by A. Hart
I lightly brushed it with my fingertips. She had been crying. I cringed. “Shit.” I whispered to myself. I wished so hard that I hadn’t caused her pain. I wanted her to be mine but what was I willing to risk. How many of these letters was she going to get instead of my arms? How many nights was she going to cry until I came back? What If I screwed it up, how long would it take her to recover? I knew I was already in deep and would probably never bounce back. Maybe there was hope for her, maybe it wasn’t too late to save her the pain. My heart grew weak as I closed the jewelry box lightly and walked into the kitchen.
I turned on the water to cold and flicked my finger under the stream to feel the temperature. I began searching through her cabinets for cups. I finally found them in the top right cupboard, where she had tons of different glass coffee mugs and one wine glass. I laughed, it was such a strange thing and yet it fit her. I grabbed a floral white mug and filled it with cold water. I walked up to her and sat on the couch again, looking down at her.
She was so peaceful laying there. I placed my hand on her face "Em you need to drink." Her eyes were blinking and she opened her mouth. She grew desperate at the taste of the water and began to gulp it. "Em Slow down baby ...” I whispered. She blinked again, hard and slow. "Cal...?"
I placed the water on the coffee table and placed my hand on her cheek. "Yeah Em…it’s me....I'm here." She blinked again, trying to sit up, suddenly her hand rushed to her head. "Ouh" she moaned. "Em you okay?" I sat back to study her. "Yeah...just…ouh...my head." She groaned. I continued to study her “a slight headache is expected when you pass out but I don’t think you hit your head so..." She cut me off "Well except for on his." She smiled lightly as she winced, now rubbing her head
"What?" I asked sounding angrier than I wanted. "I head-butted him." She said, her voice raspy. "You what?!" I asked louder. I stood up and threw my hands on my head. "Em you could have a concussion! I had no idea...” She cut me off again. "it’s okay, it’s okay! “She put one hand up in protest and the other on her head again. "I promise Cal…I’m fine!" I raised my eyebrows at her and lowered my voice "I don’t know Em, maybe I should take you in..." She sat up a little panicked "God please no, you know I hate hospitals, well at least being the patient in the hospital. And I’m fine...please." I sat back down and placed my hand on hers. "You sure you’re alright?" She smiled at me weakly "Yeah I’m Fine. Plus I have my own personal paramedic right here." She ran her hand up my arm and a chill went down my spine.
I loved how it felt when she touched me and I wanted more, it’s all I could think about. I could tell she felt what we had but I knew how much pain she would be in a couple weeks when I left again. I scooted away as I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. She must have noticed my hesitation because she placed her hand on my neck and I couldn’t fight my urge to look into her eyes.
When my eyes landed on hers she was already staring at me. Her eyes, big, brown and begging for me to kiss her. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I paused, still concerned with her possible concussion I said “Well…the paramedics are at least going to check you out…” She nodded slowly. Knowing that the Police were there for questioning, I walked to the door and answered it. They gave us both a little bit of a hard time for fleeing the scene but luckily I knew the officer in charge. My Dad was a retired fire chief and was close friends with many of the local police officers. Many of them actually came to family events. After what seemed like an eternity of questions and lectures they finished up and had the paramedic’s come check Emerson out.
The paramedics were old pals of mine that were unable to make it to my party due to being on shift. They said Emerson had a slight concussion and needed to be woken every two hours and monitored. If she got any worse or developed any new symptoms to bring her in. It was exactly what I had already figured out myself but it felt good to have the reassurance. After everyone left, Em laid on the couch smiling up at me lightly and holding the ice pack the paramedics gave her on her head.
I decided to try and lighten the mood. I smiled back at her. “Head-butt huh? Okay karate kid...let’s take it easy tonight." I placed my hand on her shoulder to console her. She laughed "Wax on wax off kiwosabi."I shook my head and laughed. She somehow always managed to keep her sense of humor and light hearted demeanor.
She asked me if I wanted to watch a movie and I applauded at the idea. I motioned her to sit back down when she got up to pick a movie. I sat on the floor looking at her movie collection, a mix of a little of everything but a lot of old movies and a lot of history documentaries. I shook my head and chuckled a little at how random and unique this girl was. She shot me a look and I just smiled up at her.
I grabbed "Funny Face" with Audrey Hepburn and put it on. I laid my arm around her and she relaxed into me sighing "Awe this one’s my favorite." I laughed inwardly. Yeah I know, that’s why I picked it, I thought but chose not to say. As the movie began she looked over at me "Shouldn’t you get going home?" I looked at her with a blank face. “If you want me to I can but I think I should stay.” She smiled an almost evil grin "Oh is that so Mr." I laughed and shook my head "Slow down tiger, I’m concerned about your battle wounds and my buddies said someone needs to wake you every couple hours and keep an eye on you tonight."
Emerson twisted her face in what seemed like disappointment. I rubbed her shoulder "Is it okay if I stay? To keep an eye on you tonight? Do you want to call someone else?" She shot me daring eyes, like she was trying to push me to say what she wanted. "You can keep an eye on me every night." she winked. I bit my lip. There was that sense of humor again, she was killing me.
I reached up and paused the movie. She looked at me like she was a little shocked. I sighed, the curiosity was killing me "I got to ask..." She took a deep breath and rubbed her head again like she was reading my mind. "Do you know Sid...the guy who..." She dropped her head and then looked up at me confused. “Yeah...do you?" I sat back a little, not happy with her answer. "Yeah... I know that dirt bag...I grew up with him." She twisted in her seat like she was waiting for me to continue. I took another deep breath.
"We used to be best friends growing up, Sid, Sam and I. Sid started to get into bad stuff right before middle school, he had older brothers who were bad news and he wanted them to like him. I put it off for a while but eventually I let him drag me into it all. Sam knew better from the beginning and he wrote Sid off. I used to have to hang out with them separately and lie to the other about where I was. Sam knows about it all now, but at the time he had no idea." She placed her hand in mine, sensing that the topic made me uncomfortable. Although I knew better, although I should have resisted, I laced our fingers together. I held back my smile at the sight of Emerson playing with her bottom lip.
I continued with my story, hoping my honesty would open her up to do the same and would make her understand that Sid was bad news. "I started to slip away from Sid a little towards the middle of senior year, I realized if I didn’t pull my act together I wasn’t going to graduate, so I cut our time in half and Sid took it hard.... I managed to get into a paramedic program with bare minimum grades but came out on top of my class. I had to cut back our time even more. Once I was a paramedic, I had a little more time and began hanging out with him again...except now he had a whole gang of friends that were just as rotten as him and the things they were doing were no longer fun and games. One night I got stuck in an awful situation where Sid gave a girl a roofy.” Emerson stiffened but I continued anyway, she needed to hear this. “I saw him drop the drug in the girls drink. He told me that he didn’t do it, he swore to me but I saw it with my own eyes.” I cracked my neck trying to relieve some tension. “She must have collapsed in the alley way on their way out. I had an awful feeling in my gut so I followed them out...thankfully..." I paused and looked up at her with pain in my eyes, I dropped my head and my voice lowered. "Her clothes were ripped off Em." I lightly touched her torn dress so she would understand how serious this was “he was standing over her, she
was laying on the floor, alone in a dark alley way...I watched him go to unbuckle his pants “I shook my head at the memory and Emerson’s eyes flashed with fear. “I charged him...he flew against the wall and I yelled at him to stay the fuck away when he tried to get up."
I looked at Emerson saddened. She squeezed my hand with worry in her eyes as I continued. "He knew I meant it so he didn’t move. I took her vital signs and they were awful.” I rubbed my hands together with my head down. “I called 911 and my team…my crew... showed up...I covered for Sid. I wish I hadn’t. It haunts me to think what he would have done if I wasn't there, what he might have done since then. He swore he wouldn’t and because I had watched him grow up because I thought of him as a brother, I thought I could take his word” I lifted my eyes long enough to catch the look in her eyes and then lowered my head, ashamed. "Obviously I couldn't..... After that night Sid tried to get me in on all kinds of jobs, his friends, more like lackeys, would come to my work on break and Sid would call me a million times a day. I just wanted to get away from him and I think from who I used to be... I wanted to be someone new...someone brave, strong, who did the right thing...I walked into the recruiters and...Well, that was that...."
I sighed and looked at her with a saddened smile...."Your turn." Her face went blank and she winced as she adjusted herself slowly. "I..."She sighed "I met him at a club one night...He didn’t seem good but he didn’t seem awful either, I knew he was dangerous but I was just curious...I guess." Pain grew in my chest. A ball of fire ignited in me and I threw my head in my hands. She adjusted herself again sighing. "We went on three dates...the last one ended with me pepper spraying him in front of Red Lobster." My head shot up and my eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head "Why'd you pepper spray him? What did he do to you..?"
Emerson shrugged, wincing at the movement of her head and placed her hand on my shoulder "Calm down soldier. Nothing happened. It was our third date and I hadn’t kissed him... he showed up late and drunk. I wasn't planning on kissing him because honestly I knew something was wrong about him but I just couldn’t curb my curiosity." My hands steadied a little until she continued. "He was wasted by the time we went to walk to our cars. I didn’t feel right letting him drive home, so I offered him a ride." She winced again I think this time was at the memory and not the pain in her head.
"When we got in the car he began touching me and trying to undo my seat belt, at first, I thought he was just drunk. Then he threw himself on me and started to get rough." She sighed and my eyes began to feel like they were going to pop again. "I started to yell at him to stop and he told me to shut up and give him what he paid for. I managed to unlock the doors and reached into my purse. I pulled my pepper spray out and pointed it right at his eyes, I reached behind him to open the door, pushed him out and I took off." I looked up at her and grabbed her hand, my heart filled with anger.
"Did you report him?" I asked roughly. She shook her head "No...I ..." she sighed. "I thought he was just drunk…" She shook her head and placed her hand on her hair. I placed my palm against her face and searched for her eyes. "Emerson...I don’t care if someone is radiated and foaming at the mouth. If anyone...ever tries to hurt you." I clenched my other fist against my leg to the thought. “If anyone ever tries to..." She smiled "Head-butt them?" I laughed lightly at her and shook my head, her cuteness calmed my anger. "Well yes if you have to but call the Cops. Always...”
She sighed and looked at me with serious eyes. "Trust me, I learned my lesson and tonight was a repeat....I got it down." I put my arm around her again and kissed her head. I reached for the remote and pressed play. I needed the distraction, I was still fuming about our conversation. I knew it was all over but I wanted to find Sid and choke the life out of him. He was scum and it sickened me that I used to call him my best friend. He was no better than the low life’s that I had hunted overseas. I pictured the blood, the chains and the torture tools that they had used on innocents. I shivered...back into the present. This wasn’t some foreign gang member or religious extremist, this was someone I grew up with. This was Sid. I had loved him like a brother and he had violated the most beautiful person on earth, I felt sickened. I felt betrayed.
Chapter Eleven
Emerson
I nuzzled my head into Cal’s chest and relaxed my body into him. He scooted into me and kissed the top of my head. My eyes were heavy and tired but my mind was racing and sleep was the last thing on my mind. I twisted a little in my seat to look at the clock in my kitchen, it read 2 am....shit...I thought, good thing I had the next two days off. I leaned back into him again and he sighed. I looked up at him and he caught my gaze, "Aren’t you tired?” He yawned on cue as he shook his head "no, no not at all." I chuckled lightly. "Yeah ok Mr. Tough guy." His face went calm and his eyes traced my face, from my eyes to my mouth and back again.
I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, the slight concussion or my hormones but my head started to spin. Cal’s chin dipped down and his mouth covered mine. I leaned into his kiss and placed my hand on his neck. His hand moved from my shoulder to my lower back and pushed me into him. As our lips began moving faster, harder, our tongues began to dance, twisting and turning. The taste of him filled my body with joy and I turned into him. His hands followed my bodies lead and ran up and down. Then his hands cupped my inner thighs under me and pulled me into a sitting position on his lap. My hands moved in and out of his hair, tugging and pulling. He moaned lightly in the back of his throat, the sound made my stomach flip. I continued to kiss him harder and then a sharp pain filled my head. I winced and my hand flew to my head..
His attention immediately flew to me "Em you okay? I’m so sorry, I forgot. You’re hurt."I shook my head "Don’t be sorry, I’m not." I grinned widely and kissed him again. He pulled back "No I’m serious, you need to rest...I just couldn’t help myself, you have no idea what you do to me Emerson Williams..." My heart skipped a beat as I looked into his shimmering eyes. His hand ran down my face "I care for you a lot you know?"
I nodded my head trying to hold back the tears that were begging to rush to my eyes. "Yeah...yeah I know..." His other hand reached to my face so there was one on each cheek, holding my gaze on his. His thumbs softly grazing my skin. I looked back at him, allowing him to search my soul, shattering all my walls and then he did the most reckless thing. He spoke, his eyes never leaving mine, his voice raspy and filled with want "eyes shut but soul awakened, I will never forget this sight, surely it will haunt my dreams, the thought of her smile and the taste of her skin, the evil I've seen, all forgotten with the beam of her light...It shines. Conquers…awakens” He left me with goose bumps all over my body and I couldn’t fight off the tears any longer. They swallowed my eyes like a flood and began running down my cheeks.
I didn’t know what to say and I knew if I tried to speak I would be stopped by the choking of my tears, so I went with my heart. “Damn it Cal.” I kissed him lightly. Cal returned my kiss with a couple gentle pecks. He pulled back and looked at me, wiping my tears gently with his thumbs. "I guess your right I’m pretty tired..." I smiled lightly with my brows raised "Mr. Smith are you trying to seduce me?" He laughed as he wiped my tears again "Mm....although that is extremely tempting...You need to rest and we both need sleep." I frowned and stood up slowly, bracing my head for the stars that floated over my head whenever I moved.
"Alright Debbie Downer." I reached my hand out and tilted my head slightly "Follow me Mr. Smith." He smiled and cleared his throat "Sleep Emerson...sleep!" I laughed as I shut off the TV and then the light, leading him into my room "Yeah a bed soldier...they can also be used for sleep." He looked at me and laughed as he slipped off his jeans and button up shirt. He was just in his white tee and boxers, it took all that was in me not to jump his bones.
I raised my brow at him as he began to make my bed. Two can play that game I thought. I slipped off my dress over my head. He froze in place and stared at me like I was killing a baby kitten. I casually walked t
o my hamper and threw the dress in. I looked at him and cleared my throat "Do you mind?" He shook his head with a slight smile as he climbed into my bed "You are trouble Emerson Williams..." I laughed and put my hands on my hips "try to stay out of trouble soldier." He froze again, looking tortured.
I laughed as I threw on my much too large Walk for the Cure tee shirt and slowly undid my bra under it, slipping it through my sleeve. He sat shaking his head at me and I laughed as I jumped into bed. I started to put my arm around him and he stopped me "Em if you cross this line again in the next eight hours I am going to throw you off this bed, forget the concussion." I laughed "Geez touchy." He looked over at me looking like a kid who got his lunch money stolen "You think?! With that stunt you just pulled, I am on DEFCON 4" I laughed and rolled over "Okay I’ll back off." He smiled and rolled over "Good night Em." I returned with a "Night."
The next eight hours went by slow and steady. Cal had woke me a couple times, lightly shaking me, shinning a small flashlight in my eyes and then asking me questions about myself. I rubbed my eyes and sat up slow. It took me a minute to remember where I was and who I was with. I sniffed smelling something "to die for" as Cal had once put it. I giggled to myself at the memory. I turned around to see Cal’s side empty. I stood up and braced myself for the stars to float around my head but they never did. A slight dull pain pounded in my head at the movement but nothing compared to the night before. Thank God. I threw my slippers on and began to walk to my kitchen when I noticed a small blonde lady sitting at my counter.
I stopped in the doorway as she looked over at me. It was jenny. I jumped back into my room and shut the door. I heard Cal’s laughter roaring from the kitchen and I shook my head. I went back to my closet and quickly threw on a hoodie and pulled the hood a little to the side so it covered the red marks on my neck. Then I searched my closet floor for a pair of shorts. Once I was dressed , I splashed my face with water and took off my smeared mascara, I threw my hair in a messy bun and hoped I didn’t look like I just rolled out of bed, even though I literally just had.