by Kahlen Aymes
“To be fair, he did mention you.” I didn’t want him to haze Aaron because of me, so I made sure Dave knew Aaron had made an effort. “He said you wanted to go out.”
“Yes, I would. Are you up for it?”
Here was my opportunity to stop mooning over Ryan. It took some effort, but I pasted a smile across my face. “Yes. I’d like that.”
Dave’s smile brightened. “Yeah?”
I nodded, mustering as much enthusiasm as I could manage. “Uh huh.”
“Good.” The hand that was holding my hand moved to my back to rub up and down, his eyes became hooded. I tried to relax, but I stiffened just a touch.
“Ellie looks like she’s had too much to drink. I should probably get her home.” I pulled the phone out of my back pocket. I wasn’t sure if I was checking the time or looking for a message from Ryan. It was after 1:30 AM. The party would be breaking up soon, and Ellie, sitting next to Nate across the table from me, was giggling at something he’d said. They were huddled together and he had his arm around her.
Dave’s gaze was intense on my face, and I could sense he was thinking about his options. “She should probably eat something. Why don’t we all go to breakfast?”
I nodded. “Okay. Hey, Ellie!” I called to get her attention. “Do you guys want to get something to eat?”
“Sure!” Nate said at the same time Ellie answered.
“Yes!”
“Great. I just have to see if one of the others will make sure the house clears at two. If we get busted, we lose our charter.”
He got up but stopped to squeeze my shoulder before he turned to go. “I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” Maybe Dave had a better head on his shoulders than Ryan gave him credit for.
Ellie was leaning into Nate and he bent to plant a kiss on her mouth. It was clumsy and sloppy, considering they were both somewhat inebriated. My phone finally vibrated in my pocket.
Where are you?
I’m still at the party. Going to breakfast.
Can we join?
My heart sank as I wondered who was with him. Would I be faced with some girl draped all over him if I agreed? My chest constricted as I tried to suck in a breath. Well, maybe that was just what I needed. I needed immunity to Ryan’s pull, and small doses of seeing him with women was probably what it would take. Besides, Dave would be with me.
After a second, I typed in my response.
Sure.
Less than fifteen seconds later, Ryan had answered.
Where and when? Stacks isn’t open.
Ryan and I liked this place called Stacks for breakfast, but they weren’t open at this time of night, and in fact, not beyond the afternoon on any day.
I know. IHOP? We’ll be leaving soon.
Redwood City?
It’s the closest one.
Okay. See you in thirty minutes.
I shoved my phone back in my pocket. People were still hanging out, but the party was winding down. Dave came back, his keys in his hand.
“Are you ready? I can drive,” Dave said.
“I need to get Ellie’s keys. She’s not in any condition to drive. So we can meet you there?”
“Why don’t we all go together?”
If I were any other woman, I’d probably be clamoring to spend as much time with this man as possible, but the truth was I didn’t know him that well, and with Ellie this out of it, it would just be better to drive her car to the restaurant and go home from there.
“Why don’t you and Nate follow us in your car?” I suggested. “We can go to the IHOP nearest our place.” Dave’s lips pressed together briefly. It was clear he was annoyed, but Ellie was in no condition to drive. I stood up, walked around the table and took a hold of her arm. “Come on, Ellie. It’s time to go.”
I helped her up, and Nate caught her when she tripped trying to step over the bench of the picnic table. She started laughing outrageously. I hadn’t seen her this intoxicated since freshman year and we’d gone to our very first college party.
“Okay,” Dave agreed, finally. “If you promise we’ll go out next weekend.”
Within minutes, Ellie was piled into the front seat and Dave and Nate were following behind us on the way to breakfast.
“Why didn’t you just let me go with Nate?” Ellie’s voice was slurred, and her head lolled against the passenger door window.
“You’re a little drunk, Ellie.”
“Oh, God. I feel sick.”
“You need to eat.”
“Ugh,” she moaned, putting a hand to her head. “I’m gonna throw up.”
“Really?”
“No.” She moaned. “I don’t know.”
I was almost to the restaurant and soon I was pulling into the parking lot. Ryan’s CRV was already there, and he and a guy I didn’t recognize were leaning on it, waiting for us. No women anywhere in sight.
I pulled into a spot three away from Ryan and he started walking toward the car just as Dave parked in a spot behind Ellie’s car.
Ellie’s door flew open, and she stumbled out before I could get around to help her myself. Ryan was there instantly, and his arm went around her shoulders.
“Hey, El. Are you okay?” he asked.
“No. I need the bathroom.”
Ryan glanced at me then at Dave and Nate. “Hey,” he greeted them. “Come on, Ellie. I’ll take you in. Jules, you should come with her.”
“Yeah. Dave, can you and Nate grab us a table?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said.
Ryan’s eyes shot briefly to my face. “This is Shawn,” he introduced briefly, as we all started walking into the restaurant. The parking lot was starting to fill up with the bar crowd. We all went inside, and Ryan steadied Ellie. “Can you walk?”
“I think so.”
I took her arm and started to pull Ellie in the direction of the bathroom on the other side of the restaurant. “Come on,” I told her. “Be right back.” I looked apologetically as we began to walk away. I just hoped Ellie didn’t lose her cookies before we got there.
~RYAN
This was damn awkward. At least, it felt awkward, though the other guys seemed oblivious.
My fear that David Kessler would be at the party was confirmed. I pressed my lips together in irritation. He’d sure as hell wasted no time. I made small talk with them and more formally introduced Shawn. Nate knew him from another one of the science courses we shared, but Dave was a business student, so they hadn’t met. The hostess showed us to a table and I threw my coat over the chair on my right. Dave took the one on the other side of it. When we sat down, she placed menus in front of all of us and left two in front of the two empty chairs.
“I’ll send the waitress over when the ladies get back from the restroom. Enjoy your meals,” she said then left.
I could feel Dave’s eyes boring into me, so my eyes snapped to his and held. He was throwing down a challenge, and I met it, unflinchingly. He was obviously threatened and I inwardly rejoiced. He huffed, which told me he knew exactly what I was thinking.
“How long have you known Julia, Ryan?” It was a barely veiled throw-down that I was more than willing to pick up.
“Long enough.” I knew it was a pissy response, but I didn’t give a damn. It wasn’t any of his business that I’d met her the beginning of second semester last year, and really, why did it matter? My eyes were still trained on his face and my expression was stoic.
“Funny, I was thinking the same thing. She’s great.”
“I agree,” I said steadily.
“Ellie’s awesome, too,” Nate interjected, sensing the tension between Dave and me. I opened the menu and tried to concentrate on the images and words.
“She looked a little green around the gills tonight,” I answered.
“I guess I gave her too much beer, but we were having a good time,” Nate answered.
My eyes flashed up to David’s again. “Julia seems fine.”
“Where did you guys go tonight?”
> “We went to the Brewery and played pool,” Shawn interjected.
“Yes since we couldn’t come to your party. That’s quite a racket you’ve got going there.” The corner of my mouth twitched.
“What do you mean?” Dave wanted to know. By now we were all looking over the menus and the waitress came back to get our drink order. I ordered coffee for Ellie, Julia and myself and she left us, saying she’d return with the beverages and take our food order.
I leaned back in my chair, still intent on answering his questions. “Don’t patronize me. You know.” I was stoic in my response. “Not letting other dudes attend your party gives you a captive audience with the girls.”
Dave smirked and shrugged. He was a slick bastard. Where Nate was all loose and sloppy, David Kessler was put together and edgy, despite his casual state of dress. “It works. I’ve been trying to talk to Julia for two semesters.”
Shawn was a quiet and introspective type and pretty oblivious to what was going on. He was dealing with a bad break-up and kept pretty much to himself. On the other hand, Nate could see all my muscles were coiled, and it made him uncomfortable. He was bristling in his seat.
“I’m aware,” I answered flatly. I had no right to tell him to keep away from Julia, but I wanted him to know I’d be watching what went down. “She’s a class act.”
“Yes.” His eyes narrowed.
“Look, I’ve heard about you and I’ve seen you in action. Treat her right and we’ve got no problems.”
“What’s between you two? Crash and burn, huh?”
“No. I’ve got no beef with you, Kessler, but Julia is a good person. She’s not just a piece of ass. Got it?”
“Ryan, lighten up. Women are pieces of ass. I can’t believe you haven’t tried to hit it.”
I saw Julia and Ellie emerge from the bathroom so I had to say what I had to say, then shut the hell up. “I’ll only say this once; treat her with respect or you’ll have me to deal with.”
“Oooh,” he mocked, putting both hands in front of him and wiggling his fingers, in a big “fuck off.”
My blood began to boil, but a sly smile slid across my mouth. The little prick! Part of me wished he’d push me just a little bit further, though my logical mind told me to back off. Not that I gave a fuck what he thought, but this was a public place and worse, Julia was here. I didn’t need to make an ass of myself in front of her.
“I’m not fucking around.” My voice was low, so the girls wouldn’t hear, but laced with a growl. I felt claustrophobic and wanted to reach across the empty chair between us and slug him across the mouth.
Ellie pulled out the chair between Nate and Shawn and plopped into it, at the same time I nodded to the chair next to me, silently indicating that Julia should sit next to me. Dave Kessler on the opposite side couldn’t be helped at this point.
“I ordered you both some coffee,” I said to the girls.
“Sorry,” Ellie muttered. She leaned on her folded arm and looked like she was about to pass out.
“Thanks, Ryan,” Julia said.
The waitress returned, we all ordered breakfast, and the conversation was full of generalities. It was normal to talk about nothing but bullshit when you didn’t know the people you were with very well; that was the way you got to know them, but I leaned back in my chair and zoned out.
To David’s chagrin, I pushed my open menu in front of Julia. I didn’t intend to piss him off, but he visibly stiffened. Julia didn’t notice either my action or his demeanor because sharing a menu was just something we did and wasn’t out of the ordinary. If I put myself in the other guy’s shoes, I’d have been pissed, too. I knew I needed to stop over-stepping my place, but habits were hard to break. If the guy hitting on Julia was a good guy and I knew it, maybe I wouldn’t feel so territorial, but this asshole wasn’t going to get what he was after from her as long as I was around.
When the meal came, most of us started to eat, and I shut my mouth and tried to stay out of Julia and Dave’s interaction. It wasn’t easy, and I was torn. I found myself just wanting to get the hell out of there, but a bigger part couldn’t leave her alone with him. Kessler was smooth, I had to give him that. He sidled up close to her side and talked to her in low tones designed to keep me and anyone else from hearing what he had to say. I knew her as well as I knew anyone, and I could tell by her nervous laugh and flushed cheeks he was flirting hard, maybe being too pushy. My fist clenched around the napkin I held in my hand.
Ellie was leaning on the table with her head resting on her folded arm, her eyelids drooping heavily and I used her as an excuse to draw Julia’s attention away from the asshole on her other side.
“Ellie, are you okay?” I shot Nathan a disapproving look. “Dude, you shouldn’t have let her get so wasted.”
He looked incredulous. “We were having fun. You’re too uptight.”
“I’m okay. I do want to go home.”
“Nate, why don’t you drive Ellie, and I’ll follow you with Julia,” Dave suggested before turning toward Julia and taking her hand. His voice lowered a couple of decibels. “I want to be alone with you for a while.”
Thankfully, Julia shook her head. “She’ll need me to help her into the dorm and into bed.”
I wanted to say that I’d help, but I had to take Shawn back to his place, and I’d damn well be checking up on them once that was done. Dave was able to hide his annoyance from Julia only because her focus was on Ellie, but I saw right through him.
I leaned in toward Julia. “I’ll take Shawn home then check on you guys.”
“You don’t need to, Ryan.” Julia smiled softly, but there was sadness behind her eyes that nagged at me.
“What if you can’t get Ellie inside by yourself?”
“Dave and I can follow them, and we’ll make sure they get in all right,” Nate said.
“Sounds like a plan,” Dave answered with a smug smile and inwardly, I seethed.
We all finished the meal, and while I was drawn into the conversation with the others, my ears were straining to hear the low conversation between Julia and Kessler. He was making plans to take Julia out the following weekend.
I inhaled a breath, hoping it would ease the uncomfortable tightness in my chest and fix the erratic heartbeat that was close to making me sick. I’d have to deal with the insane attraction I felt for Julia, and I’d have to find a way to get over it. I ran a hand through my hair, my cheeks puffing out as I let out the air in my lungs.
I made a silent pact with myself. I’d have to focus on school and concentrate my social energy on dating. Being out with other women would accomplish three things; my social calendar would fill up with activities it would be impossible to include Julia, it would get my head back around our friendship, and it would ease the physical ache that was becoming a problem.
Chapter 8
Hard Facts
~Julia
Somehow, I was surviving. I was trying hard to balance being Ryan’s friend but the signals coming off him were so mixed; I was confused more often than not. He acted jealous, but there was a definite divide between our friendship and his social life. We kept to our Sunday coffee schedule, but soon, we wouldn’t have Lit together, and it was getting impossible to plan classes together because our majors were so different.
I was sad and frustrated, torn between screaming at him, crying my eyes out when I was alone and never seeing him again. The latter was impossible, even if being with him was starting to hurt. It ached when I was with him and when I wasn’t. After coffee today, I agreed to come back to Aaron and Ryan’s apartment to make dinner for everyone. Afterward, I spent two hours quizzing Ryan to help prepare him for his Organic Chemistry final, and now, we were both studying for other finals.
My eyes fell on Ryan. He was sprawled out on his bed, face down, reading a book on his laptop and I was sitting at the desk in his room trying to work on one of my communications papers. The cords from both of our computers were plugged into the wall behind mine
in a tangled mess. The light in the room was low and most of it came from our respective computer screens.
I closed my eyes. They were burning from the hours spent staring at the screen and the muscles in my neck and shoulders were screaming as well. The light from Ryan’s computer turned his perfect features into a plethora of contrasting light and dark shadows. I rubbed my neck as my mind committed his image to memory because it would become the next portrait in my ever-growing portfolio. I’d be sunk if Ryan ever saw those drawings. I’d be sunk if Ellie, Jenna or anyone else saw them. They were so personal, and other than the fact my feelings would be outed, I just didn’t want anyone else to see them. With summer looming in front of me, I’d have three months without Ryan, and no doubt the number of drawings in my portfolio would increase.
I’d been trying to get over it, trying hard not to be in love with him, but I measured every other man against him. I knew it was toxic, but I couldn’t help it and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Ryan was so perfect. My heart seized just looking at him.
I was basically forcing myself to date Dave Kessler on a regular basis, and it had been more than two months since that uncomfortable night when I was sandwiched between him and Ryan at the IHOP. Now, Ryan made himself scarce whenever Dave was going to be around, and it was some unspoken agreement between us.
If only I could really care about Dave. I let him touch me, I made out with him with heavy petting, but when it came down to it, I hadn’t been able to go through with full-blown sex. Stupidly, I felt guilty, and so, when Dave pressed me, I said I just wasn’t ready. He wasn’t Ryan. Even as I thought it, I wanted to punch myself. I could see Dave’s irritation written all over his face whenever Ryan would call or text me when Dave and I were together. He was starting to catch on and we’d had three fights over Ryan since we’d been seeing each other. One just earlier today when Dave wanted me to go over to the frat house, but I’d already made plans to study with Ryan. It ended with me ending the call mid-sentence, and I’d kept my phone off most of the day since.