“Excellent. How does the air smell to you?” he asked.
I inhaled reflexively, as if I could really smell it. “Salty. Like seaweed… and fish.”
“Are you next to the seaweed?”
Funny he should ask that because I was. “Yeah, I’m playing with it. It’s slippery and slimy.” I was surprised to hear my own giggle. “It’s fun to play with.”
In my peripheral, I saw Tonbo nod. I kept my eyes fastened on the whirling, red ball.
“How does the water feel to your feet?” he asked.
How does he know I’m near the water now? I wondered as I felt my own feet sinking down into the warm, wet sand.
“It’s cold, compared to the sand, but I like it. It tickles my toes as it comes up and down. It’s pretty cold on my legs though.”
“So you’ve entered the water? How far out are you?”
With each question, I immediately saw myself there. I’m in the water, I don’t have my life jacket on… and my feet aren’t touching anymore. Panic gripped me. Isn’t this my warm, safe place? What am I doing out here?
“I’m too far out,” I whispered. “The beach dropped off too fast. I can’t touch.” With each word, the octave of my voice raised higher.
“It’s okay. Samantha, this is your safe place, remember? You don’t have to be afraid of the waves. They can’t hurt you.”
“Waves?” I asked. My voice sounded strange to myself.
With the mere mention of the word, a rolling wave lifted me up higher and higher. I was carried on it, driven toward the beach with a frightening speed. I felt it crumble below my body as it met the shoreline head on. Sprawling downward, I smacked into the sand with hardly enough time to draw a breath before something was pulling me back again. Back toward the now-tumultuous waters. I was sucked into its undercurrent. I thrashed, clawing at the shore for something to grab. “No, no, no,” I begged. “I don’t want to go back!”
“Samantha, what’s happening? Are you in the water still? Go back where?”
“The ocean, it’s got me! It won’t let go! I can’t get away.” The words rushed out. I knew logically that I wasn’t there, but every part of me screamed I was. I wanted to break my concentration on the wand, I wanted the nightmare to end, but Tonbo kept on flicking it back and forth. Back and forth. I blinked, sucking in air, trying not to go under the water again.
“What’s in the ocean you’re so afraid of? Nothing can harm you there.”
“I’m going to drown! I can’t breathe!” I shouted back at him. What a dumb question!
“Are you under the water now?” he asked, his voice still calm. Obviously not minding I’d just yelled at him.
I was angered by his question, and my body was pulled under again. This time, I didn’t come up. The blackness of the water surrounded me, pressing in. This is it. I’m going to die! I can’t get out. I can’t breathe!
“Samantha, if you are under the water, you don’t need to be afraid. Nothing can harm you, remember? These are only memories. Memories tucked deeply in your mind. Now let your mind show you what happened next. Are your eyes open?”
I wanted to scream. If these are just memories, why do my lungs burn so bad? Instead, I tried to believe him. I forced myself to gulp in air, shocked it wasn’t ocean water filling my lungs.
Slightly pacified, I answered his question, “Yes, I’m under the water… I don’t see anything around me. It’s just black. Cold and black.” Something within me stirred as a strange peace settled over me. It warmed my core, surrounding me, holding me, chasing the fear away.
“She’s here.” My own words sent goose bumps shooting down my arms.
“She?” he gently asked.
“She’s come to save me,” I whimpered as tears sprung to my eyes. “She’s not going to let me die. She can’t. She’s my savior. She will always save me.”
“Is she saving you now?”
I searched the water, desperate to see her, but it was still just me. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see more, but then something grabbed my waist. The pressure on my hips made me want to scream. I withstood the temptation, knowing it would mean immediate death. As I held my breath longer, my lungs immediately protested. Wait, part of me reasoned, didn’t Tonbo just tell me these were memories? I can breathe just fine.
But my body refused to comply. Instead, my mind screamed at me, I’m a survivor! I will save her! My eyes flew open with new resolve. Nothing but dark water surrounded me, but the hold around my middle didn’t let up. I don’t understand it.
“Something has me,” I said breathlessly. The panic and fear from earlier had waned. Which makes no sense, I’m still underwater… I felt a strength within I didn’t before. Cautiously, I reached down, wanting to know what held me. I stifled a gasp, shocked to feel a pair of hands.
“What is it? What do you see now?” Tonbo asked, his voice sounding like it was coming through a long tunnel.
“I don’t know. I can’t see anything. But I feel… someone.” My words trailed off as I allowed my hands to travel up the ones holding me to find two arms and a pair of naked shoulders. Maybe I’m hallucinating. Maybe it’s an angel of sorts. I skimmed up the neck, feeling the features. It feels so human. A faceless face. How is any of this possible? Maybe I really have died. Maybe this is what heaven feels like. The aching burn in my lungs let me know I was holding my breath again. That can’t be right, can it?
The thing that held me didn’t wait any longer, pulling me into it. Feeling a lean, muscular body, I knew it was a boy holding me. Now whether a human boy or an angel, I was still not sure. I didn’t have time to process it more because he propelled us upward toward the surface with such an insane speed that I shuddered, my body feeling like it had collapsed on itself. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Ducking my head into the invisible chest, I blacked out, convinced an angel had just saved me.
I gasped, this time for real. Only then did I realize the wand was no longer in front of me. My body felt too heavy to move, but I managed a glance at Tonbo. He smiled back at me.
Understanding trickled through me, and I wanted to ask so many questions. I knew who the invisible boy in the water was. This was the part of the story I’d always been missing. The part where Blake first entered my life.
Tonbo reached over, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You, my friend, just experienced Sammy’s first memory.”
Chapter 16
“So why did we stop?” I asked, surprised to hear how breathless I’d become. “Why did you stop the wand? It worked. I was seeing… her… I was her.” I sank back into the couch as the reality of my words sank in. Sammy had come that day to save me. I felt it. Every part of her longed to rescue me, keep me safe. Suddenly, I felt guilty for my earlier statements about her only serving herself. She’d come into existence at a moment that could have meant immediate death to not only me, but also her. Yet, she still came. She wanted to save me. A strange, new ache filled my heart. A certain kind of sadness.
Tonbo squeezed my shoulder. “You did extremely well, Samantha, but I think you’ve had enough for today.”
I wanted to protest, but at his touch, I became aware of something else. My shirt was wet. I glanced down, shocked to see I was drenched in sweat. Glancing back up at Tonbo, I didn’t argue with him anymore. I felt like I could barely move, the exhaustion settling over me, letting me know I was done too.
“When can we do this again?” I asked instead.
“Depends on how well you rest tonight,” Tonbo said, his lips twitching. “When do your parents expect you home?”
“Monday night. So we have all day tomorrow and most of Monday, since flying home doesn’t take that long.”
“Alright, why don’t we get a fresh start in the morning? I think you’ve had a big enough day. I’m sure you’re wiped out from just flying around the Outskirts, and now this.” Tonbo held up the wand, glancing over at it.
I didn’t want to look at the thing, even though it had provided a passageway i
nto Sammy’s memories. Tonbo’s words had drudged up a different question, unrelated to Sammy.
“Yes, it’s been a day,” I agreed. “I even met one of the Irukas… or should I say mere-people?”
“Oh, how lovely! Who?”
“Aster. She was pretty upset with Kory taking away so many of them.”
Tonbo frowned. “Sad, sad business. Kory keeps meddling where he shouldn’t.”
“Tonbo,” I began, wanting to ask about the whole natural-born thing Blake had mentioned earlier, but a beeping sound interrupted me. I glanced around, not understanding where it had come from, until Tonbo pressed the ever-present long, silver piece in his ear.
“Yes,” he said. He listened for a moment and then said, “Of course he may come in. Our session is done. I should’ve let him know—”
Tonbo didn’t even finish his sentence before the door was opened and Blake rushed in. I could see the worry all over his face. One look at me, and his concern seemed to double.
“Are you okay?” he asked, dropping down to my side. I felt silly that I was still lying down on the couch.
I tried to reassure him. “I’m totally fine. Don’t worry, Blake.”
“She did great,” Tonbo confirmed. “She connected beautifully and on the first try.”
Blake’s eyes widened. “It worked?” He peered down at me, his hands gripping mine. I tried to sit up, wincing slightly at the jabbing pain that shot through my skull.
“Are you hurt? What’s wrong?” Blake asked, helping me up. He climbed on to the couch next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I think he noticed how wet my clothes were, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he shot Tonbo a withering look. “I thought this was supposed to be safe.”
I must look as awful as I feel.
“I’m fine, Blake, really, I’m just tired. Tonbo said I need to rest tonight, and then we can try again tomorrow.”
Blake’s jaw tightened at the mention of doing this again, but he didn’t disagree. For now.
“She’s right, Blake. It didn’t cause her physical pain. Just exhaustion. Nothing a warm bath and some good sleep won’t fix,” Tonbo reassured. “I’m very impressed with how well it did go, actually.”
Blake seemed to consider his words as he glanced down at me. He brushed the hairs stuck to my forehead back, not seeming to mind my sweat.
“I did it, Blake. I connected with her. I was Sammy, in my mind anyway. It was like I could see and feel what she felt. I only saw one memory today. That’s why we want to do it again. There’s still so much to see.”
“What did you see?” he asked.
I grinned up at him. “You. Saving me from drowning.”
His brows rose up, and a smile spread across his lips. “You saw that?”
“More like felt it,” I said, remembering how his hands had felt on my hips. We’d been kids then. He’d been a boy trying to save a drowning girl. Suddenly, it seemed profound or ironic, I couldn’t decide which, that the second Sammy entered my life was the exact time Blake had too.
“I felt you under the water. Touched your face even.” I stopped, brushing my fingers against his cheek, still remembering how his younger face had felt. “Then you pulled me up.”
His smile grew as he leaned into my hand, kissing it with his lips. It’d been a defining moment for both of us—saving me had given him a purpose. From then on, he’d watched over me. Those small boy hands that had gripped my waist so long ago, pulling me from my own hellish nightmare, were still here, holding on to me, now. Trying to lift me from the hell that shrouded me. It felt right I should remember what happened in the water so long ago.
I didn’t know if she could hear my thoughts or not, but I thought it anyway. Thank you, Sammy.
Chapter 17
“I don’t think,” Tonbo said, his words cutting through our intimate moment, “the next session will drain you as much. You have to remember what you experienced today was extremely traumatic. It marked the beginning of Sammy. It dredged up both your and Sammy’s worst nightmare. Drowning.”
“You think Sammy’s afraid of drowning too?” Blake asked.
My nod matched Tonbo’s. “Probably,” I said. “I mean, she made sure I’d… or we’d, never drown again. Since I can hold my breath forever, being underwater is nothing to me now.”
Blake seemed to consider my words, and then I felt Tonbo’s gaze on us both. I glanced up to meet those crazy black eyes of his.
“Blake, I think we’ve done enough for one day. Why don’t you take Samantha to her room, so she can rest?”
Blake didn’t need to be told twice. He scooped me up in his arms before I could protest. “Yes, sir.”
I grinned at his eagerness, not sure if it was worry for my health or the desire to have me alone that spurred him into action. Tonbo waved us off with an all-knowing smile. It still struck me as odd that he considered Blake mature enough to run not only his islands, but also to keep his people protected and in line. Tonbo obviously trusted him, thought of him as an equal even.
Knowing I was too exhausted to walk myself back to my room, I didn’t protest to Blake carrying me. It felt nice being in his arms. Glancing over his shoulder, I watched how the lights reflected off his wings. I loved how they matched his aqua eyes. Not being able to resist, I ran one of my hands along the edge of his top set of wings. He surprised me with the shudder that rolled through him.
“Sorry,” I said, withdrawing my hand.
He grinned. “You’re fine. It just tickled.”
I giggled and glanced around the empty hallway we were making our way down. My session must have run late. I’d halfway expected Mack to pop up somewhere, but he didn’t.
As Blake opened my door and walked us through, I thought how different tonight was from last night. Still embarrassed I’d acted like such a brat, I leaned back into his chest, tucking my face under his chin. I couldn’t resist planting a few light kisses on the side of his neck. He didn’t say anything, but his grip on me tightened. As we neared my bed, a new tension worked its way through my body. My pulse quickened, adrenaline chasing away my earlier weariness.
Fully awake now, I glanced up at him. His eyes met mine. Suddenly, the silence between us felt palpable. I didn’t wait for him to make the move, but pulled myself up higher and kissed him. Although he kissed me back, it wasn’t enough for me. I wrapped my hands around the base of his neck, pulling his lips down harder on mine. He deepened the kiss as he laid my body down. I could feel him trying to pull back, like he didn’t want to follow me to the bed. That wasn’t an option for me tonight.
I tugged him down to me, wrapping my arms around his waist. A soft whimper escaped his lips as he allowed his weight to fall against my body, wings and all. The pressure filled me with a desire I’d never felt before. I knew I was in trouble, but I didn’t care. This was the boy who’d saved me. This was the boy who’d loved me his entire life. Watched over me, protected me. Adored me. He was my world now. I’d never be normal again. The normal things like high school, college, and even marriage didn’t seem to matter anymore to me.
Blake’s kisses became frantic as one warm hand ran across my stomach, sending chills through me, the other getting tangled in my hair behind my head. When his fingers landed on my hip, I gasped. His lips were suddenly torn from mine. One moment, it was pure fire and desire, and then the next, he was just gone. I floundered at his sudden absence, trying to understand what had happened. Sitting up, I spotted him standing in the corner, breathing hard.
“What are you doing over there?” I asked, trying to still my own breathing while smoothing my hair down. I wasn’t sure if I should go to him or not; panic was written all over his face.
Alarmed by the fear in his face, I glanced around. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing and everything,” he said, giving me a crooked grin. “Just give me a sec; I need to calm down a bit.”
“Oh.” I felt my face flush. “Did I do something wrong?”
�
�No,” he said, shaking his head and grinning. “You do everything just a little too right, actually.”
“Then what’s the problem?” I asked. Immediately after, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
Blake sighed and walked back over to me. Sitting down, he took my hand into his. “The problem is, Sam, I want this to be right with you. You aren’t just any girl to me.”
“And you aren’t just any boy to me either, Blake.”
“Exactly. I can’t risk losing you because I want you so bad right now.”
“Okay, you totally lost me there.” Suddenly talking about why we couldn’t have sex made me remember my own set of guidelines, which I had conveniently abandoned just moments ago. With my hormones dropping back down to a more manageable level, I became mortified I’d been the one egging this on.
“I mean, we have to be careful… What if…” he began.
“Blake, wait, stop,” I said, ducking my face. “I don’t know what came over me a bit ago, but you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
“Sam, you’re taking this all wrong. If you don’t think I want you more than anything, you’re wrong. This is killing me.” He tucked his hand under my chin, making me meet his gaze. I saw no teasing in his eyes. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. I can’t wait to be with you, but I want it to be right.”
I wanted to ask what right meant to him. Like after we’re married? Does he really have that high of a moral compass?
Then he added, “And safe.”
“Safe?” I repeated like a parrot.
“Yes. What if you got pregnant?” His jaw hardened. “I don’t want you to go through that.”
I shifted in my seat, my insides squirming with nerves. My face flushed. “Hasn’t the Dragon Fae world heard of birth control?” I asked. “And besides, I thought we couldn’t have kids.”
“Yes, we most definitely know what condoms are.” He grinned and to my horror, he softly kissed my cheek. I wanted to shrink away with embarrassment. How can he be so comfortable talking about this stuff?
Inner Demons Page 10