By ramming the driver’s side of the car into a huge oak, she’d sacrificed her own life to save two young ones. She’d held on through most of the night, but as dawn hit, it had become more and more obvious she wasn’t going to pull through.
Nora had stayed with her to the bitter end.
All she’d been thinking on the drive home was she wanted Ben. Somehow she knew she would feel better if he were around. At the very least, he’d be able to take her mind off the senseless tragedy. His cell had gone straight to voicemail, so she’d called his office and his assistant said he was in court. Maybe that was for the best. She’d gone to bed, but slept fitfully, and had finally given up and come over to drop off the baby shower stuff.
And here he was, as if her wishes had conjured him, but he was behaving…oddly. Not like himself.
“I still need to bring in the shower decorations from my car.” She stood. “Ben, do you want to help me?”
“Sure.” He pushed out of his chair.
“That was surprisingly civil, Benjamin.” His mom sounded surprised, but pleased.
“Just using the manners you taught me.” He patted her cheek and dodged out of the way when she swatted at him.
As soon as they got to the porch and a solid wood door stood between them and their audience, Ben scowled down at Nora. “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting like a zombie.”
Ouch. She’d tried to stay engaged, but apparently he’d noticed something was off. Well, so had she. “I could ask you the same thing. You turned on the uber-charming version of Ben like you did back at the Mexican police station. This isn’t the crowd you need to glad-hand. They’ve known you forever.”
Defensiveness tightened his features, and she waited to get blasted, but he seemed to check himself. Instead of the verbal lashing she expected, he said quietly, “Can I ask you for a favor?”
“Sure.” She nodded. “What do you need me to do?”
“Just stand there.” He slipped his arms around her and buried his face in the crook of her neck. A great shudder wracked his body and he swallowed audibly. She pressed her hands to his back, holding him close. He rocked her gently.
Until that moment, she hadn’t realized how much she needed a hug. She closed her eyes, her chest cinching tight. It was at that very second she realized how fundamentally their relationship had changed forever. They would never have turned to each other for comfort before this. But it felt so good, so right to be back in his embrace, she felt tears burn the backs of her eyes.
She stroked his hair. “Tell me.”
“I lost a case,” he choked out. “A child custody battle. It was ugly. The couple had had a nasty divorce a few years ago, the mom wanted full custody because my client lost his job and can’t pay child support. He lost everything, lived in a homeless shelter for a while, but he never missed a visit with his kids. He just got a minimum wage job, but he’ll never catch up on the child support he owes, which has caused some serious financial issues for the wife too. So the judge sided with the wife. We’re going to appeal, but for the moment, the guy can see his kids once a month and only under supervision.” His palms moved in circles over her back. “The look on his face, like someone ripped his soul out, like he was still breathing but he died right in front of me—Jesus, that’s going to haunt me for a long, long time. And there was nothing I could do to help him. I was completely fucking useless.”
“Oh, Ben. I’m so sorry. That had to be a nightmare for everyone involved.” Not just Ben and the husband, but the wife and kids too. How awful. No wonder he’d been putting on an amiable, carefree act for his family. He was no-bullshit, usually, but even he needed time to lick his wounds in private.
Keeping his arms securely around her, he leaned back to meet her eyes. “What about you? You’re calm to the point of mannequin today.”
“Mannequin? Wow.” She winced, knowing he was probably right. She’d tried, but her day had been no better than his. It showed.
“You know I’m right.” He jostled her. “Don’t make this about my bluntness in order to sidestep the question.”
“I wasn’t.” She patted his back in reassurance. “I…I lost a patient. A nice, elderly lady. Her name was June and her first great-grandchild was born last month. She was my first patient my first day on the job in HMB. I’ve seen her many times over the years, so I’d really gotten to know her.” She swallowed, pressing her shaking lips together while she hung onto her composure. “She lived a long life, but…she was a livewire, you know? The kind where it’s always shocking no matter how old they get, and the world always feels a little smaller and sadder and emptier without them. It makes it so much worse that she died in a stupid, pointless car accident because a teen boy couldn’t bother stopping at a red light. Old or not, she shouldn’t have had to go now, you know?”
“Ah, hell.” He tightened his embrace. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Is there anything I can do?”
She squeezed him back. “You’re doing it.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “I thought this was for me.”
“For me too. It’s a multitasking hug.” The smile she gave him was shaky, but it was the first real one she’d managed since June had flat lined.
Brushing a kiss over her forehead, he whispered, “I can live with that.”
“Me too.” She settled against him, feeling a contentment, a rightness that she’d never experienced before. It was as if all the chaos that had been churning inside her settled into place, and she let out a sigh of relief. “Let’s talk about something else. Distract me.”
“How’d everything go with your mom?”
A laugh trickled out of her. “Well, there’s a distracting topic, for sure. Would you believe she stopped by my house and acted as if nothing had happened? When I brought it up, she made it sound like I was being a drama queen and misinterpreted the whole conversation.”
“Uh, no. There was no other way to take it—she flat out said she was leaving her hubby. You’re not crazy or delusional. I was there and heard it too.”
“Thank you. I was starting to doubt my sanity.”
“Rest assured. It’s not your sanity that’s in question here.” His tone brooked no argument, which would have annoyed her last week, but this time he was on her side. She liked having him there. It was going to take some adjusting to get used to that, but life was a constant cycle of change and growth. It was time to face her relationship fears and grow, trust herself to make better choices than her mother when it came to men, and trust a guy enough to give him the chance to stick around when the going got tough.
It still amazed her that Ben Hudson was that guy, but she could no longer deny what her heart had been telling her for days. She’d taken the fall at last. Now she just had to do something about it.
“Hey, Ben?”
He rested his forehead against hers. “Yeah?”
“I love you too.” The words rushed out of her mouth, almost tripping over themselves, but she was afraid if she didn’t say them, she’d never have the nerve to do so. Ever. With any man.
He went still against her, not even breathing. She heard him swallow. He rasped, “Are you sure? Be sure before you say that to me.”
Was she sure? A chuckle tripped out of her. “I think it started with that crazy kiss by the side of the road and all hope was lost right around the time you unflinchingly cleaned up my sister’s barf. Not exactly romantic, but life isn’t sometimes.”
He snorted. “What can I say? Adversity brings out the best in me.”
“Well, look at that,” she teased. “We finally agree on something.”
“But you’re still scared.” There was no accusation in his tone, which helped her flagging courage.
She pressed her lips together and nodded. “Yes, I won’t lie about that. I’ve always been petrified of falling in love and having it own me. Having it turn me
into the kind of codependent nutcase my mom is. Maybe not quite that bad, but codependent is codependent.”
“You wouldn’t—”
She cut him off, trying to be brutally honest the way he always was. “I bend over backwards for those I care for, and you know it. There’s very little I wouldn’t do for someone I love and trust. You can see how that could go wrong, how I could lose myself.”
But he shook his head. “You also know how to set boundaries when love becomes unhealthy. You know how to step back when you need to. Those are qualities your mother has never had.”
She let out a shaky breath. “I suppose that’s true.”
“You also know how to stand on your own two feet, you’re more than able to support yourself, and you’re not so desperate for a relationship that any guy will do, even if he bores you to death.” He flashed his dimple at her. “But go ahead and get addicted to me. I’m already hooked on you, so we’re even.”
“Brat.” But it was nice to hear that he was in the same boat with her. It somehow helped ease some of her reservations about ending up in a one-sided relationship.
“Don’t take this as belittling your fears, but I think you’ll find that the reality of us won’t be anything like those nightmares dancing around in your head. We can take this one day at a time, and we’ll deal with problems as they come up. I’m all in, Nora. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I’m there.” He tangled his fingers in her hair. “You’re not the only one willing to bend over backwards for the ones you love. And I love you. Always have, always will, even when I really didn’t want to.”
“The didn’t want to part you made very clear. The rest, not so much.”
A self-deprecating smile twisted his lips. “I’ve never worked so hard for anyone’s attention in my life.”
“A part of me wishes you hadn’t tried so hard.”
He winced.
“No, let me say it.” She pressed her palms to his chest, trying to show him how earnest she was, how much she’d thought this through. “If we…if we move forward with this, we need to be open with each other. I wish you’d let me ignore you for a while, and then tried being nice. It might have changed my opinion sooner. You continuing to antagonize did nothing to help your cause. But we can’t change the past, so we have to figure out where to go from here.”
“Are we going somewhere?” He looked uncertain and hopeful at the same time.
She nodded. “I’d like to. I’m scared to, but I’d like to.”
“I’m scared too.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Scared I’ll hurt you, scared you’ll decide I’m not worth putting up with after all and drop me like a bad habit.”
The confidence had leeched out of him, and a vulnerable Ben who looked just as terrified as she felt stared back at her. It was reassuring somehow. They’d always had barriers between them before, always had their guards up, waiting for the other to strike at any weakness. But love was the ultimate weakness, wasn’t it? It was giving up control in the most basic way. She’d spent all this time trying to tell herself the odds were against them and she was risk-averse with men, but her heart had done whatever it wanted. You didn’t get to choose who you loved. How he’d gotten past her defenses, she’d never know, but she was glad he had.
“I hold on to the people I love, Ben.” She shrugged. “If you’re willing to do what you said—take things slowly, work through problems as we come to them—then I can’t imagine wanting to drop you. Why would I? That would be crazy, and you’ve assured me my sanity isn’t in question.” She grinned up at him. “What we had on our trip? I want that. You and me, handling everything together, making each other laugh even when things go sideways.”
“I want that too. So fucking much you can’t even fathom it.”
“I’ve always hated how you pushed me, but I can also admit there might be times I need it. Like when it comes to my love life.” She poked his shoulder when he started to grin. “That does not give you a pass on being overbearing or blackmailing your way into anything else.”
His dimple popped out. “You can kick my ass if I ever threaten to sic your mother on you again.”
“Oh, I can do better than that.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him. “Try it again and I’ll sic your mother on you.”
He blinked. “Good threat. Especially if she finds out we’re dating. She’d make my life hell if she thought I was messing up with you.”
“Exactly.”
“I love you.” His gaze locked with hers, everything he felt for her right there for her to see. He hid nothing and gave her everything. “I told you when I found the right woman, I’d do whatever it took to keep her happy. I meant it.”
Joy bloomed inside her, starting to chip away at some of her doubts. If she was lucky, time and Ben would help her erase all of them. “I love you too, and I’m trying very hard to have the same faith in love and happily ever after that you do.”
A breathless laugh escaped him. “I’ll stick around until you’re a believer, I promise.”
It could end up the worst mistake of their lives. Or it might be the best thing that ever happened to them. It was a gamble she’d have to take if she wanted the reward…and she definitely wanted Ben. For as long as this lasted. Forever.
She glanced at the light coming through his sister’s windows. “How about we not stick around here? Let’s hand over the party stuff and then I’ll race you to my place.”
“What does the winner get?” An impish twinkle filled his gaze.
“Haven’t you figured it out yet?” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter who gets there first, Hudson. We both win.”
The smile he gave her was beautiful to behold, so tender and worshipful it made her heart clench.
“We both win,” he agreed.
About the Author
Crystal Jordan began writing romance after she finished graduate school and needed something to fill the hours that used to be eaten away by homework. Currently, she serves as a librarian at a university in California, but has lived and worked all over the United States. She writes contemporary, paranormal, futuristic and erotic romance.
To learn more about Crystal please visit www.crystaljordan.com. Send an email to Crystal at [email protected] or join her mailing list to get updates about Crystal’s contests and new books! www.crystaljordan.com/newsletter.
Look for these titles by Crystal Jordan
Now Available:
Edge of Night
Demon’s Caress
Wasteland: The Wanderer
Treasured
Forbidden Passions Series
Stolen Passions
Fleeting Passions
Illicit Passions
Unbelievable Series
If You Believe
Believe in Me
Make Me Believe
In the Heat of the Night Series
Total Eclipse of the Heart
Big Girls Don’t Die
It’s Raining Men
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Destination: Desire Series
Vegas Vacation
Hawaiian Holiday
Italian Interlude
Roman Reunion
Alaskan Adventure
Ensenada Escapade
Coming Soon:
Gatlinburg Getaway
Sydney Sabbatical
Clearly they’ve lost their minds. Or their hearts. Or both.
Destination: Desire, Book 7
When Camille Kirby breaks her glasses—and forgets her spare pair—while out of town at an engineering conference, it’s a major disaster. She’s half-blind without her specs. She needs an optometrist fast.
Though the office is technically closed for a holiday weekend, Dr. Dalton Wakefield can’t resist a damsel in distress. Especially one with freckle
s, an unruly mop of red hair, and a mind as sharp as a tack. He quickly realizes theirs is more than just instant attraction. Of course, just his luck, she’s only in Gatlinburg for a week.
Camille’s first impression is a blur of tall and nicely shaped, with a melted-chocolate Southern drawl. When her new contacts go in? Oh, my. Jackpot.
Coffee turns into multiple dates, then spending every free second together. But soon the tough, no-nonsense Camille, who was all for a quick, no-strings affair, has to admit she’s falling for him. And Dalton is groping for a way to keep Camille from walking out of his life at the end of the week.
Warning: Outdoor adventures that lead to major allergy attacks. A near-sighted heroine who stumbles into the hero’s line of sight, and an optometrist who’s got a prescription for her every need. Whether it’s glasses, massages, or really naughty mattress mambos.
Don’t miss the other titles in Crystal Jordan’s Destination: Desire Series!
Sometimes to escape the drama, you have to create a little of your own.
Destination: Desire, Book 4
Anne Kirby is the queen of suck-it-up-itude. Thanks to her unreliable, drama-llama mama, it fell to Anne to raise her three little sisters. Now that the youngest is off to college, it’s her turn to spread her wings.
She’s looking forward to three solid weeks cruising Alaska’s Inside Passage, with plenty of kayaking, hiking, and ice climbing. Until her tour guide turns out to be not—repeat, not—her type. A scruffy bum who can’t hold down a real job. Never mind he’s the only man who’s ever kept up with her trademark, rapid-fire sarcasm.
Thanks to some timely computer programming patents, Gabe Warren is free to live his life as an adrenaline junkie. But nothing has ever gotten his blood pumping like the beautiful, smart, sassy PE teacher.
Ensenada Escapade: Destination: Desire, Book 6 Page 18