To the Doctor: A Daughter

by Marion Lennox

  ‘In what sense was she manic?’

  ‘I told you she had diabetes.’

  He thought that through and couldn’t make sense of it. ‘Diabetes is not usually a life sentence and it has nothing to do with a person’s mental state.’

  ‘It does if you’re as perfect as Fiona.’ Gemma shrugged. ‘You need to understand. Fiona…well, she was two years younger than me and from the time she was born she was perfect. My mother certainly thought so. My mother was a beauty queen in her own right. My father left us before I can remember, and all my mother’s pent-up ambitions centred on Fiona. Perfect Fiona.’ She took a deep breath, fighting back bitterness that had been instilled in her almost since birth.

  ‘Anyway, Fiona was as beautiful as even my mother could want. Even as a baby she was gorgeous and she turned from winning baby pageants to winning beauty contests almost without a break. And she was clever-brilliant really. She passed her exams with ease, she moved from one eligible man to another-whatever she wanted Fiona got. She was indulged to the point of stupidity by our mother, and when Mum died Fiona’s boyfriends took right over.’

  He saw. Or maybe he saw. ‘And then?’

  ‘And then she was diagnosed with type-one diabetes.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘Neither do I really. I only know that Fiona had just started medical school, she was flying high and suddenly she was faced with four insulin injections a day, constant monitoring and dietary restrictions.’

  ‘I do know what diabetes is,’ he told her. ‘Type one… It’s a damnable pest but if it’s well controlled it’s hardly life-threatening.’

  ‘Hers wasn’t well controlled. Not because it wasn’t possible to control it but because she wouldn’t. She hated it. She refused to monitor herself. She gave herself the same amount of insulin every day regardless of what her blood sugars were and sometimes she didn’t even do that. She refused to accept the dietary modifications. You need to understand. For once it was an area where she wasn’t perfect and she couldn’t bear it.’

  He thought about that. He had diabetics in his practice who refused to take care of themselves and the results could be catastrophic. But…

  ‘She was a doctor. She knew. With medical training she’d know what the risks were.’

  ‘I think,’ Gemma told him, slowly as if the words were being dragged out of her, ‘I think my sister was a little bit crazy. She’d been indulged all her life. She was the golden girl and everyone treated her as if she was perfect. The thought of injections, the thought of not being able to eat everything she wanted and the thought of her body being less than perfect… Well, as I said, I think she was a little bit mad. It was as if she saw diabetes as a bar to her perfection and if she ignored it, it’d go away. Only as a doctor you’d know that that’s a disaster.’

  He was horrified. Why hadn’t he guessed any of this? He’d never even known she’d been diabetic. And not to control it… ‘That’s practically suicide.’

  ‘Yes.’ She gave a grim little nod. ‘It is-and by the time she’d finished medical school the effects were starting to show. Then our mother died. Mum and Fiona had fought about Fiona’s diabetic management. Fiona had rebelled but Mum’s death just seemed to make things worse. Things weren’t going right in Fiona’s world and she reacted with anger. Her specialist told her that if she couldn’t keep her diabetes under control then at least she shouldn’t get pregnant. She must have been pregnant within minutes of him saying that. With Cady.’ She shrugged and her eyes seemed to shadow with remembered pain. ‘And her decision to have Cady tore our lives apart.’

  Our lives? There was a desperate bleakness in her words and she looked as though she was staring back into a chasm that she couldn’t quite escape.

  ‘And?’ Nate prodded, and Gemma seemed to shake herself back to reality. To the harshness of now. Her voice became brisk and carefully businesslike.

  ‘And she darn near died having him. When she didn’t it was as if she was mad at the world. As if she’d been cheated. She was furious that she didn’t die and from then on she was on a downhill spiral of neglect.’

  By now Nate was thoroughly confused. He shook his head, trying to reconcile what he was hearing with the vibrant, lovely doctor who’d swept into his life twelve months ago. ‘She seemed fine. I didn’t get any of this when she was here.’

  ‘No.’ She met his look, her eyes steady and challenging. ‘I guess you only saw what most men saw-the gorgeous Fiona. Fiona the irresistible. But there was another Fiona-the Fiona who walked a fine line between sanity and madness. She had Cady and she walked away from him. She knew…she knew that I’d take care of him. How could I not? But I kept working. After what she’d done to me… I barely managed it but there were glimmers of my former life left.’

  He still didn’t follow. ‘That sounds as if she was angry with you.’

  ‘Of course she was.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘She was supposed to be the perfect one,’ Gemma said wearily. ‘And she was. My mother loved her to distraction and I was sidelined. But she was jealous even of that. She was jealous of me from the moment she was born-as if I could ever compete with her. It was crazy, but like a cuckoo in another bird’s nest she’d push aside any sibling that competed for her attention. And when our mother got sick she leaned on me. That drove Fiona crazy-that Gemma, the plain one, should now have what she wanted. Health. And our mother’s dependence. So she fixed me right up. She saddled me with a baby and then…and then when I managed to cope and still have a life-of sorts-she gave me another. And she died doing it.’

  Dear heaven…

  Nate sat back in his chair. He let what she’d said drift slowly though his mind, trying to assimilate it. He raised his hand and ran his fingers through his thatch of burnt-red curls, fighting for some sanity. Fighting for some reason.

  ‘I don’t know what to say,’ he said at last. ‘I can’t think.’

  ‘There’s not much to think about.’

  ‘Well, that’s a crazy statement,’ he snapped, shock giving way to anger. ‘Not much to think about! When you come in here and present me with the fact that I’m a father…’

  ‘If you slept with Fiona you must have known fatherhood was a possibility.’

  ‘Of course I didn’t.’

  ‘You’re a doctor,’ she snapped back, as angry as he was. ‘You know very well that no contraceptive is perfect. Unless it’s abstinence. And you and Fiona didn’t practise abstinence.’

  ‘No, but-’

  ‘But nothing. She’s your baby.’ She rose again and proffered her bundle. ‘Are you going to take her-or are you intending to arrange an adoption? Fiona had this baby to punish me for not being ill. I’ve thought it through. It worked with Cady. I’ve taken him in and I’ve cared for him and I love him to bits. But with Mia…every time I look at her I get angry. That’s no way to rear a child, Dr Ethan. She deserves better than that. So…you’re her daddy. Will you take her-or will you find someone else who’ll love her?’

  He did have an option, he thought incredulously. He could just say take her away and she would. She’d hand her over to adoptive parents.

  But no. She was way ahead of him.

  ‘Don’t even think about it,’ she told him flatly, and it was as if she had read his mind. ‘I’m not arranging the adoption. For a start that’d mean taking care of her for longer-and I daren’t take the chance that I’ll grow to love her. And even if I wanted to, I can’t. There are no official documents naming me as her parent. There’s only the birth certificate. Cady’s birth certificate…well, Cady’s certificate landed me right in it, but Mia’s certificate says her mother is deceased and her father is Nate Ethan. You. So as of this moment you’re her sole guardian. Like it or not.’

  Carefully, deliberately, she set the sleeping baby on the desk in front of him.

  She’d been well cared for, Nate saw in some deep recess of his brain that could still note such things. She
was rosy and chubby and beautifully dressed. She’d been loved.

  ‘How…how old did you say she was?’

  ‘Four weeks. She should be smiling soon.’

  ‘And…how long since Fiona…?’

  ‘Fiona never regained consciousness after the birth. She lapsed into a coma at thirty-eight weeks and the doctors performed an emergency Caesarean. It was all horribly too late. She died the day after delivery.’

  He closed his eyes. This was all far too much to take in. Fiona dead?

  And he had a daughter.

  No! ‘You can’t leave her here!’

  ‘Watch me.’ She tilted her chin in a gesture of defiance and then handed over a business card. ‘This is where you can find me.’

  ‘If I need you?’

  ‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m tired of being needed, Dr Ethan. Cady needs me and that’s all the responsibility I can handle. But if…in future…you want Cady to meet his half-sister…’

  Hell. The future stretched before him, vast and unknown. Ten minutes ago his future had been the Terama Jazzfest. Now…

  ‘You can’t do this.’

  ‘I can.’ She leaned over the little boy and took Cady’s hand in hers. ‘That’s a great tower,’ she told the little boy. ‘But we need to go.’

  ‘You’re leaving town?’ Nate’s voice was an incredulous croak and she smiled, not without sympathy.

  ‘That’s the plan. We live in Sydney and it’s a long drive.’

  ‘But what the hell am I meant to do?’

  ‘What I’ve been doing,’ she told him. ‘Shoulder your responsibility. You are a doctor after all. I assume you know baby basics and I’ve checked your background. You have a nice little bush nursing hospital on hand. They’ll have everything you need.’ She laid a bag on the desk beside the sleeping baby. ‘This contains formula, bottles, clothes-everything you need. And now, Dr Ethan, you’re on your own.’

  But he wasn’t on his own. Not quite.

  From Reception there was the sound of a door opening and then closing, followed by brisk heels tapping across the floor. He’d left the door open just a little. Hannah, his receptionist, had seen his last patient for the day into his rooms and then left. There was no one out there. Except…

  The door opened just a little and Donna’s beautiful face peeked around.

  ‘Yoohoo. Anyone home?’ Her eyes found Nate and she smiled her loveliest smile. ‘Nate, darling, we’re going to be very late. I’ve brought your evening clothes so you can change here and we can get going right now.’

  Compared to Fiona, Donna didn’t cut it, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t gorgeous. She was tall, five feet eleven or so, willow thin and beautifully groomed. In fact, she was just the way Nate liked his women. And she was dressed to kill. She was wearing a 1920s costume-a pencil-thin fringed dress which accentuated every gorgeous curve as it shimmered and swayed, and high, high stilettos. Her sleek chestnut bob was adorned with a tiny velvet headband and feather, and she wore beads that reached almost to her hips.

  She was some sight! Normally Nate would have whistled his appreciation. But he wasn’t in the mood for whistling.

  And Donna should have known better than to barge in on a patient.

  ‘Donna, I’m busy.’

  ‘No. No, he’s not busy. Not any more.’ Gemma smiled at the sight of Nate’s girlfriend and held out her hand in welcome. ‘This makes it all perfect. You have a new lady in your life. From what Fiona told me about you I was sure you wouldn’t let grass grow under your feet. How do you do? I’m Gemma. And this is Cady. We’re just leaving. But…’ She eyed Donna’s stunning dress with a wry smile. ‘If I were you, I’d put a cloth over your shoulder if you’re intending nursing Mia in that dress. She does suffer a little from reflux.’

  With that she gave them both her very brightest smile, collected Cady and walked out the door.

  ‘Stop!’

  She didn’t.

  And Nate moved. Hell, he moved. He’d never moved faster in his life. Gemma had walked out into the reception area but before she could reach the door to the car park he was in front of her, blocking her path.

  ‘You’re not going anywhere.’

  She raised her mobile eyebrows at that. ‘You’re planning on locking me up and throwing away the key?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Then what?’

  What? He ran his fingers though his hair and he groaned. ‘Hell.’

  ‘What’s wrong, Nate?’ Donna was clearly puzzled.

  ‘I…this lady…Gemma…wants to leave me with her baby.’

  ‘No.’ Gemma wasn’t having any of that. ‘She’s your baby. Not mine. Get things right.’

  ‘Your baby.’ Donna blenched. ‘Yours! Did you and…?’ She looked wildly from Gemma to Nate and back again, and Gemma gave a derisory laugh.

  ‘Don’t get yourself in a state here. No, Nate and I didn’t do a thing. I’ve only just met your Dr Ethan. This isn’t my baby. I’m only the stork, delivering his bundle whether he likes it or not.’

  Donna’s confusion grew. ‘What’s going on?’

  What was going on? Nate didn’t have a clue. He was so at sea that he felt like he was drowning. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Let me past.’ Gemma’s voice was implacable.

  ‘You can’t leave.’

  ‘I can. I must. I need to work tomorrow. I’ve taken every one of my sick days and more over the last few weeks, and if I’m not back tomorrow I risk being sacked.’

  ‘You work?’

  ‘Amazing but true.’

  ‘And who looks after Cady while you work?’

  ‘There’s no joy down that road,’ she snapped, seeing where his thoughts were headed. ‘Cady goes to day care at the hospital and I can’t afford to keep two children in care.’

  ‘You’re a nurse?’

  ‘No, Dr Ethan.’ Her patience had pretty much come to an end. ‘I’m a doctor. Amazing as it sounds. Just like my sister. Only I’m so unlike my sister that you wouldn’t believe it. In fact, I’ve never had an illegitimate child in my life. Now, if you don’t mind…’

  ‘Gemma, I feel funny.’ The child’s voice from beside her was neither plaintive or high-pitched. He was simply stating a fact, and Gemma closed her eyes in a gesture of sheer weariness.

  ‘I know, sweetheart. So do I. I need to find somewhere for us to have dinner.’ She turned back to Nate. ‘I’ve been waiting all afternoon to see you and I can wait no longer. You have a baby to see to. I have Cady. So can we leave it, please?’

  He stared down at the card that she’d given him. There it was in black and white. Dr Gemma Campbell. Anaesthetist. Sydney Central Hospital.

  She really was a doctor.

  And this was no nightmare. This was cold, hard fact.

  ‘I can find you at Sydney Central?’

  ‘Yes. As I said-only if you want the kids to be in contact. It’s up to you. I’ll tell Cady about Mia as he grows up, but if you don’t want her to know…or if you decide on adoption…’

  ‘Nate, honey, what the hell is going on?’

  ‘It seems I have a baby,’ Nate said in a voice that held not the slightest hint of humour. His tone said that he’d been trapped. There was anger behind the words and both women heard it.

  And surprisingly Gemma’s face softened into very real sympathy.

  ‘I’m sorry, Nate,’ she told him. ‘I understand you’ve been used. But…so have I. And it does boil down to the fact that you’re Mia’s father. Good luck with her, and I hope you learn to love her-as I love Cady.’

  And she smiled and walked around him. Out into the car park. Out of his life. For ever?

  CHAPTER TWO

  DONNA wasn’t the least bit interested in babies.

  ‘She has to be joking,’ she said flatly as Gemma disappeared into the night. ‘She can’t just dump you with the kid.’

  ‘No.’

  But it seemed she had. Nate stared at the closed door, trying to figure out a reas
on why he should stride after her and stop her going. Could he ring the police? Could he have them haul her back and accept her responsibility?

  But her conversation played itself back in his mind. Over and over. This baby wasn’t Gemma’s responsibility. She was Nate’s.

  One stupid act…

  He should never have slept with Fiona, he thought wildly. Was he as crazy as Fiona had been? One stupid act…

  ‘Nate, honey…’

  ‘I don’t think we’re going to be able to go to the Jazzfest,’ he told her, and her lovely face fell.

  ‘But we must. We’ve had these tickets for ages and all our friends will be there.’

  ‘Donna, leave it.’

  She paused and stared at him. Then her eyes fell on the baby.

  Mia was just waking, and her tiny eyelids fluttered open. With her eyes open the resemblance to Nate was almost uncanny.

  ‘She really is your baby,’ Donna whispered, stunned.

  And Nate looked down.

  Green eyes met green eyes. Her gaze was as intent and direct as his. Man and baby, meeting for the first time in both their lives.

  Dear God… His gut wrenched as it had never been wrenched in his life before. She was just…beautiful. Perfect. Slowly he reached out a finger and traced the baby-soft skin of her cheek. Still her eyes held his, as if she knew that here was a man whose future was inexplicably locked to hers.

  ‘You can’t keep her.’ Donna’s voice sounded as if it were light years away-from a past life-and Nate had to wrench himself back to reality. To now. To here and to what counted for commonsense.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘The mother…’

  ‘Is a past girlfriend. I didn’t know she was pregnant. And now she’s dead.’

  ‘Oh, Nate, I’m sorry,’ Donna said-with the easy sympathy of someone this didn’t affect in the least. She glanced at her watch. ‘Look, why don’t we pop her over into children’s ward? That way we can still make it to the Jazzfest in time for dinner.’