by A. Hart
I listened to Emerson in the kitchen singing to Copper and clinging dishes against the counter. Copper barked in delight at her and I smiled again at how unbelievably unreal this all felt. Copper came to live with us the day after I “moved in”, if you called it that. All I had with me was a duffel bag and a couple knick knacks from my old room. I couldn’t believe how natural it felt to be here and how well Copper adjusted. Emerson had taken him for a walk each day so far and said that she would do so every day. We talked about obvious safety precautions after what had happened.
I decided that Cop would be a pretty good guard dog. I also signed her up for a local gun safety class that my old buddy from paramedic school taught. She agreed to go to the class and even agreed to buy a small handgun to keep with her before I left next week. I managed to get an alarm system set up yesterday even though I was still sore. Emerson kept yelling at me to go rest and that I was going to hurt myself. Sam did all of the heavy lifting and even picked everything up from the store for me. I planned on helping with the rent as soon as possible and gave Em a little money for taking care of Cop.
Emerson walked in carrying my next meal on a large tray. “Okay I know you’re probably sick of chicken noodle soup and crackers so I made Mac N cheese.” I laughed as she placed it on the bed next to me. “You’re a regular Betty Croker.” She furrowed her brows “Hey buddy cooking isn’t my strength. Take it or leave it!” I pulled her into me slowly, trying not to pull at my stitches as I stretched, “I’ll take it.” I said softly. She smiled “Hey so actually there is something I wanted to ask you…” She lowered her head and began playing with a piece of hair that was tucked behind her ear.
I sat up and grabbed the tray then placed it on my lap, grabbing a bite of Mac n cheese and bringing it towards my mouth “Looks great babe, Ask away.” She paused for a second looking like she had something serious to say. Concerned, I put down my bowl on the tray and reached out to her. I rub her shoulder and asked “Hey what’s wrong?” She softly smiled up at me with worry in her eyes. I rubbed her back lightly as she took a deep breath and then exhaled quickly “Well I was just wondering what this was? I mean you and me…Like what do I call you?”
Emerson took another deep breath like she was preparing herself for a blow to the chest. I tried to hold back my smile. Does she not know how I feel about her? “No idea what you’re talking about.” She looked at me like she was going to fall into a million pieces so I decided to quickly put her out of her misery. I laughed as I pulled her into my chest “Silly woman of course you’re my girlfriend. I love you more than anyone in this world. I am your boyfriend right?” She smiled up at me and then kissed me soft and sweet. “No duh.” I laughed again as I reached around her to pick up my food hoping it wasn’t cold. I took a bite when I noticed she still looked uneasy.
Emerson sat close to me on the edge of the bed playing with her hair again. “Em what’s up? What aren’t you asking me?” She took another deep breath. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this since before we even started this…” She gestured between us. “And I’m glad that I am your girlfriend and that you love me because I love you too…I love you so much…” She is not breaking up with me right after we just established our relationship is she? I put my hands by my sides on the bed and propped myself up furrowing my brows “Em what are you saying?” She shook her head “You need to know something because I love you and I want this to be able to go wherever it needs to…but I don’t want you to sacrifice your future for me…I want you to have everything you want because you deserve to”
I tilted my head and scratched my neck. I was clueless. She put her hands over her eyes and then slapped them on her lap sighing loudly. “Cal…I only have one ovary….” She looked at me like I should understand what that meant. “Yes” I said. “Doesn’t that worry you Cal?!” I shook my head “I don’t think I understand…” She stood up and cut me off “I can’t give you a family Cal! There is like the smallest chance in this world that I will ever have a baby.”
I put my hands on my knees and used them to help myself stand up. I walked over to her and placed one hand at the nape of her neck as I cradled her soft cheek with the other. “Em. I know that.” Her eyes grew wide. “What?” she asked. “You know?” I smiled. Did she think I was an idiot? “Well yeah I put two and two together when I first met you. I knew you had your ovary removed and I know how biology works Em. I’m not worried about it.” I shrugged my shoulders and lightly kissed her lips.
She put her hands on my chest and lightly pushed me off of her. She looked up at me in disbelief and shook her head “I don’t understand Cal, you want a family…I can’t give you one…that doesn’t bother you?” I took a deep breath and leaned up against the dresser. “Yes Em I want a family but the first and most important part of that family is you…” I gently grabbed her by her shoulders and dipped my head down looking her in the eyes. “You, are my everything Em and you are all I care about, we will figure it out. We can have puppy babies or we can adopt. We can cross that bridge when we get there but just know we will have a family. It is going to be awesome because it starts with you.” Her eyes filled with tears and she wrapped her arms around me and buried her head into my chest. “I love you Cal.” I kissed her on her beautiful head “I love you too Em.”
Chapter Thirty
Emerson
It had been a week since Cal had been out of the hospital and he was leaving in four days. I sighed at how heavy that made my heart feel. I looked in my vanity mirror on my dresser and tilted my head as I adjusted my sweater dress. Cal insisted I wear it saying it made me look “ravishing”. I had giggled at the sound of that word coming out of his tough guy mouth. I puffed out my cheeks and blew out a long breath. I twirled around and patted Copper’s head lightly as I passed him. I peeked my head into the bathroom lightly to see Cal adjusting his shirt in the mirror. I smiled at how much I loved this man. I stared at him through the mirror and he smiled back at me.
“Hey sexy! I told you that dress was a good choice.” I shrugged my shoulders “Yeah I guess I look alright.” He laughed “Babe, you have no idea what you are doing to me.” I chuckled “mm hm, the sweater dress really has you going huh?” His face suddenly turned serious but light. He pulled me closer and lightly kissed my lips, then gently grabbed my hand. He placed my hand over his heart with his over it. I immediately felt his heart thumping hard and fast against his chest. That hot lava of emotion swarmed into my throat and made my head feel light and fuzzy.
I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes as he spoke with a low raspy voice “Emerson you are the light of my life, you make my heart do and feel things that I never could without you.” I took a deep breath and kissed him with all of the pure emotion raging through my body. I leaned back and lightly hit his chest with my open palms, “alright Mr. time to meet the parents.” He laughed “They will love me.” I smiled back at him “of course they will!”
And of course I was right. They did love him. We went to dinner with both my parents, who managed to be civil to each other. My sister Elliot came too and brought a date even though they had “just started dating.” I smiled when I realized that it was her best friend from college that I had met a couple times before. Of course Dad and Mom wouldn’t know that. They didn’t play a large enough role in our lives to meet our friends. They just started remembering Sarah and she had been my best friend since third grade.
Elliot and I left the table to use the restroom, leaving our men to the mercy of my parents. This will have to be quick I thought to myself. As soon as the door closed I cornered Elliot. “Just started dating?” Elliot shrugged her shoulders. “I thought I would take some pressure off you plus Ryan is easy going, he jumped at the chance to play boyfriend for the night.” I laughed as I fixed myself in the mirror. When she walked out of the stall to wash her hands I turned to her “You’re amazing.” She winked at me as she washed her hands and then we quickly began walking back to our table. “I know, now go
save your boyfriend from mom before she tries to make Dad jealous again, you remember last Christmas.” My face turned red at the memory of Mom making out with our young waiter in front of Dad last year. My head whipped to the table to see poor Cal practically being molested by mother dearest. “Oh God.”
Calvin
It was the day before I had to leave and I found myself feeling the pull of deployment. It was so hard to concentrate on the here and now. The knowledge that I would soon be thrown into battle, far away from Emerson and everything I had just fought to keep here was taking over my mind. I laid on the couch with my arm around Emerson watching Planet Earth and taking in how she felt in my arms. I spent time memorizing the feel of her chest rise and fall and the soft pitter patter of her heart. I took time in the last nine days to memorize everything about her, from her button nose to her high cheek bones and her round cheeks. I memorized the caramel brown of her eyes and how they seemed to slightly change color with each different shade she wore. I kissed the top of her head lightly and she wiggled closer to my chest.
I had already got my uniform ready to wear tomorrow and made sure my bags were packed appropriately. We had gone to Wal-Mart yesterday to grab all of my necessities. I had talked to my best friend in my unit Charles Maxwell (Max) the day before. He said that he caught wind from our Group Leader, Saxon, that we would be going straight into a mission. What’s New? I thought
My bag was already by the front door and my uniform hung in the closet, over my combat boots. They were taunting me with the thought of leaving. I could tell that Emerson was stuck in the same funk as I was. We were both much quieter than normal and her usual bright smile seemed to be weakened. That night we laid in bed awake, both with wide eyes but completely silent. We made love more passionate than ever before and after we spent what felt like hours just looking at each other, we drifted off into sleep. That night Emerson’s eyes kept filling with tears and I kept wiping them away and kissing her softly. In the morning we slid out of bed with maybe an hour of sleep under our belts but both wide awake.
The drive was painfully quiet as I drove Big Blue to the airport. She sat next to me in the middle holding onto my arm, with her head on my shoulder. She was going to keep Big Blue at her house and keep an eye on him for me. I told her to move it every week so it looked like I was still there. I knew Sam and my family would keep an eye on her for me. I felt better that she had a gun, an alarm system and Copper of course. I parked the truck and took a deep breath. I looked over at her and smiled inside with pride at how strong she was being. She looked up at me, no tears but a smile on her face. “Ready?” I asked. “God Yes!” She said as she opened her door and then looked back at me rolling her eyes “I’ve been dying to get rid of you for weeks!” I grabbed my chest acting like I was hurt and furrowed my brows “Ouch!” I smiled and jumped out of Big Blue. “Be good boy!” I said as I patted my old truck on the hood and then grabbed my bags out of the bed. “Don’t worry.” She said ominously “We’re going to have a reaaaal good time.” I looked at her as we began to walk. “That makes me nervous.” She laughed with a little hint of evil. I smiled because I loved it when she laughed.
I looked down at her hand and then at her “Hey I really want to hold your hand but...” She laughed “Yeah I know the rules soldier boy.” I laughed “Yeah holding hands or anything that is prolonged is frowned on but I get at least one good bye kiss and I think like a 10 second hug is fine… As long as it’s quick we can get away with it, especially since I’m deploying tomorrow…” Her expression dropped a little at the mention of me deploying but she was a trooper and smiled up at me. I spotted my family up ahead and waved at them.
I checked in at the counter as everyone waited by the bottom of the escalator. I walked over, ticket in hand, with just my assault pack on my back. I smirked as I took a deep breath. “Alright guys I’m finally out of your hair.” Dad threw his hands in the air “Oh thank the Lord son, you’re driving me nuts!” He winked at me and then wrapped his arms around me and patted me on the back. “Be safe Son.” I patted his back and responded “Always Dad.” Mom hugged me sniffing back her tears. “Love you Son.” I kissed her cheek “Love you too Ma.” Then Granny hugged me and kissed my cheek. Her soft brittle hand cupped my cheek “Go get em’ boy.” She said with gusto. I laughed “Of course Gran.” She winked at me and then I was crushed by Jenny’s embrace. “Oh God Jenny you’re going to smother me to death before I even face danger.” She laughed as she wiped a tear. “Love you bro.” I winked at her “Love ya sis.” Sam pulled me in and tried to lift me up in the air but failed miserably. I patted his back as his face was buried into my chest. “Love you too man.” Sam stepped back and nodded his head at me. Everyone that I had already said good bye to stepped a few feet back and began talking to one another.
Emerson took a step towards me. “Alright soldier boy.” She said as she continued walking towards me. “You owe me a Kiss that is so freaking amazing that it lasts me three months and I was promised a ten second hug…and I” I cut her off as I pulled her into me. I wrapped my arms completely around her petite frame and lifted her off the ground. I tucked my face into her neck and spoke softly so only she could hear me “One...Two…three...Four. Five…six…seven…Eight…nine…ten…eleven…twelve…I don’t mind bending the rule for you.” Then I tilted my head back and after looking into her beautiful brown eyes I said “I love you Em.”
Before she could say it back I crushed my lips on hers and kissed her like tomorrow would never come because who was I kidding…there was a chance it wouldn’t. I set her down and quickly turned around, dashing up the first few steps. I heard her whisper “Love you too.” I turned as the escalator took me up and waved to the all the reasons why I fought.
Chapter Thirty-One
Emerson
I walked into my duplex and slowly shut the door. I shut off my alarm quickly just as Cal had shown me and then stood there silently. I had made it all the way home without breaking down. I just drove in silence, no music. Just the sound of big blue purring on the road. I ignored the throbbing pain in my gut and pushed it deep inside. Now as I leaned up against my locked door everything inside of me began to melt. All of the emotions and all of the pain came full force. Instead of fighting it, instead of standing strong I decided to give in. In a crash of tears I slid to the floor and began weeping through the pain. Cal was gone and that fear that I would never see him again throbbed in my throat. I had found my other half in this world, the person who made the world make sense. The person who made me whole. I found him and now he was gone. A void in my heart pulsed and although I knew I would never be without him, that I would always hold him in my heart , the fear of him disappearing again or worse, tore at me.
Three months was a long time but it wasn’t forever, he would return. I told myself that over and over. He would….he had to. Our love was too real, too pure to be wasted. He would return and we would pick up where we left off. As I sobbed into my arms, I felt a gentle wet sensation on my cheek. I looked up to see big brown eyes looking at me. Copper was sitting next to me, nudging and licking me. I reached up to pet his head and he leaned into me. “Hi boy…everything’s fine…I’m just being dramatic.” He whimpered and then lazily plopped onto my lap. As I stroked him I leaned down and kissed his head. “We’re going to be fine Cop….were going to be fine.” He gently lifted his head and looked up at me and then dropped his head again.
That night I moved from the floor to the couch and then to the bath. Copper followed me each time. I felt so empty, helpless and just utterly drained. I longed to hear Cal’s voice or receive a text and it had only been a couple hours. As I dried my hair off from my bath, I walked to my dresser to get my PJs out, that’s when I saw them. A huge stack of envelopes wrapped in a blue ribbon. My heart dropped into my chest and suddenly I was out of breathe. I grabbed my locket that contained Cal’s picture and held it tight. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard, willing myself to be strong. My hand shook as
I gently traced the paper with my fingers. On top was a note:
My love,
I did write you. I was just too scared to send them. I’m not scared anymore Emerson. I love you more than I could ever describe and I’m ready to prove that to you. Hopefully these letters are a good start. Sorry they are so late but better late than never right? I promise to write soon.
All my love,
Cal.
My heart began to thud against my chest and that hot ball of lava rushed into my throat. My hands shook and my eyes filled with hot tears. I gently picked up the stack of letters and brought them to my bed. I threw on one of Cal’s t shirts that I didn’t let him wash before he left and a pair of boy shorts. As I sat on my bed, wrapped in his scent, I slowly began opening each wilted envelope. Each had an interesting stamp and I could see where he had been based on the stamp.
I read every single letter that night. It must had been over 100 letters. Not only had he written but he had written pages and pages of stories, confessions, feelings and even jokes. I smiled as I wiped a tear from my cheek. These letters pushed me over the edge. I was in the deep end now and there was no time for a life vest. I was endlessly, deeply and hopelessly in love with this amazing man. He had loved me from the moment he saw my hideous bald head. How could he exist? How could this be real? How could I love someone so much? I was filled with the strangest combination of happiness and fear. He had written me. All this time I thought he hadn’t thought of me but he had. All the things he said came true the moment I saw the letters. Suddenly all my doubts washed away and I knew this was the real thing. He loved me, why? I don’t know but he definitely loved me and now I knew he always had.