Confessions of a Carpool Captive

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  “No, thank you.”

  “How come you offer her one, but not me?” Kel asks.

  “Because I don’t like you. Ernesto?” She opens the bag to him and he takes a carrot, smiling.

  Emerson laughs lightly and Kel mumbles something under his breath. I move into the carpool lane and we pick up speed. My phone pings with a text and it makes me smile. I might miss him a little bit.

  Liz: Then Ernesto took a carrot from the bag.

  Finn: Ha! Poor Biff. Good comparison btw.

  Liz: How are you feeling?

  Finn: Better. Is there something wrong with the TV in your room?

  I cringe.

  Liz: I never watch TV so I cancelled cable. There are a few movies on the top shelf if you’re bored.

  Finn: Perfect. Thank you again. I promise I’ll be out of your hair tonight.

  Liz: It’s fine. I have to go. Please behave.

  He responds with a smiley face and a thumbs-up. So help me, if one thing is out of place, I will clobber him.

  The entire drive home, I’m thinking about what I’ll do when I get there. If he’s sleeping, I won’t wake him. I’ll just make some more soup and then maybe sit with him while he eats and we can talk. Emerson and Kel argue back and forth about whose music they should listen to. I said I didn’t care. Kel wants country and Emerson, heavy metal. Music is the last thing on my mind. My thoughts are occupied with a near naked Finn at home in my bed.

  I sprint up the stairs to my apartment and pause to catch my breath before opening the door. The smell is the first thing I notice.

  I close the door as the aroma hits me in waves. Finn is fully dressed, except for his suit jacket, and is stirring something on my stove. He turns to me and smiles.

  “Hey. How was work?”

  I place my bag by the door and fumble with his keys in my hand. “Okay. You’re feeling better?”

  “Oh yeah. I’m great. I slept in and took some more of the Tylenol you left me. It must have been a twenty-four-hour thing.”

  Stepping toward him, I wonder what he’s stirring. It doesn’t smell like soup. The timer on the stove beeps and he bends over to take some type of dish out of the oven.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, confused, pointing toward the oven.

  “I wanted to thank you for taking care of me, so I made you dinner.”

  “With what?” I ask sarcastically. “I have no food.”

  “I noticed that. No wonder you’re so tiny. What do you eat?”

  I open my fridge and see it’s stocked. “Finn, what did you do?”

  “I ordered from that delivery service thing at the store. I didn’t know what you like, so I got stuff I like.” He winks and stirs the pot on the stove. My mouth drops. I don’t know what to say.

  “Anyway, I made lemon chicken. The pasta is almost done. You just have to drain it. He places the spoon down on the stove and turns off the heat. “I’d better get a move on.”

  “Wait, you’re leaving?” I ask.

  “I’m sure traffic is a bear and I need to get home. I have a report to finish for tomorrow.”

  He lifts his coat from the chair at my table and puts it on.

  “You’re not going to eat?” I ask, pointing toward the food. “This is enough for an army.”

  “Nah, I’m good. My stomach is still a bit off so I think I’ll stick to soup for now.”

  Reaching for my purse I ask, “What do I owe you?”

  His hand touches mine to stop me. “You’re kidding me, right?”

  “No. I’m not. There’s no way I’m letting you buy all this stuff for me.”

  He places his hands on both my arms. “Liz, what you did for me last night was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. It’s the least I can do. Besides, I’m counting on you this weekend with my parents, if you’re still game?”

  I stare at him. I don’t know how to react.

  “Liz?” he questions.

  “Yeah, of course.”

  He smiles. “Alright, good. So I washed your sheets so you don’t get sick. I’d let the pasta sit for a couple of minutes before you eat it.” He picks up his briefcase and turns back to me as he walks to the door.

  I don’t want him to go.

  “Thanks again, Lizzy. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He waves and I wave back, not saying a word. Then he’s gone.

  I rush to the door. Did I even say thank you to him? Does he know what he just did for me? I press my forehead to the door. I’m such an idiot.

  There’s a knock and I jump. He came back. I open the door a little too excitedly.

  “I forgot my keys.”

  I feel my smile fade. I nod before picking them up off the kitchen counter and handing them to him.

  He takes them and jingles them in his hand. “Goodnight, Liz.”

  “Finn, wait!”

  He turns and when his eyes meet mine, I struggle with words. What do I want to say to him?

  He waits patiently for me. His eyes search mine out of curiosity. I say the first thing I can think of that isn’t risky. “Thanks for all this. Really, it wasn’t necessary.”

  He shakes his keys. “You’re very welcome.” He smiles then walks out my door yet again.

  I don’t know why, but as soon as he’s gone, I start to cry. I cry as I drain the pasta and make myself a plate. I cry as I eat the most delicious food I’ve ever tasted. And I sniffle as I put the leftovers in my full fridge. Blowing my nose, I try to understand what I’m feeling and why I’m so sad.

  Deep down, I know why. Finn and I are just friends. Nothing more. A day ago I didn’t even want him as a friend and now I’m sad he’s not staying with me? I’m a mess. I don’t know what I want. I push him away then expect him to stay? God knows I can’t keep a guy to save my life. Why would someone like Finn want someone like me?

  But, I’m happy alone. I was, anyway. Was I happy or is that what I told myself so I wouldn’t let it bother me? I was so excited to come home to him. What does that mean?

  Shaking my head at myself, I blow my nose again. I’m an idiot. I need to stop this stinkin’ thinkin’. He’s gone and I’m fine. We’re friends. Let’s just leave it at that and be done.

  I wake up to three texts from Emerson, wanting details on why I had Finn’s car. She ended her last text saying that she thought we were cute together. First thing this morning I set her straight.

  Liz: There is absolutely nothing between us and never will be.

  When Finn picks me up, I manage a smile. I barely say a word the whole drive, which is not unusual. No one seems to suspect anything.

  Emerson eyes me skeptically as she makes her way to the car. After a few minutes and a few bites of her breakfast bagel, she texts me from the back seat.

  Em: Something happened. I know it.

  Liz: Please drop it.

  Em: That confirms it. Talk to me.

  Liz: Nothing to say.

  Em: For the record, I can see how he looks at you. There is most definitely something there.

  My heart aches at her words. I start to respond but stop myself. I type and retype twice, deleting each time.

  “Who are you texting, Liz?” Kel asks.

  “No one.”

  “Really? Because Emerson’s fingers are flying back here and I noticed you start when she stops.”

  “Mind your own business, nosy-rosy,” Emerson says in a huff.

  Finn is wearing sunglasses today and I can’t read his eyes.

  “So you are texting each other. What could you possibly be saying in text that you can’t say out loud? Let me see.”

  Kel reaches across Ernesto to grab Emerson’s phone and Emerson shrills. I turn in horror, not sure what to do. Ernesto’s hands go flying in the air. Emerson smacks Kel’s hand.

  “Get your fucking paws off my phone, you moron!”

  “Hey! Knock it off!” Finn yells as the car swerves slightly.

  “What are you hiding? You’re talking ‘bout me, aren’t you?” He re
aches to grab it out of her hand, and her bagel falls to the floor.

  “Now look what you did, asshole. That was my breakfast!”

  “Yeah, well you’re getting fatter every day. You shouldn’t eat so much, piggy!” Kel yells back.

  Emerson stares at him and her lip quivers. “Fuck you, Kel. Why would you say that to me? That’s so fucking mean.”

  She starts to cry and I unbuckle my seat belt, turning full on to face her on my knees in my skirt. Finn reaches into his pocket and removes his handkerchief, handing it to me to give to her.

  “I… I didn’t mean to make you cry. I was just joking,” Kel adds, seemingly worried.

  “Just leave me alone.”

  Ernesto’s hands slowly come down and he pats Emerson on the shoulder comfortingly.

  “Liz, please put your seat belt back on. Please?” Finn asks.

  I turn back around and buckle myself in. I sigh. Finn glances in my direction, but I can’t read him because of the glasses. I want to grab them and throw them out the window.

  It seems everyone is a bit edgy today.

  After parking, we begin unloading. Emerson is the first out. She takes off angrily.

  “Emerson, I said I was sorry,” Kel yells after her, but she doesn’t acknowledge him. As I close my door, Finn speaks.

  “Liz, could you hold up for a minute?”

  “I guess.”

  After everyone leaves, he removes his sunglasses and walks around the car toward me.

  “So tomorrow, can I pick you up at five?”

  I nod. “That’s fine. Why not just text me?”

  “I wanted to make sure you were still okay with it. You’re hard to read in text.”

  “I said I’d go. I keep my promises.”

  Starting to walk to the elevator, he catches up with me. “Are you angry with me about something?” he asks.

  I swallow hard. I’m not good with hiding my emotions. “Not at all. Just in a funk today.”

  “I’d say everyone is.”

  He places his hand on the small of my back as we step into the elevator. I both love and hate that he’s touching me. “What should I wear?” I ask.

  “Whatever you’re comfortable in. We’re going to a restaurant downtown so I can show my parents around, but it’s casual.”

  “Ugh, that doesn’t help.”

  “It doesn’t?” he laughs.

  “Not really. I mean, causal like casual Friday attire or casual like jeans?”

  He smirks. “Anything you wear will be fine.”

  “I don’t want to overdress and have them think I’m uppity or underdress and make them think I’m a bum.”

  The doors chime for my floor and I make my way through them.

  “They’re going to love you. Don’t worry.”

  The doors close just as he winks at me. I wish he’d stop that.

  We’re all sitting in the car, except for Kel. It’s 5:17 and Finn keeps glancing at the time.

  “Did you try texting him?” Emerson asks.

  “Yeah, twice. No answer,” Finn replies.

  “I think we should leave his ass here.” Emerson crosses her arms and leans her head back on the seat.

  A few minutes later, I see him running. “There he is.”

  He’s holding a rolled-up paper bag in his hands as he approaches. Opening the door, he huffs and puffs his way in.

  “Dude, where were you?” Emerson asks. “We were just about to leave.”

  “No, we weren’t, but I was concerned when you didn’t answer my texts. Is everything alright?” Finn questions.

  “Yep. I had to pick up something.” Kel starts unwrapping the bag and dumps out what seems to be at least twenty different candy bars onto Ernesto’s lap. “Snacks on me today.”

  Emerson gasps and Finn and I both turn in our seats.

  “What the fuck, Kel?” Emerson questions.

  “I got the promotion. At the end of next month, I’m gonna be a manager in receiving.”

  There’s a round of praise from everyone. Ernesto seems confused. His hands are still in the air. Poor Ernesto.

  Finn points to Kel. “Umm… promocíon.”

  Ernesto smiles and gives Kel the thumbs-up. We all laugh.

  “Take whatever you want.” Kel makes direct eye contact with Emerson. Although he doesn’t say the words, I can tell this is about more than just a promotion. Kel means well, most of the time.

  Emerson takes a Snickers and a Reese’s. Ernesto grabs the Twizzlers. Finn waits for me to choose first. I grab a PayDay and he hums.

  “Hmm, didn’t see that coming.”

  He takes the Milky Way.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.

  “I didn’t figure you for a nuts kind of girl.”

  Kel laughs. “He didn’t think you liked nuts since you haven’t gone for his.”

  Finn snickers and shakes his head.

  “And the asshole returns,” I add.

  “What?” Kel asks. He motions to Ernesto, himself, and Emerson as he speaks. “We all see you two making googly eyes at each other. Why don’t you just have sex and get it over with? Unless you’re saving yourself for me, Liz?”

  I unbuckle my seat belt and I’m over the seat before I know it. I pick up two more candy bars and throw them at Kel. One bounces off his chest and the other off his forehead. I turn back around and plop back into my seat without saying a word.

  Kel raises his hands in question. “What did I say?”

  I’ve changed no less than ten times. There are clothes hanging from the door, on the floor, and all over the bed. I’m even picky about my underwear, making sure I match. My nerves are shot. This feels like a date. Even though I know it’s a charade and I’m just helping out a friend, I’m a nervous wreck about meeting Finn’s parents. What if they don’t like me?

  I decide on a fitted dress with knee-high black boots. I’d never wear something like this to work. The neckline is a little lower than usual. As I decide it’s too much and I should change, the door buzzes. Shit. He’s here.

  I rush over and let him up. While smoothing my hair, I figure I can change clothes if he hates it. He knocks and I open the door. He’s wearing dark fitted jeans and a button-down blue shirt. I’ve never seen him dressed down. Usually girls go ga-ga over the suit, but something about casual Finn makes my heart flutter.

  “Holy fuck,” he whispers as he stares me down.

  My mouth drops. “Oh no! I knew it.” I hold up my palms to him. “Give me a second and I’ll go change. I was just about to when you got here. I have something else. I mean, I have a lot of other things and… Oh shit. I’m so sorry. I’ll be right back.”

  I dart off toward the bedroom and he follows me. “Liz! Liz, wait!”

  He rushes into my bedroom behind me and stops dead in his tracks when he sees the mess.

  “What the hell happened here?” he laughs.

  I grab a pair of jeans and a cowl neck sweater. “I’ll only be a minute.”

  He continues his pursuit of me after his momentary distraction at the tornado that hit my room. Grabbing ahold of my arms as I sprint toward the bathroom, he says, “Don’t you dare change.”

  “Your face said it all. Don’t backtrack, it’s fine. I was worried it was too much. I mean, the dress is a little short and it’s plum colored, which probably doesn’t look good with my skin anyway and I would never wear something like this to work. I mean, I’ve actually never worn this at all; it’s been sitting in my closet because I really don’t go anywhere and I wasn’t sure about it. I thought it might be too much and then the heels on the boots probably make me look like a whore and I don’t want your parents to think this is who I am. Plus I see a bit of cleavage and I was going to add a scarf to cover it up, because again, ‘whore.’” I make quotation marks with my fingers as I say the word. “But I didn’t have time because there you were and then you saw me and I knew.”

  He scours his hand over his face and smiles in amusement. “You
took it all wrong. My reaction is awe.”

  “Awe? What does that mean?” I ask, gripping my clothes tightly to my chest.

  “That means you take my breath away. There is no way in hell I’m letting you change out of this dress. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

  I feel my face flush, so I turn away. “I’m not comfortable in it anyway, so…”

  He moves around to face me and tugs at the clothes in my hands. I hold on to them tightly.

  “Let them go,” he says sweetly.

  “No,” I tell him. “I’m changing.”

  He steps in front of the bathroom door to block it. “Well, you’ll have to do it here in front of me, then, because I’m not letting you in there.”

  I huff. “Yeah, I bet you’d like that, you pervert.”

  He leans on the door and crosses his arms. “Yes. I would. I’d enjoy every second of it.”

  My face blushes again. I plop on the bed on top of all my clothes and cover my face with my sweater both out of frustration and because I don’t want him to know he’s affecting me.

  He bends down in front of me.

  “You look gorgeous. Probably too good. My parents are going to wonder what a girl like you sees in a louse like me.”

  I move the sweater from my face to reveal kind blue eyes gazing upon me.

  “I swear to God, Finn, don’t you let me go to meet your parents looking like a streetwalker.”

  “If I thought there was an issue, even in the slightest, I would tell you. I promise.”

  He pulls the sweater from me and stands. I toss my jeans on the bed next to the red bra I’d tried on earlier. My eyes pop and I grab it and tuck it behind my back.

  “Now what?” he questions, reaching his arms around me to see what I’m hiding.

  “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

  He pulls hard, twisting my hand in front of him. I let go and my bra strap snaps him in the face. I want to cry out in embarrassment, but I laugh instead and so does he.

  I place my hand on his cheek. He briefly places his hand over mine and my smile fades. He steps toward me and my breath hitches. My hand falls to his chest.