Hannah hadn’t realized how loud they were talking, but she had a tendency to raise her voice when she was on the defensive and Malinda did when on the offensive.
“I’m sorry sweetheart. Auntie L is being a jerk. We didn’t mean to wake you.”
Malinda wrapped her arms around Tabitha and pulled her onto her lap. “Don’t you think your mom should get a boyfriend?”
Hannah shot her a you so did not just go there look before returning to the pancake mix and pile of bananas. “I’m making banana pancakes. You’re fave!”
Tabs didn’t seem to care about breakfast. “Are you talking about that man with the camera yesterday? Because he’s really handsome. I think he likes you, Mommy. He kept staring at you.”
Hannah looked up from the pancake batter to find Tabitha smiling, hope twinkling in her eyes. Along with that ridiculous smug grin on Malinda’s face.
“What do you know about it?” Hannah asked in a playful voice.
“Tyler Smith stares at me all the time during lunch. During recess he tries to hold my hand, but I like Hayden Knapp, so I won’t hold hands with Tyler. Tyler has a weird haircut and wears dirty t-shirts. Hayden always dresses nice at school, and he combs his hair or maybe his mom does. Hayden doesn’t know I like him because I don’t stare at him. Kaylie was going to tell him because she rides the bus with him to the Boys and Girls Club after school, but his dad keeps giving him rides, so he hasn’t been on the bus. I wish I could go to the Boys and Girls Club after school. Can I please, Mommy?”
Hannah’s eyes widened at Tabitha’s revealing banter. This certainly took her mind off Aaron. Wasn’t Tabs a bit young to be thinking about boys? She was only seven. First Grade. Hannah wondered if maybe it was time to have the talk with Tabs. Panic creeped in as Hannah realized how much she didn’t know about being a parent.
Kind of like dating. She hadn’t dated in over a decade. May as well have been a century. Was it like riding a bike? Who paid for dinner? How many dates did you have to go on before you had sex? Was she actually thinking about dating Aaron Hawkins, about having sex with him?
Hannah shook her head, unsure if she was just trying to shake the chaos back into some semblance of order or if she was telling herself she wasn’t going to date.
“What’s the matter, Mommy, don’t you like him?”
Before Hannah could say anything, Malinda took the opportunity.“Your mommy does like him. She’s just not sure what she should wear on their first date.”
Oh, this can’t be happening! Hannah hated when Malinda got Tabitha involved. Now she was going to be guilted into going out with Aaron. Hannah wasn’t willing to admit that deep down she really wanted to – but wait a minute. “Let’s not jump the gun here, girls. He hasn’t even asked me on a date.”
Malinda’s smile had Hannah rolling her eyes. Score: Malinda 1, Hannah 0.
“Oh, he will Mommy. I know he will! Don’t you think so, Auntie L?”
“I do, sweetie. In fact, I bet he calls today.”
“Tabs, why don’t you go get dressed and I’ll get these pancakes on the griddle. Maybe you can go to church with Auntie L and Mimi and Papa.”
“Can I have them with the Sophie Marie’s Red Pepper Jelly?” Tabs asked.
Hannah smiled, not at all surprised by the question. Tabitha’s favorite jelly suited her, sweet and spicy.
“Yep, and whipped cream, too,”
Tabs cheered as she skipped to her room.
Hannah dropped the smile when Tabs disappeared and turned back to Malinda. “You may have won the battle, but not the war. I’ll go on one date with him, if he asks me, just to appease Tabs. That’s it. One date. No more.” Hannah pointed her finger straight at Malinda. “And don’t you dare approach him at church and tell him to ask me out.”
“Why don’t you come to church with us, just to keep an eye on me?”
“I’m not going to church with you,” Hannah said as though answering a stupid question that Malinda knew the answer to. Not even fleeting thoughts of Aaron Hawkins and his sexy, well, sexy everything, were going to bait her. That church held too many memories, good and bad, and Hannah didn’t want to jump on that emotional roller coaster. Nope, she had other things to do this morning. Like dust the television, and sweep under the beds.
~*~
Hannah’s fingers and toes had wrinkled up like prunes left in the sun too long, but she still wasn’t ready to get out of the bath. Her body ached. The motorcycle ride was long and even though she had prepared for it, it was still more than her body was ready for. The hot bath soothed not just her body, but all her senses.
She loved the sound of the popping bubbles and the swishing water as her feet took turns massaging the opposite leg. It’d be even better if the tub was longer so she could stretch out, but the length wasn’t accommodating to her five foot four frame, so she alternated, legs stretched with ribcage and north exposed, then knees bent and steaming while she soaked up to her neck.
The lavender water felt good against her skin, replacing the body ache with another ache that wasn’t welcome. She missed Steven. If he were here now, he’d have Enya playing softly in the bedroom, the attached bathroom illuminated with lavender candles instead of the overhead lights, and an endless glass of wine on the table next to the tub instead of the phone that perched there in case Tabitha called.
Her hands ran the length of her body as she remembered how he would massage her legs. During her pregnancy, he’d massage her belly. Looking at where her hands rested, Hannah tugged the flab that jiggled a little above the bubbles, wondering if this was just a winter coat she hadn’t yet shed or if she was still wearing some of the baby belly from over seven years ago. Time to get the exercise ball out and work it off, no matter what the source. She wished there were no stretch marks, and could do without the c-section scar. Belly flab was easy enough to get rid of, but stretch marks and scars were permanent … and difficult to hide.
Hide from who? Steven wasn’t the only man invading her thoughts. Aaron was there, too. Sexy as ever.
Bending her knees, Hannah slid down in the bath, letting the lavender water and dissipating bubbles cover the scarred, flabby belly. Her nipples stretched out from the water. She couldn’t slide deep enough to cover them, not with Aaron lingering in her thoughts.
Hannah felt like a schoolgirl with a silly crush. It was just one date, if he even asked her. She wouldn’t sleep with him – but she could. Maybe that’s all she’d do with him. The thought of having sex was more than a little enticing. It had been over five years. She had grown accustomed to taking care of herself. Like Malinda had said though, there was nothing that could replace a man’s touch, and Hannah knew Aaron’s touch was pure lightning.
As steam rolled off her exposed knees, she imagined it was the friction of their bodies creating the steam and not the science of hot water hitting cool air. She could almost feel his hands on her. Imagining what he looked like naked, Hannah pictured taut muscles flexing and bunching under her finger tips, how good he would feel on top of her, his body moving in and out of ...
Holy cow! Was she really thinking about having sex with this man she hardly knew? Just a fantasy, she reassured herself. There’s nothing wrong with having a little fantasy every now and again. There was no need to act on it. But she could. It was the twenty-first century. Dating wasn’t a requirement to have sex with some random, sexy stranger.
When the phone rang, Hannah wasn’t sure if she was grateful that it ended her internal debate or the fantasy she was starting on. She dried her hand on the towel hanging off the tub and picked up the phone that sat only an arm’s reach away without even checking the caller ID.
“Hannah? This is Aaron Hawkins. From the ride yesterday,” the sexy voice on the other end said when she answered.
Aaron Hawkins. From the ride yesterday. Like she needed that qualifier.
“Oh, hey Aaron.” She blinked fast, trying to think of something to say. Would it be rude to why he was calling? Ma
ybe she should just let him lead the conversation.
“Am I interrupting something? You sound a little frazzled.”
Interrupting something? No, not at all. She’s alone, in the bath, thinking about his hands on her body and how she is or isn’t going to sleep with him if he asks her on a date. No, he wasn’t interrupting anything.
“No, I’m just in the bath. The phone startled me.” What? Did she just tell him that she’s in the bath? Did she just plant a visual in his head of her naked body covered in bubbles?
There was a long pause, as though Aaron was doing just that.
“Well, I, uh, I just wanted to see if you were free this afternoon to read the story I wrote and look at the photos I selected. Since it’s your story, I want to make sure you approve.”
“Oh,” she said, surprised at her disappointment. No, this was good. He wasn’t asking her on a date. That made it easier to stick to her perfect formula. “I’m sure the story will be fine, Aaron. You do this for a living right?” she joked.
“Yeah, but it’s not often I get to write a story like this and I just want to make sure I do right by you and Steven’s memory.”
You could do right by me by coming over here and drying me off. What? Did she really just think that? Seriously? “Umm, ok. Yeah, I’m free this afternoon. Do you want to meet somewhere?” Tabs was spending the day with Malinda. There was no way Hannah was inviting him over to her house – where there’s a bed and more bubbles.
“The Village Book Store has a nice little café. We could meet there and I’ll buy you a coffee.”
Hmmm…if he buys me a coffee, does that qualify as a date? Maybe this could be the one date I promised Malinda and then I can move on and stop these absurd little fantasies. Yeah, coffee definitely qualifies as a date. “That sounds great. Two o’clock?”
“It’s a date,” Aaron said, as though confirming her logic.
“Uh, ok. See you then. Bye.” She hung up quickly, scurried out of the bath, and dried off as though committing some sort of mortal sin. It wasn’t really a date. She’d just tell Malinda it was. Even if it was a date, she wasn’t cheating. Steven had been gone for over five years. She still considered herself married, but he’d have to be alive for it to be cheating.
So why did she feel so guilty?
~*~
At 1:30 Hannah finally settled on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. Boring, but her entire wardrobe was strewn around the room and every piece of clothing seemed boring. “Get over yourself,” she said to her reflection. She wanted to convince herself that she didn’t care how she looked, but had styled her hair and put on make-up. Hannah obviously cared and knew why she wanted to look good. Just the thought of Aaron Hawkins’ hands on her body spiked her body temperature by a thousand degrees.
“It’s just a fantasy you are not going to act on. Just one date to shut Malinda up.” She needed to stop talking to her reflection, because really, the pep talk wasn’t that convincing.
Hannah looked at the clothes strewn around the room. The last time the Hannah-cane had blown its way through her closet like this was Steven’s Celebration of Life. She didn’t want to wear black despite the fact it was the politically correct color for a widow when in mourning. If that was the case, she’d have to wear black for the rest of her life because that was how long she would be mourning the love of her life. That day she’d finally settled on navy blue. Head to toe. Navy blue low rise slacks, navy blue stockings, navy blue high heel shoes, and a navy blue satin v-neck shirt with a subtle rose pattern. Steven had loved that shirt, which was finally how she had settled on that outfit. She remembered thinking how boring it was. Boring was probably appropriate for a funeral, not so much for a date.
The destruction could wait for clean-up. There were no casualties in this storm. Maybe some ironing would have to be done, but that seemed better than trying to get it all cleaned up before meeting Aaron. She needed to leave in about five seconds.
Checking herself one last time in the mirror, Hannah rolled her eyes. As if her outfit had gotten any less boring in the last 30 seconds. She stepped out of the room and was out the door, on her way to the one and only date she was going to have with Aaron Hawkins.
Chapter 4
Aaron tapped his size tens on the industrial carpet. He arrived at the book store way too early and was way too anxious, which was ridiculous since this wasn’t a real date. It was, however, the key to getting himself a real date with Hannah. At this rate, he was going to make a complete ass of himself. Asking women out was one of his least favorite activities, so much so he’d stopped doing it. Aaron hadn’t been on a date in a couple years. His only advantage was he was sure Hannah hadn’t been on a date in a long time either.
After getting off the phone with her, Aaron left the house immediately. It didn’t matter if she was just goading him or was actually in the bath, the visual that formed in his mind was enough to make him adjust the growing hard-on in his pants. Staying home would have had him thinking about Hannah breast deep in bubbles, her body warm, wet. Jerking off before meeting up with her wasn’t cool with him.
Since the office was only a stone’s throw away from the book store, Aaron parked in the back lot of the store and hoofed it to the office. After one last proofread of the article, it was printed, along with the pictures he had selected. That only took 20 minutes leaving an hour to spare. Next was a leisurely stroll along the river walk. Being anxious made him subconsciously step up his pace, so the stroll didn’t take long.
Aaron figured caffeine was the last thing he needed, and though decaf was an option at the café, he didn’t want to get a head start on the coffee drinking. He could picture it now. He’d say something funny. Hannah would laugh and touch his knee. Then he’d have a desperate urge to break the damn and run to the little boys’ room. After expelling his overindulgence in coffee, he’d return to find Hannah no longer interested in him. He wasn’t going to blow it by going to the bathroom every five minutes. Instead of coffee, Aaron explored the store’s poetry section.
Since the Frost Place opened for the season in a couple weeks, it was a good time to brush up on Robert Frost and kill a little time before Hannah arrived. He grabbed an anthology from the bottom shelf, opening to a random page. The Road Not Taken appeared under the glow of the store’s fluorescent lights.
A chuckle escaped as Aaron shook his head. How many times had he recited this poem in his mind? Countless. It was a beacon during his most troubled times, particularly when he’d battled cancer.
Standing in front of the bookshelves, clutching the Frost anthology, Aaron stared at the page. He didn’t often think about his cancer. He’d beat it and moved on, leaving it in the past where it belonged. No one in the North Country even knew he was a survivor. He still registered as a survivor at the Lebanon Relay For Life where he’d been celebrating his triumph until two years ago. That’s when he took the job with the Littleton paper and moved to the North Country.
Up here, he was involved in other ways. As a reporter for the local paper, he used his writing skills and position to contribute to Relay. It was still a personal fight, but because no one knew he was a survivor, he didn’t have the stigma of having had cancer associated with his work.
The creak of the front door wafted through the large room. Aaron peered over his shoulder to see if it was Hannah. A father guided his daughter, who looked about Tabitha’s age, across the front of the store to the stairs. Aaron’s body shook from the chill that ran down his spine. Steven Locke hadn’t survived testicular cancer. That was why Aaron was so committed to Relay. He had won his battle, but men still died from testicular cancer. As the father and daughter disappeared downstairs to the children’s section, their stomping feet fading with each step, another chill raced through him. Aaron had been lucky. Early detection saved his life and probably his dream of someday having children. Steven hadn’t been so lucky.
Would Hannah resent him if she knew he was a survivor of the same cancer that to
ok her husband? He shook his head at that unbearable thought. Aaron wanted her in his life, but guilt reared its ugly head. Even though it felt like he had traveled down that path a lifetime ago, it had only been seven years, which apparently wasn’t enough time to leave that beast behind.
The sound of stomping feet returned to the stairs, just one pair this time, but the words on the page he gripped held his attention and had him praying to never travel down that road again. He hoped no one would. People were fighting cancer every day, traveling down a path Aaron knew too well. Surgery and chemotherapy, with bi-annual checks as a chaser to be sure the cancer hadn’t returned. Trying to leave it behind was the hardest part because the memory persisted in occupying a dark corner of his mind, but the stigma was the worst, the way people looked at him when he told them he’d had cancer. He didn’t fault them for it. What could they say that would be of comfort? Nothing, really. Instead of sharing, Aaron opted not to talk about it, and didn’t have to deal with all the emotions, good and bad, being a survivor stirred up.
Catching Hannah in his periphery, Aaron clapped the book closed.
“Tree At My Window is my favorite,” she said as she came up to him, looking at the book he held.
Happy to see her, a smile stretched across his face without effort, but he worked to stretch it a little further, hoping she wouldn’t see the guilt he must be wearing.
“The Sound of Trees runs a close second. Do you like Frost?”
Aaron was pleasantly surprised to hear her talking about the poet, as though he were an old friend. He loved they had something else in common besides motorcycles – and testicular cancer.
“He’s my favorite,” Aaron admitted. “You must be a nature lover, too.”
“I love trees. They’re beautiful and always changing, but in a predictable, comforting way. I don’t know, I guess they kind of wake up all the senses.”
Book Boyfriends Cafe Summer Lovin' Anthology 2015 Page 218