by Kahlen Aymes
Ryan and Aaron fulfilled their childhood dream of attending Harvard Med together, but afterward, Ryan had chosen to do his residency in New York City so that he and I could be together. We’d gotten married on a spur of the moment decision at the same time that he and Aaron were graduating last June. Every minute since then had been heaven. At least, the moments we actually spent together.
I tapped nervously on the steering wheel of my Mazda and, as I looked around the parking lot, a mixture of impatience and uneasiness settled over me. The ER was generally busy with all kinds of cases, and Ryan regaled me with details on several occasions. Most were just what you’d expect, but, as in any major city, there were gangs in New York and Ryan was constantly dealing with shootings, beatings and stabbings. I shuddered as fear I tried to push back, resurfaced. It wasn’t as if the many hours he spent away from me weren’t bad enough without worrying about these types of people hanging out at the hospital while their ‘homies’ were treated for the latest fight or drive-by.
Take tonight. There were several rough young men hovering outside of the entrance, smoking, spouting trash-talk and generally harassing anyone who tried to go into or out of the hospital. No distinctive racial group, they were a mixture of white, black, Asian and Hispanic descent, but collectively, they were a scary bunch. Two or three of them looked particularly agitated during the conversation. I couldn’t make out their words, but I could tell from their expressions and body language that they were arguing. One tough-looking thug, who was clearly the leader, shoved another of them with enough force to send him sprawling head first onto the pavement.
“Do that again and I’ll kill you, man! I’ll fucking kill you!”
I flushed and shrank down in the seat a little further, hoping they wouldn’t take much notice of me while I waited for Ryan. My heart constricted in worry that he would have to walk through them on his way to where the car was parked across the lot.
An old man entering the hospital glanced in the group’s direction and was rewarded with a bitter threat, which was loud enough so I could hear clearly.
“What are you looking at, motherfucker? Stay out of our business or I’ll cut you!” he shouted. I jumped when he pulled out a switchblade and waved it at the old man.
I swallowed and made sure the doors to the car were locked. The gentleman put up both hands in a silent plea to be left alone as he hurried inside the double doors. It was no wonder Ryan didn’t like me waiting here alone, though, I hardly found myself in this sort of situation. My job at Vogue was on the Upper East Side and our new apartment was in Midtown Manhattan and rarely did Ryan allow me to visit him at work.
I glanced at my watch. Ryan would be out any minute and we’d go straight to the airport. It was ten minutes past four and I was grateful for the daylight that remained. It was cold and I needed to keep the car running, and the defroster kept the windows from fogging over.
As I waited, I let my mind drift. Jenna planned a big affair and was holding her reception at the same hotel where Ryan and I were married. Our wedding was smaller and more intimate than the one Jenna had planned, but it was a perfect reflection of our relationship. Very close and tight, so, very intimate.
Guh! My heart still thudded within my chest at the memory of the vows and the incredible night of lovemaking that followed. It didn’t matter how much time passed, I was more and more in love with my beautiful husband every day. Ryan was my entire world and I looked forward to the time alone with him in Boston. His work schedule was so frantic that our time together was precious, and there were days when we wouldn’t see each other at all beyond a kiss as we passed each other coming and going. I missed him like I hadn’t seen him in years.
I grabbed my purse from the passenger seat and reached in to retrieve my ringing phone.
“Yes, Jen!” I smiled as I answered. She was so anxious to have us back in Boston, that I’d expected her call.
“When will you be here?”
“Soon. We will be! Relax.”
“I’m relaxed. Aaron, on the other hand, is a basket case. You’d think he was being led to the gallows,” she mocked with a chuckle. “I think he’s more excited to see you and Ryan than he is to marry me!”
“Nah. He’s probably just yanking your chain. You know Aaron.”
“I’m so happy, Julia! The dresses came today. Ellie’s outdone herself again.”
I looked cautiously at the group of men, now beginning to take notice of me sitting in my car, and I bristled in my seat. I was frightened but I didn’t want it to come through in my voice. “I can’t wait to see them. Jenna, were you able to get the suite for us?”
“Yes! It’s a good thing the Four Seasons has more than one honeymoon suite or you would have been out of luck!”
Excitement raced through me as I anticipated Ryan’s reaction to spending the weekend in the same suite we’d spent our wedding night in. I smiled a secret smile in retrospection, but then one of the unruly young men was making his way toward me, leaning down to glare into the front window of the car. I turned my back and faced the opposite direction, hoping he would leave me alone. That’s if we make it out of this stupid parking lot!
I looked nervously at the door and wondered if I should pull closer. One of the smaller men was nudging the leader and pointing in my direction. I bristled in my seat.
“Thank you. I can’t wait to see you! Will you be at the hotel tonight?” I ignored the men and concentrated on my call with Jenna but my pulse quickened and I shuddered.
“Yes. Gabe and Elyse are already here and my parents are arriving around the same time as you and Ryan.”
“Ellie and Harris?”
“They’re here already and Marin and Paul arrive on Saturday morning.”
“Yes, Dad is busy with a case and can’t be away too long, but I’m happy that they will be there. I never expected to have us all together this soon.” This was going to be the first time I’d seen my parents together since their reunion and our wedding.
Ryan finally appeared behind the glass of the hospital entrance and was soon walking toward me across the parking lot. My heart stilled as he glanced in the direction of the men and nodded to them. It seemed to calm them slightly and they dropped back, letting him pass without incident. I breathed a sigh of relief and the heavy pounding of my heart reminded me how scared I really was.
“No shit. I’m excited to see everyone!” Jen said breathlessly.
“You deserve this, finally. Ryan is almost to the car, so I’ll call you when we land. Love you.”
“You, too! Bye!”
Ryan opened the passenger side door and slid into the black leather seat and I quickly relocked the doors. He looked worn out but leaned toward me after he was in the car and cupped the side of my face with his hand.
“What’s the matter? Did those men bother you?” he asked, intently searching my face.
I shook my head.
“No, but they are frightening. Do they always hang out here?”
“No. Don’t worry. We get some rough people here, but other times they’re just idiots playing around. Tonight someone got pushed off a roof while they were sparring with friends. They don’t understand how dangerous that kind of injury can be. The kid had a ruptured spleen and went to emergency surgery. If we didn’t get it out, he would have died of internal bleeding. Stupid fuckers.”
His scent enveloped me and I longed to melt into his arms and feel safe, to know he was safe. I searched his face for reassurance, but my heart constricted despite myself.
“Ryan, they look like a gang.”
“Probably. Don’t worry, baby. I’m just glad you work uptown.”
My eyes searched his. The blue depths were intent despite the fatigue that lurked there.
“It’s adorable how you worry so much, but there is no reason for it. I’m okay except I’m missing my wife so much it hurts,” he said in his velvet voice. I pressed my face into his warm hand.
I smiled, taking in the dark
circles beneath his deep blue eyes. “Ryan, you’re so tired.” I was more at ease now that he was here beside me, but the men were still watching us from a few yards away. Ryan didn’t seem to notice, his focus was completely on me.
“I’m okay.” His thumb brushed over my bottom lip and pulled it down slightly as his gaze dropped to my mouth. “Give me some of that.” He smiled softly before his other hand closed around my forearm. He pulled me toward him and his mouth settled on mine in a gentle kiss.
I couldn’t help it, my mouth opened and my own hands reached out to clutch at the front of his dark blue button-down between the opening of his black leather jacket. He’d changed out of his scrubs for the flight and was looking good enough to eat. He responded by increasing the pressure of his mouth on mine and the hand holding my head pulled me closer. His thumb brushed back and forth along my jaw as his tongue plundered my mouth. We kissed deeply for a minute before his mouth lifted and then returned to tease my lips in a series of sucking kisses.
“Jesus, you taste so good. Why does it feel like I never fucking see you?” he said and kissed me one more time.
“Maybe because you never fucking see me,” I quipped in return and he groaned, his mouth reaching for mine again as his eyes slid closed, but I rested my forehead against his, denying him the kiss he was seeking.
“Baby, I could kiss you forever, but we’re going to miss our plane. Besides, those goons are still eyeing us, and they scare me.” I reached up and brushed my fingers along his jaw and then up to push the hair back off of his brow. “We should go.” I moved more fully into my seat and put the car in gear.
“Don’t be scared. I won’t let anything hurt you, sweetheart.”
“The only thing that hurts me lately is the lack of time with you.”
His mouth twisted and he frowned, pulling the seatbelt down and buckling it.
“Um hmm, and here I thought getting married and moving in together was going to make things easier,” he said apologetically. His hand reached out and his warm fingers closed around mine, lifting my hand to his mouth to brush his lips across the inside of my wrist. His touch always set my body on fire and my heart thudded in my chest.
“Mmm… well, I’m thankful for the time we do have together. This weekend will be hectic, but at least we’ll be together for 72 hours. I want to make sure that you get some rest tonight.”
“Well, I want to make sure I get some lovin’ from my gorgeous wife,” he said with a devilish grin. “Lots and lots of lovin’.” He turned in his seat and looked at me seriously as I navigated my way through the city.
“Ryan, what is it?”
“I know this weekend is about Aaron and Jenna but I want some time for just us; if we can manage it. I really miss talking and just being with you. Alone.”
I knew what he meant. He was my best friend in the world and we were closer than any couple I’d ever seen. Lately, on the rare occasion our schedules meshed we were so desperate for the physical connection; we devoured each other. Rarely did we go out and do anything together. Instead, we opted to closet ourselves away from the world and soak up as much love as we could in the few precious hours we had. His eyes were sad and I desperately wanted to see him smile again.
“Oh? I remember now, it’s my words you can’t live without. Not my body, right?” I cocked my head and raised my eyebrow. It worked.
Ryan laughed and squeezed my hand. I knew by his response that he remembered the conversation that I was referring to. “That’s right. I’ll be completely miserable making love all night if I can’t talk to you first.”
“Yeah, right. Okay, then I’ll make sure to throw the new lingerie I bought for this weekend out when we get to the hotel.”
Ryan sobered, his thumb rubbing back and forth over the hand that he held. “I love you, Julia,” he said seriously. “I do want to talk to you. I want to find out what’s going on… but I love that you think about me that way. You always know just what I need.”
“Because you’re everything to me. Even if I can’t see you so much, I wouldn’t trade one second of my life with you. I love you.” I threw a glance and a small bittersweet smile at him before returning my focus back on the traffic.
Since my accident nine months before, there were times when he’d get deep and brooding, withdrawing into himself and I was sure he was remembering how painful it was. I was sometimes amazed by how much it still affected him, but I’d learned to recognize the look in his deep blue eyes and the silence that he would cloak himself in. The pain that still flitted across his perfect features from time to time ripped at my heart and I wished I could vanish it forever. As much as we loved each other, we no longer took any of our time together for granted, having seen how precarious life could be. We were both well aware of how much we needed each other.
My throat tightened up as I tried to speak. As usual, Ryan could read me like a book. My emotions and my thoughts all laid bare to him, despite my attempts to squash them.
“I never want to go through anything like that again.” The ache in his voice was still so prevalent whenever he spoke of it and I wondered if he realized that had I not been in that accident, we’d have a one month old baby by now. Despite the happiness we shared and my memory being fully restored, he held his misery very close to him and we were both still suffering the loss. Ryan had endured so much when I didn’t remember the past, the baby, or what he called our mad, mad love.
My heart thumped loudly in my chest remembering the night it all came rushing back when he poured out his pain as I poured out mine. Every precious moment and ounce of pain brought us closer. I still found it almost impossible that anyone could love this much. Almost, because the proof of it was sitting next to me.
“We won’t. I love you so much,” I said, my voice trembling and my eyes welling slightly. I blinked back the tears as we drove in silence for a few minutes, our hands laced together. I could feel his eyes boring into my profile so I turned my face toward him. “I have a surprise for you later,” I said softly. His eyes locked with mine and the corner of his mouth lifted in the crooked smile that always took my breath away.
“In addition to the lingerie?” he asked. When I nodded, he smiled even bigger. “I have one for you as well.”
“Really? Tell me what it is,” I said anxiously, the mood suddenly lighter.
“Not a chance,” Ryan said shortly but with a wide grin. “If I have to suffer, so do you.”
“Mmm.”
“Julia, do we have to meet up with the others tonight? I’d rather not. Not tonight.”
“Ryan.” I shook my head at him in exasperation. “Yes. Your parents are here and we’re meeting them with Aaron and Jenna in the bar for drinks. We don’t have to stay long, but we do have to go for a bit. Aren’t you anxious to see them? It’s been six months and you’re the best man.”
“I suppose I should be, but I just want to get you alone and wrap myself around you all night. I don’t give a damn if it’s selfish.”
“We can get some wine. It will help you relax so you can sleep, and when we go back to the room, I’ll run you a bath and give you a massage so you can relax. We’ll have plenty of time to be alone.”
“Okay,” he said begrudgingly, his lower lip extending boyishly in a slight pout. My heart leapt at the adorable gesture, and the obvious emotions behind it. His desire to be alone with me echoed my need to have his arms around me. “But I disagree. There is never enough time with you. I feel like I haven’t touched you in forever.”
“You’re touching me now.”
“You know what I mean, Julia. I want to make love to you. I need to lose myself inside you.” I drew in a deep breath as his voice reverberated in several waves of electricity. Yes, I knew what he meant. I craved his touch like air. “I want you. Every second.” The tone of his voice lowered huskily.
“It’s only been four days,” I said in an attempt to offer comfort, and also communicate that I was aware of how long it’d been since we’d
last been together. It was not lost on him and Ryan’s hand tightened around mine.
His schedule was so erratic that we rarely were home together at the same time, and when he was he was beat and most of the time I had to insist that he sleep.
“Four days too long.”
RYAN~
I watched Julia from a few feet away, at the far end of our group. My parents reserved four tables along one side of the room near the band. She was laughing with Ellie and Jen, their faces full of animation and their eyes full of the type of light that was visible even in the dimly lit room. Thank God we were able to check in and take a quick shower before we’d been required to come down to socialize.
I cringed and inwardly chastised myself. For Christ’s sake! It was my only brother’s wedding. Even if we weren’t related by blood, we were bound by life, love and experience. The least I could do was show up long enough to celebrate.
The girls’ tinkling laughter filtered down from the end table that they were all huddled around. Jenna’s younger sister, Anna, her parents and two other couples along with my family, and Ellie and Harris rounded out the numbers.
I squinted in the direction of the people I didn’t recognize, trying to place them. While they were vaguely familiar, I couldn’t put names with the faces, and tonight, I was too tired to try. I should have paid more attention when we first arrived. I rubbed a hand over my face from my temples down over my chin and scratched at the twenty-four hours worth of beard growth. I hadn’t taken the time to shave after my shower and I was sorry now. I had no desire to chafe Julia’s perfect alabaster skin, but there was no way I wouldn’t be kissing all over her curves later. My fingers played along my jaw as I judged how harsh it would feel against her smooth flesh.
My mother’s hand traced over the muscles of my back and brought me out of my personal thoughts and back into the room around me. She was sitting on my right and my dad was on the other side of Aaron. The two men were in deep conversation together, a concentrated frown on my brother’s face and a look of wry amusement on my father’s.