by Mark Twain
The boy bowed, and said nothing. Again the old Scot felt rebuked, and said-
"Of course I don't mean-I don't really mean-er-tell me: if you could prove in some way that you have never until now-for instance, if you could repeat other things which you have heard here. Will you try?"
With engaging simplicity and serenity, and with apparently no intention of being funny, the boy began on the arithmetic lesson, and faithfully put into his report everything the teacher had said and everything the pupils had said, and imitated the voices and style of-all-concerned-as follows:
"Well, I give you my word it's enough to drive a man back to the land of his fathers, and make him hide his head in the charitable heather and never more give out that he can teach the race! Five slates-five of the chiefest intelligences in the school-and look at them! Scots wha hae wi' Wallace bled-Harry Slater! Yes, sir. Since when, is it, that 17, and 45, and 68 and 21 make 155, ye unspeakable creature? I-I-if you please, sir, Sally Fitch hunched me and I reckon it made me make a figure 9 when I was intending to make a-There's not a 9 in the sum, you blockhead!-and ye'11 get a black mark for the lie you've told; a foolish lie, ill wrought and clumsy in the invention; you have no talent-stick to the truth. Becky Thatcher! Yes, sir, please. Make the curtsy over again, and do it better. Yes, sir. Lower, still! Yes, sir. Very good. Now I'll just ask you how you make out that 58 from 156 leaves 43? If you please, sir, I subtracted the 8 from the 6, which leaves-which leaves-I THINK it leaves 3-and then-Peace! ye banks and braes o' bonny Doon but it's a rare answer and a credit to my patient teaching! Jack Stillson! Yes, sir. Straighten up, and don't d-r-a-w-l like that-it's a fatigue to hear ye! And what have you been setting down here: If a horse travel 96 feet in 4 seconds and two-tenths of a second, how much will a barrel of mackerel cost when potatoes are 22 cents a bushel? Answer-eleven dollars and forty-six cents. You incurable ass, don't you see that ye've mixed three questions into one? The gauds and vanities o' learning! Oh, here's a hand, my trusty fere, and gie's a hand o' thine, and we'll-out of my sight, ye maundering idiot!-"
The show was become unendurable. The boy had forgotten not a word, nor a tone, nor a look, nor a gesture, nor any shade or trifle of detail-he was letter-perfect, and the house could shut its eyes anywhere in the performance and know which individual was being imitated. The boy's deep gravity and sincerity made the exhibition more and more trying the longer he went on. For a time, in decorous, disciplined and heroic silence, house and teacher sat bursting to laugh, with the tears running down, the regulations requiring noiseless propriety and solemnity; but when the stranger recited the answer to the triple sum and then put his hands together and raised his despairing eyes toward heaven in exact imitation of Mr. Ferguson's manner, the teacher's face broke up; and with that concession the house let go with a crash and laughed its fill thenceforth. But the boy went tranquilly on and on, unheeding the screams and throes and explosions, clear to the finish; then made his bow and straightened up and stood, bland and waiting.
It took some time to quiet the school; then Mr. Ferguson said-
"It is the most extraordinary thing I have seen in my life. In this world there is not another talent like yours, lad; be grateful for it, and for the noble modesty with which you bear about such a treasure. How long would you be able to keep in your memory the things which you have been uttering?"
"I cannot forget anything that I see or hear, sir."
"At all?"
"No, sir."
"It seems incredible-just impossible. Let me experiment a little -for the pure joy of it. Take my English-French dictionary and sit down and study it while I go on with the school's exercises. Shall you be disturbed by us?"
"No, sir."
He took the dictionary and began to skim the pages swiftly, one after another. Evidently he dwelt upon no page, but merely gave it a lick from top to bottom with his eye and turned it over. The school-work rambled on after a fashion, but it consisted of blunders, mainly, for the fascinated eyes and minds of school and teacher were oftener on the young stranger than elsewhere. At the end of twenty minutes the boy laid the book down. Mr. Ferguson noticed this, and said, with a touch of disappointment in his tone-
"I am sorry. I saw that it did not interest you."
The boy rose and said-
"Oh, sir, on the contrary!" This in French; then in English, "I have now the words of your language, but the forms not-perhaps, how you call?-the pronunciation also."
"You have the words? How many of the words do you know?"
"All, sir."
"No-no-there are 645 octavo pages-you couldn't have examined a tenth of them in this short time. A page in two seconds?-it is impossible."
The boy bowed respectfully, and said nothing.
"There-I am in fault again. I shall learn of you-courtesy. Give me the book. Begin. Recite-recite!"
It was another miracle. The boy poured out, in a rushing stream, the words, the definitions, the accompanying illustrative phrases and sentences, the signs indicating the parts of speech-everything; he skipped nothing, he put in all the details, and he even got the pronunciations substantially right, since it was a pronouncingdictionary. Teacher and school sat in a soundless and motionless spell of awe and admiration, unconscious of the flight of time, unconscious of everything but the beautiful stranger and his stupendous performance. After a long while the juggler interrupted his recitation to say-in rather cumbrous and hooky English-
"It is of necessity-what you call 'of course,' n'est-ce pas?-that I now am enabled to apply the machinery of the rules of the grammar, since the meanings of the words which constitute them were become my possession-" Here he stopped, quoted the violated rule, corrected his sentence, then went on: "And it is of course that I now understand the languages-language-appropriated to the lesson of arithmetic-yet not all, the dictionary being in the offensive. As for example, to-wit, 'Scots wha hae wi' Wallace bled, Sally Fitch hunched me, ye banks and braes o' bonny Doon, oh here's a hand my trusty fere and gie's a hand o' thine.' Some of these words are by mischance omitted from the dictionary, and thereby results confusion. Without knowledge of the signification of hunched one is ignorant of the nature of the explanation preferred by the mademoiselle Thatcher; and if one shall not know what a Doon is, and whether it is a financial bank or other that is involved, one is still yet again at a loss."
Silence. The master roused himself as if from a dream, and lifted his hands and said-
"It is not a parrot-it thinks! Boy, ye are a marvel! With listening an hour and studying half as long, you have learned the English language. You are the only person in America that knows all its words. Let it rest, where it is-the construction will come of itself. Take up the Latin, now, and the Greek, and shorthand writing, and the mathematics. Here are the books. You shall have thirty minutes to each. Then your education will be complete. But tell me! How do you manage these things? What is your method? You do not read the page, you only skim it down with your eye, as one wipes a column of sums from a slate. You understand my English?"
"Yes, master-perfectly. I have no method-meaning I have no mystery. I see what is on the page-that is all."
"But you see it at a glance."
"But is not the particulars of the page-" He stopped to apply the rule and correct the sentence: "are not the particulars of the page the same as the particulars of the school? I see all the pupils at once; do I not know, then, how each is dressed, and his attitude and expression, and the color of his eyes and hair, and the length of his nose, and if his shoes are tied or not? Why shall I glance twice?"
Margaret Stover, over in the comer, drew her untied shoe back out of sight.
"Ali, well, I have seen no one else who could individualize a thousand details with one sweep of the two eyes. Maybe the eyes of the admirable creature the dragon-fly can do it, but that is another matter-he has twelve thousand, and so the haul he makes with his multitudinous glance is a thing within reason and comprehension. Get at your Latin, lad." Then with
a sigh, "We will proceed with our poor dull ploddings."
The boy took up the book and began to turn the pages, much as if he were carefully counting them. The school glanced with an evil joy at Henry Bascom, and was pleased to note that he was not happy. He was the only Latin pupil in the school, and his pride in this distinction was a thing through which his mates were made to endure much suffering.
The school droned and buzzed along, with the bulk of its mind and its interest not on its work but fixed in envy and discouragement upon the new scholar. At the end of half an hour it saw him lay down his Latin book and take up the Greek; it glanced contentedly at Henry Bascom, and a satisfied murmur dribbled down the benches. In turn the Greek and the mathematics were mastered, then "The New ShortHand Method, called Phonography" was taken up. But the phonographic study was short-lived-it lasted but a minute and twenty seconds; then the boy played with several other books. The master noticed this, and by and by said-
"So soon done with the Phonography?"
"It is only a set of compact and simple principles, sir. They are applicable with ease and certainty-like the principles of the mathematics. Also, the examples assist; innumerable combinations of English words are given, and the vowels eliminated. It is admirable, this system, for precision and clarity; one could write Greek and Latin with it, making word-combinations with the vowels excised, and still be understood."
"Your English is improving by leaps and bounds, my boy."
"Yes, sir. I have been reading these English books. They have furnished me the forms of the language-the moulds in which it is cast-the idioms."
"I am past wondering! I think there is no miracle that a mind like this cannot do. Pray go to the blackboard and let me see what Greek may look like in phonographic word-combinations with the vowel-signs left out. I will read some passages."
The boy took the chalk, and the trial began. The master read very slowly; then a little faster; then faster still; then as fast as he could. The boy kept up, without apparent difficulty. Then the master threw in Latin sentences, English sentences, French ones, and now and then a hardy problem from Euclid to be ciphered out. The boy was competent, all the while.
"It is amazing, my child, amazing-stupefying! Do me one more miracle, and I strike my flag. Here is a page of columns of figures. Add them up. I have seen the famous lightning-calculator do it in three minutes and a quarter, and I know the answer. I will hold the watch. Beat him!"
The boy glanced at the page, made his bow and said,-
"The total is 4,865,493 if the blurred twenty-third figure in the fifth column is a 9; if it is a 7, the total is less by 2."
"Right, and he is beaten by incredible odds; but you hadn't time to even see the blurred figure, let alone note its place. Wait till I find it-the twenty-third, did you say? Here it is, but I can't tell which it is-it may be a 9, it may be a 7. But no matter, one of your answers is right, according to which name we give the figure. Dear me, can my watch be right? It is long past the noon recess, and everybody has forgotten his dinner. In my thirty years of schoolteaching experience this has not happened before. Truly it is a day of miracles. Children, we dull moles are in no condition to further plod and grub after the excitements and bewilderments of this intellectual conflagration-school is dismissed. My wonderful scholar, tell me your name."
The school crowded forward in a body to devour the stranger at close quarters with their envying eyes; all except Bascom, who remained apart and sulked.
"Quarante-quatre, sir. Forty-four."
"Why-why-that is only a number, you know, not a name."
The boy bowed. The master dropped the subject.
"When did you arrive in our town?"
"Last night, sir."
"Have you friends or relatives among us?"
"No, sir-none. Mr. Hotchkiss allows me to lodge in his house."
"You will find the Hotchkisses good people, excellent people. Had you introductions to them?"
"No, sir."
"You see I am curious; but we are all that, in this monotonous little place, and we mean no harm. How did you make them understand what you wanted?"
"Through my signs and their compassion. It was cold, and I was a stranger."
"Good-good-and well stated, without waste of words. It describes the Hotchkisses; it's a whole biography. Whence did you come-and how?"
Forty-four bowed. The master said, affab]y-
"It was another indiscretion-you will not remember it against -no, I mean you will forget it, in consid-what I am trying to say is, that you will overlook it-that is it, overlook it. I am glad you are come, grateful that you are come."
"I thank you-thank you deeply, sir."
"My official character requires that I precede you in leaving this house, therefore I do it. This is an apology. Adieu."
"Adieu, my master."
The school made way, and the old gentleman marched out between the ranks with a grave dignity proper to his official state.
Chapter 2
TIE GIRLS went vivaciously chattering away, eager to get home and tell of the wonders they had seen; but outside of the schoolhouse the boys grouped themselves together and waited; silent, expectant, and nervous. They paid but little attention to the bitter weather, they were apparently under the spell of a more absorbing interest. Henry Bascom stood apart from the others, in the neigh borhood of the door. The new boy had not come out, yet. Tom Sawyer had halted him to give him a warning.
"Look out for him-he'll be waiting. The bully, I mean-Hen Bascom. He's treacherous and low down."
"Waiting?"
"Yes-for you."
"What for?"
"To lick you-whip you."
"On what account?"
"Why, he's the bully this year, and you're a fresh."
"Is that a reason?"
"Plenty-yes. He's got to take your measure, and do it to-dayhe knows that."
"It's a custom, then?"
"Yes. He's got to fight you, whether he wants to or not. But he wants to. You've knocked his Latin layout galley-west."
"Galley west? Je ne-"
"It's just a word, you know. Means you've knocked his props from under him."
"Knocked his props from under him?"
"Yes-trumped his ace."
"Trumped his-"
"Ace. That's it-pulled his leg."
"I assure you this is an error. I have not pulled his leg."
"But you don't understand. Don't you see? You've graveled him, and he's disgruntled."
The new boy's face expressed his despair. Tom reflected a moment, then his eye lighted with hope, and he said, with confidence-
"Now you'll get the idea. You see, he held the age on Latin-just a lone hand, don't you know, and it made him Grand Turk and Whoopjamboreehoo of the whole school, and he went in procession all by himself, like Parker's hog. Well, you've walked up to the captain's office with your Latin, now, and pulled in high, low, jack and the game, and it's taken the curl out of his tail. There-that's the idea."
The new boy hesitated, passed his hand over his forehead, and began, haltingly-
"It is still a little vague. It was but a poor dictionary-that French-English-and over-rich in omissions. Do you perhaps mean that he is jealous',"
"Score one! That's it. Jealous-the very word. Now then, there'll be a ring, and you'll fight. Can you box? do you know the trick of it?"
"No."
"I'll show you. You'll learn in two minutes and less; it don't begin with grammar for difficulties. Put up your fists-so. Now then, hit me . . . . . You notice how I turned that off with my left? Again . . . . . . Sce?-turned it with my right. Dance around; caper-like this. Now I'm coming for you-look sharp . . . . . . That's the ticket-I didn't arrive. Once more . . . . . . Good! You're all right. Come on. It's a cold day for I
They stepped outside, now. As they walked past Bascom he suddenly thrust out his foot, to trip Forty-four. But the foot was no obstruction, it did not interrupt Forty-four's stride, Necessar
ily, then, Bascom was himself tripped. He fell heavily, and everybody laughed privately. He got up, all a-quiver with passion, and cried out-
"Off with your coat, Knowit-all-you're going to fight or eat dirt, one or t'other. Form a ring, fellows!"
I le threw off his coat. The ring was formed.
"May I keep my coat on? Do the rules allow it?"
"Don't!" said Tom; "it's a disadvantage. Pull it off."
"Keep it on, you wax doll, if you want to," said I "it won't du you any good either way. Time!"
Forty-four took position, with his fists up, and stood without moving, while the lithe and active Bascom danced about him, danced up toward him, feinted with his right, feinted with his left, danced away again, danced forward again--and so-on and so-on, Tom and others putting in frequent warnings for Forty-four: "Look out for him-look o-u-t!" At last Forty-four opened his guard for an instant, and in that instant Henry plunged, and let drive with all his force; but Forty-four stepped lightly aside, and Henry's impulse and a slip on the ice carried him to the ground. He got up lame but eager, and began his dance again; he presently lunged again, hit vacancy and got another fall. After that he respected the slippery ground, and lunged no more, and danced cautiously; he fought with energy, interest and smart judgment, and delivered a sparkling rain of blows, but none of them got home-some were dodged by a sideward tilt of the head, the others were neatly warded. He was getting winded with his violent exercise, but the other boy was still fresh, for he had done no dancing, he had struck no blows, and had had no exercise of consequence. Henry stopped to rest and pant, and Forty-four said-
"Let us not go on with it. What good can come of it?"
The boys murmured dissent; this was an election for Bully; they were personally interested, they had hopes, and their hopes were getting the color of certainties. Henry said-
"You'll stay where you are, Miss Nancy. You don't leave this ground till I know who wears the belt."
"Ah, but you already know-or ought to; therefore, where is the use of going on? You have not struck me, and I have no wish to strike you."