To the Doctor: A Daughter

by Marion Lennox

  ‘I’ve put him in your waiting room. You want me to come with you?’

  ‘Why would you want to do that?’

  ‘He says he’s Cady’s father.’

  Silence. Then… ‘Cady’s father,’ Nate said cautiously. ‘You’re kidding.’

  ‘That’s what he says’

  ‘Big bloke? Expensive suit?’

  ‘That’s the one.’

  ‘But I thought…’

  ‘You thought what?’

  ‘If he’s the man who was here earlier, he said that he’s Gemma’s husband.’

  ‘So?’ Then Graham thought it through and saw what Nate was confused about. ‘But Cady is Fiona’s kid.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Then Cady can’t be Gemma’s husband’s kid? Can he? Am I missing something here?’

  Nate shook his head. ‘Not that I can see. I’m as confused as you are.’

  ‘The plot gets more convoluted by the minute.’ Graham looked bemused. And also concerned. ‘I suppose the man could have formally adopted Cady. He might have if he was…if he is married to Gemma.’

  First impressions were often correct and this one was spot on. Nate had looked at the man as he’d waited outside Gemma’s room and he hadn’t liked what he’d seen and he didn’t like what he saw when he walked back into his waiting room.

  ‘You wanted to see me?’

  ‘You’re Nate Ethan?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And you’re looking after my wife and my kid?’

  Gemma and Cady.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then I’m here to tell you that I’m taking them back to Sydney. Tomorrow.’

  ‘Do they want to go back to Sydney?’ Somehow Nate kept his voice neutral-calm in the face of belligerence.

  ‘Of course they want to come.’

  ‘I’m sorry but they’ve been here for two weeks and you’ve hardly been mentioned.’

  ‘But I have been mentioned.’

  He couldn’t deny it. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Well, there you go, then. They’ve had their little holiday. Now it’s time to get back to work.’

  Nate hesitated, not sure where to take it. He didn’t like what was happening-and he didn’t understand.

  ‘Did Gemma tell you that Cady’s been diagnosed as a diabetic?’

  ‘Yeah. That’s got nothing to do with me. It’s her business.’

  ‘He needs constant medical supervision.’

  ‘He goes to a hospital crèche. He’ll get supervision there.’

  ‘But Gemma’s lost her job at the hospital.’

  ‘She’ll get another job,’ he said easily, with the assurance of someone who knew they were right. ‘She’s an anaesthetist. They’re in demand.’

  The man sounded placid about it and things were sounding more and more out of kilter.

  ‘I need to speak to Gemma,’ Nate started, but the man shook his head.

  ‘There’s no need. Cady’s mine-not Gemma’s. She had no business bringing him down here so I’m taking him back tomorrow. If Gemma doesn’t want to come with me then she can follow. But she will. Have the boy ready for me by nine.’

  And that was that. He walked out and slammed the door behind him.

  Cady’s mine-not Gemma’s.

  This whole set-up wasn’t making sense. Nate took a few deep breaths, went and checked on Ian just to give himself time to collect his wits-it didn’t work-and finally returned to Gemma’s room. She didn’t look at him as he entered. She was lying flat on her pillows with her arms behind her head and her face set like stone.

  The impulse was to walk straight over and take her in his arms, but there was something about that expression… It was a shield all by itself.

  ‘Gemma…’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said blankly. ‘Nate, I’m sorry.’

  ‘Do you want to tell me what you’re sorry about?’

  ‘I thought…I thought he mightn’t want us. I was stupid.’ Still she wouldn’t look at him. It was as if she was afraid of what she might see.

  Nate hesitated and then sat down on the bed beside her. He tried to take her hand but she pulled away. Keeping up the shield. ‘Do you want to tell me about it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I’m a good listener.’

  ‘And I married Alan. End of story.’ She flung the words at him like a taunt. ‘I never should have… I never dreamed it was possible. You and me. Staying here. It was a crazy idea, doomed from the start.’

  ‘Because you’re married?’

  ‘Because I was married.’

  ‘Right.’ He nodded as if he understood everything. Which he didn’t. ‘Um… You and…’

  ‘Alan. His name’s Alan Herbert.’

  ‘Right. But you’re not Mrs Herbert?’

  ‘I kept my maiden name-for my medicine. And afterwards…’

  ‘Afterwards?’

  ‘After we divorced.’

  Divorced. That had a good ring to it. Divorced was something at least. But he still didn’t understand. ‘I got the impression,’ Nate said cautiously, ‘that you hadn’t divorced. That you’re returning to Sydney with him in the morning.’

  ‘He said that?’

  ‘It’s not true?’ There was a flicker of hope in his voice, quashed immediately by the shake of her head.

  ‘Oh, it’s true all right.’

  ‘You’re not still in love with him?’

  ‘Are you kidding?’ But her voice sounded dead. Like all the life had been sucked out of it. ‘After what he did…’

  ‘Gemma, you’re going to have to tell me.’

  ‘You don’t want to know.’

  ‘Try me.’

  She shook her head. Still she refused to look at him. ‘Leave it, Nate.’

  ‘Is Alan Cady’s father?’

  She drew in her breath. ‘Yes.’

  ‘But Cady is your sister’s son.’

  ‘That’s the one.’

  ‘So Fiona and Alan…’

  ‘Didn’t I tell you?’ she demanded bleakly. ‘Didn’t I make you see? Everything I had, Fiona wanted, and she was like that from the time that I can first remember. My toys, my clothes, my mother’s attention. Then my career-and my husband.’

  ‘So she and Alan…’

  ‘Alan was a dreadful choice for a husband,’ she said bitterly. ‘He’s an accountant at Sydney Central. He took me out a couple of times but it was my earning capacity he was interested in. Not me. Only I was too stupid to see it. Then he met Fiona. Well, that was that. He was obsessed, but he was careful. Incredibly careful. Fiona didn’t want anything to do with him, and he hid his obsession well. He became…loving. And I fell for it. I married him.’

  ‘Which was a nightmare?’

  ‘Of course it was a nightmare.’ Her voice was devoid of emotion. Deadpan. It was like she was recounting the story of someone she hardly knew. ‘Alan seemed to understand Fiona. Somehow he knew the only way she’d be interested in him was if I loved him. And there was still the fact that I was a good meal ticket. Anaesthetics is one of the best-paid medical specialties in the country, and greed is Alan’s middle name. Those two reasons, greed and Fiona, were why he married me.’ She gave a harsh laugh that was totally devoid of humour. ‘Well, why else? Why else would anyone want the likes of me?’

  ‘Gemma…’

  ‘Let me finish,’ she said bleakly. ‘You might as well know the whole sordid business.’

  ‘Not if it hurts.’

  ‘It doesn’t hurt.’ And then she shrugged. ‘Who am I kidding? Of course it hurts. It hurts mostly because I was so stupid.’

  ‘Alan and Fiona…’

  ‘Were an item almost as soon as we were married,’ Gemma told him. ‘Alan’s reasoning paid off. Fiona wasn’t interested in Alan the accountant. But Alan my husband… That was a different story. Almost as soon as I realised why he’d married me, Fiona took what she wanted. When she was pregnant with Cady she threw it in my face. Once more Fiona triumphed. Once more…’
>
  Nate took a deep breath, hearing the depth of pain in Gemma’s voice. ‘And…’

  ‘I left Alan, of course, and Alan moved in with Fiona. He had what he wanted. Or he thought he did. But Cady was born, and caring for a baby didn’t fit either of their lifestyles, and, of course, Fiona didn’t really want Alan. After she’d proved she could have him, the fun had gone out of it. Alan was left angry and bitter, reflecting that he’d lost not only Fiona but my lucrative salary. Which he really wanted. And then there was Cady, caught between parents who didn’t give a damn. Fiona knew I’d step in-all she had to do was neglect him and in I’d come. Which I did. But instead of only Fiona using me, now there was Alan.’

  ‘I don’t see…’

  ‘He’s Cady’s father. He has rights that as his aunt I don’t have.’

  ‘So…’

  ‘Alan might be a successful accountant but he has expensive tastes. Very expensive tastes. And he’s given me an ultimatum. I continue working as an anaesthetist, giving more than half of my income to him, or he’ll take Cady back. It’s not even a choice. It’s a life sentence.’

  Nate was staring at her in revulsion. ‘Does he love Cady?’

  ‘You have to be joking! Love? I don’t think Alan knows what the word means.’

  Nate stared down at her in horror, appalled by what he’d just been told. ‘You should have told me.’

  ‘Yeah, right. This is a sordid little mess that only I can get out of. I thought… Well, since Fiona died I haven’t heard from him. I hoped-desperately-that he’d decided to leave us alone. So when you offered me the job here I thought, Well, why not? A new life. A new beginning. But, of course, he’d know where I was. He works in Administration at Sydney Central. He’d have known that I’d left, and a quick search of medical records would have told him that I’ve been practising here. So here he is, right on cue, ready to hound me back to practising as an anaesthetist. Alan will never be content with what I earn as a country doctor.’

  Nate took a deep breath, trying to take it all in. ‘So…’

  ‘So I go back to the city and get another high-earning job or he’ll take Cady away from me.’

  ‘He doesn’t want Cady. That much is obvious. He might take him but the novelty would soon wear off…’

  ‘Leaving me to pick up the pieces. Great. You must see as clearly as I do that I can’t take that risk.’

  ‘So where does that leave…us?’

  Gemma stirred then and for the first time she turned in her bed to look at Nate. Really look at him. Behind her eyes was a desolation that chilled him to the bone.

  ‘Nate, there is no us.’

  ‘There must be.’

  ‘No. Tomorrow I pack my bags and head back to Sydney. I love Cady and I’ll do everything in my power to keep him safe.’

  ‘Gemma, you can’t keep on paying for ever.’

  ‘I don’t need to. In another five or six years-if Cady’s been living with me full time-then I might have grounds to be appointed his guardian. But now…if there was legal argument then Alan would win.’

  ‘You know that for sure?’

  ‘I’m not a fool. I’ve paid for legal advice. Alan is his biological father and I… I’m just his aunt. His aunt who loves him but his aunt nonetheless. Alan has the resources to care for a child and he has the money to fight for him. Cady’s birth certificate has him named as Cady’s father. Alan was living with Fiona when he was born. So you see? There’s no contest.’

  ‘Hell.’

  ‘It is hell,’ she whispered. ‘But, Nate…’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Thank you for the last two weeks. They’ve been wonderful.’

  They had, he thought bleakly. They had.

  Suddenly he realised just how wonderful.

  She’d changed him, he thought. In a brief two weeks he’d been taught to care for something other than himself. Oh, sure, he loved Graham and he cared deeply about his patients but it wasn’t like this. This need to lift the burdens of the world from Gemma’s shoulders. To take her and love her and set her world to rights.

  Knowing he couldn’t.

  ‘I’ll ring Mike,’ he said harshly. ‘My lawyer friend in Sydney. He’s the one who advised me about Margot.’

  Margot. Right. Her ex-boss. The Margot of a world away.

  ‘There’s nothing you can do,’ Gemma told him. ‘Believe me, I’ve paid for the best legal advice. They played happy families and that closed every legal loophole for me. Fiona and Alan, with Cady in the middle. Cady who didn’t get a look in because they were too busy playing games. Fiona never wanted Cady. She didn’t even want Alan. She just wanted to hurt me.’

  ‘And Alan?’

  ‘Alan just wants money.’ She shook her head. ‘I was too stupid to see. I’ve always been so alone. When I met Alan… I had my head in my books trying to pass exams so that I could be an anaesthetist, and Alan was so courteous and charming. He made me laugh. He made me think he cared. But, of course, he just wanted a wife who was going to add to his bank balance.’

  ‘You can’t go back to him!’

  ‘Of course I can’t. Even if I did that’s not what Alan wants. He just wants my paycheque.’

  ‘It’s blackmail.’

  ‘Yes, but it’s a very effective form of blackmail. I won’t let Cady go back to him.’

  ‘So call his bluff.’

  ‘He’ll take him. You don’t know Alan. He’s smooth and clever and nasty. He’ll take Cady-he’s done it once before. Cady was looked after physically. There were no grounds to report him to welfare. No grounds for me to take him away. But Cady…well, he’s not going back there even if I have to pay for the rest of my life.’

  ‘So where does that leave you and me?’

  ‘You and me were a dream.’ Gemma closed her eyes and there was such pain in her voice that Nate couldn’t bear it. He caught her hands and held them, willing warmth into their chill. Willing love…

  ‘I’ll kill the bastard…’

  ‘Oh, right. That’d help.’ She gave a laugh that was half a sob.

  ‘Gemma, this is impossible. Let me talk to him. Maybe we-’

  ‘Maybe we nothing.’ She took a deep breath. ‘There is no we, Nate. This is my problem. Mine. I came down here to give you your daughter. I’ve done that. And I know you’ll love her. You don’t know how much that means to me.’

  ‘I can guess.’

  ‘Nate…’ She shook her head-a desolate little gesture that made him want to wrap her in his arms and hold her. But when he moved toward her she shrank back against the pillows.

  ‘No, Nate, I can’t.’

  ‘You can’t…what?’

  ‘I can’t go any further with you. I’m leaving here in the morning. Me and Cady. We’ve done what we set out to do. You’ve given us-me and Cady-two weeks which we’ll remember for the rest of our lives. And that’s it.’

  ‘It’s not it.’

  ‘There’s nothing else to do about it.’

  ‘Maybe there is,’ he growled. He stared at her in baffled anger, his frustration growing by the moment.

  ‘There isn’t.’

  ‘There is,’ he said savagely. ‘I just haven’t thought what it is yet.’

  CHAPTER TEN

  IT WAS a tough night for sleeping.

  It was a tough night for doing anything at all. Gemma lay awake and stared into the darkness and she’d never felt so bleak in all her life.

  This had been a dream. These two weeks…

  A dream was how she’d have to remember it, she decided. A wonderful, magical fantasy where people cared and Cady was happy and loved and she…

  And she herself was loved.

  So of course it was a dream. People didn’t love Gemma. Had she learned nothing over the years?

  Nate loved her.

  No, she corrected herself. Nate felt sorry for her. She’d leave and he’d go back to Donna or someone like her.

  But it had felt so right. So wonderfully right. Like two h
alves of a whole, they fitted together. Man and woman.

  They didn’t fit together any more. As of tomorrow she’d be gone. Back to the city to find another high-powered job to keep Alan happy. To keep Cady safe.

  But at such a cost?

  ‘You’re letting her go?’

  ‘What else can I do?’ Nate had explained the situation to his uncle and Graham was as appalled as he was.

  ‘I don’t know. Pistols at dawn seems a good option. With only one pistol loaded.’

  ‘I won’t be much good to Gemma in jail.’

  ‘And he’s definitely the boy’s father? He does have legal rights?’

  ‘You know the custody laws. Unless there are exceptional circumstances, the natural parents will always win. Gemma’s had legal advice. She’s stuck.’

  ‘We can’t pay him off?’

  ‘Are you kidding?’ Nate looked at his uncle with affectionate exasperation. ‘With what? Hell, the one thing we don’t do here is make money. We might-if you ever agreed to charge people what you’re worth.’

  Graham bristled. ‘I suppose you do? What about the time you spent with Olive today? I’ll bet that’s not been charged. You might charge Ian for the time you spent sewing him up, but did you charge for the hours you spent in the paddock? I don’t think so. Country doctors don’t make any money, boy. Not if they have hearts.’

  That was just the trouble. Nate had a brief flash of what could be-him moving to the city-making megabucks-getting rid of Alan-but that was all it was. A brief flash of hopeless imagining.

  He’d come down here six years ago to help Graham out, and his heart had been well and truly caught. Now being a country doctor was who he was. It was his identity. Surgical practice in the city would mean walking away from Graham-and, more, walking away from a community who depended on him. He knew what the odds were of finding someone to take his place.

  Doctors didn’t like moving to the country.

  He stared bleakly across the table at Graham and thought, I’m as trapped as Gemma.

  ‘I suppose he really is the boy’s father?’ Graham was still thinking things through.

  ‘Fiona put him down on the birth certificate. Just like she named me. There’s no possibility that I’m not Mia’s father.’

  ‘You can’t fight that one. Not with that hair. So…does Cady look like this guy?’