by Alice Moore
Roark moved first, lifting his arm to lean on the door frame, and I gulped noticeably as he loomed over me. His eyes sparkled when I finally looked up, and he smirked at me like he hadn’t just left a place where a dead body was put on for show.
“You should’ve told me you were having a party, Ally. I would’ve brought some cone hats.” Blinking slowly, my eyes widened, and my grin widened to stall as my brain tried to come up with words. Roark simply watched me, waiting so patiently, and I blushed hard when I realized he was still in the hallway.
“That’s okay! Come in- I was just- uh… it doesn’t matter. We can make cone hats? I have all of the stuff.” That’s a terrible idea! Stupid! Idiot! You’re not five!
Oblivious to my harsh, internal scold, Roark shuffled his way into my apartment, and his soft laugh wrapped around me as I shut the door behind him.
“I’d love to, Ally.” Amusement tainted his deep, silky smooth voice, and I squeezed my eyes shut before whirling around. Heading for a kitchenette cabinet, my legs wobbled dangerously, and I worried my face would melt from the heat that scorched my cheeks. “I’m so glad I didn’t have to stay long. Apparently, Luca pushed his last kid out of the house less than two years ago, and he just went off the deep end. Ridiculous purchases, drugs, disappearing for days- weeks- at a time. No one seemed surprised that he died of an overdose. It was so weird… they almost seemed relieved…”
“The only true release drug addicts have is death, Roark. From the moment they get clean to the moment they die, they crave. It’s a never-ending battle, and a lot of the time, the families resign themselves to the fact that it’ll only end one way.” Roark’s confession sobered me up right quick, and I pulled out my arts and crafts supplies with a small sigh. “They probably knew long before he appeared in the hospital.”
“I don’t know… I’ve never met a drug addict- I’ve never been in the same room as a dead person before.” Which means it was probably closed-casket. Nodding in understanding, I closed the cabinet to set my box on the counter. Twisting to watch Roark stare thoughtfully into space on my futon, I nibbled my bottom lip at how hard he seemed to struggle with what he’d experienced. Grabbing my craft box, I wandered over to set it on the edge of the coffee table.
Seating myself next to Roark, my whole body buzzed when he automatically wrapped his arm around me and leaned back to cross one knee over the other.
“… My college roommate leaned on a railing, and it gave way. She fell three stories down onto the quad and imploded, depending on who you talk to. We’d only been roommates for six weeks, and I didn’t feel comfortable going to her wake or funeral. I showed up anyway.” The incident didn’t bother me anymore, and I rested my head on Roark’s shoulder to sigh heavily. “I felt bad- for her lost potential and the way she died- but I didn’t really know her. I couldn’t even recognize her mother.”
“The only person I knew there was William- he was Luca’s best friend and the one that introduced us. He was crying, and all I did was pat him awkwardly on the shoulder.” The tone in Roark’s voice said it all; Death was weird and uncomfortable for acquaintances, and I was inclined to agree. His shoulder relaxed against my cheek, and I took a deep breath before he started to circle my side with his palm over my shirt. In the growing silence, I recounted the only wake and funeral I’d ever been to.
I couldn’t remember that girl’s name anymore, but I had seen her lifeless body before it was sealed away and put in the ground.
“… How was New York?” Changing the subject to something less depressing, I carefully pushed myself off Roark’s shoulder to grab my craft bin. Shuffling beside me, he kept quiet as I searched through the stack of construction paper for a color that appealed to me.
“It wasn’t too bad. There was no real need to go, but I felt like I should anyway. A lot of my smaller companies are based out of there and California, and I wanted to check on them.” Finding a nice, lavender colored piece of paper, I carefully pulled it out of the dwindling sheath and set it next to me. Roark was patient, letting me choose printed scissors from my collection of five before finding a page for himself. Letting the conversation taper off, I searched the other end of the box for patterned tape, and a childish excitement grew in my chest.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. It sounds like we both could use a break…” Filling Roark in on what was happening in my class, I started bending my paper to figure out how best to make my hat. He listened intently, scoffing at parts, and with each word that left my mouth, my chest grew lighter. Tonight was going to be much more fun and relaxing despite how badly the day had been for both of us.
Roark
“I’ll save you from the vicious, fire-breathing dragon, Princess!” Flicking his paper chain like a whip, Roark grinned wide as a laugh burst from my chest. My body trembled, eyes wide and face hot, and I pressed myself deeper into the corner while he readjusted his silver, paper hat on his head.
The scary, fire-breathing dragon had taken over my coffee table, and I glanced down at it to choke a giggle. Roark had made an origami swan out of orange paper, and it was damn near the cutest thing I’d ever seen. In slow motion I watched him whip his paper chain along the table, and the origami swan fell to the floor like the climax fight in an action movie. Clapping my palms together, I bounced slightly with a whoo that was nearly drowned out by the blood roaring in my ears.
Adrenaline surged through my veins, and I rushed out of my designated prison area to throw my arms around Roark’s neck. Locking my legs around his waist, I jerked in a violent shudder as his palms cupped my ass. Mindlessly smashing my lips on his, I moaned softly as he reeled. When he hit the ground, my entire room rattled around us, and I opened my mouth to lick his upper lip. Desire coated my tongue, making that tiny taste an addictive ripple across my taste buds, and he wasted no time returning the favor.
Thick and heady, Roark’s saliva sent tingles across my face as our tongues tangled together, and he cupped the back of my head firmly. Tilting my hips, I moaned loudly when he squeezed my butt cheek. Curling tightly, he fisted my hair to force us apart, leaving me panting and aching as I sat astride him. The bulge in his pants was barely noticeable, but it was there; he wasn’t hard from one, impulsive kiss, and he didn’t seem inclined to get to that point.
I didn’t realize I’d closed my eyes until I had to force them open, and I tensed at the frown Roark offered me. From under furrowed brows, he stared at me through narrowed eyes, and I licked my lips nervously. Tightening from the sudden loss of heat, my breasts welted in goosebumps before he opened his mouth.
“Don’t grind. I don’t want to take you on an uncomfortable futon, Ally.” My eyes widened at that- Take me? It would’ve been so much easier to call it ‘fucking’ or even ‘having sex’.
“I’m sorry. You’re right, Roark- I just… I got swept up in the moment… uh-“ Awkwardly pushing myself to my feet, I raked my hand through my hair only to feel my fingers tremble slightly. Tension coiled tightly in my abdomen, but before I could move my stiff legs, Roark’s hands were gripping my inner thighs. The rough calluses on his palms and fingers scraped sensually against my skin, and I sucked in air with a whistle when his fingertips came dangerously close to my panty line.
“Relax.” Deep and slow, the demand rattled my spine, and I dug my toes into the carpet as Roark massaged my inner thighs. “You did nothing wrong, Ally.”
My fingers had a mind of their own, burying themselves in Roark’s hair when he kissed my sensitive flesh. Clenching my jaw tightly, I squeezed my eyes shut to focus on the sensation of his lips and teeth and tongue. It was a soft graze or tiny lick, but it wasn’t enough.
“We need to stop.” Weak and breathy, I was blessed I didn’t stutter, and I forced my eyelids apart. Meeting Roark’s gaze as he gazed up my front, I held my breath in quivering lungs. His eyes were bright, and my legs gave out to send me sinking into his lap. Wrapping my arms around his neck once again, I stuck my face in his neck to take a deep, sh
uddering breath. There was no wine to taint his breath, and his manly scent slithered up my nostrils to caress the crevices of my brain.
Softly stroking my hair, Roark anchored his arm around my waist, and I relished his comforting warmth and the erratic beat of his heart in sync with mine.
“I don’t know if it’s possible to mess this up…” Mumbling softly against my ear, Roark inhaled loudly, and I pursed my lips together as he voiced what simultaneously excited and terrified me. “But we’re going to take it slow, Ally. I’m going to prove that you can trust me- with everything.”
“I don’t need you to prove anything, Roark.” Pulling back to capture Roark’s gaze, I held his cheeks in my hand as a small frown wiggled into place between my cheeks. “One day, you’ll feel like you’ve proven yourself, and you’ll stop trying.”
Emotion strangled my words, and I blinked hard at the memories of my last relationship. In truth, we’d both stopped trying- but I refused to make that same mistake again. I refused to let Roark make that mistake. He was in a terrible marriage for five years, and that alone should’ve wiped away any doubt about the issue. His smile was soft, understanding, and I blinked hard at the blinding sight.
“Even if we never become more than a collection of awkwardly intimate dates, I would never abandon you. Anything you do, anything you want, I’ll support you, Ally.” A hint of amusement sparkled in Roark’s eyes, and my lip twitched as my mind filtered through the absurd possibilities he offered. “I got my second chance- a clean slate. I don’t need to hit you with my car to give you that.”
Huffing a soundless laugh, I shook my head slightly and slid my hands to Roark’s shoulders. Using him to help me up, I stepped out of his reach to watch him stand. His fingers didn’t wait to reach out to me, and my eyes fluttered when he adjusted my forgotten hat.
“You make a beautiful queen. Maybe I’ll get you a crown.” A fierce heat flushed my cheeks, and Roark smirked broadly. The lump that formed in my throat stifled my breaths, and I glanced around before moving to sit on my futon. Without invitation, he followed me to drape his arm over my shoulders, and I nestled into his side as he searched for the television remote.
Flipping through fantasy movies, Roark stopped on what looked like a B-rated retelling of Sleeping Beauty. I hadn’t seen this particular rendition yet, and he made the decision to watch it in less time than it took to take a breath. Contentedness spread through my chest, and he slouched into the couch to cross his legs and hold me tighter.
This was a scene I had only seen in movies; Tommy would’ve never considered lounging on the couch to be romantic. We’d need to go to the movies, or dinner, or the park- the list went on and on but never included mundane tasks.
“… I didn’t peg you as a fantasy lover, Roark.” Speaking up softly past the opening credits, I tilted my head to feel Roark shrug gently. He didn’t look at all begrudged, and I smiled when his eyes flickered to me.
“You do, though.”
Throughout the movie, it was obvious that Roark wasn’t paying attention. He caressed my shoulder absently, staring at the television but not actually seeing it. Against my side, he was relaxed, but his jaw ticked every so often to send barely noticeable ripples through my hair. There were no other signs of what he was thinking, and I reached across him midway through to pause the film.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Roark.” For a long moment, Roark didn’t answer me; he didn’t even acknowledge what I’d said. Watching him stare, I opened my mouth to ask again before his nostrils flared and chest expanded to its limit.
“The funeral… That could’ve been me.” That was the real reason he was here, and Roark’s voice wobbled dangerously towards the end. “It was a closed casket… but when I looked, all I could picture was myself inside it. Everyone said I was lucky to be alive after the car accident, and I never really knew how to respond. But- back there- I really realized how lucky I was.”
Sadness pierced my heart, sending tendrils of ice threading through my veins, and I snuggled deeper into Roark’s side. My chest ached for him and his ordeal, and he exhaled roughly to frown into my hair.
“I never thought of what I went through as a near-death experience. I was just glad I didn’t have to deal with Carla. Being at the wake gave me a glimpse of what could’ve been my reality. If I died in that accident, I would’ve spent my entire adult life being manipulated by a terrible wife who was a worse person. I wouldn’t be here to help Julianne get through Wells Academy. So… I guess… I’m just realizing that not all of my problems were about Carla, and the ones that were- well, they’re not really problems anymore.”
The solemn quality in Roark’s voice watered my eyes, and I tore my gaze off him to stare at my lap. My mind was blank in the face of what he’d revealed, and he didn’t say anything more in the growing silence. Sticking to the roof of my mouth, my tongue dried even as I searched for something to say.
But Roark wasn’t looking for an answer, and he wordlessly grabbed the remote to turn the movie back on. Staring blankly at the television, I nibbled my lips before deciding that there just wasn’t anything I could say. I had no idea what almost dying felt like; I had no idea about what he went through because it wasn’t publicized, and I wasn’t going to ask.
Roark
Sneaking a peek into Julianne’s bedroom, I couldn’t help but smile at the intense concentration masking her expression. Lifting my hand to knock on the door frame, my knuckles vibrated slightly, and the hairs on my arm stood up. In the fraction of a second it took for the sound to reach her, my chest tightened, and a lump lodged in my throat.
“Come in…” Without looking up from her laptop, Julianne spoke up, and I crossed the threshold and halfway to her bed before she glanced at me. “You didn’t come home last night, Roark.”
There was no accusation in Julianne’s tone, but guilt still filled my lungs as I sat on the edge of her bed.
“I know. The funeral took a lot more from me than I expected. Have you talked to Dad yet?” My self-disgust was potent to the point of physical pain, and my little sister shook her head sullenly. I’d been so busy with Luca’s wake, what if evoked in me, that I didn’t remember my parents were coming back last night. “I’m sorry, JJ. I just… I don’t even have an excuse.”
“I’m not mad at you…” Julianne’s brows bunched in confusion that flickered across her face, and I grimaced at how pure she was. “You were with Ms. Mazkov, right? She’s your girlfriend, right?”
Alarm spread through me, and I blinked hard as Julianne’s questions rang loudly in my ears. For a long moment, I was totally dumbstruck, but her searching gaze didn’t drop. The silence, absent of her typing, was deafening when the ringing died, and I cleared my throat harshly before daring to open my mouth.
“What gave you the idea that we were in a relationship?” My return question only earned me an eye roll, and Julianne looked at me like I was a complete moron.
“I’m not stupid, Roark- you blushed when you saw her at school. Also, you and Sam don’t try to be quiet when you talk about her. So? Are you dating?” Damn. This is bad. Keeping my mouth shut at Julianne’s probing, I rolled answers around in my mind.
I could say ‘no’, because in all actuality, Ally and I weren’t dating.
I could say ‘yes’, but I didn’t want my little sister to inject her attention into the situation.
Then, there’s the trusty ‘it’s complicated’… which is also fairly accurate.
“Well… it’s not as simple as ‘are we dating’, JJ. I would appreciate it if you didn’t ask Ally- Ms. Mazkov- about it, either.” Julianne blushed profusely at my slight warning, but I knew she would never put herself out there like that. Leaning to ruffle her hair, I grinned even as I opened my mouth. “Why are you asking about it?”
“… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in such a good mood. Carla- Carla hated me, and everyone knows I was a mistake and that’s why Mom and Dad don’t like me much, either. I thought… maybe
if you were dating Ms. Mazkov…” My brows shot up as Julianne trailed off in embarrassed insecurity, and every muscle I owned became rigid. The implications of what she wasn’t saying hit me hard, and I leaned back to stare at her through wide eyes. Almost instantly, my little sister started to tear up, and I couldn’t even find it in me to twitch and displace the mix of surprise and anger.
Among other things.
“Julianne…” Clasping my hands tightly together, I took a deep breath and tried not to let my building rage show. I didn’t need to look away from my sister to know my knuckles were white, and I counted to three silently before opening my mouth. “You. Are. Not. A. Mistake. Do you hear me? I know- I know it hurts… but putting all of your faith in Ms. Mazkov isn’t fair to either of you. Especially when she only knows you as a student, and you only know her as a teacher.”
No matter how firm I tried to be, the despair that whirled in a maelstrom within the confines of my ribs managed to leak into my voice. Only a foot or two away, Julianne pursed her lisp together even as they trembled, and I released my breath harshly when she nodded with a duck of her head. Reaching to hold her fragile, thin hand, I frowned at the cold that clung to her clammy skin, but she still squeezed my fingers.
My little sister was going through something no child should, and I would never understand how she wasn’t insane with bitter jealousy towards me.
“Okay. Uh- a- anyway… Erh- what do you think of this banner for my company?” Shuffling into a different topic awkwardly, Julianne turned her laptop in her lap, and I tore my eyes off her red-stained face. Her banner was neat, simple- just like her. The bright orange script against the white background popped, and I narrowed my eyes on the picture of some flower I didn’t recognize before nodding.
“I like it. You designed it yourself?” Glancing at my sister, I smirked slightly when she shook her head hastily.