I nodded, for how could I forget? It was the same day I was given the opportunity to speak with Lady Elizabeth d’Aubedcicourt.
‘I had instructed one of my servants to guard Anaïs, and your “friend” was witnessed speaking to a man. The fellow was sighted on numerous occasions loitering outside the house. Several days later, a maid informed me that she had just seen the gentleman in the market. We quickly made our way down the street, where she pointed him out.’ He paused to refill his tankard and broke off a small portion of bread, placing it in front of me. ‘It was John Moleyns.’
I gasped, for surely it could not be. ‘Lord Moleyns? The man with the scarred face and joined fingers?’
‘The very same,’ he replied. ‘I did not think it would be long before the rat made its way back to the nest. Now the rodents close in upon Shalford. We must chance our escape to Broughton. Though my brother is more than willing to involve himself in our plight, two men and a nun cannot hold at bay a troop of hired mercenaries, let alone a well-trained adversary like Sir John.’
‘Is our position so precarious?’
‘I am afraid so. News of our confrontation on the road may have made its way back to Westminster, and I have as many enemies as I have friends, Catherine.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘I lied to the King,’ he smiled, as though this were a trifling matter. ‘I said that I knew nothing of you or your sister.’
‘Cécile and I are of interest to the King?’
‘It would appear so, and though I made many surreptitious inquires when I was at the Tower, I learned nothing. Whatever his interest, he keeps it to himself.’
‘What shall we do with Anaïs?’
‘She will remain with us until I speak with Gillet. As she constantly reminds us, she carries his child.’
I returned to the remnants of my bread, picking out the small seeds from within and arranging them in piles on the tabletop as I considered how to redirect the topic of conversation. ‘I am sure that she has read some, it not all, of Céci’s letters.’ Watching his face, I expected a reaction but he displayed none. ‘You don’t understand, there is much written therein that is private between my sister and me, and it may lead to trouble with Anaïs.’
‘How so?’ His face was puzzled and I sat, wretchedly trying to decide exactly how much I should share.
‘My love for my sister knows no bounds and I would never willingly lay bare her trust, yet I feel that there is something that you must know, something that I believe Anaïs might suspect.’ I had his attention, one brow arching in curiosity. ‘Gillet has presented Céci with a gift of a medal and he in turn wears one as her favour. I feel their affection for each other is growing into something far deeper.’
‘This pleases you?’ he asked, frowning.
‘Yes, very much.’
I smiled, hoping the idea would be more preferable to him than Gillet’s possible union with my maid. However, I did not have the opportunity to discover Simon’s feelings on the matter, only his surprise at her sudden appearance.
‘You filthy, lying bitch!’ She lunged and, grasping my hair, viciously pulled me onto the stone floor, the remnants of my meal spilling in my wake. ‘Gillet loves me! Your sister is nothing more than an unpaid whore!’ she spat, raking her fingers across my cheek.
Scrambling over the bench, Simon drove the screaming girl backwards until she was wedged against the wall. Kicking wildly, she caught him in the shin and, swearing a foul oath, he drew back his arm and clenched his fist.
‘No, Simon!’ I yelled, jumping between them, my face only inches from his hand. ‘No! Please! Enough. I cannot bear it.’ His arm relaxed at my intervention but Anaïs was not finished. Sensing this to be her moment, she struck me with an empty tankard, her vengeance connecting fiercely with the side of my head.
Darkness enveloped me and I began to fall. Unable to save myself, my face collided heavily with the table and I felt a sickening crack as I slumped to the ground.
I could hear Simon’s obscenities and Anaïs’ muffled cries. The air around me smelled stale and fetid, my stomach lurching wildly, nausea climbing up my throat. With both palms flat upon the floor, I threw my head forward to vomit. Desperately I tried not to panic, gasping as much air as possible into my lungs, my face screaming with pain …
The heavy weight of a cloak fell about me, accompanied by a strong and not unwelcome arm around my shoulders as Simon drew me towards him. He assisted me to my feet, guiding me to the seat, and pressed a soft, damp cloth to my nose. ‘It is bleeding.’ I held the linen in place as he lifted my hair to examine my ear, which throbbed terribly. Gently he took my face in his hands. ‘Can you see?’
I blinked several times, trying to focus the image. ‘Yes, but everything is a blur.’ My lips stung as I spoke and, moving the cloth to one side, I touched my split mouth and found, much to my dismay, that I’d bitten my tongue.
‘I’ll be back shortly,’ he said, squeezing my hand. ‘I need to fetch my supplies.’ I could hear his heavy gait retreating and waited until he was well away before succumbing to tears.
There was further bustling within the room, people coming and going, and I knew not what had happened to Anaïs. I was shaking uncontrollably, my stomach turning in sickening circles and, closing my eyes, I lowered my head onto my arms, desperate for respite.
A short time later Simon returned. ‘How do you feel?’
‘Far bedder than I thuppothe I look.’
‘Sister Catherine! That’s vanity! And your vision?’ Though he jested I could hear the strain in his voice.
‘Much bedder.’
He lifted my face to the light. ‘This is very inflamed,’ he said, prodding around my right eye, ‘but I am more concerned for your ear. I have made a compress to help with the swelling.’ Carefully positioning the pad, he wrapped my head in a length of soft linen.
Searching through the box, Simon removed a glass jar, the colour of lapis lazuli, and which contained a most foul smelling ointment. Dabbing his finger in the contents he then, without consideration to my person, placed his finger on my lips and began smoothing the cream. The numbing relief was almost instantaneous.
‘Use it as often as you need, it will help considerably.’ Packing up the remainder of the pots, Simon rose to leave.
I placed my hand on his arm. ‘Thank you, Thimon.’
‘Do not thank me,’ he said gruffly, ‘It was my fault.’
‘How tho?’
‘I should not have allowed you to distract me.’
‘I thought you meant to thtrike her.’
‘No less than she deserved, but it does my honour ill.’ Slamming the lid of the box, he tried in vain to fix the latch.
‘It wath not your fault.’
He huffed at my statement and pushed the box away, unable to secure the tiny pin. I pulled it towards me and, though I could barely see the lock, easily managed to complete the task.
‘How ith it that you know the art of medithine?’ I asked, amazed at his knowledge of the craft.
‘You learn many skills when in battle. Not all of them involve killing.’ I nodded, for it seemed acceptable. ‘You must return to your room and rest before the swelling sets in.’ He held his hand out to me and for the first time I took it without reservation.
So, my dearest, here I am propped up in my bed, having done very little these past few days but sleep and pray, for what else is possible when one’s eyes are almost closed, one’s nose is blocked and one struggles to form coherent speech? Not that there have been many with whom I could converse, left as I have been to recover.
My nose, I am told, is still quite straight although it feels as if it belongs to some grotesque monster rather than to me. I awaken each day with a parched throat and dry mouth as I struggle to breathe through my constricted passages. Oh, how I do sympathise with those who have been beaten and abused, for I was struck down by just one blow. Imagine if it had been more.
So content to sp
end the afternoon rereading your letter, I did not notice the sun had left the fair day behind. I must have dozed, for I woke to Simon’s gentle knock.
‘Anything else within your sister’s missive that you would like to share with me?’
‘She and Gillet are well,’ I replied, noting my guardian’s discomfort. ‘I know the sight of my face is sickening.’
‘And how would you know that?’
Sliding my hand under the pillow, I retrieved your recent gift, courtesy of your disastrous visit to the vendor in Amiens. ‘Céci sent me a mirror,’ I whispered.
‘Your appearance does not sicken me,’ he said with compassion.
‘I see the pain in your eyes and you hesitate to look at me.’
‘You misunderstand. What you see is shame.’
‘How can you be ashamed of something you did not do?’
‘I may not have struck you but I thought to strike Anaïs and this is the result.’ He pulled back the stool and sat heavily, his guilt as thick as the woollen blanket at my feet. ‘These last few weeks I have had to deal with emotions I thought I would never experience again. Anger is a most destructive force, particularly when you lose control. Locking yourself away from the world protects you from such outbursts.’
‘I might know little but this I am sure is true. High walls do nothing to protect your heart.’
He gently took hold of my hand, his gaze studying the many lines etched upon my palm. ‘’Tis wicked what Mary St Pol did to you.’
‘Not wicked, Simon, but necessary. The Lady Mary may have had few choices available to her.’
‘Tell me something of your childhood. I know it was difficult.’
‘’Twas not more so for me than for any other novice,’ I admitted shyly, ashamed of the resentment that has begun to develop, now that I have had time to reflect on my past. ‘Mary St Pol is a saintly example of sacrifice and reverence.’
Lord Wexford scoffed.
‘Although,’ I admitted hesitantly, ‘I have learned that whilst she provided abundant guidance, she did not produce sustenance in equal parts.’
I searched for some happy reminiscence that I could relay to him, some moment that perhaps stood apart to shine above the constant cold and darkness. ‘I was never alone in my circumstances and understood that there were many who fared worse.’
‘That may well be true but I doubt whether such knowledge would console a hungry child. Go on.’
Taking a deep breath, I recalled the warmest memory. ‘The kitchen at Denny was large and inviting, for the fires never ceased to burn. It was my favourite place to hide. Most of the children found that, if they secreted themselves near the hearth, they were quickly bustled away. I used to sit beneath the table, for here I was not underfoot and often forgotten. I learned more about the Abbey and life in general from the loose tongues of the maids, and filled my aching belly with the numerous tidbits that found their way to the floor.’ I chuckled, my thoughts cast back to those maids, clucking around the table like chickens in a coop. ‘They would have been severely punished for such wastefulness if caught but I was swifter than any rat.’ I smiled at Lord Wexford but it faded as he cocked his head, one eyebrow arching. The veil over my eyes slowly lifted. ‘They did it on purpose!’
‘Perhaps their charity was more Christian than that of Mary St Pol,’ he murmured. ‘Tell me of Mary.’
‘She could be stern when disobeyed.’
‘She is well-known for her ruthlessness.’ His fingers slid over the cover to grasp mine and my heart skipped several beats.
‘She only punished those who deserved it.’
‘Catherine, what sin could a small child commit to warrant such abuse?’
‘Evil can be found everywhere, in thought and in deed.’
‘I do not think so. Children are innocent, joyful creatures who are incapable of true sin.’
‘But they can have terrible thoughts.’ His palm was warm and each time his finger stroked I felt an odd, tingling sensation.
‘What kind of thoughts?’ Gazing into his eyes, I was all but mesmerised. Could it be that I could trust another in a way I had never done before. ‘I allowed the delivery boy from the nearby town to touch my arm when I was helping him unload the cabbages. She found out. She told me that such conduct between men and women was the devil’s work.’ Staring down at my hand encased within his, I had a sudden urge to pull away but, as if sensing it, he tightened his grip.
‘How old were you?’
‘I think it was my eighth summer.’
‘And what did she do to you?’
‘She beat me and… and I had to complete my evening vespers within the Lady Mary’s private chapel, where she could witness my shame.’
‘Your shame,’ he repeated, his mouth thinning to a tight line. ‘Which was?’
‘I had to attend in my purest form. She made me remove my clothes and lie before the altar like the Lord upon the cross, and beg forgiveness.’
He said nothing for several moments before shifting to sit beside me on the bed. Unable to look at him I watched instead as his thumb caressed the back of my hand.
‘How long did she leave you there?’
‘Sometimes for many hours. Once, the whole night, from compline through to lauds … the floor was so cold that … that … I …’ I closed my eyes and swallowed tightly, reliving the horrible memory and the disgrace.
His hand squeezed gently. ‘It’s all right, Catherine. I understand. You were a child.’
‘The more I cried, the longer I had to attend. She would stand behind me with her cane and beg the Virgin to save my tainted soul. Even though I had been unable to control my bladder, she refused to allow me to wash until after I had attended vespers the following evening. She expected us to learn to restrain our thoughts and our bodies.’
‘Catherine, no one should be deprived their dignity, least of all a child.’
‘It was her way. The other novices and I accepted her punishments as a form of self-sacrifice.’
‘But are you not bitter?’ he asked, shaking his head as though disbelieving.
Removing my fingers from his, I leaned back against the pillow, terrified of the compassion in his voice. ‘Not really, though I now see how different my life would have been if Cécile and I had remained together. She is so confident and self-assured, dignified and refined. She is everything that I am not.’ Clutching your last missive, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine your face, as I had done many times before. ‘And yet Cécile is misunderstood. Even though her courage has not wavered in the face of adversity, sometimes I think she simply tries too hard. I know that regardless of her mettle she is a truly warm and generous woman. I suppose a childhood with loving siblings provided her with uncompromising acceptance. If I am bitter about anything, then it is this. Though I was hidden behind sturdy walls, I was not loved.’
‘Perhaps you are more like Cécile than you think. You both possess a tremendous inner strength.’
‘I only wish that it could be so.’ Lifting the mirror, I examined my reflection and pondered. If we were to accidentally cross paths would we even recognise each other?
Misunderstanding my scrutiny, Simon’s temper flared. ‘Anaïs will pay for this, I give you my word.’
‘It is retribution that has me where I am today. I will not be responsible for allowing the same to occur to another, no matter their sin.’
‘She must face the consequences of her actions.’
‘And how, pray tell, do you intend to punish an expectant mother, one betrothed to my sister’s protector?’ My lip, overworked by this outburst, opened again and blood began trickling into my mouth. Watching my attempts to staunch the flow with my fingers, Simon gently placed his kerchief to my lips.
‘It would appear that she has the upper hand for the moment but the time will come when this is not so. I do not believe she thinks her current position so favourable, considering that she has been locked in the cellar these past three days.’
> ‘No!’ I cried, feeling somewhat responsible for her fate.
‘Yes, and it is not to her taste I am told,’ he mused, grinning.
‘But the babe.’
‘Oh, you worry too much! The room is clean and dry and she is well-fed and clothed. She has merely lost the privilege of roaming the inn as she pleases.’
‘Still, I would not want anything to happen to her or the child.’
‘Christ, Catherine, why do you care so much for her welfare after all that she has done to you and yours?’
‘Your blasphemy is intolerable. She might be a wicked and uncaring woman but I am not. You tell me of your struggle with changes in your life, but you are not alone! I know I must find compassion, yet I cannot and this disturbs me. I am ashamed to admit many new emotions, all of them sinful, and I cannot chase them away.’
‘You underestimate yourself.’
‘No, I have had many years to contemplate my shortcomings.’
‘Well, cowardice is not one of them! There are few who would stand between my fist and my temper,’ he retorted. He raked his hand through his hair and sighed. ‘I’m sorry. It seems we both have much to learn. Mayhap if I promise patience you could provide me with a little more understanding. Once you get to know me you will see that I am not as frightening as you think.’
My gaze dropped, my shyness returning. ‘Forgive me, Simon, I do not wish to seem rude, it is just that I … I am very unsure.’
‘You lack experience. The more time spent with friends, the more familiar they become.’ He dabbed at the corner of my mouth, hesitating before he sat back.
‘When might we leave?’ I asked, suddenly feeling desperate to reach Broughton.
‘As soon as you are fit for the journey. Roderick has acquired the necessary items and intends to accompany us as this will add to the disguise.’
‘Disguise? What disguise?’
‘Aah, you will have to wait and see.’ The boyish grin was back. ‘Even if we pass Moleyns on the road, he will not cast a second glance at us.’
‘What about Anaïs? Won’t she make a fuss to give us away?’
The Lily and the Lion Page 23