by Alice Moore
Anna couldn’t seem to afford a lot of things despite having a fairly affluential job as a real estate agent. I knew plenty of people that sold homes and lived comfortably.
“What could I tell her? No?” Glancing around my office, I couldn’t help but acknowledge I was going to go insane if I stayed here. The large clock on my wall told me noon was only 15 minutes away, and I pushed myself up to grab my jacket. My footfall was hard, reflecting the set of my shoulders as I made my way past a slew of closed doors leading to conference rooms to reach the elevator.
My cell phone rang, and I fished the device out of my pocket to grimace at the screen. Luca’s face flashed, giving me a good distraction from my own problems as I focused on his. Swiping the ‘answer’ button, I brought the speaker to my ear before the elevator doors opened to echo down the quiet hall.
“Hey, I was about to call you- see if you wanted to go out to lunch.” My little, white lie produced a grunt, and I jabbed the ground floor button with my thumb before speaking up. “What’s wrong with you today, Luca?”
There was always something, and Luca’s side of the call crackled lightly as I descended. Waiting patiently, I let my mind wander to what he was going through. He only had one kid left, and it was starting to make him anxious. He wanted to do all of the things he couldn’t do when he was young.
His antics already pushed his brother too far, and I wasn’t too sure they’d make up this time.
“I’ll go. I want to get out of the house anyway. Julia’s driving me insane about buying a game room package. Usual place?” Smiling at the mention of that woman, I shook my head as scenarios raced through my mind. Julia had never needed to know how to control Luca’s idiotic tendencies, and it was a little too late to learn. She’d given birth to three boys, though, so I was sure she could handle herself.
“Yeah. Meet you there in 20.” Hanging up before Luca could launch into another tirade about having to tell his wife where he was going and why, I slipped my phone into my pocket to stare at my reflection. Luca had been a good friend since high school, but it was easy to acknowledge he was slipping.
I can understand it, though. He did pop out four kids before he turned 25, after all. The thought only brought a scowl to my face, and I pulled my jacket on roughly.
“Will, you’re so lucky you decided to wait to have kids.” Nursing a Coke as I set my heels against the rungs of my bar stool, a harsh, involuntary bark of laughter burst from my throat. Next to me Luca was sulking, his eyes intense when they bored holes into my side. Keeping my eyes on the noiseless sports game playing overhead, I took a swig of my drink with a soft hiss.
“It wasn’t a decision, Luca. If I had my way I’d be like you, but I wouldn’t have stopped at 4.” Apparently, Luca wasn’t the only one sulking, and he sighed over his beer. Side-eyeing him wearily, I took in his disheveled hair and thickening, unruly beard with a frown. We weren’t young enough anymore to drink at noon, but he looked like he did so regularly. “What’s going on with you, man?”
“What? Nothing’s going on. All of my kids are out of the house, and I want to do shit. That’s not wrong.” Dismal, Luca’s answer only pulled down my lips, and he shrugged absently. “It’s long overdue, don’t you think?”
“I think you shouldn’t act like you’re 22, no matter the fact that you weren’t able to do this crazy crap back then. Luca, you seriously can’t expect people to condone this behavior. I-“
“Oh my God, you sound like Nash.” Waving me off, Luca took a gulp of beer before shaking his head wildly. “Please don’t try to mother me, okay, Will?”
“You need a damn mother, apparently.” My angry snap reverberated throughout the crowded bar, and I ignored the curious stares that landed on my back. “Jesus, Luca- I know your mom kicked you out, but that was 25 years ago. Your kids are leaving, but that’s not a fucking excuse to go off the rails and party like it’s 1986.”
“You think I don’t know that? I’m not that stupid.” A waitress set a tray in front of us, and I reached to rub my forehead as she set my sandwich before me. She didn’t say a word, sensing the tension between my friend and I, before scurrying away to finish her work. Grabbing a bottle of ketchup, I dressed my lunch in silence as Luca tore into his burger.
“I’m just saying- you’re going to lose everything if you keep this up. It’s not going to reverse time, and it’s not going to feel as good as you think it will. Nash is dealing with his pregnant girlfriend. Your wife is making you sleep in the guest room. Seriously, you need to pick yourself up.” Green colored my words, but I doubted Luca heard it; he was too busy washing down his cheeseburger. For so many years I’d envied what he had, but now he was throwing it all away.
And for what? A little ‘fun’ that was going to end up with his ass in a jail cell.
“Yeah, I know what you’re saying, Will- everyone seems to be saying the same thing. I’m a grown ass man. I don’t need or want advice on what to do with my life. In six months Kevin is out and off to his internship in California, and it’ll just be me and the missus.”
“Everyone is saying the same thing because we’re the ones that are right, Luca. Six months is more than enough time to throw away your life. Why can’t you just pack Julia up, get a camper, and cross country like all of the other folks that have no more kids?” Taking the first bite of my chicken sandwich, I savored the flavor as silence descended on us. For the first time since ordering my gaze wandered around the restaurant, and I propped my elbows on the bar top. Vaguely familiar faces surrounded me; this was the closest eatery to my building.
I didn’t know everyone that worked in my office, and a frown tugged at my mouth as I chewed. For a company on top of the world, I knew I couldn’t remember each and every person that was under my employ, just like they didn’t know me. No one tried to sidle up to the big boss during lunch, hoping to score points towards a pay raise or promotion.
To every good there was a bad, I guess.
“Don’t even get me started on Natalie. Julia has her over all the time, and all they talk about is cooking and baking. I swear I’ll have recipes for shit I can’t even name coming out of my ears.” Grumbling to himself, Luca lost my attention as a very familiar face came into view, and I twisted to get a better look. Across the restaurant, dressed in a warm looking, long-sleeved day dress, was Risha. She’d straightened her long, thick locks of mahogany hair, keeping it pinned back from her face with something jeweled. A smile crested her cheeks, but her laughter was lost from the distance between us.
My mind flew back to that night we’d met, and I rested my cheek on my fist to stare at her. Risha had strutted up to me with a confidence not many women had nowadays, and my chest tightened at the memory. Our conversation had been so brief it shouldn’t have mattered, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. If I was 20 years younger I wouldn’t have let her walk away.
Blinking slowly, I pictured Risha in her pretty, simple gown before hopping wordlessly off my bar stool. Weaving through crowded tables and busy wait staff, I kept my eyes on her as she chatted animatedly with her friend. For just a split second her eyes wandered, and my heart thundered in my chest when they met mine. Her smile froze, and my steps faltered slightly before I realized there was no going back.
“Hello, Risha.” Coming up on her table, I stuffed my hands into my pants pockets to keep myself from reaching for hers. Handshaking might’ve been okay across a conference table, but the flash of panic in Risha’s dark gaze told me she was anything but comfortable.
“Erh- William… what a pleasant surprise. Are you here with Anna?” Blurting out her question, Risha offered me an obviously forced smile before I shook my head.
“No. I noticed you from the bar and wanted to know if you could spare me a few moments of your time.” I’m not 15 anymore, so why is this so difficult? Risha’s relief was almost palpable in the busy restaurant, and surprise relaxed my shoulders when she sprung up from her seat.
“I’ll be right back, C
ynthia.” Only briefly did my eyes wander to Risha’s friend before she sauntered off towards an empty corner booth. Every move she made was graceful and refined, and she leaned against the thick, wooden table before speaking up once again. “I’m actually glad you realized I was here. I wanted to apologize for jumping you last week.”
Pursing my lips together, all I could think to do was shake my head. Again. Like a 15 year old.
“I don’t mind, Risha. I was just wondering how well you know Anna.” Blood thundered in my ears, and I held my breath as a thoughtful expression overtook Risha’s face. She was beautiful, like an artisan doll, and I took in the shallow crease between her slender brows through narrowed eyes.
“I know her very well, actually. Which is why I was hoping to see you again, William. You should know that Anna is very… monetarily inclined…” Speaking slowly, cautiously, Risha watched me critically and chose her words carefully. “I didn’t want to bring it up at the theater, but you surprised me. Anna has a history of dating younger men, and you seemed so smitten with her…”
Furrowing my eyebrows, I frowned as Risha let her intentions hang in the air between us. Concern shone from her eyes, her face a perfect portrayal of worry and determined justice. Of course she’d be worried for me if she knew Anna had deviated from her ‘type’…
“I had a feeling she might’ve been initially attracted to me because of my money…” Uttering the words was a physical blow, and I sucked in air sharply as they stung my chest. “But I was hoping…”
“I understand.” The heat was sucked out of my body by the gentle, comforting hand Risha laid on my forearm. Her touch was soothing, and I let out my breath in a heavy sigh before she continued. “Trust me- I know how Anna can be. You shouldn’t simply take my word for it, but you seem like a stable man. I don’t want you to go through dealing with someone like her.”
“If you don’t like her, why are you friends?” Posing my question without any thought, I clenched my jaw tightly. Whatever I was expecting Risha to do didn’t happen, and she pulled a scrunched-up face. Her soft fingertips left my sleeve, and my calmed heart began to race once again.
“It’s a very complicated situation. My point is I don’t really think Anna has ‘found the light’, and I would feel guilty for not warning you, William.”
“Would you like to get drinks sometime?” The question was out of my mouth before I could stop it, and my mind ground to a halt. Risha’s doe eyes widened, and I cleared my throat before managing to get my tongue to work. “You went out of your way for me. It’s the least I can do regardless whether you’re right. Not many people take the time or the effort you did for a stranger, Risha.”
… I’m a fucking idiot.
Risha
“You’re going on a date with your mom’s boyfriend-“ Choking out a loud, gagging sound, Cynthia burst into hysterical laughter as I stomped through the front door of our home. “Oh- oh God- my ches-s-t… I’m… I’m gunna die- die…”
“It’s not a date, Cynthia. Please- that’s disgusting. It’s just drinks on a Friday. Nothing special.” Tossing my coat over the couch, I went straight to the refrigerator to yank open the door and pull out a can of seltzer water. My chest burned from embarrassment, and Cynthia’s yowling only grew louder at my denial. I couldn’t even enjoy the fizz of my drink against my lips while she stumbled into a chair near the kitchen table.
“Drinks on Friday is code for ‘we’re gunna bang because I don’t have to work the next day’, Risha. And I bet he’s been wanting to take it slow with Anna to make sure she’s not a conniving bitch… even though we all know she is. C’mon, you can’t tell me you don’t think he’s hot. I know you have a thing for older dudes.” Leaning against the refrigerator, I took large gulps of my drink to avoid answering. Cynthia knew all too well my preferences, and my cheeks tinged pink to reflect against the unlabeled can.
No one with even poor vision could deny that William was handsome, but there was no way I would go there when my mother is involved. Speaking of which, he doesn’t even know who I am. He probably didn’t tell my mother about our little chat at the theater.
Which means William was already having doubts long before I spoke to him.
Which was good. Sort of.
Maybe not really, but still.
“You’ll have the house all to yourself on Friday, anyway. Martin wants to take me to meet his mom. He thinks it’ll help her…” The sudden shift in topic almost caused me to choke, and I doubled over as Cynthia stared into space dazedly. Martin Callucci’s mother was having trouble staying positive; she was older, and her cancer was about as advanced as Cynthia’s had been. From what I’d heard Martin was the only child, and there were no grandbabies. There was nothing for this woman to fight for, and she was losing hope.
“Cynthia, I think that’s a great idea…” I couldn’t bring myself to say more, leaving my mouth hanging open as I stared at my best friend. …but don’t you think it’ll cause you to digress?
The words hung silently in the kitchen, and I sighed heavily before bringing my can to my lips. Cynthia’s own doctors had said, several times, that she should stay away from any triggers. Any instance that could send her back three years should be avoided; after all, discovering cancer and having a double emergency mastectomy changed a person. Going to an oncology ward would definitely bring up some memories.
“I have to do this, Risha. I gave up my breasts and two years of my life… I can’t hide from those facts anymore. I’m not the same woman I was, and if this helps me be okay with that, then I have to do it.” Grimacing at the seriousness that settled on my shoulders, I only jerked my head in a nod. A soft ping sounded from my purse, and I reached for the leather bag with a frown.
“It’s my mother. She wanted to have dinner two weeks from now…” Glaring at my phone screen, I circled my thumbs absently as I debated declining. Popping up from her seat, Cynthia stared down at my phone with a grimace of her own before snatching the device. I didn’t deny her, pulling my half empty can to my lips to watch her wave my phone in the air.
“Speaking of hiding, you need to do something about this shit, Risha. You go through all of this trouble for your mom, and she doesn’t even care about what it does to you. At least tell her ‘no’ this time. And what if it’s for you to meet William? You don’t think he’ll be hurt that you lied by omission? He’ll think you’re just being spiteful towards your mom and that you didn’t do it out of concern for him.”
“I- I didn’t think of that…” Faltering at Cynthia’s reasoning, I squeezed my can between stiff fingers. “Do you really think he’ll think that?”
Setting my phone on my purse, Cynthia shrugged before taking a deep breath. Today had been a rollercoaster ride long before William showed up at lunch. Anthony was in a mood I didn’t want to deal with, so I jumped at the chance to take the train across town to meet her.
He blew up my phone the entire time, but somehow I managed to ignore him. Mine wasn’t the best idea, but there was nothing I could do about it now.
“I know you’re genuinely concerned about him, but you need to see how this looks. Okay? You didn’t introduce yourself as Anna’s daughter… strike one. Strike two- you have the makings of a crush on him, and don’t even try to deny it. If you didn’t like him even a little bit, you would’ve declined his offer for drinks. He’s successful and handsome, and obviously he’s a gentleman- those are all things you swoon over, Risha. If you wait to tell him you’re Anna’s daughter, he’s going to doubt everything you told him. Trust me on this.”
My eyes widened at Cynthia’s mini-rant, and I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. When she put it like that, it did look bad. Groaning softly, I reached to grab my phone from her without resistance.
“Okay, so I’ll tell my mom I’ll go to this dinner and I’ll just meet with William beforehand to tell him personally.” My thumbs worked to type a short message, and I tapped the ‘send’ button with a sinking heart. Sidling up
to my side, Cynthia wrapped her long arm around my waist and set her head on my shoulder. Her short hair tickled my neck and jaw, and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding before she spoke up.
“You’re so obtuse, you know that? You don’t want me to get hurt, but you’re setting yourself up for the same thing. I saw it at the theater and today at lunch- you started crushing on William the moment you met him. He’s not like the others, and that scares you because you don’t know what to expect.” Staring down at my phone as my mother gave her reply, I shook my head but didn’t speak up. My heart squeezed, knowing Cynthia was right.
William was older, much more embedded in his success, and my mother’s deviation was scary. I knew with all of my being that she didn’t like him for any reason beyond the depths of his pockets, but that wasn’t any different than usual.
Closing my eyes, I pictured William in my mind’s eye. He obviously took care of himself, and my fingers tingled at the memory of the muscles that lay just under his shirt sleeve. Just the air around him was laden with experience, and I reached to rub my chest absently.
“… If you need me tomorrow just call me, okay?” Breaking the silence, I rested my cheek on Cynthia’s crown as she nodded. Resignation spread through me, thinning out my blood as my heart slowed to a steady rhythm.
Holding my forehead in my palm, I listened to Anthony stress rant a list of things I had already done. Patiently I waited for him to finish, but he’d been going on for nearly five minutes now. My eyelid twitched in annoyance, and pressure built behind my eyes from holding my breath for too long.
I hadn’t gotten any sleep last night, too busy worrying about what Cynthia said. In just a few hours I’d be meeting up with William, and I still couldn’t decide what to tell him.