“We need to move on together, or we will never be able to work this out.”
“I know that, and I think we are getting there, slowly, but surely. I know that I love you and that I hurt because you lost the baby. I know that I want an opportunity to have another one with you, and I know that is where I lose you, because you don’t know, and you aren’t sure about anything just yet. We are going to get through this together.”
“I don’t think you want to hurt me again. I just don’t know if I can trust you not to, if that makes sense.”
“It does, and we will get there. But how about we go for a walk after you put a shirt back over that delectable little body of yours.”
“That sounds nice.”
“Abbey, will you promise me something?”
“What?”
“Eat more and gain some weight. I’m pretty sure you’ve lost ten pounds, at least.”
“Yeah, I promise, as long as you stay.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I mean stay with me. Sleep in the same bed as me so I have that comfort. Just be with me, please.”
He grins. “Anything for you, baby.”
After we put our clothes back on, we head outside. Luke grabs my hand and pulls me against him.
“Abbey, how do you feel about playing a game where we ask each other random questions?”
“Sounds good to me. You start.”
“Hmm… favorite color?”
“Purple. Favorite vacation spot?”
“Right now, it’s Sweden. Favorite place in the entire world?”
I contemplate that for a moment. “Probably Rome. I studied Latin and I just love the culture and the classical style. The pantheon has to be amazing.”
“You’ve never been?”
“No, I’ve never had the time, with a doctor’s schedule and all. What’s your favorite food?”
“Anything with meat in it, but steak’s my favorite. Favorite restaurant?”
“Any Italian place. Favorite animal?”
“Goats, because they are mischievous. Favorite place to go as a kid?”
Biting my lip, I debate whether or not I’m going to give him the boring truth. I guess so. “The library.”
“Why?”
“Because I could escape reality. Any book allows you to do that, and I had a lot to escape from.”
“Was it really that bad?”
I shrug. “I guess not as bad as some things, but it was a living hell for me. Parents wouldn’t let their kids around me because of what dad does with the clubs, so I didn’t have many friends. Kids made fun of me or just ostracized me. I learned how to do my own thing. I guess I can look back and laugh now, because they’re all mostly stay at home moms and the guys don’t do much for jobs.”
“I never thought kids could be that way.”
“They were. It got a little better in high school, more people talked to me, but some guys would push themselves on me, thinking I liked all of that shit. What they didn’t know was that my parents didn’t introduce me to the real part of it until I turned seventeen, because they wanted me to make the choice.”
We’ve stopped walking by now and are just staring out into the unknown. Luke rocks back and forth on his heels. “I would’ve talked to you.”
A sad smile forms and I shake my head. “Sure you would’ve, but that doesn’t matter now. Those people don’t matter at all. Anyway, what’s your favorite color?”
He bends down and sweeps his lips across mine. “You’re not going to believe me.”
“Sure, I will.”
His thumb traces my cheek bone under my eye. “Actually it’s the color of your eyes. The green that looks like the sea, but the little traces of blue that show there’s still light out there. It’s grown on me, and I can’t really think of another color that trumps it enough to be my favorite color.”
I snort and cross my arms. “Well that makes my answer sound like shit.”
Chuckling, he pulls me back into his chest and rests his hands on my stomach. “No, it doesn’t. But still, why purple?”
“Because it holds happiness in the lightness of it, but it also has all the darkness. Like dusk right as it turns to twilight. It’s beautiful.”
“You know when you’re mad, all the blue in your eyes goes away. It becomes like a storm. When you're sad, there’s more blue, but the green stands out more, and when you're happy, there’s this perfect mix that’s so beautiful.”
“When have you had time to notice all of that?”
“I’ve just learned how you react to things. You don’t show a lot of emotions, but I can see the truth of it all in your eyes.”
I turn around to face him, bringing my hand up to his forehead. “When you’re mad, there’s this vein right here that likes to pop out, along with wrinkles that form here. When you're happy and smiling, there’s these smile lines that come out by your eyes, and when you’re sad there’s a “V” that forms right here.” I touch in between his eyebrows.
“But my favorite thing is when you look at me with this light in your eyes that shows how happy you are with me. I used to assume it was because you were happy with me, but I’ve come to realize that it’s because you love me. When you came here, I didn’t see it anymore; I just saw this dullness, and it scared me. That might’ve been what made me cry so much more. I didn’t see it again until a few days ago.”
I look down, embarrassed, not wanting to know what he thought about what I said.
“It was always there, but it was masked with worry. Abbey, I never stopped loving you. I know I said some hurtful things, but you mean so much to me. I was worried that you hated me. You will never understand how sorry I am.”
Looking up, I see how serious he is. “Luke, I want this to work out. I really do. I love you so much.”
“And I love you, sweetheart. I want this to work out more than you think.”
Chapter 20
We both turn as we hear Will’s truck pull up. As soon as it stops, Brayden is jumping out of the truck and bounding towards us.
“Guess what?! Guess what?!”
Luke grabs him and picks him up while Brayden repeats himself to me.
“What, handsome?”
“We got you and Luke a present, and Dad says I can give it to y’all tonight before I go to bed.”
“That’s awesome, man. Wanna tell me what it is?”
Brayden giggles, but shakes his head. “No, it’s a surprise.”
Will yells at Brayden. “Get up here and help with the stuff, or you’re not giving it to them.”
Brayden jumps down and hightails it to his dad while Luke and I trail behind him. Mason hands me some bags while Luke grabs the rest of the bags from Will so he can go get Avery out of her car seat.
Once we get inside and set the bags down, Mason engulfs me in a hug. “Welcome back, Abbey. I’ve missed your smile.”
“And I’ve missed your hugs. So what’s this present?”
Chuckling, he shakes his head. “Oh no, this is all Brayden. We didn’t know what his plan was until we were on the way back home. He just asked for it when we were checking out.”
“That’s confusing…”
“Tell me about it.”
Will starts cooking, saying that the kids had to be in bed early because they had to be somewhere tomorrow. Mason drags a whining Brayden to the bath while I play with Avery. I look around for Luke, but I don’t see him anywhere. Picking Avery up, we walk around to look for him.
I finally find him in my bed, asleep. I jump as a hand comes down on my shoulder.
“He hasn’t slept in days. He’s been so worried about you. I’d come out to check on the kids, and he would be laying outside your door since you wouldn’t let him sleep in the room with you. He loves you, Abbey.”
“I know, and the scariest part is that I love him just as much. I really don’t know what I would’ve done without him.”
Will smiles a sad smile. “I know. I was like t
hat with my wife. I loved her so much that it hurt.”
“She loved you. You know that. She loved you so much.”
“I just wish I was there that day.”
“To do what? No one knew she was going to fall and hit her head. No one knew it was going to cause so many complications. Her mom was there while you were at work. I know it hurts, but you being there wouldn’t have changed anything, Will.”
“I know, Abbey. I like to think differently sometimes, though. Don’t lose him, Abbey. He has for you what I did for her, if that makes sense.”
“It does, but it scares the hell out of me.”
He laughs. “Then Brayden’s gift is going to scare you shitless.”
“Oh, come on, don’t lead me on like that. What did he get me?”
“Oh no, not just you, this is for both of you. It surprised me that he even thought of it. I was going to make him wait until Christmas, but I figured your faces would be too funny not to watch. Maybe it will even spark some ideas.”
“Ugh, this is frustrating.”
“Yeah, well, get over it. Anyway, give me my daughter and wake him up, it’s time to eat.”
Avery willingly goes to her dad, leaving me there by myself. He looks so peaceful and calm.
I walk over and lay on the bed, resting my head on his chest. An arm comes around me, pulling me against him.
“Everything okay, baby?”
“Mhmm. Dinner’s ready.”
“I’m hungry, but I don’t want to get up.”
I curl up into his side more. “Me either, but we have to before Brayden breaks down the door.” We lay there for a few more minutes, enjoying each other’s presence before I finally get up and head to the door, Luke following slowly behind me.
Everyone is already eating when we get to the dining room. I grab a plate and make myself a hamburger and sit down next to Brayden. Luke comes to sit across from me.
Brayden is practically bouncing out of his seat with excitement.
“What’s the deal, handsome?”
“Your present. It’s going to be so awesome!”
“Hmm, will I like it?”
“Dad said you would. It’s like the princesses in all of sissy’s stories that dad reads to her.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah!”
Luke and I exchange puzzled glances over our food.
Once we are done, Brayden drags Mason off to get the surprise ready while I help Luke with dishes. Brayden and Mason are still gone when we put away the last dish, and Avery has fallen asleep in Will’s arms.
Luke takes a seat on the couch, and I sit in his lap, snuggling up against him. He and Will begin talking about some sports game, but I ignore them, just soaking up the warmth and the moment.
“How’re you feeling, Abbey?”
“I look up to see Will smiling down at me. “Better, to say the least.”
“That’s good. Look, Brayden’s gift might scare both of you, but for his sake, just go with it. No one is pressuring y’all.”
“What?”
“You’ll see.”
Brayden bounds down the stairs running straight towards us with his hands behind his back.
“Okay. I have a question, Mr. Luke.”
“Go for it, dude.”
“Is Abbey your princess?”
“Of course.”
“Abbey, is Mr. Luke your prince charming.”
“Yes, he is buddy. Why?”
“Well, prince charmings always marry their princesses, right?”
My eyes go wide and I freeze, finally putting together all of the pieces in my mind. The way Luke’s body has tensed up suggests that he has, too.
He runs a hand up and down my leg, causing me to relax a little bit. He speaks first. “That’s right.”
Brayden is smiling from ear to ear as he holds out a lollipop ring. “I got you guys a ring, so you can get married.”
I turn my head into Luke’s neck, trying to hide my smile and laughter. Luke kisses my forehead and sets me to the side, leaning forward to grab the ring from Brayden.
Brayden looks at me, and I wink at him. “Thank you, handsome. It speeds stuff up a lot. Luke is very indecisive.”
Brayden claps when Luke slides the ring pop on my finger. He hugs me as I avoid getting it stuck in his hair.
“Thank you, handsome.”
“Yes, thank you, little man.”
He giggles. “You’re welcome!”
Will grunts and stands up. “Alright, kid, it’s bedtime. We have to be up and out of here early tomorrow if you want to go see your aunt and grandparents.”
“Night! Love you!”
“Love you, too, cutie!” I call back as Will escorts Brayden upstairs.
I look down at the ring pop, smiling as I pull it off and slide it back into the package.
“We made his night, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, we sure did. You’re not disappointed are you?”
“No, I don’t expect that from you, Luke.”
He groans and shifts me around so that I’m facing him.
“The truth.”
“Luke, I’m serious, you aren’t obligated to marry me. We are just figuring this out.”
“Baby… I saw the look in your eyes.”
“What look?”
“The one where you had this hope, and then the disappointment when you were taking it off.”
“Just ignore it.”
He growls and kisses me hard, causing me to moan into his mouth. I wind my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He picks me up and carries me back to the room. He drops me onto the bed and crosses his arms. “I wish you would quit avoiding the question.”
I roll over, ignoring him and grabbing the remote, turning on the TV. He sighs and sits down on the bed.
He pulls me against him, his hands covering mine and making me drop the remote on the bed.
“Abbey, I love you, and I would have no problem marrying you. It just hadn’t come to mind because of everything that has been going on. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know you don’t talk about this stuff, you hide behind this wall. I want you to finish opening up to me. Please.”
Closing my eyes I take a deep breath. “I love you, and I’d have no problem spending my life with you, but you know that I’m scared. We’ve established this. Getting hurt is not something I can handle well. I might seem strong, but I’m not. I know you don’t want to hurt me, but the fear is still there.”
“I’m going to take care of you, and I’ll prove it to you that I’m not going to hurt you. I love you.”
“I know. I just need time, Luke. If I let you through, it is going to give you the ultimate chance to rip my heart out and tear it into pieces.”
“We’ll get there, baby, trust me.”
I nod, letting the conversation die as we snuggle in to watch TV. Within an hour, Luke falls asleep and I venture out to the kitchen to find something to eat. I’m starving again.
I rifle through the fridge and cabinet, picking out some pretzels and cream cheese, then grab a jacket and head onto the deck to have my snack. Hmm, gaining weight is going to be so much fun. While I eat, I listen to the sounds of all the nighttime creatures outside.
Luke and I might be at a point where everything works out, maybe. I love him, and I know he loves me… but would we really work in marriage? If I left, or he did, it would never last, nor would the trust. We could do it, though, couldn’t we? We are slowly getting through this together. I know what he said to me that night was him being angry and upset, but it still hurt. Would he ever say something like that again? Hopefully Will knocked some sense into him… literally.
Grabbing another pretzel I dip it into the cream cheese. I can’t quit thinking about what Brayden did with the ring pop. It was so adorable. Am I ready to get married? So many questions, but no answers.
Getting up, I walk back into the house and put away the rest of the food before heading back to my room. I smile,
seeing that Luke is still asleep. Walking around to my side of the bed, I sit down and just watch him for a while. Sighing, I push on his chest “Luke.” Always the deep sleeper, he doesn’t wake up. I shake his shoulders, and he finally opens an eye and look at me. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry.”
He rubs his face. “What?”
“I said I’m sorry.”
Raising his eyebrow, he sits up. “What for?”
“Not talking to you.”
“Abbey—”
“No, I’m serious, I need to start talking to you more instead of pushing you away. It’s not helping anything, and I know it. I’m just not one to open up, because it puts too much power into someone’s hands, and I don’t talk about my feelings often; that’s the way I’ve always been. I’m sorry.”
“Sweetheart, there’s no need to apologize. I’ve figured that out, and it’s part of who you are. I’ve already accepted that. You always tell me with time, and I’m okay with that. I just got frustrated tonight, because we had come so far, and then you closed up again. If anything, I should be the one apologizing.”
“No, it’s my fault. I do it more often with you, because my feelings for you scare me. I’ve come to realize that I’ve never truly been in love with someone until you. I thought I was, once, but I really haven’t. I was on break from college.”
“Abbey, you don’t have to tell me this.”
“I want to. So, please, let me.” I see him settle back and nod, so I continue.
“I was on break from college and came back here for those three months to stay with mom and dad. His name is Aaron, and I was friends with him before I left for college that fall. Well, we reconnected, and we were together all the time. As the weeks went by, we eventually became a couple. I was nineteen and completely stupid. Only a couple of weeks after we started dating, we had already told each other that we love each other. When it was time for me to go back to college, I thought I wasn’t going to make it without him, because I still believed the fairytale bullshit. I asked him to come, but he refused. He had to stay here and work. It broke my heart, but I went on to college. I swore up until a few months ago that I loved him, but I didn’t. I was infatuated with him. What he and I had was not love. You’ve shown me what love really is, and I want to thank you for that. You came, and you’ve stayed. I pushed you away, but you pushed back. You didn’t let me go.”
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