by Abby Sher
“Yeah,” he said.
“Are your plans … all night?” Ugh. This was not how I had envisioned it at all. Fuzzy was practicing sticking her behind behind.
“Sam?! We’re up!” It was Ashley. The chair was coming toward her. I looked at Drew. His eyes were clear and totally blank.
“Just go on up!” I called to her.
“You sure?” she hollered back.
“Yeah, I’ll meet you up —”
“Whoa! Okeydoke! See ya up there, darlin’!” I heard, and then I saw her honey-colored braids swinging up in the air. Who was that next to her? It looked like an older man with gray hair. Why had I done that to Ashley? Especially after she’d been so good to me. I never wanted to be someone who chose a guy over a friend. That would be like — and now my chest tightened even more. That would be like Phoebe.
“Um, Sam?” said Drew. “We’re gonna be up in a sec, too. So, was there something else you wanted to say or are we done here?”
Are we done here? I felt my nostrils flaring.
“No,” I said. “Actually, there is something.”
“Okay, well …”
I took a deep breath, puffed out my chest, and said, “Drew, I know you’re a busy man and you need to give a private lesson to Fuzzy here, but you should think about what you’re doing, because I was totally into you and I thought you were into me but if this is just about me not wanting to have sex then that’s really immature. There’s a lot more to a relationship than just sex, you know? There’s cuddling and conversation and just hanging out and being in the same moment together. And one day I’m gonna have sex, too, with someone I truly love. Yes, maybe it’ll be when I’m forty-eight, but that’s fine with me. Well, I hope it’s before then, but whatever. The point is, you made a really stupid, shallow mistake and your Jetta smells like gym shoes.”
No, I didn’t say that.
I did take a deep breath. And then I did try to puff up my chest. And then I looked him in those icy eyes, and I said, “You should try reading more than just Sports Illustrated.”
Then I dug my poles into the ground, summoned up all my strength, and pushed off as hard as I could.
The only thing about trying to make a dramatic exit on skis is that there is no graceful way to do it. At least not the way I ski. I lifted my feet up, turned my body, and then thrust myself right into —
“Hey!”
“Hey.” It was Eric. Awesome. Just who I wanted to see. I had managed to avoid him at the slopes the whole week until now, but of course it was the perfect time to run into him.
“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” he asked.
“Nowhere. Nothing. Sorry I knocked into you.” I tried to move past him, but he stopped me with his hand.
“Hey, no worries. You heading up?” He pointed to the ski lift. I could’ve lied, I guess. I looked behind him. The line of people waiting wound all the way to the chalet now. I could just imagine standing there, watching Drew and Fuzzy climb up into the sky, while I waited all alone. I looked back at Eric. The choices were dismal and dismaller.
“Yeah, I guess so,” I said glumly.
“Mind if I join you?” He just didn’t get it, did he? I was seriously regretting telling Ashley to head off. Along with a lot of other things I’d done in the past half hour.
“Whatever,” I mumbled, pushing forward in the line.
“Yow! No fair! You’re making it rock!” squealed Fuzzy as she and Drew started sailing up, her scraggly scarf trailing behind them. Wasn’t there a way that thing could get caught in the chair and choke her? Just a little bit?
Eric and I moved forward silently. At least he wasn’t trying to strike up a conversation. I didn’t know who I hated more right now, Eric for warning me about Drew being a player, or Drew for proving him right. How could he have looked at me so coolly, like I was a complete stranger? Like he hadn’t been trying to undo my jeans just the other night? I watched his blond head get smaller in the sky. I bet his hair was dyed. And P.S. — cherry ChapStick was definitely for girls. I sighed. Most of all I hated myself right now, for falling for him.
The lift came toward us, and Eric and I got on. I felt my teeth grind together as we slowly inched up the side of the mountain.
And then, just as we were getting close to the top, Eric said, “Listen, Sam, I feel like I was kinda out of line when I said that stuff about Drew the other night …”
“Yeah, I don’t really want to talk about this right now.”
“No, we don’t have to talk about it. I just wanted to say it was none of my business. I’m sorry. I really am. But I wouldn’t have said it if —”
“If it wasn’t true?” I finished.
“No, if —”
“Listen, Eric. You were right. Is that what you want to hear? Because you were. He’s up there right now about to give some other girl a private tutorial and I’m pretty sure that involves getting in his Jetta tonight or finding some hot tub, and I’m the fool, once again. So there! You were right. I was wrong. Are you happy now?”
His mouth was hanging open a little. “No. No, I’m not happy,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel —”
But there was no time for him to finish. We were already at the top of the slope. We both lifted our skis and let go, coasting forward and then plowing to a stop, right next to the signs for the different trails.
I turned toward Devil’s Canyon. I knew it was supposed to be one of the hardest trails, but I didn’t care. I needed some speed. Some wind in my face. I needed to get away. Eric grabbed my arm.
“Wait, Sam. Hey, I’m really sorry that happened to you. I didn’t tell you about Drew because I wanted you to — just, I’m sorry he did that to you.”
“Well, don’t worry about it. It’s over now,” I said, and without waiting a breath, I shoved off as hard as I could. I was flying, pulling through turns, hopping over dips, careening down the mountainside, bending my knees low and pushing into the wind.
I screamed. I bellowed. I didn’t care who heard me. I didn’t care what anybody thought of me. I was free! I was going to forget the whole world and I was going to conquer this slope. I tore through the snow, slipping and dipping and sliding and racing. Snaking through a patch of trees, swerving around a small hill, and then a mound of powdery-looking snow.
“Saaaam! Hold on!” I heard Eric calling behind me, but I ignored him. I didn’t need him. I didn’t need him or Drew or anyone. All I needed was me and the sky. I lifted both poles high in the air and stood up tall. I wanted to feel every inch of my body touch the air.
“Yoweeeeeeee!” I yelled.
And then something shifted. The ground was coming toward me. The trees were leaning sideways and my skis were going forward but the rest of my body wasn’t catching up to them. I tried to plow to a stop but my left leg was sliding out and my right one was going in the opposite direction, and then the next thing I knew I was slipping backward. The trees came toward me, the sky came toward me, the yellow yolk of sun was falling on me, and then I hit earth. Hard. I felt my teeth knock together and all the air escape from my chest and then everything went dark.
“Sam! Sam! Can you hear me?”
I opened my eyes, and the sky was green. A deep jade with little flecks of yellow. No, wait. A thin nose poked out in between. It was …?
“Hey,” Eric said softly. His ears were bright red from the cold.
“Your ears are cold,” I heard myself saying, and he started to laugh. His eyes were still wide and worried, though.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“I’m gonna call ski patrol,” he said.
“No, no! Please don’t.” I didn’t feel like getting poked and prodded by those guys in bright orange snowsuits I had seen flying by. I could wiggle all my fingers and toes. Nothing felt broken. I just needed time to lie there for a minute or two.
“Does anything hurt?”
“I don’t think so. Just my head.” My to
ngue was thick and fuzzy. It felt like someone was squeezing my brain.
“What about if I just —”
“Whoa!” said Drew, flying in next to me, his skis shaving off snow right into my face. “That was a doozy, huh?”
“I’m okay.” I wasn’t quite sure of that, but I really wanted him to go away.
Drew looked me up and down. “Well, let me see,” he said.
“I was gonna call the ski patrol …” Eric started.
Drew ignored him. “Does this hurt?” he said, taking one of my legs and giving it a little shake. I couldn’t look at him. It was too weird having him touch me like this. I remembered how gentle his hands were before. Now I felt like a head of iceberg lettuce in the produce aisle.
“Sam?” Drew said.
“No, it’s fine,” I said.
“This?” He shook the other.
“Nope.”
“Uh, okay, how many fingers am I holding up?” He put up three. This was ridiculous.
“You don’t have to do this,” I said, rolling my eyes. Ow, that hurt.
“Okay, well then, can you get up? Because we really should get out of the middle of the trail.”
“Yeah, okay. Fine.” Anything to get him out of here.
He started pulling me up by the arm. I tried to follow, but it felt like my legs were made of lead. I couldn’t get my feet to plant themselves. The ground started tilting back and forth, and everything turned bright pink. My stomach lurched forward and my head felt like it was on backward, and before I knew it, I was crumpling down to my knees, and my lunch was coming out all over the snow.
“Ew! Nasty!” said Drew, backing away.
“All right, just give her a sec,” came another voice. The pink slowly started separating, the trees were turning green again, the snow, white. And now I felt someone gently easing me back down to the ground.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“Sure,” said Eric. “You want to just sit here for a bit?”
It was too late. The orange men were here.
“Hey, how’s it going? You take a spill?”
“What hurts?”
“Anything hurt?”
“You know what year it is?”
“Who’s the president?”
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
The two of them talked so fast over each other that I felt dizzier than before.
“That’s okay, really, I’m fine,” I said, when they both paused for a breath.
“Okay.”
“All right.”
“You sure?”
“She said she was fine.”
“All right. But if you need anything, just give a holler.” And they sped off.
Whew. Now all I needed was for Drew and Eric to follow them.
“Hey, guys? Thanks for stopping by, but really, I think I’m okay,” I said.
“You sure?” said Drew, still staring at the spot where I had thrown up in the snow.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Feel better!” I heard him call before he took off. Jerk.
Eric squatted back down next to me.
“Sorry, I know I’m not your favorite person, but I’m not leaving so fast,” he said.
“Really, I’m fine.”
“I promise I’ll leave you alone once we get down the mountain, but first let’s just stay here for a little bit, okay?”
I didn’t really have the energy to argue. Plus I wasn’t quite sure what would come out of my mouth if I opened it again.
So we sat. The cool air felt good now. I was mostly just spacing out, trying to make the trees calm down and stand straight. A couple of times I heard the whoosh and whir of skis coming down the slope behind us, but Eric always stood up and waved his hands, directing people out of the way before they got near us. I guess most of the people who tried Devil’s Canyon were more experienced skiers.
I don’t know how long we were there, but at some point I realized that my butt was getting really soggy and cold.
“Hey, I think I’m ready to get going,” I said.
“You sure?” asked Eric.
“Yup. Yeah.”
“Okay, well, we could either call to get you a stretcher, or we can walk down the rest of the way,” he said.
I shuddered. Stretchers terrify me.
“It’s not that far from here, but I don’t know how steady you feel.”
“I’ll walk,” I said.
“Okay, let’s just take it slow.” He wrapped one arm around my shoulders and rested the other on my waist, pulling me up slowly, carefully.
“Is that okay?” he said quietly.
“Yeah.” I really meant to say, “No, thanks,” but at that moment I was so grateful to have him there. He was strong, too.
“Anytime you need to stop and take a break, just let me know, okay? Easy does it. And here we go.”
His hands stayed securely attached to my shoulder and waist as we shuffled forward. It took us a year to get down the rest of the way, I swear. Eric was doing most of the work, steering me cautiously, thoughtfully. He told me stories about all of his injuries on the slopes. He had broken his nose three times. Two times on trees. Once on his own knee. I started to laugh, but it hurt my head too much when I did.
Just past the chalet where we got our lunch and rented skis, there was another wooden hut with a red cross on it and a shuttered window. I had never noticed it before. There was just one room inside with a cot, a chair, a desk, and a counter full of bottles of antiseptics and cotton balls. A sweet-looking older man sat at the desk in a white lab coat over a thick green sweater. He had a gray beard and reading glasses perched on the end of his nose, and he was very intently filling out a crossword puzzle when we came in.
“Took a spill, huh?” he asked with a warm smile. His voice sounded like static on the radio, deep and crackly.
“Yup,” I said.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Wasserman.”
“Sam Levy.”
“You mind if I step out for a second and get someone to help me find your dad?” asked Eric.
“That’s okay, you don’t have to.”
“Good idea,” said Dr. Wasserman at the same time. Eric left before I could protest.
I explained what happened as Dr. Wasserman sat me down on the little cot and checked the back of my head for any lumps or bumps. Then he pulled gingerly on all of my limbs.
“You stop me if anything hurts,” he said. He touched my glands, massaged my stomach, listened to my chest and took all my vitals. He shined a little penlight in my ears, my throat, my eyes.
“Anybody home?” he said with a gruff laugh. He smelled like cough drops.
Just then, Dad burst through the door. “Oh! Sammy! You okay, sweetie?”
“I’m fine, Dad. I’m fine.”
He rushed in and kissed me on the forehead. I could see Kathy behind him, nervously craning her neck.
“Are you sure? Are you sure?” Dad was asking, frantically running his hands over my face, my neck, my arms.
“She’s gonna be fine,” said Dr. Wasserman.
“Oh, sorry,” said Dad. “I’m Judd Levy, Sam’s dad.”
“Eugene Wasserman.”
“And I’m Kathy,” I heard. Good job. No further explanation needed.
Dr. Wasserman turned back to me. “Well, the bad news is, you took quite a spill. The good news is, I think you’re gonna live. You probably have a mild concussion. I could send you over to Burlington General to get a checkup, but there isn’t really much they can do for you except tell you to rest. Or you could just go back to wherever you’re staying and put your feet up by the fire for a day or two. What do you think?”
“I can take you to the hospital if you want. I’ve got the truck,” said Eric. I had forgotten that he was still there.
“Oh, you’re staying at Phil’s place?” asked Dr. Wasserman.
“Yeah,” said Dad. “Listen, Sam, we can go to the hospital if you want, sweetie.”
“Whate
ver will make you feel better,” Kathy chimed in.
“Well, you’ve got a big fan club here, huh?” said Dr. Wasserman. “What do you think, young lady?”
“I think sitting in front of the fire sounds good,” I replied.
“You sure?” Dad asked.
“Yeah.”
Dr. Wasserman told me to get in a lot of clear fluids like broth, and if I threw up again or felt really dizzy to give him a call. He helped me off the table and gave me his card.
“Seriously, anytime. My usual activity for a Wednesday night is to watch water come to a boil or time the traffic lights, so don’t hesitate to get in touch with me.” Then he turned to the three faces in the doorway.
“Now, who is going to take this lovely lady home?” he asked.
“I will,” said Dad and Eric at the same time.
“It’s okay, I’ve got her,” said Dad.
“Really, I can take her, Mr. Levy,” said Eric. “You guys only have a few days left on the slopes. Why don’t you finish your afternoon?”
“No, no, no, no, no, I’ll take her.”
“It’s no trouble. My truck’s parked right over there.”
While they were talking, I took the opportunity to lie back down on the cot. My limbs were so achy and tired. So were my eyes.
The next thing I knew, Eric was easing me off of the cot, and we were saying good-bye to Dr. Wasserman. Dad and Kathy were going to find Jeremy and return all of our equipment.
“So, I guess I don’t qualify for the Super G, huh?” I said as we walked slowly to the parking lot.
“The Super G?” asked Eric.
“Never mind.” I was glad he didn’t get it. “Sorry I was such an ass. I was just trying to … I don’t know. I was being stupid, I guess.”
“Hey, these things happen, you know?” said Eric.
“Sam!” I heard behind me. Eric helped me turn around. It was Ashley, running toward us with her hands in the air.
“I’m so sorry. I tried waiting for you up there, but then I thought I missed you. And then when I got to the bottom I looked for you again. And then Drew came by and told me what happened. Oh sweetie, are you okay?”
“Yeah, Ashley. I’m all good.”
“We were having such a fun time, too. Tote bum.” Which I guessed meant “total bummer.” I tried to give her a smile. She smiled back.