help you with?”
“I won’t be long.” She paused at the bottom of the stairs. Her anxiety level shot up. She didn’t dare look at him if she wanted to maintain her determination. “When I finish I think we need to talk.”
“Uh…sure. What is it you want to talk about?”
She heard the surprise in his voice. Could he be oblivious to their need to discuss the future? Had she misjudged him that badly? No, it was just her anxieties showing. She had discovered a caring and compassionate man…someone who had been so devastated by what happened to the Clarksons that it had sent his entire life into chaos, someone who wanted to give back to the community and help others.
“I think we need to talk about the future.” She hurried upstairs before he had a chance to respond.
A little tremor of apprehension made its way through Dylan’s body as he watched her disappear up the stairs. The future…it was something that had been on his mind all morning. He didn’t want to lose her from his life. He could not take a chance on things somehow working out by themselves. He needed to tell her how he felt and what he had been thinking about ever since they got out of bed a couple of hours ago.
He glanced toward the stairs, then left the cabin and went to the garage where he had parked his car. He grabbed his cell phone and the charger. Now that power had been restored he could charge the drained battery, then he could start making reservations. The more he thought about what he wanted to do the more excited he became at the prospect.
He plugged in the phone charger in the kitchen, then went upstairs in search of Jessica. He couldn’t stop the grin that pulled at the corners of his mouth. Yes, they needed to talk about the future…a future that excited him more and more with each passing minute.
The sight stopped him at the bedroom door. “Jessica?” He crossed the room, took hold of her shoulders and turned her around to face him. An uncomfortable wariness churned inside him. He searched her face for some sort of explanation, something that would tell him everything was okay…that his sudden uneasiness was unfounded. Her face held no reassurances to ease his mind.
“You’re packing?” He couldn’t keep the anxiety out of his voice. “Are you going somewhere? I thought you wanted to talk.”
She tried to swallow her apprehension, but it stuck in her throat. She returned to her packing, placing the last item in her suitcase and closing the lid. She continued to stare at the suitcase, afraid to turn around and face him. He seemed so genuinely shocked and confused.
“Jessica…answer me…please.” A hesitation and uncertainty crept into his words. “Are you…are you going somewhere?”
She drew in a steadying breath in an attempt to still the hard tremors of distress that throbbed inside her. She loved him, but that wasn’t enough. It took two people committed to a relationship to make a success of it. She had no idea how he felt or what he wanted. And if their lapse in taking precautions the last time they made love resulted in her being pregnant…
A shiver of apprehension darted through her body followed by a hard surge of fear. Either way she needed to know where things stood between them. It couldn’t be put off until later when it would be far more awkward. She had to know now. She turned to face him.
“Uh, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to us…to the future—”
“Me, too.” He cut off her words as he pulled her into his arms. His heart pounded with the uncertainty that tried to grab hold of him. He knew he had to say what was on his mind as quickly as possible.
“The time we’ve spent together has been very important to me. I came here to try to work things out, and I’ve gotten so much more than I had anticipated. I was able to formulate a plan for my financial seminars and at the same time found someone who is very special to me—” he brushed a loving kiss against her lips as much to calm the churning inside him as to taste her sweetness “—someone I care about very much.” He had come within a breath of saying he loved her, but a sudden rush of panic prevented him from getting the exact words out of his mouth.
“I came here confused and guilt ridden and not able to figure out how to deal with it, but now I feel regenerated, and it’s all because of you. I’m ready to set out and face the world again. I know what I want out of life—” he swallowed down the lump in his throat “—and you’re definitely part of it.”
He’d said it. He hadn’t used the word love, but just being able to say how much he cared for her created an excitement in him that quickly escalated toward euphoria. He hugged her tightly against his body. The future was theirs. Everything was perfect. He wanted to do something very special for her, something to show her just how deep his feelings were and how much he cared. Even if he hadn’t been able to get the proper words together, what better way to show her that he loved her than to give her the world.
“Come away with me, Jessica. I want to show you all the places you’ve never been.”
Her words were hesitant. “I don’t understand. You’re saying we should take a vacation?”
He saw the confusion cloud her features, but he refused to allow his enthusiasm to be dampened by the caution that tried to grab hold of his reality. “No, not a vacation…a whirlwind adventure from one romantic city to another. We’ll travel Europe together. I want to give you palaces by day and the moon and stars by night. We’ll spend long lazy hours in each other’s arms and make love until dawn.”
She furrowed her brow as her confusion deepened. “You mean just get on an airplane and go?”
“Yes. We could leave as soon as you’re ready.” He looked at her expectantly. “What do you say?”
He touched his fingertips to the frown that spread across her forehead. A rising feeling of trepidation finally broke through his euphoria, telling him something was wrong. “What’s the matter? You seem worried about something.”
“I have a job to tend to, bills to pay. I can’t possibly take off on a whirlwind vacation on the spur of the moment just because it would be fun. My life isn’t structured that way.”
A wave of relief swept through him accompanied by a soft chuckle. “Is that all.” His sudden attack of anxiety had been groundless. Her concern was money. Money certainly wasn’t a problem for him. All he needed to do was make sure she understood that it didn’t stand in their way, then she’d see it wasn’t a problem for her, either. A soft warmth settled inside him. Everything he wanted was right here. The future would be everything he had envisioned.
“Is that all?” A hard lump formed in her throat, and a sudden jolt of fear churned in her stomach. Had she heard him correctly? Was he saying that her commitment to her job wasn’t important? How could he possibly assume she would be willing to just fly away with him as if she had no responsibilities? Had she been wrong in believing he had changed? Was he still the globe-trotting playboy who lived in a whirlwind world of excitement but knew nothing about commitment and responsibility? Her throat tightened so much that she couldn’t even swallow. Surely there must be a mistake. He couldn’t have meant that the way it sounded.
“You don’t need to worry about the money. I have more than enough for us. We could live comfortably for the rest of our lives without having any money worries. You can take a sabbatical from work without having any concerns about your bills.”
Jessica recoiled in shock, wrenching loose from his embrace. She felt the sting just as if he had literally slapped her across the face. Her disappointment quickly turned to hurt and anger. Years of pent-up resentment over the unresolved issues of her life suddenly leaped in front of her, born anew. A sick churning grabbed hold of her.
It was her ex-husband all over again. How could she have been so foolish as to allow herself to be taken in a second time by the same type of handsome
features and the same charming manner? It was his money, so her desire for a career didn’t matter. Well, not again. Not this time.
“That was the same thing my ex-husband thought. He had the money, he paid the bills, so he called the shots, and my life and needs didn’t matter.” There was a bitterness in her voice, yet a hint of pain just beneath the surface. “Well, this isn’t about money. It’s about responsibility and commitment, two words that apparently aren’t in your vocabulary. My ex didn’t see it that way, and obviously neither do you. I’ve worked very hard to make a career for myself, one I’m very proud of, and I have a responsibility to my clients and have a commitment to them which I intend to honor.” Her voice cracked as hurt regained the upper hand over her anger. “I’m sorry you consider that inconsequential.”
A combination of confusion and anger came out in his words. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about responsibility for your choices and making a commitment to something—” she swallowed back a sob in a frantic attempt to maintain her composure “—making a commitment to a relationship. It’s something my ex couldn’t do, and I’m not going to allow myself to be caught in that trap again.”
He spit out the angry words. “I’m not your ex-husband any more than you’re my ex-fiancée. Stop trying to put me into that mold.”
She blinked back the threat of tears as she turned away from him. A horrible sense of loss invaded her consciousness. She had done the one thing she didn’t want to do. She had lost her heart to another charming scoundrel, and now she was paying the price. She would never give Dylan the satisfaction of seeing her cry, of knowing how much he had hurt her.
She picked up her suitcase. “I fell totally and completely under your spell and thought we had something special. But what you’ve offered me is a proposition, not a commitment.”
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